What we do here:

Work on our stuff. Dissolve stuck. Play. Experiment. Rewrite patterns. We take sometimes-heavy things* and we make them more fun, playful, manageable.

I also write about my conversations with walls and monsters, and what it's like to work on a pirate ship. Good times.

* Sometimes-heavy things include: mindfulness and presence, pain and trauma, business-growing, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity

 

chicken in my notebook

Friday chicken

Reflecting on both the hard and the good in the week that was…

Hello, week: we are here.

Thank you, week. Thank you, space to reflect.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

This is week 424 of this ritual, and so we chicken. Also, my hips hurt which means I can’t sit and type, so I drew the chicken instead.

Or check-in, if you prefer to enunciate.

If you feel drawn to comment on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles — I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are always welcome

What’s been working? What do I want to play with?

chicken424_whatworked

Taking breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

chicken424_hard

Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical.

chicken424_good

Superpowers?

This week I had the power of not caring about the outcome, and I want the powers of pre-emptive entry aka the ability to quickly establish strong force fields.

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

It’s fine if it’s not the weekend anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

and I’m off!

very personal ads

I write a Very Personal Ad (or a vision of possibility & anticipation) each week to practice wanting, listening, getting clear on my desires

the point isn’t getting my wish (though cool things have emerged from wishing), it’s learning about my relationship with wanting, accessing the qualities

wanting can be hard, it is easy to feel conflicted about it, and the reasons for that make this a surprisingly subversive practice…

this is the 373rd week of wishing, come play!

and I’m off! (i)

this is the happy exclamation of the grand adventurer
off to be wild-and-free
somewhere new and beautiful
out there under the stars

it of course has other meanings
for example…
turning things off
I have exited the door and shut the lights
not available
there is no way to reach me
I’m done, I quit, going dark,
into the deep quiet

and I’m off (ii)

yesterday I took off for Boise, Idaho
with my four backpacks and my one-way ticket
it was the first time I haven’t felt nervous
about a big life change
just peaceful and clear
ready for whatever this is
I like it

after 131 days of being in between homes
ready for whatever new adventures await
and ready to be off
(and I’m off!)

a beautiful exit (i)

jordan gave me a ride to the airport
we danced in the car to A Long Walk
no need for words
no one planned this
just a moment of accidental angels in a constellation

a beautiful exit (ii)

I have an airport mantra that I whisper in my heart
and it makes me laugh:

I am a star and all doors open for me

all doors open for everyone at the airport
because they’re automatic doors
but I like circulating these words in me
letting them echo through the cathedral hall in my mind
wind their way through me
as I stride forward down the airport corridors
steadily crossing my imaginary finish line
feeling the rush of all doors opening just for me

naming the superpowers

what are the superpowers I want to call in or uncover
during operation wild freedom under the stars
what does a star require

what wisdom or suggestions does the me-at-the-close-of-this-chapter
have for me of right-now

what can I appreciate about the skills I have now
that allow me to be here now

stars (i)

ohmygod the stars here in Idaho
never have I seen even close to this many stars
not even when I lived in the northern negev desert
and we’d camp out in the wadi under that huge sky
thinking now about a wine bottle we buried there

stars (ii)

in the float tank I had a beautiful and startling vision
that showed me living inside of a planetarium
and there was no furniture, only a bathtub with
voluptuous curves
under the spectacular curving projected night sky
this felt exactly like that
except of course I still need a bathtub
and somewhere to put it

ahahaha, yes, the sky is also a round house
somehow I only just now got that

straight (i)

emily my sort-of-maybe-girlfriend not-a-girlfriend almost-girlfriend
from once upon a time used to make fun of me
for what she perceived to be my meandering paths
“you know, she’d say, with that laugh that I loved-loved-loved,
“or do you not know this, did you know
the shortest distance between two points
is a straight line”

but, I mean, who cares about straight,
lines or otherwise,
and who cares about whether or not the distance is shorter,
there is plenty of time and the most interesting path
is the one that draws me, not the one that has less length,
but I was so completely charmed by her
laughing happily each time she said it

when she broke up with me
there was this indescribable state of total
I don’t even know how to name it
— utter bewilderment in the face of loss? —
for months and months
life without her hand in mine and her
teasing about my unconventional trajectories
none of it made any sense

straight (ii)

last week the receptionist at my eye doctor said to me
“honey your problem is that you don’t look straight”
and I was like, wait what
I mean, come on, I feel like I successfully pull off a sort of
queer-lite low-femme probably-up-to-trouble kind of vibe
cute girls smile-flirt with me on the street
they know what’s up, they’re not slow
just not my type
(hey not everyone can be an emily)
but I definitely pass as straight too,
I’m at the very least medium-straight
so what are you even talking about

except haha it turned out she meant that
I kind of glance sideways in a way that
makes it more difficult to remove this new kind of contact lens
yes, okay, I have this sideways glance
and we are talking about my eyes
got it

and this is one of the many unsung (ha!)
benefits of being nonverbal
because that whole misunderstanding sorted itself out
in my head
which is considerably less embarrassing
than it could have been
lalala we’re good now

I am so very clear (i)

I have been obsessed with clarity lately, and all forms of clear
clearing out, clearing up, clear
like a bell
and this month’s superpower is
{I Am So Very Clear}

clearing the path so the path is clear
clear like after the rain
which is when the rainbows come out
and Awareness of Rainbows is my other superpower this month
and yes, I get how funny that is
because I didn’t mean that rainbow but of course that too because…

I am so very clear (ii)

whenever I heart-whisper my mantra of I Am So Very Clear
then Stella changes it to I Am So Very Queer
it’s her favorite joke
Stella is a star
she really is

get out and be (i)

while clearing things out in the basement storage room I found
a note from past-me
it says GET OUT AND BE HARD TO FIND

last week I wished a wish about
there are no doors for people to knock at
ahhhh yes
get out and be hard to find
this is also a wish about reducing input in all forms

get out and be (ii)

there is another meaning too though
about deep presence
and the conditions that make it possible to get out and be

that is my goal-desire for this time on the road:
get out and be

and this is hard to find
(get it? get out and be / this is hard to find)
because the game is rigged
and there is always somehow So Much To Do And Then Even More
even out in the middle of nowhere
so I need to make space for the just-being
to lovingly commit to being harder to find

what do I know about my wishes?

these are wishes of ENTERING
they’re about glow, trust, play, joy,
identity — of course, always,
and radiant boundaries
being a star among the stars
my shininess is ON and so
everything else can be off
(and I’m off!)
while I experiment with even deeper levels of quiet
even more intense commitment to my sparkliness,
and of course entirely new levels of awareness
of rainbows and everything else that asks for my
loving attention

may it be so!

the superpower of I Am So Very Clear

months-September-VPA-2016

August was MUSE, with the superpower of Deep Listening, and now we are in INTENTION and I Am So Very Clear

thank you, past-me, for being such a good namer and calling this into being

last week’s wishes

last-week-me wished a wish called Inventory
not sure how I would have packed without it
but it also helped me question a lot of the intangible things in my life
and release so much more than I ever thought possible

thank you, me who wished

invitation: come play with me…

you are invited to share this post and to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading, including any stories you wish to let go of, any adventures you wish to welcome

deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code

safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving

wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing

here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes