So the big theme of my Extremely Necessary Vacation has been sovereignty.

That’s the very useful word I picked up from my dear friend Hiro and it refers to oh, pretty much everything I’m working on right now.


  • not caring so much about what other people think
  • not caving in to other people’s expectations
  • being able to rest in the safety that comes from knowing that my space, my body, my energy and my life belong to me
  • remembering that these things will always belong to me because guess what? I get to be the queen of my fabulous pirate-ey queendom.

The signifiers of owning your power.

Anyway. Back to Extremely Necessary Vacation.

My gentleman friend and I were having a long talk about my business and where it’s going. Yes, vacation vacation, but come on. There’s really no better place to talk business than in a hot tub.

And I was wondering out loud what the signifiers of owning your own power would be.

In other words, if I want to start thinking about my company in a more biggified way, it seems as though there need to be things that help me actively step into that mindset.

But the traditional serious business signifiers (briefcases? shoulder pads? golf clubs?) are so completely not my thing.

My thing is to keep on being the mad pirate queen. The Chief Eccentricity Officer! I want to wear braids! And stripey socks. And to go everywhere accompanied by a duck. Wait, I already do all of that.

So how do I biggify confidently and … out loud, without compromising the part about doing it my way?

And my gentleman friend looked at me and said: “What about asking for what you want?”

What about asking for what you want?

Hold on a second while I process that.

Me: Haenh?!* What are you talking about?
My gentleman friend: You’re saying that physical signifiers aren’t going to work for you. That this is more about an internal shift.
Me: Right … and?
My gentleman friend: So … what if you approached every single interaction you have with the question, ‘how am I going to comfortably and confidently ask for what I want?’, knowing that your … sovereignty thing doesn’t diminish their uh, sovereignty thing?
Me: Whoah.

*See translation here.

Putting the “sovereignty thing” into perspective.

One of the biggest things that keeps me from experiencing this … sovereignty thing is my stuckified fear that somehow me owning my own life will be uncomfortable for other people.

Then I remembered this bit from the Mishnah:

Bishvili nivra ha’olam. For me the world was created.

For me. But also for you. And also for everyone else in the world.

So … the principle is this: someone acting in sovereignty doesn’t need to step on or challenge anyone else’s sovereignty.

As in, I am the queen of my personal queendom just as you get to rule yours. My sense of “this space is safe for me” does not mean that I stop respecting yours.

Or: this sovereignty is a cool freaking thing and I’m going to care for it and love it.

The short version:

  • No one else gets diminished by you standing in your own light.
  • When you act out of sovereignty, the result is always gracious because you’re respecting both your own space and that of the person you’re interacting with.
  • The more sovereignty each person has and experiences, the more everyone gets.

The cool part.

I have to save this for next time.

But I spent a week of my Extremely Necessary Vacation working on one small thing. A small thing that has to do with practicing being in sovereignty.

Every night. For six nights. And I took notes.

Which is good, because I was pretty terrible at it.

Anyway, tomorrow is the Friday Chicken (yay!) and Sunday I’m posting my Very Personal Ad for the week. But on Monday I’ll share the results of my six days of sovereignty practice, and where I’m going with that.

Comment zen for today …

What I would love: thoughts, musings, reactions related to the stuff I’m talking about and the sovereignty thing in general. What I’d rather not have: to have my stuff judged or psychoanalyzed, advice.

Thanks for being in this with me!

The Fluent Self