What we do here:

Work on our stuff. Dissolve stuck. Play. Experiment. Rewrite patterns. We take sometimes-heavy things* and we make them more fun, playful, manageable.

I also write about my conversations with walls and monsters, and what it's like to work on a pirate ship. Good times.

* Sometimes-heavy things include: mindfulness and presence, pain and trauma, business-growing, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity

 

Wish 310: moho

very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

I write a Very Personal Ad each week to practice wanting, and get clarity about my desires. The point isn’t getting my wish (though cool things have emerged from wishing), the point is learning about my relationship with what I want, and accessing the qualities. Wanting can be hard, it is easy to feel conflicted about it, and the reasons for that make this a surprisingly subversive practice…

Moho.

Last week I received the mysterious and wonderful word “shed” (double-meaning!), and now the word of the week is moho.

This is interesting because, unlike shed, it is not really a word.

So I get to play. And I like to play.

If moho is secret code, or a delicious mystery, what do I know about it?

Things moho might conceivably stand for…

  1. motor home, which is both a symbol and a clue for how I want to live even if it isn’t exactly how I want to live…
  2. mohorovicic discontinuity: the boundary between the earth’s crust and mantle, across which there is a sudden change in the velocity of seismic waves — this sentence excites me!
  3. mohair: on
  4. mohawk: orange!
  5. maha om — maha is Sanskrit and means great
  6. monastic honesty
  7. mothering home
  8. more honoring

Other words and sounds that come up for me: mellifluous orchestration, moon healing observatory, mahogany

What else?

Oh! MOHO could also be an acronym! I am wildly in love with acronyms.

Mission Of Holistic Ops! Messages On Happy Ordinances. Meticulous Ordering of Helpful Offerings. May Openings and Healing Occur.

I asked my brother, and he came up with these:

Mice Often Heal Otters! Moose Only Help Orangutans! Muskrats Ought to Hide Oregano!

And now I want to read an children’s book (illustrated by Richard, of course) about all of those.

MOHO can also work as a compass. North is M, East is O, South is H, West is O.

And if you, dear reader, wish to play as well and share associations or invent things moho might mean or stand for, you are welcome and invited to drop them into the comments! Though I wish for either positive or neutral or silly things, not depressing ones…

For example, Moroccan Hot Sauce totally works for me, as does Majestic Ostrich Hops Onward. Meningitis Oncology Heart-failure Oh-no does not! Also, pretty sure Moroccan Hot Sauce is just one guy.

What do I know about this wish?

Um, nothing yet?

Let’s see.

I like mysteries. I like secret code. I like missions and ops. I like surprises. I like receiving intel, even if I don’t understand it yet.

I also like possibility: moho can be anything, which means there are so many wonderful ways to be surprised. Come in, come in, superpowers of Good Surprises and Receptivity To Being Delighted.

Oh!

Something just landed.

My two big life themes right now are MOON and HOME.

And a moon home is like an alternate name for an earthship, something I am currently obsessed with.

What else could moon home be?

Moon for me is about lunar cycles, syncing up my beautiful downstairs bodyparts with the moon so we wax and wane at the same times. It is about Operation Loving Downstairs, making peace with this body of mine and feeling deeply at home in it.

Yes, home and at home.

Home is also related to containers, anything that holds a process, or anything that is a home inside of a home.

Home is also related to Shmita and Operation True Yes: it is now just over three months that I have been on the road, living in an nine foot living space aka the Bouncy Castle, the tiny, sweet camper on my lover’s truck.

Moons.

I love living small. Sometimes we talk about downsizing to a van, and sometimes we talk about expanding into a larger camper, sometimes it’s building a small portable house, and all of these are fun to imagine, in different ways.

I love opening the skylight above the bed at night, being right there under moon and stars.

This month is the Month of Releasing, and that is related to moon cycles as well.

The moon is also a model for how I want to live.

Half the time in expanding mode, half the time in quieting mode.

The ha and the tha.

If you’ve ever taken a yoga class or thought about it, you’ve probably run into the term hatha yoga.

Most studios generally present this as if it is a kind of yoga, but actually ALL yoga is hatha yoga.

{HA = sun / THA = moon}

The HA is everything that is active: making things happen is HA, strength poses are HA, getting things done is HA, going after what you want is HA.

The THA is everything that is restorative, receptive, passive: resting is THA, stretching is THA, listening is THA, letting things emerge and be revealed is THA.

