Uh. This might take some explaining. Possibly. Let’s see.

So at my Kitchen Table we have a Deguiltified Chicken board, which is this zero-guilt space to get acknowledgment and cheering while working on stupid crap we don’t want to do.

The chicken joke? Not that funny. But it does help to know that if I don’t do the thing I’ll still be loved and adored.

So I like to chicken. It’s my thing. My friend Karen prefers to iguana instead.

Because iguanas are awesomely creepy. And because iguana kind of sounds like “I don’t wanna”, which is how we tend to feel about whatever it is we’re hell-bent on not doing.

Hence the Inowanna Iguana. Which she drew. It just gets more complicated from there so I’m going to stop explaining now.

Just take it from me. Karen is brilliant. And gorgeous. And my chicken is joining the iguanas.

My first thing that doesn’t want to be done yet

What I’m avoiding:

Finishing tomorrow’s stuckified blog post.*

* No, it’s not the one you’re reading right now. Sorry. That would be funny though.

Reminding myself why I’m wanting to do it now:

Tomorrow I want to sleep in and do Dance of Shiva and not work on a post.

Making it easier on myself by:

Maybe agreeing to just spend half an hour with it.

If it’s not wanting to make progress, permission to not post tomorrow and leave it until the next day.

Resistance coming up says:

“But but but but but but but …. your Alexa ranking is already shot to hell, and that always happens when you don’t post and you haven’t written anything interesting in weeks and you’re going to stop being internet famous and then the whole world will fall apart.

Are you a complete moron? Why would you do this to yourself?”

Me saying to resistance:

“Guys, I know you want to help.

And I know you think that pressuring me helps.

And I appreciate that you want my life to be better. And you are correct that being weirdly famous has done that for us.

And at the same time, if we let this thing become a should, it could shrivel up and die. You know how good I am at running away from things that I like. So let’s not let that happen here.

I am going to commit to having a healthy relationship with my writing practice, and I need you guys to commit to being supportive. Please observe the way my commenter mice do it on the blog when we do our Very Personal Ads, and see how effective it is.

Okay? Thank you.”


I will stop after thirty minutes no matter where I am with it and I will jump on my tiny trampoline while listening to the Clash and pretend that I am still a badass.

So there.

My second thing that doesn’t want to be done yet

What I’m avoiding:

Finishing the tax stuff.

Reminding myself why I’m wanting to do it now:

Because the next few months are crazy busy and I don’t want to still be tied up with last year’s stuff come April.

Making it easier on myself by:

I can meet with my gentleman friend Thursday afternoon and we can make a list of what is still not done.

Resistance coming up says:

“This is so depressing. This is just going to remind you of your horrible relationship with your old bookkeeper and all the help she promised that didn’t happen.

And it’s going to take forever so even if you give it a couple hours, you’ll just end up feeling like dirt. Plus you’ll have to look at all the things that went wrong in traumatic ways last year and la la la la la la la …”

Me saying to resistance:

“You’re right. It might take a really long time.

I’m thinking though that getting a chunk done will be reassuring for me. And at least we’ll know what the Next Steps are.

That way we can plan fabulousness for this year.

What if we agree to spend two hours on it and then check in again with my internal High Jedi Council?

And we can take breaks to bounce if/when it gets too awful.”


Thursday. It’s a date.

And afterwards there will be dancing. And possibly booze.

Reporting back …

I went five minutes over my time on the blog post but I was done done done with the first draft, so that was excellent. Hooray for me and for iguanaccountability.

Of course I don’t want to talk about how much time it took to edit the post once it was written because I may possibly have gone kind of overboard on that. Oh well.

And I can’t tell you about Thursday because it hasn’t happened yet.

Comment zen for this stuff:

No shoulds. No shoes.

Man, I love how that sounds like the no shirt no shoes no service signs.

Also not interested in receiving advices. Or reassurances of the “oh, you’ll be okay” sort.

However, little hoorays are appreciated. As are offers of drinks. Or ritual sacrifices to the Iguana.

And of course you are more than welcome to share your own chickens iguanas Things That Don’t Want To Be Done Yet and whatever is being processed around that.

I promise that no one here is going to make you feel bad if what you want to happen doesn’t happen in the way you want it to, but we will be supportive.

And I quote Neil Diamond who once — horrifyingly — said [iguana] chicken ripple ice cream. Goodness.

The Fluent Self