What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

 

solstice stones and new year wishes

Reduction

This is the word of the day
like making a sauce
but also: letting go of what is no longer yes.

Light

Today is solstice, and solstice is my time for questions,
turning inward
reflecting my own light
and asking.

Eliminated meets illuminated

I drop questions and watch-listen as they
skip across the waters of my consciousness like stones,
on solstice I always ask the same question,
part-ritual, part-incantation:

What needs to be Eliminated and what needs to be Illuminated?

Clarity

Elimination can be such a beautiful letting-go,
striking and radiant in its clarity and decisiveness,
I never realized this until
the word itself was illuminated through this question,
asked with love.

Reduction

Elimination asks us to see
the power of subtraction
solving through releasing-removing-erasing-undoing
celebrating negative space
appreciating contrast
receiving through letting go
making space
and clearing the path to clear the path…

Related: often the best response for me is remembering that not everything requires a response

What needs to be illuminated?

Patterns and process
space and spaciousness
openings and apertures
contrast and shadow.

Calling in the light,
calling in lightness,
calling in perspective,
calling in clarity,
and — always always always — calling in boundaries made of light,
my boundaries are light and laser beams.

What needs to be eliminated?

Everything that does not resonate and reverberate a yes for me,
everything that is disharmonious, incongruent, unsupportive,
everything that keeps me from myself.

Into the light / add more light

Calling in light,
echoing and reverberating light.

Wishes for the new year and the passage through

I move with intention and fearless panther grace,
clear and unapologetic, in my power and prowess.

I learn to praise myself
with great love and great joy,
so much so that I never perceive a lack
of appreciation.

I reduce input.

I know what I have,
and I know what I have to do.

Calling in Courage for a year of fighting the good fight,
asking for Clarity, Fierce Determination and Focus, Sanctuary and Freedom,
whatever will help me glow powerfully,
using light to illuminate,
using light to reflect and refract,
using the light to disappear when needed in order to fill up on my light again.

I invoke darkness too

I invoke darkness too in the forms of
Shelter, Mystery, Quiet, Protection, Rest, Contrast
under the stars
immersing in water
not afraid of the void,
the void is where the stars are born
and where the stars are named.

Where do I want to be next solstice?

This is a stone I am borrowing from a wise friend,
I know she did not mean the question literally
but my answer came in the form of a vision:

under the stars
in the water
in Idaho or Astoria or
some mysterious wonderful place
I have not discovered yet

fully a star
fully a panther
full-glow
fully at ease with Ease
and beyond

Real talk

These are such hard questions in these tough and terrifying times,
painful and scary to even approach introspection
or the wishing of wishes

I mean, hell, at this point my main hope for next solstice
is that we aren’t all in labor camps or worse,
but I am focusing my wishes on qualities of spirit
which are mine anyway,
mine to invoke, reconnect with, remember, feel my way into,
regardless of external factors.

When I do this, I see how I have
picked up on external bleakness,
and forgotten to glow steady in my own light.

And so I am wishing for this return to steady clarity,
and for doors,
surprise miracle doors.

Doors

Last year at this time the arborist said,
let time do the talking, we do the listening.

Last year the arborist said
may another way come to you as rain in its season;
where no door seems right may a hidden sliding door between them appear
.

And now the arborist has disappeared
but that does not invalidate the wish-magic.

Glow through the opening

This year is going to require some hidden sliding doors,
some options that we cannot see yet,
new paths around and through,
as we commit to resistance,
underground and above-ground,
powerfully glowing our light,
making shelter when shelter is needed,
and showing up with our fiercely channeled intensity
to do what needs to be done.

Anything else about this?

A prayer that doesn’t have words,
something about stones of light,
glowing seeds,
a map of stars,
new perspective,
remembering to breathe,
unanticipated solutions,
trust and love,
courage courage courage,
breath breath breath,
change your place change your luck,
this moment is new
I am here
presence
grace
hope

Invitation

This space is for gathering — you are welcome to join me in this ritual, to skip stones or wish wishes, to share as much or as little as you wish, to leave pebbles and stones or take breaths, to share this time of passage through.

And we make this safe space through joyfully going on vacation from all forms of caretaking and advice-giving.

And another invitation…

New in the gift shop:
we have just put some lovely things up for sale
in case you would like more magic and self-fluency in your life! <3

calling in light for the month of light

Door of Light

What do I know (so far) about the month of light?

Light like glowing.

Light like carrying everything more lightly.

Light like lightheartedness.

Light like hope.

Light like sparks.

A new experiment.

I have been wishing wishes about gathering and community. Light and lightness together.

And I have been wishing wishes about simplicity and sustainability. A lightening of loads.

After 436 weeks of a weekly ritual of checking in, and 385 weeks of wishing wishes, and one of the most stressful and exhausting months of my life, I need to try something new.

That’s why I’m designing this post to be a play-space for the month of Light (December).

A gathering of-and-in lightness.

This way, we can gather here all month with everything we are wishing for and working on.

And we can keep checking in with what is going on in our lives.

We can name superpowers and invent salves!

We can say what we want to work on and play with. We can share.

I may of course post other things to the blog, but right now I want to find out what it’s like to have a gathering space for the month.

We play, we wish, we chicken.

Let’s see what that looks like.

I honestly don’t know if anyone will even remember to come here without the weekly reminder, but hey, that’s how experiments work, and in nearly twelve years of doing this, I’ve tried all kinds of things. Some were fun and some were less fun, and we will keep what is fun.

In the meantime, we play, we wish, we chicken…..

What’s been working? What do I want to play with….

Metaphors work for me.

I have stopped trying to troubleshoot all the problems and am instead focused on obsessively interviewing The Cake Maker so that I can learn all I can about her magical cakes as well as her perspective on the bakery business.

This is a proxy of course, and The Cake Maker is a version of Wise Me, but it turns out that cake making is actually a surprisingly apt metaphor for writing, and my cake-making baker self is a total badass who has been giving me some pretty sound advice.

For example, she told me that she takes as much time to have experiences that infuse her baking style with [wonder and delight] as she puts time into baking itself.

And she told me that it’s ridiculous to grind wheels over the problem of not enough people buying cake when actually you’re the one who keeps giving out unlimited free doughnuts. Especially if the thing you actually care about most is sharing the experience of delicious and wildly transformative cake.

Fair enough. I’m listening.

Breathing for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  • Dark days. It’s a challenging world out there, and we need to be strong and fierce in our resistance. And, as Agent Emdee and I were discussing, it’s not like we didn’t already have enough to do (and enough reasons to cry in bed) without fighting fascism and strategizing for protecting the environment and so on. A breath for light.
  • I’m in Nevada this week and Trump signs are everywhere, and all I can think is that I am surrounded by people who think sexually assaulting women is fine, deporting people is fine, xenophobia and wall-building is fine, xenophobia is fine, demolishing the EPA is fine, torture is fine. Oh, and they’re all armed. It’s awesome. Breathing.
  • Even as we celebrate the order to cease work on the Dakota Access pipeline, I am feeling very wary about what is coming. Breathing justice, power, prayer, fierceness.
  • I have never worked so hard in my entire life (and I say this as a known workaholic), nor have I ever had so many non-paying projects. Yes, ridiculous, and I need to rest, because my body is not happy with me right now. Breathing for change and clear-eyed knowing.
  • It is time for action, and this is important and also it is a lot of work. Breathing presence, intensity, wild witchy fury.
  • And! I slammed my finger in a door and it is an unpalatable shade of purple. And I might be moving to Nevada. Or I might be on the road for the next six months. And either way, I need a car. And I have too much to do. Breathing receptivity to good solutions.
  • Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical!

  • Finished five massive projects! Breathing thankfulness.
  • I keep saying this and it’s still true: the disastrous political situation is asking us to get powerfully focused, to prioritize both what takes care of us and what we are passionate about. Important stuff. Breathing power.
  • Even though the monster chorus was singing their favorite song in my ear all week — “you’re going to be forty and your life is a mess and you live in a motorhome with no heat and you’re working at a cafe wearing pajamas because you did not plan laundry day well and you have fucked up everything, lalalala!” — I had help talking them down. Agents Ravenstar and Emdee came to the rescue, pointing out that actually I like adventures and being someone who pursues freedom, and this is just a creative experiment in small, sustainable, alternative living. I feel better. Breathing for friends. And remembering that Nothing Is Wrong.
  • Writing all day every day. Breathing thankfulness for an outlet.
  • I know what I want. I am very clear about this. A breath for the many things that are possible.
  • Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of love, sweetness, quiet, friends, warmth, all-day breakfast, big ideas, big stars, big adventure, companionship, perspective. A breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

What are my wishes?

I want to live by the compass of Do Less and Choose Ease and Savor This Moment.

I want to bake more cakes — both real and metaphorical, and do this while channeling outrageous amounts of love, passion, dedication, integrity, playfulness and pleasure. I want to make joie de vivre cake!

And I want to get louder when that is what is necessary, and quieter when quiet is the answer.

May I have the discernment and clear-seeing needed to know (and trust the difference).

What else?

To be true to yes, to my yes of the moment, to current yes. Wild dedication to yes: 120% true to 120% yes.

To write/bake each day but not spend all day writing and editing, baking and cake-decorating, as has been the case the past months.

To live boldly. I typed love instead of live, so that too — may I love boldly!

To cultivate a more loving relationship with both effort and effortlessness.

To take care of my body that is my home, to invite in my panther self.

To feel myself as an embodiment of the superpower of Regal As Fuck, no matter what monsters have to say.

To color as many monsters from the monster coloring book as possible!

And to receive whatever decisions need to be received with great lightness and with hope.

What do I know about my wishes?

They feel very sweet to me.

It is funny that sweetness has become such a theme — for someone who does not consider herself to be sweet but once was the owner of a metaphorical chocolate shop, and recently returned to ice cream after a nearly seventeen year hiatus.

But sweet: this is how I feel towards myself right now. There is a tenderness towards these wishes, towards this desire for a new relationship with light and lightness.

I’m dealing better with the dark days this year — I mean, with the days ending earlier. Usually this throws me into despair. Somehow having an easier time with it now, maybe the stars help.

And I’m having a very difficult time with the dark political days, but I am channeling Fierce Determination and a spirit of forwards and towards.

Anything else about my wishes?

I am welcoming them.

The image of the door of light is so inviting to me right now.

We just finished the 2017 calendar of qualities and I am echoing and reverberating qualities, and all the superpowers of doors.

This is the fifth year we’ve designed a calendar, but the first time not doing a print version. Instead we made a stunning page with all the months, superpowers, images and qualities — it’s one of the bonuses for anyone who sponsor a month and join the secret star society by this weekend!

These are the qualities for 2017:

Prowess
Reflection
Pleasure
Serendipity
Plenty
Vitality
Restoration
Courage
Grace
Wishing
Meaning
Ease

Lightness, again.

I’ve been having such mixed feelings about not doing a print calendar this year — I can’t mail things when I’m living on the road and we never make enough money to justify the work it takes, but oh how I love their magic!

But right now I feel really good. Clear, steady joy for these gorgeous glowing qualities, as if the door of light itself is already inviting these in with more lightness, in all senses of lightness.

Also, this year’s calendar experiment feels like it is a lot more in line with my big wish of Choose Ease, and I am, generally speaking, not very good at choosing ease, and so this is useful.

Yes, I am (slowly) learning more and more about the relationship between lightness and light, about being okay with letting lightness in.

Plus I got to do the fun part of working on design, which I love, and feeling the incoming qualities, my favorite part.

Superpowers.

December’s superpower is Steadily Glowing Always, and January’s superpower is Serene Powerful Presence.

I want to combine these, so that one enhances the other, so that by the time we arrive in January, serene powerful presence is an old friend, and I am able to stride through that door with a giant smile on my face.

May it be so.

Invitation: come play with me…

You are invited to share this post and to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading…

Tell us how your week was! Or deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code.

Safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishes and checking-in are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing.

We remember that people vary and my process doesn’t have to be yours, and this is a good thing.

Here’s how we meet each other: with great kindness and appreciation and awe, whispering (and sometimes shouting) oh, wow what beautiful wishes!

Zoom

Z is shape of the trail…

Z is shape of the trail, the winding zigzagging path I see each morning from where I am camped, here at the end of the world, on the volcanic tablelands at the edge of the eastern Sierras.

The clouds here are exquisite, the sky enormous, the vastness of stars is positively intoxicating, the mountains stand in their power and the winds whip up chaos, and I love it here. I walk the road, no idea how far I will go.

What have I learned here about what I want?

What’s (at) the end of the road for me?

What do I want?

The same things that have been calling to me since I set off on my shmita year:

To live quietly and intentionally
with great clarity and a small footprint,
committed to yes and less, my own form of luscious minimalism,
under the stars,
writing and training,
becoming a panther: powerful and alive, wild and free.

It is a lot. And also it is very little.

It seems wildly complicated (how do I make this happen) and yet it is also beautifully simple.

Follow the zigzagging path.

Zoom in. Zoom out.

Lately, like so many people, I have been finding it challenging to maintain perspective, to fine-tune my focus.

How do we find a good lens to view this changing landscape?

And yes, I am referring here to landscapes both internal and political.

Everything has gone slightly mad in the world, it is baffling and disorienting to even try to stay on top of what is happening in my country.

Certainly it seems like it would be easier to channel clarity and peacefulness when we choose not to know, and yet, I don’t think we can afford to not know.

