What we do here:

Work on our stuff. Dissolve stuck. Play. Experiment. Rewrite patterns. We take sometimes-heavy things* and we make them more fun, playful, manageable.

I also write about my conversations with walls and monsters, and what it's like to work on a pirate ship. Good times.

* Sometimes-heavy things include: mindfulness and presence, pain and trauma, business-growing, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity


the chicken consults

Friday chicken

Reflecting on both the hard and the good in the week that was…

Hello, Sunday Chicken: we are here.

Usually we chicken on Friday, occasionally on Saturday, so this is a first.

I am invoking the superpower of All Timing Is Right Timing, and breathing appreciation for Friday-me and Saturday-me who chose the protocol of applying extreme self-care, because that was a good choice. And I am so glad to be here now.

Also I should tell you that every time I think “wow, I haven’t written the chicken yet and it’s already Sunday”, my mind replaces it with the Katy Perry shoutout: Yo, this goes out to all you kids that still have their cars at the club valet and it’s Tuesday….

Anyway, yay chicken! I need this.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

Thank you, week!

This is the 380th week in a row we are chickening here together….

or “checking in”, if you prefer to enunciate.

What worked this week?

Hiring an consultant — it was an inside job!

There was a work thing this week and I really didn’t want to do it. The longer I didn’t do it, the more of it there was, and the deeper I went into frazzled-dread state.

So I hired a consultant, but actually it was Incoming Me in disguise!

The calm, cool, collected Isabel Wild came in with her sexy graceful calm and her elegant grey suit and her superpowers of moonstones and easy positivity mixed with grounded tranquility. She told me what to do and I did it. She dictated notes on how to make things better in the future, and I wrote them down.

The entire Dreaded Mission only took forty minutes with her help, and wasn’t nearly as horrible as I’d been imagining, and was surprisingly not rage-inducing at all. I am going to do this again!

Next time I might…

Release rules and expectations.

Amen to that.

Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…

Take It To The Bath: The Havi Brooks Story

If you feel drawn to comment on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles — I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are always welcome

8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. In the month of big waves of heartache since my beautiful lover left on his way, I have been clinging to a story-hope called get through this month, babe, just make it through a month and you will be okay. And while that was a lovely comforting wise message to channel, and yes the pain is slightly less raw-and-ragged now, I still cry every day, multiple times a day. When I hear a song, I feel us sliding into closed dance embrace, beautifully connected. Here I am, still wandering the alleys of denial, needing to believe he will come back for me even though I know he can’t. Someone asked me yesterday, “How is your heart?” And the answer to that is: my heart is big. There is a lot of heart in my heart. A breath for my sweet heart, for longing, for breathing my way through with love.
  2. The Game Is (Still, Always) Rigged, and the gap between the amount of time there is to do things, and the amount of things that can be done, even when I am wildly efficient and not in pain, has no hope of ever being breached, and yet we live in this culture that believes in the myth of Do All The Things, and we are expected to do all the things, and the disconnect is almost as exhausting as trying to keep up. A breath for Sisyphus saying “you know what, fuck it, the way I roll is by not rolling anymore.”
  3. Speaking of the game and the rigging of it, I am so done with street harassment, creeps, stares, catcalls, expectations of the availability of my time and attention on the part of men who think they get it on demand. I am generally more about dissolving structures than smashing them, but here is a breath for the sincere wish for a great dismantling, in whatever form, of this way of things.
  4. Still having trouble adjusting my plans to the early darkness. A breath for figuring out how to be a bird and novembering somewhere with more light.
  5. I got some useful intel this week that shed some light (ha, shed pun!) on my plans for moving into the shed, and now everything has been postponed six months, probably a very good thing but also…disruptive, and now there are entire categories of new decisions to be revealed/received, new things to learn and figure out, new configurations of plans to be made, and oh wow, this is big. Sometimes it’s big-and-exciting, right now it’s big-and-overwhelming/scary. A breath for trust, deep roots and perfect simple solutions.
  6. I want to be back on shmita, and right now there I am in seemingly endless work logistics with both the metaphorical ship and the metaphorical chocolate shop. Ha, the ship and the shop! A breath for beautifully trusting the beautiful process, this is the part of the labyrinth where you are closest from the center but it seems as though you are farthest from the center, this is the part where you have to just close your eyes and feel the closeness because what you see is the visual illusion of distance.
  7. Circling back to the theme of “stories I tell myself that are not true”, I spent a lot of time this week in an old movie about how I Am Not Appreciated. It’s boring and poorly directed and features a lot of over-the-top symbolism, and plays in the background on the bus and during Wednesday night dances. I would like to retire this one. A breath for rewriting, and for remembering the superpower of I get endless rewrites, because I am the director.
  8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.

  1. I’d been worried that the November Glums would stick around for all of November (it’s in the name) but they disappeared this week after I followed the wise advice of Incoming Me. A breath for ease, good surprises, tiny liberations, the return of both perspective and joy.
  2. Solved everything by going out dancing every night. This week was filled with absolutely delicious dancing: blues, waltz, west coast, lindy, foxtrot, cha cha, fusion. I enjoyed playful dances, thoughtful dances, inventive dances, luscious melting butter dances, an unforgettable dance with Marjorie Taylor that took over my body-mind and filled me with the desire to steal her away from her husband so she and I can run away together, I will cook pancakes for breakfast for her, and we will dance under the stars on a wooden boardwalk on an island, do you see what dance can do, transcendent and unpredictable magic. Oh, dance. Oh, the joyful aliveness of presence and play, how did I ever not know what it was like to be able to enter into this vulnerable intimate communication with strangers, where three minutes is enough to invent a completely new language, conjure an entire world inside of which everything glows and feels intuitive and welcoming. A breath for the treasure of dance, and the intensity.
  3. Went on a tour of sorts because the Vicar told me to, and this rattled some things for me, but in a really good way. I am filled with excitement about all the things I know about how I want to live. A breath of appreciation and delight.
  4. My fears about lonely sad Halloweeen were unfounded. Jenny and I went to the dance eclectic party, where I learned to never accept a dance with a vampire, but other than that, it was exactly the right thing. A shortage of follows meant I was on my feet for four hours, and it was just the cure for the halloween blues. A breath of thank you.
  5. The ongoing mission of feeding myself gorgeous sustenance, made for myself — with quality ingredients, is still going beautifully. This is a more intimate practice of self-treasuring than I had realized, and it has wonderful side effects, including the qualities of generosity, grace and play. And of course it is rewriting my former associations with cooking which are from my marriage, and so cooking had been set up in my mind in opposition to freedom. Now I see how nourishment can be liberating. A breath of delight.
  6. The bitterness of loss is sweetened when the boy who is so far away texts me, “thinking of you as my eyes fall closed, dreaming about your sweetness”. This may be the saddest love story but it has so much beauty and love in it, I can’t help but feel overcome with thankfulness for it. A breath for this.
  7. Treasure in my life in the form of companions, adventure, warmth, play, delight, laughter, movement, play dates with Marisa, picnics on the rug, dance-friends who make sure I get home safely. A hand-on-heart breath of wonder for the good in my life
  8. Thankfulness. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!

Operations completed and forward movement!

The first phase of the Fountaining op is good to go, Ruby Jewel (not actually a jewel) is happening, huge progress on Sweet Honey, Shed Shed Shed, and Panther Time. Thank you, fractal flowers.

I now bestow upon myself a quintillion sparklepoints, like a Fairground Stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.

Or if you don’t do numbers (even fake ones), an endless cascading fountaining abundance of sparklepoints

Superpowers I had this week…

Last week I asked for the superpower of Not Caring What Other People Think, and received it in spades!

Powers I want.

I want the power of total trust in right timing.

The Salve of Remembering How To Relax

These invisible salves are distributed here by way of internet magic. Help yourself! Take it in a bath, as tea, a cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

Relaxation took me a long time to ease my way into, probably because first I had to learn how to ease into things as a concept. I can’t even tell you how many times someone has, with zero effect, told me to relax a part of my body, only to find that a) I didn’t know how to do that, and b) the request had the opposite effect.

People would say things like “imagine you’re resting on a beach” and I would be thinking about uncomfortable sand in my bathing suit, and getting sunburnt.

Anyway, the discovery that there is an entire world of softening into, slow delicious undoing and untangling, that was revelatory for me, and then even after I knew how to do it, I would still sometimes get so busy (The Game Is Rigged) and so tangled up in my thoughts and experiences, that I would forget all over again, sometimes even forgetting why this was something I wanted.

This salve holds the magical combination of [Rested + Calm] which — here is a secret — is what relaxation actually is.

As it softens into your skin, any previous perceived need to hold things in rigid forms softens as well, and you remember that things are wonderfully self-contained and can hold themselves without you.

This salve goes deep into body-mind and culture, undoing the rigging, dissolving the structures that want to preserve status quo, and inviting in new experiences of sanctuary and softening, pleasure and safe receiving.

It has a marvelous lightness to it, you may find that you want to have dinner on the floor, dance in the dark or surround yourself with flowers…

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.


