Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
I have trouble taking care of myself.
This is not exactly news.
No, let me rephrase this. I have a fairly well-documented history of neglecting to take care of myself in certain situations, and this is something I’m working on and playing with.
This is the process of becoming someone who treasures herself, who takes exquisite care of herself.
So here we are. This is the practice, and everything that takes me off course is also part of the course. So I’m working on two things, taking care of myself, and trusting that however long this skill takes to integrate is okay.
I am slightly allergic to packing.
This is problematic, because this year has involved quite a bit of gallivanting about.
Like treats in the back seat. That sounds dirty. It’s not. Read the link!
The point is, I get that Packing is providing for incoming me. It’s provisioning, I word I may have made up because providing sounds kind of heavy but getting provisions is fun.
This is a way I can treasure myself.
This is partly about doing this for myself in advance, not leaving it until the last minute.
And it is partly about finding a new way to interact with my monsters and their insane expectations.
[Monsters: Packing should only take half an hour, how does it take you all day?! Packing should not be this fraught thing, just do it!]
I need to remember that these things can take longer — much longer — than I think they will, and this doesn’t mean I’m slow, lazy, incompetent or not good at life.
It just means I estimated wrong.
And let’s be clear about this too: one of the reasons I find estimating so challenging is because I’m doing it while under the influence of monster-instigated anxiety and false expectations.
I know what I want.
Spend more time on entry. Pause more. Spend less time doing and more time considering how I want to feel, and how I want to be while doing.
More permission, more legitimacy, more acceptance, more peacefulness.
Ringing more bells.
How can I play with this?
I want to let go of fantasy.
Fantasy, in this case, is some variation on either “I will be completely packed a week before my trip!” or “Oh whatever, it will only take half an hour, just make it happen!”
I want to work with what I know. It takes time (for me) to adequately prepare for things, especially travel.
My entire childhood was spent thinking that we were about to move. It never happened.
Nothing drives me crazier than being in the pre-stages of a voyage, or someone I love saying they’re about to make [big life change].
What do I want?
Steadiness. Breath. Choosing towards me. Choosing towards taking care of me.
What else do I know about this?
It can happen in bits and pieces.
There is no way to do this wrong.
It’s an experiment.
What do I really want?
Same as always. To trust my instincts more. To trust my yes and trust my no, and act on that trust immediately.
To live by the sea.
Me: Hey, slightly-wiser me, what do you have for me?
She: I know how much you care about me. And I know that sometimes you can feel how much I care about you. Everything we do to connect and get closer is good.
Me: It’s like a hug moment.
She:Exactly. More hug moments. Remember that I’m right here, all the time. Ask me for help.
“Are you feeling lucky?”
The superpower of wearing my crown.
Now we’re in the month of Sovereignty, with the superpower of I do not wait in line for my own swing.
And, hilariously, this past week has been nothing but sovereignty challenges for me. Pre-provisioning is taking this whole being-true-to-my-truth thing to an entirely new level. It feels like a good way to practice, to get to know what I am like when I wear my own crown.
- Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere.
- I have the best time dancing in my ballroom.
- This doesn’t require my input!
- Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS
- I have what I need, and I appreciate it. There are resources to do this.
- Trust and steadiness. I can see why this moment is good.
- I am fearless and confident. I do the brave things, I state my preferences clearly, calmly and easily, and it is not even a big deal, yay.
- I am ready to come into my superpowers, including the superpowers of knowing that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, I Am Okay With Being Seen, receiving gifts that are winging their way to me. See also: The superpower of Everything Enhances My Superpowers. And adds panache.
Things I find helpful when it comes to wishes…
More sweet pauses, yes to the red lights, remember the purple pills, say thank you to the broken pots. Permission. Bright colors. Passion. Costume changes. Stone skipping with incoming me. Dance. Intensity. Writing. Lipstick. My body gets the deciding vote. And, as always, saying thank you in advance.
Give it to the compass: Eight directions, eight qualities, eight breaths.
Trust. Release. Love. Receive. Anchor. Crown. Glow. Boldly.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka joining the resistance…
I ended up having to move Operation Lacy Hips (anagram for physical) so I didn’t get to practice Joining The Resistance with my doctor. Except I went to have an eye exam, and they wanted my weight (they asked me three times), and I refused to give it and also made a note on the form that I thought this question was ridiculous.
Also I listed my profession as “unicorn”. So there’s that.
Oooh, and I 5MX-ed like crazy this week, and noticed that five minutes go by unbelievably fast.
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I wish to whisper a whisper about the Monster Manual! It comes paired with the world’s best coloring book, which does so much monster-dissolving magic that even if you wait to try the techniques, you’ll still feel better about everything.
Self-fluency is hard enough, we need ways to to interact with the thoughts-fear-worry-criticism that shuts down creative exploring. And when people get the manual, I am able to me spend more time writing here. So if you don’t need help with monsters, get one for a friend. Or plant a wish that someone gets it for you! And bring people you like to hang out here. The more of us working on our stuff, the better for all of us. ♡
Keep me company?
Consider this an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads. In any size/form you like, there’s no right way. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.
Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play and throw things in the pot! With amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.
Here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.