Perspective is skewed, this is part of the zeitgeist, and so we adjust, in whatever ways we can. Breathing in, breathing out, zooming in, zooming out.

Closing doors.

2016 was not only the year of echoing and reverberating for me, it was also the year of doors.

This morning I was consulting with Wisest Me about what has been and what might be, and she had some helpful thoughts:

Everything that happened in this challenging year has pointed you in a good direction.

As you prepare to enter the last month of the year of doors, it is time to focus on being someone who knows about closing doors. Be someone who closes doors with great power, clarity, intention and focus.

Zoom in, zoom out. Close doors. With power, clarity, intention, and focus.

What a wonderful day.

Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah (yes, that is how it is spelled, though I have always heard it as zippity), is the song about my oh my what a wonderful day.

This is the superpower-and-salve I have been invoking lately. That hopeful feeling, that is what I want to channel.

MY OH MY WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY.

Yes, that’s what is needed. A day so wonderful that it makes us pause to admire it: my oh my.

I have a feeling we are going to have to really work for days like these.

My oh my.

I like the word zippity. It has a zestiness to its zippiness. And hope, it has hope.

What are we going to do to work towards a more wonderful day?

The perfect affogato.

Nearly seventeen years ago I quit coffee and sugar. Seventeen years. Sometimes I’d dream of ice cream, the scent of coffee still sent me into ecstasy, but I was done.

Until this year.

There is such a magic to coffee: a zoom and a thrill. I suddenly understand how the world functions. It is in fact much easier to get things done with coffee: a zoom delivery system.

[I am also now infinitely more impressed with my output over the past seventeen years without drugs, I am amazing.]

And ice cream, well, ice cream is outrageous lusciousness, sensual delight. Its own special occasion, well worth the seventeen year wait.

Mix gelato with espresso and you have affogato, tantalizing pleasure, Italian perfection.

Zoom. I can write all day, which is kind of all I want to do anyway.

Endings.

I watched the National Geographic documentary Before The Flood last night, produced by Leonardo DiCaprio. It’s on Netflix.

It was captivating and distressing and breathtaking, both in ugliness and loveliness.

I urge you to see it, if you can, as soon as you can and as often as you can, even though it is a difficult subject. It is so important, and we all need to be called to action.

The interview with British astronaut and climate scientist Piers Sellers is one of the most moving and beautiful things I have ever seen. He returned from space with such massive love for people, and for earth, such clarity and grace. He also has stage four pancreatic cancer, and he speaks with such calm and peaceful perspective about his lack of time, and how it brings him to focus, to passion, and to love.

And to hope. His is possibly the most hopeful and inspiring voice in the entire documentary. This is someone who has found perspective, in all senses.

(I want to add something else about this. The titles of the articles about him get it wrong: he isn’t fighting his diagnosis, he is in a harmonious state of being with life, with life in general and his life in particular. That is what I am taking from this.)

I want to hope like Piers Sellers. I want to love with that much love, to hope with that much hope. To live with that much presence.

Going to work. Zoom.

Here is Piers, again:

“From this God’s-eye-view, I saw how fragile and infinitely precious the Earth is. I’m hopeful for its future. And so I’m going to work tomorrow.”

The more I read about him, the more I think he is right, hope is the only answer here because hope is the only appropriate answer.

Let’s go to work.

Zest.

I have returned to making cocktails, like in my long-ago bartending days.

A zigzag of lemon peel, passed deftly and swiftly through the flame of a tea light, and dropped in a gorgeous art deco glass. Scent and zest.

Sometimes I think about returning to the bars, as a job. Not because it’s my yes, but because it is something I am good at, and right now I want to feel needed.

In a way, bartending is very similar to blogging: you set up an atmosphere, you establish the culture, and the people who need to be there gather. They find their way to you.

I make cocktails exactly the way I write too, completely by feel. No measurements, breaking rules right and left, complete trust in my ability to concoct something delicious and one-of-a-kind.

Wildness, passion, presence, zest. A story from quality ingredients. These are the qualities of writing and cocktails.

Endings, again.

Z is the shape of the winding path and Z is also the ending, end of the alphabet, end of the line.

When I closed my beautiful retreat center after five magical years, it told me it would come with me.

What is coming with me now?

Echoing light. Echoing into the light.

months-November-VPA-2016
months-December-VPA-2016November was the month of Echoing. Now we prepare to enter the month of Light, with its superpower of steadily glowing always.

How do I want to echo light? How do I want to be an echoing source of light?

This goes back to the question of what to let in.

On the one hand, I am very clear that I need to preserve the integrity of my light source.

On the other hand, we also need to know what terrible things are happening right now, right in front of us.

Echoing and reverberating.

Here in the desert at the edge of the mountains I am echoing and reverberating with so many questions of what is important and what is next. What is my legacy? What do I want to echo?

Which doors need to close, and when, and how. What am I opening to?

Piers Sellers says he does not care one bit about legacy, and I think that is lovely. I do.

It is possible that I care too much about legacy, and yet that is where my mind is. I want know my body of work has been collected and gathered, ready for whoever is going to carry it.

But he is probably right. You do what you can, and hope, and trust you will be remembered with love. I am still figuring this part out.

What happens after Z?

We rest and listen. We return to the beginning, to point A.

But A is new, not the same A as before, and we are new, not as we were before.

A spiraling cycle, with all the superpowers of spirals and swings.

You reach the zenith, the highest celestial point, and you circle back to aspiration, adoration, adaptation, the asking point, the starting point, also known as approach.

And acceptance.

Acceptance? What do we know about this?

In hebrew we say zeh ma yesh, it means something like hey that’s what there is, this is what we’ve got to work with.

Baby that’s how it is.

It is not defeatist. It is just very much to the point.

This has been echoing for me as I find my way out of the fog. As the president-elect of the united states continues to make baffling, disruptive, dangerous statements while gathering an absolutely terrifying group of advisors to lead.

Coming to terms with this new painful reality: both the political climate and actual climate are moving swiftly towards catastrophe, and the time to act is right now.

Coming to accept this new disorienting reality — reading the news to learn what is happening only to learn that no one has a real sense of what is happening.

This is how things are right now. This is what we have to deal with.

And we need to get clear so we can take powerful next steps, with our Fierce Determination, our powerful measured Resistance, our prowess and our presence.

We need to simultaneously be able to do this and hold the clear vision — hold the door open — for a better reality, for positive change.

Zimzum.

I look at Piers Sellers, the person I admire most right now. His startling clarity. His heart of love. He can see the awful situation of our climate, he can see his own limited time, and where anyone else would see hopelessness, he sees action and he sees hope.

He is like the actual living out of that zen parable about tasting the strawberry and being fully engaged in the sweetness of the moment, powerfully calm and steady in the face of danger, except he is also able to do this and look forward to next steps, towards change.

He embodies this zen quality and also zimzum, humming.

Humming my hum is how I want to be a bell, aka the superpower of the month of echoing. Humming my hum is how I want to steadily glow always, the superpower of the month of light.

Humming is hopeful. Humming is powerfully reverberating. Humming is how we keep melody alive. I want to hum my way forward, with you.

Cultivating this state of zen meets zoom.

That is my wish right now, amid so many wishes.

Wishes about attitude and approach, curiosity and presence, deep self-treasuring, powerful clarity, love-based action, following true yes, closing every door that needs closing so that I can be the clearest conduit.

Passion. Sustainability. Acting now because now is the time. But doing this with Piers Sellers levels of quiet steady presence, glowing love, the living embodiment of seeds of hope.

I know what I want to write. I know what I want to say.

I still don’t know where I want to live or what form the business needs to take. But I know how I want to live: quietly, sustainably, passionately, powerfully.

What are the superpowers of the Door Closer?

Let’s call on these, naming them, calling them into being…

Completion. Clarity. Service. Fierce Determination. Looking Forward. Knowing What I Want. Knowing How To Get There. Taking Up Space. Drinking Water. Creative Flow. Wholeness. Peacefulness. Groundedness. Steadiness. Training. Seeing Sparks Of Light.

This is a good place to start. This is a good way to end.

Z.

This has been a quiet mediation on endings, echoing, and words that begin with Z.

Other marvelous Z-words can be found here, like zymotechnics (the art of fermentation), zonelet (a little zone, how cute is that!), ziraleet (an expression of joy), and zetetic (proceeding by inquiry).

When I forget how to find the fun and joy in these dark days and troubled times, I return to words and how beautiful, magical and powerful they are.

Words bring me back to a sense of power and play, creativity and experimentation. I return to myself, to quiet and listening, deep breathing, humming my hum, remembering my yes, powerfully resonating.

That is my wish this week, this 385th week of wishing.

May it be so! And come play with me.

We can name wishes and invoke superpowers. We can gather, because gathering is powerful.

If you wish to share in any of qualities named here you are welcome to, or add your own. They work like invisible salves — take as much as you like, there is always more.

This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play and throw things in the pot! With amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.

Here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.

Whispering loving spells that begin with Z, for myself, and for anyone who wants…