This week’s band is from my partner in crime in southern california:

What Will She Not Care About Next

Their latest album is Sweet Crazy Miracles, and, of course, it’s just one guy.

Photo taken just for us in Lubbock, TX by Jesse — thank you!


We have a Flash Sale! Come to our Flash Sale! The password: sweetdoors

As you know if you’ve hung out here for a while, we offer things pretty rarely, and they are always amazing, so come spark with us!

AND. We might also have a couple spots in a secret Rally coming up very soon. Come play. The password is radiance.

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

the release papers

very personal ads

I write a Very Personal Ad (also known as a Vision of Possibility & Anticipation) each week to practice wanting, listening, getting clear on my desires

the point isn’t getting my wish (though cool things have emerged from wishing), it’s learning about my relationship with wanting, accessing the qualities

wanting can be hard, it is easy to feel conflicted about it, and the reasons for that make this a surprisingly subversive practice…

this is the 330th consecutive week of wishing, come play!

the release papers (i)

In eight weeks and two days
(not that I’m counting)
(I am counting so hard)
we are out of the chocolate shop for good

we get our release papers
or really, we are released from our lease papers
(we were supposed to be re-leasing)
(but instead we are releasing)

four years exactly
since the idea spark that led
to signing those papers
and everything that came after that

there is good experience and useful experience…

that’s what my former mentor used to say
imagine a russian accent for the full effect

it’s been four long years of very, very, very
useful experience
I’m talking extreme levels of useful,
previously unimagined levels of useful,
a usefulness that rattles you to your core
painfully useful in its useful

during which I lost
not only my mentor
but pretty much everyone and everything
in my life

I know so many things I didn’t then
and no longer want anything I wanted then
and here we are

and here we are

there is some residual sadness
but mostly relief

and I didn’t know if I’d ever get here but yes
now I can breathe in my thank-you heart:
thank you for this abundance of useful experience

and hey, now I know many useful life things
and I never have to do this again
or spend my life wondering if I should have
followed that call: nope!

the release papers (ii)

I am slowly and steadily
readying myself
to move into the tiniest space

a space so contained
that there is room only for me
and those few belongings I treasure most

what do I treasure?
fascinating exercise:
life becomes haiku

yes that was haiku about the process of haiku!
though really about letting desire dictate form


the process of
allowing my life to ease itself into a
more embodied
concentrated glowing shape

I have big yes for this move
and big yes for the sweet shed
and big yes for the sweet shedding

aka The Great Downsizing of 2015

and, also, oh dear lord this is a lot of work
it’s the papers, so many papers, they need to go
because there is no room for them in my new space

the release papers (iii)

each year I name the next year
and we are in the Year of Easing & Releasing

the name is always ridiculously prescient,
I can’t say how it works
but it’s as if invoking the theme sets me off on a trajectory
and the trajectory holds itself
like sailing with the trade winds

though yes, when last-year-me named the year she had no idea
just how much releasing this was going to entail

since then she and I have released:
my home,
my job,
the playground — the retreat center I [verb]-ed in Portland for five years,
the ballroom business aka the metaphorical chocolate shop,
my desire to live in this city, or any city,
my willingness to put up with The Game Is Rigged,
attachment to most things,
any agreement/acquiescence to be around plastic
(goodbye goodbye to this insidious construct of the disposable life),
the beautiful boy I love so much,
and, oh right, pretty much EVERYTHING WE OWN
to move into a tiny-tiny-tiny space

thank you, past-me

for all of this
but mostly for
adding the word EASING

easing & releasing
is such a loving combination, and a healthier, more sustainable way to let go;
a softening into, rubbing butter around the edges of the pan

I never would have been able to
handle all this releasing
without the accompanying easing

and really they are much more related than I ever knew:
releasing is a form of easing
and easing is a form of releasing
and both of these get easier with practice


all this letting go
allowing the new forming of something more compact
more contained and more present
is not without a certain pleasure

is not without a certain pleasure

I didn’t know that before

and I am letting go in order to have more pleasure
letting go of things that do not bring me pleasure
releasing into pleasure
towards pleasure

pleasure, and also treasuring myself as someone
who gets to have more pleasure in their life

everything incongruent with my pleasure

(being in charge of a chocolate shop, for example)
(being in love with someone who has forgotten how to rest, for example)
has to release or change
form itself into something better
kind of like actual chocolate-making

funny story about that

I was in the glum
(truth: knowing that everything ends doesn’t make it less hard)
and asked the spotify app
for some sort of calming/energizing meditation

and received in return a charming scotsman
who instructed me
to imagine my muscles melting
deliciously like chocolate

you have to add the accent for extra meltiness

he might in fact work for Big Chocolate
it was extremely effective
I totally wanted chocolate
though mostly I wanted to be chocolate
and also it got me out of bed
and into a remarkably productive day

what I’m taking from this

1) pleasure is healing
2) rest is healing
3) maybe having a chocolate shop was more important for me than I realized,
maybe it has things to teach me about deliciousness,
about softening and hardening, about shapes and forms and sweetness,
maybe the treasure isn’t only in releasing something that was not-yes,
but in having this reminder to devote my life to
sweetness and pleasure, form and delight in forms,
do you see?