HA is doing, THA is being.

The HA is the yang to the THA yin.

And just like with yin/yang, neither is good or bad, and there’s no such thing as something which is entirely ha or tha. There is always a kernel of one inside of the other.

Even in a handstand (HA!), parts of you need to be relaxed (THA!). Even while resting (THA!), your body is still running all these different internal processes (HA!).

Both HA and THA are vital and necessary parts of being alive, both can hold GRACE and PRESENCE and JOY.

Off balance.

Our culture loves HA, and is not so into THA, other than as a vague idea that some people blog about sometimes (self-care is good!).

The other day I was at an aerobics class (HA!), and the instructor said something like, “Isn’t it so great that you took this hour for you? This is your you-time!”, and all the busy, exhausted moms cheered.

And I thought, oh dear lord, how did we get to this point, collectively, that an hour out of twenty four is considered a victory? I mean, it is a victory, and also it’s a pretty low bar for taking care of ourselves. That’s not how I want to live at all.

One of the things I’m trying to figure out through this experiment in Shmita (Releasing/Sabbatical) is how I can find a way to live/work that can consist of equal parts Being and Doing…

Because they way I’ve been doing things up until now is Lots And Lots Of DOING.

Actually it’s more like All DOING Followed By Having A Breakdown and Practicing BEING Because It’s An Emergency But Just Until I Recover And Then It’s Back To Just DOING Again.

What if Moon Home is a way to bring more moon (THA) energy and practices into my life? What if Moon Home is creating an internal culture of me where Moon feels like home?

I love this part.

Each week I write a wish, and each week I think “what is this even about?”.

And then suddenly it becomes clear. Sometimes as I am wishing, sometimes weeks later.

This is a wish about giving myself permission to devote more of my time and attention to being.

Being with my body, being with the process of releasing, being with the things I want to create when I am ready to be in doing mode.

Invitation.

Not only are you invited to name things that MOHO could mean or stand for, you are also invited to name things in our culture that emphasizse HA over THA, and then you can say HA! Because that is fun.

Also! Last week I asked for votes for your preferences on four possible ebooks that I might write.

Matt asked me on Twitter if I was also taking write-in votes for things people want me to write. And I wasn’t, except now I am actually really CURIOUS.

So — I make no promises to write any of these — what would you want me to write about if you got a fairy godmother wish and could choose the topic of a Havi e-book? If it were up to you, and I would write the thing you wanted to read from me, what would it be? Or ten books, while we are playing with wishes.

I am listening.

Now.

We are almost at new moon. Hello, new moon.

Me: Hey, slightly-wiser me, what do you have for me?

She: I love your wishes! I love how you process! I love how this lets you take steps towards me so we can play!
Me: Do you know what moho means? Or does it even matter?
She: I promise that we will laugh about this delightedly at some point.

Clues?

I just looked around my space, pausing to really look and feel, and guess what?

Right next to my laptop is my lip and cheek stain from Fat & The Moon. The moon!

Also that sweet little tin is like a symbol of how I want to live. It is my (amazing) lip balm AND my lipstick, it is a gorgeous color, it is the perfect answer to a wish I made here a long time ago, and it is also my blush and my eye shadow.

It is made of beet root and sunflower oil and beeswax and essential oils and magic, no plastic involved. It’s a moon clue and a clue about living joyfully and intentionally. I’ll take it!

The superpower of I am stronger than I think.

June - Release MoreThe quality for May was REVERBERATE, and it comes with I take care of myself first. Now we are in June: RELEASE MORE, with the quality of I am stronger than I think.

I really love how the moons/months are blending together, both the qualities and the superpowers.

This week’s wish is absolutely about taking care of myself first, and also about the strength that it takes (I am stronger than I think) to do that and to commit to it. It means going agains the larger, louder culture we live in.

I wouldn’t have thought that not-doing (THA!) and releasing (THA!) required so much strength (HA!) and determination (HA!) but it does, and that is beautiful.

Things I find helpful for intentions and wishes…

Nap, dance, write, play, labyrinths. Get quiet. Sweet pauses, yes to red lights and purple pills, thank you to the broken pots. Costume changes. Skip stones. Body first. Thank you in advance. Eight breaths in eight directions:

Adventure. Rest. Horizons. Security. Passion. Sweetness. Clarity. Presence.

Ongoing wishes.

Seeds planted without explanation, a mix of secret agent code and silent retreat. Things to play with someday.

Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere. Ha, this doesn’t require my input! My business is thriving happily without me. I think like a dancer. It’s so perfect it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS. I have what I need, and appreciate it. I am fearless and confident. I state my preferences clearly, calmly and easily, no big deal. I am ready to come into my superpowers and receive.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week aka it’s a shed…

I wanted gentle releasing in the form of shedding, and I wanted to learn more about sheds that are houses and containers, and I got both.

This week involved much letting go of previous ideas and plans, and being wonderfully surprised by new possibilities.

And another reminder that our Fi needs support with the surgery for her sweet dog Molly, help if you can or spread the word!

Love more. Trust more. Release more. Receive more. Thank you, writing. Thank you, me who asked.

Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.

I believe the Playground mugs are all sold but you can still acquire a pack of stone skipping cards just send a note and we’ll set it up. Ask Richard for cost/shipping.

Keep me company! Or just say hi!

This is an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads, superpowers, qualities, whatever you’d like, there’s no right way! Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is sharing anything sparked for you.

Comment culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play and throw things in the pot! With amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.

Here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.

xox

Chicken 359: the Katy Perry School of Packing

Friday chicken

A look at the good and the hard in my week, a ritual of reflecting.

It is Friday and we are here.

{a breath for Friday, for this space, and for being here when we get here.}

What worked this week?

The Katy Perry School of Packing.

I have obscene amounts of packing-related anxiety, and so many related monsters it’s like a monster family reunion, or possibly a very crowded monster wedding.

The bride’s side is all about Why Can’t You Just Do It Already It Will Take Five Minutes, and the groom’s side is You Will Never Be Ready In Time And You Won’t Have What You Need And This Is A Disaster. And then I just hide in bed and read everything on the internet until it is almost too late.

This time I invented a game called I studied at the Katy Perry School of Packing:

What Would Katy Perry Do? And how much can I pack in an hour while listening to Katy Perry and invoking her superpowers?

Among the principles of the Katy Perry School of Packing:

  1. The speedier the packing, the more time you have for a calming bubble bath so you arrive non-frazzled at the airport.
  2. No matter how bizarre and unlikely your haphazardly selected clothing choices might be, people will assume they’re intentional, so just pack whatever. YOU ARE A FASHION ICON and a GIANT WEIRDO, and these things can go together.
  3. Unless you have some sexy skinny-muscular back-up dancer boys in black pants and white undershirts and possibly suspenders accompanying you to carry your bags, remove some items and then keep removing more items until you are sure your shoulders won’t hurt from carrying them. You need your shoulders to dance, girl.

Next time I might…

Remember that rest is kind of like a full time job.

I tried to hurry recovery, and that backfired, surprise!

If you feel drawn to leave comments on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles, I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are appreciated. Hearts or pebbles are great if you don’t know what to say, often I don’t know what to say either so we’re in the same boat.

Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. Releasing is hard, you guys. And so much is changing. Some of it is good, some of it is hard, all of it is shaking things up. And all this shedding. It is rough. A breath for presence, trust, ease, finding comfort, breathing into the adventure.
  2. I am exhausted. Beyond exhausted. There is big healing happening in my body, and it is work, and it is challenging. I can do one thing (laundry? a shower? groceries?) and then I’m done for that day. I miss being outdoors. I miss moving my body. I miss having the desire to do anything other than crash. Also, remember when I thought sabbatical time would mean wild self-expression and creative flourishing? It’s really mostly breakdowns, crises, laundry. And I don’t even have energy for that. I’ve dealt with worse in the past, both in terms of chronic pain and chronic fatigue, but of course there is also lots of monstering about What If Now Turns Out To Be Just Like Then. Another breath for rest, and for remembering truth: now is not then.
  3. I said okay fine to something when I knew my real answer was ABSOLUTELY NOT — UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES. And then — surprise! — I was miserably unhappy. And, of course, like with all people-pleasing attempts, no one ended up happy. I felt resentful towards the person who had not understood the urgency of my situation and suggested the thing that was a No, and I felt upset with myself for the Reluctant Yes, and furious that not only had I chosen Noble Suffering but it of course had turned out to be Wildly Unnecessary. And I felt frustrated when the thing I thought would be blessedly over in fifteen minutes turned into nearly ninety minutes. How about we learn the lesson this time, my love. A breath for honoring the truth I can feel in my body, for being the person who hears the no and says the no, with sweetness and with love, may I learn how to do this gracefully, and if I can’t do it gracefully, may I do it anyway.
  4. Got upset with my lover for the first time since we met. This never happens. A breath for remembering that everything is a misunderstanding, and then reverse-engineering.
  5. Holy god it is hot in Utah, and even hotter in the camper, and it is muggy and sticky, and there is no air conditioning and everything seems harder than it should be. A breath for cool breezes, and for sweet rain.
  6. My sweet stressed-out lover had to work late this week, and by late, I mean between four and six in the morning. So really right now it’s less of a road trip with my lover and more like I happen to share nine feet of space with a random person whom I find very attractive. A breath for new cycles and getting on the same schedule.
  7. I was feeling excited and hopeful about a thing, and now isn’t the time and I want now to be the time, and I would like some good news please. A breath for finding the good in everything.
  8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week. May I choose to trust-more love-more release-more receive-more.

Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.

  1. Releasing is potent stuff. A breath for astonishing things, and for recovery.
  2. I received WONDERFUL and VERY REASSURING test results: the thing I am dealing with is tiny, relatively common, benign. It is not any of the horrible debilitating diagnoses my monsters were loudly betting on. A breath of relief and deep, deep gratitude.
  3. My monsters were wrong! They were so completely wrong about everything this week! A breath for trusting the quiet steady voice of wisest me.
  4. Much less pain this week. So much so that it’s kind of shocking. It is amazing what a cheerful person I am when things don’t hurt. And food tastes good again. A breath for miracles.
  5. My lover is sweet, kind, warm, steady, loving, accepting. I feel such exquisite tenderness and vulnerability and trust, and without the accompanying oh god this is so uncomfortable part. A breath for joyful smiling, tears, gratitude, steaminess, wonder, passion, aliveness, all of it.
  6. I said this last week and it is still true: being only able to accomplish one thing a day, while frustrating, is not a bad way of being. A breath for rest and more rest and living the mission of Shmita.
  7. I made roasted red peppers and am so happy. I made a delicious mushroom soup. This process of removing plastic from my life, cooking from raw ingredients, and not generating trash is rewarding in ways I hadn’t expected — I did not think I would enjoy making things as much as I do. A breath for what if the thing I know is right can also turn into the thing I happen to find pleasurable.
  8. Thankfulness. So much is good. Friends who rejoice in my good news. The sweet and thoughtful people who read this blog. Finding what I need when I need it. Everything is okay. Nothing is wrong, even when I think it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thankful for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Wham booms, wisdom, superpowers, salve and FBOTW!

Operations completed. Wham boom!

Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code meaning: this thing is done! Shortened to wham-boom.

I took care of myself this week AND made soup, and I am going to call that a successful mission and award myself a billion sparklepoints. Wham Boom.

Superpowers I had this week…

I had the superpower of knowing what my yes is. Even when I didn’t act on it. I knew.

And I had the superpower of remembering that often what I think is bad news turns out to be really useful and even good.

Last week I asked for the superpower of Things Can Change For The Better Faster Than I Think, and got it IN SPADES. Thank you.

Powers I want.

I want, again, the superpower of I Trust Myself And My Body Completely, and the superpower of Oh Look The Perfect Door.

The Salve of Deep Guilt-Free Rest.

These invisible salves are distributed here by way of internet magic. Help yourself! Take it in a bath, as tea, a cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

This salve erases all the scripts that say things like “I don’t even know why I’m so tired” and “It doesn’t make sense that I just want to rest”, and replaces them with PERMISSION, LEGITIMACY and ENDLESS SWEETNESS.

It dissolves all inherited social, cultural and familial guilt lines. It is a beautiful softening: I can let this go, I can put this down, I can close my eyes and let all the thought-worries drain into the earth.

This salve is wildly subversive, and I recommend using it in outrageous quantities. Put it on everything. It works great as a lip balm too.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.

This week’s band is Too Busy To Talk. Their latest album is called Side Eye On The Side. They play harmonica and tambourine, and actually it’s just one guy.

And my upcoming Biopic…

Crises About Laundry. The Havi Brooks Story.

Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.

I am recommending the Emergency Get Calm, Quiet And Steady techniques, aka the thing that keeps me from falling apart.

Come play if you like…

Join me in the comments. You are welcome to take a breath, share something from your week, leave warmth or hearts, whatever works for you. My format doesn’t have to be yours. We’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!