The thing. You know, the thing.

I don’t know what your thing is. But it’s the thing you desperately want to be working on.

It’s the thing you are just as desperately avoiding (at least some of the time), and with good reason.

But the point is: you have a thing.

Which is awesome.

And then … even though you have the thing, you’re not doing the thing. Or maybe you are doing the thing, but you keep getting stuckified.

Normal. Natural. To be expected.

Fear of success is the thing (that gets in the way of doing the thing)

And working on it — working on unraveling it and interacting with it and learning how it works so you can take it apart and come up with something better — is valuable.

And hard.

Valuable and hard.

Working on your stuff so you can help your Right People and maybe even heal yourself while you’re at it … totally worth it.

But did I mention hard? Because man, it’s hard.*

*First person to leave a comment saying “no, it’s easy, just use my simple three-step system” gets peed on by a certain duck who shall remain nameless. Okay, her name is Selma.

There are two ways to work on this.

Two doorways. Two gates.

One is turning inward and working on your stuff. The other is looking outward at what you’re trying to achieve and then tweaking your systems.

You need both.

Internal work and external work. Hard and soft. Stuckness-zapping and systems-revamping.

How about I give you an example.

Let’s say the issue you’re working on is dealing with criticism.

You’re human, so you probably kind of suck at it. I do. So do most of the people I know. Actually, there are three people I know who don’t.

Let’s assume you get hit with criticism and it messes with your head. Maybe every time. Maybe just once in a while. It doesn’t matter.

If you work on it “in the soft”, you spend time learning coping mechanisms. You train yourself to work on things like releasing the need for outside legitimacy and how to separate your stuff from their stuff.

If you work on it “in the hard”, you look for mechanisms that you can put into place to mediate how you interact with the criticism to begin with.

For example, one of my assistants moderates all the blog comments and reads my email. Sure there’s stuff that’s harsh, insulting and/or has at least a semi-decent chance of ruining my day, but I never see it.

Saves me some more time … which I can then use to practice dissolving more stucknesses. A little of this. A little of that. It adds up.

Back to the part about it being hard.

This is not easy.

Working on your stuff is not easy. Rebuilding your systems is not easy.

Working on them simultaneously — although it’s more effective … still not easy.

No kidding.

And now I must quote a movie about baseball. It holds true for things that are not baseball.

“Of course it’s hard! If it weren’t, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.”

Uh huh.

Transformational work is hard.

Working on your stuff is hard.

It’s not a thing you do for fun or anything. At least not at first.

That’s because it requires a certain … oh, ballsiness. And willingness. And the sincere intention that yeah, you know what? You’re ready to shift something.

And the thing that makes it all a bit easier — not easy, no, just less paralyzing — is combining the internal destuckifying with the external systems stuff. It gets more do-able. And occasionally you even get these little moments of pure exhilaration.

Remembering that it’s allowed to be hard makes it all that much easier.


Don’t read this part unless you’re interested in me talking about something that has to do with my thing.

My thing: we destuckify and we make practical changes.

The part that interests me in all this is figuring out how to dissolve the fear behind the thing that isn’t working … and then finding ways to make it work better when it is working.

So in this class I’m teaching on Stuff Havi Thinks You Should Know About How to Get Really Really Great Testimonials, Recommendations & Referrals Without Having To Feel Gross and Horrible … my whole goal is to help people do both.

The destuckifying part is dissolving the ew and the this is uncomfortable and the people will hate me so you can share your thing with the people who need it.

The systems part is where I tell you exactly what you need to say and do so that no one will ever have to feel uncomfortable.

It’s where I tell you how you get people to trip over themselves trying to help you promote your thing (see? there’s your thing again) without even necessarily knowing that this is what they’re doing.

But not in a manipulative way. In a helping-your-Right-People-feel-safe-and-comfortable way.

How you know if my thing is your thing.

If you’re looking for traditional, sensible, common sense stuff of the blah blah blippity blah variety, you will hate this class. You’re not this class’s Right People. It’s not for you. That’s fine. We can still hang out here.

And if you don’t mind having the kind of testimonials that nobody ever reads, and/or making the people you’ve helped feel awkward when you ask for them, also probably not a good fit.

But if you’re serious about releasing some of your stuck stuff around biggification (helping your Right People find you so you can help them) and then rewrite your patterns and your systems so the thing you do can grow and thrive … then I want to see you there.

Selma and I will love you just the same if you don’t sign up, of course. But come on. Your thing needs you.

If it’s for you (yay!), you can sign up here. The $100-off -for-my-readers thing still holds. You just have to know who Selma is. Or who Stu is.

I know. I warned you about things being hard.

p.s. Actually, despite all of my silliness, a couple of people did write in complaining that having to have Stu or Selma knowledge is unfair. I didn’t see it because of my email sabbatical. But I heard a rumor.

Anyway, a quick use of the search button in my sidebar came up with the story of Selma. And I have it on good account that Stu (who is not a chicken) is the star of my weekly Friday Chicken. So don’t let that be the barrier to me using my thing to help you with your thing. 🙂

The Fluent Self