releasing papers

a few weeks ago, I was hanging out with
incoming me
she said something like
what would your life be like without paper

I may have freaked out a little / a lot
because NO NO NO that scares me,
but also I was intrigued, and gradually this idea
has become more liberating and sometimes when I think of it
I burst into laughter, which is a good sign

what would happen if I just let all the papers go
I mean, I don’t have anywhere to put them in the new space anyway

what do I know about this mission

  • it’s equal parts exhilarating and terrifying
  • it seems important
  • this is clearly a fractal flower: a More Than Symbolic thing I can do to help the other missions along
  • did I mention that this is scary for me, very?
  • and I am so very drawn to this
  • it seems impossible especially given that I don’t speak, so writing IS how I speak!
  • last night while asleep I somehow managed to kick a pillow at a weird angle and knock over a glass of water and soak a pile of papers
  • since july, I have released the contents of 37 binders, and there are still more
  • yesterday I shredded TEN YEARS of notes from client sessions, glorious sparks of genius there, let us trust that the best sparks will return
  • I am not a packrat but when it comes to paper I kind of am
  • I don’t even want most of these papers and yet here they are
I do like writing by pen so I am keeping two beautifully bound journals, like books

will the November Glums sabotage this mission

I am in the November Glums and feeling
of my ability to do anything
with this beautiful mission
so let’s talk to Incoming Me
and get some intel and reassurance

incoming me says:

a marvelous wish-mission, my love!

in an ideal november
your only mission would be
finding your way back to november

that is to say, remembering
that the combination of Time Change Fog and
sudden early darkness throws you into a sort of
bewildered hibernation state

you have three beautifully lit november paths available to you

1) have nothing going on so you can just be with that
nap, read, eat popcorn by the fire,
find your way into the quiet enjoyment of this new cozy mode,
remembering potato-rosemary soup and warm robes

2) be a bird and head south for the winter
towards warmth and freedom
like you did last year
remember? november fifth
you and the beautiful boy and the open road
six weeks of grand adventure
and wandering the desert in love

3) use this time to plan
your next adventure
this combines both of the first options:
the energy of gleeful wish-seeding and sunny-skies-to-be
with drinking tea while wrapped in blankets
listening to the rain

any of these is good
the November Glums are both real and not real;
real in the sense that this is a very real phenomenon to be aware of,
not-real in the sense that they are a distortion,
a forgetting that you are a wild creature who knows in your essence
how to nest and how to fly

last week you said something about pleasure asking for presence
choose pleasure for yourself
and let the releasing of papers
and the papers of releasing
come from that

[end transmission]

what do I know about my wish this week

It’s yet another double meaning wish,
related to LESS
and releasing
and the subversive practice of
luscious minimalism

this is entirely new levels of red balloons
I am going to give this as much time as it needs
and trust in the beauty and rightness of wishng

may it be so!


it gets dark so early now
and I do not like these narrow cramped days
but incoming-me is right
there is treasure in this
in [tiny spaces] like haiku
as there is treasure in everything

so let’s breathe in
the scent of small winter potatoes
roasting in olive oil with rosemary and herbes de provence,
let’s fill the red hot water bottle,
snug in its knitted sweater

let’s remember that wishing the wish is enough
I am receiving my release papers
through asking

superpower of I do not dim my spark for anyone.

November - Glow More november (on the fluent self calendar) is GLOW MORE, with the superpower of I do not dim my spark for anyone

just when I was starting to get into the swing of october boldness, now it is time to glow more, and I am loving this, loving the joy and the defiance: I do not agree to dim my spark!

thank you, past-me, for choosing this for me

last week’s wishes

I wished a wish about 120% yes

this was a very revealing wish
and this week I learned that
something I thought was probably 100% yes
was really only 87% yes
and that this is not enough even though I want it to be,
and now a much better plan has emerged

oh, and we are having a FLASH SALE (password: sweetdoors) and you should peek while it’s still happening!

thank you, process of writing about wishes, and thank you, me who asked

invitation: come play with me…

you are invited to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share anything sparked for you while reading

deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code

safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving

wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing

here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes