In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
This was a really big week for me. Intense moments of… well, intensity. Yes.
Lots of challenges but also beautiful ones, and also delight and excitement and other amazing things.
I’m still processing.
But let’s take a look.
The hard stuff
Today. Again! Friday appointments.
I keep “learning” this one, but it hasn’t landed yet.
Friday appointments are the worst.
Also I took about seven buses today, and that was five too many.
Things that are sucky and annoying.
Being in my stuff sucks. Waiting sucks. Also: not knowing. Making stuff about me when it is not about me sucks.
Decision making sucks.
Being hyper-aware of incongruence sucks, even when it’s useful. Seeing the not-sovereign situations and how things are not working is generally frustrating.
Many tiny symbolic stucknesses.
And then they had repercussions.
Learning from the hard but not wanting to learn those specific things.
A lot of what was hard was hard because it was incongruent or not lined up with what I want now, so I was getting a ton of useful information about what I do want while this was happening.
Yay, information. But rawr rawr rawr this information is depressing and horrible!
Not getting a chicken done for this morning.
That was one of my big wishes this week.
But that wasn’t how it happened. So I am planting it for next week.
Having to say no.
Not wanting to say it but needing to, and difficulty finding the right way to deliver the no graciously.
The things that are not done.
And June is almost over.
Not knowing what I want and then knowing exactly what I want.
I can’t decide which of those is harder, but both of them were hugely challenging this week.
Trust is hard, y’all.
It is possible that I am not the first person to make this observation.
Okay. On to the good. There was some pretty kick-ass good this week.
The good stuff
Focus! I can focus again!
For the past six weeks I have had zero attention span, and this week I was able to focus again.
Thanks, Rally! Everything is different now.
Best weekend ever ever ever.
I like to rest up after Rally (Rally!) but often I am not able to fully let myself as much as I would like.
This time I totally spent all of Saturday in bed. ALL OF IT.
It was the best.
Then Sunday was long walks in the parks and streets (Sunday Parkways!) with lady Chuck, then partner yoga with Danielle, corn on the cob, fun times with friends, loving everything, beautiful sky.
Ahhhhhhh. That was sweet.
Play. Word play. Silliness. Delight.
I have been doing mad intense shivanautical magic, with so much PLAYFULNESS.
And this is spilling out into every area of my life, I could not be happier about this.
I have a new secret name.
It is resonant and beautiful and I am going to call silent retreat on the rest of that for now.
I had a huge understanding about a thing that needs to happen.
A giant realization, from doing Shiva Nata of course, about what needs to happen and how it needs to happen, and how NOW IS THE TIME. And this was such a big deal.
I have been thinking about this and wanting it for a very long time, years, but this week I felt it so clearly: Now is the time. Yes!
Anyway, I’m going to do it! It has already been set in motion. I feel unbelievably excited and tingly about this.
If you want to REJOICE ALL THE REJOICINGS with me, that is welcome.
I shared some details of this with friends and the Floop, and it was so sweet to be heard, supported, rejoiced over. And Kathleen even rang a bell in the shape of a pineapple in my honor! I love this!
A stone came back to me.
Stone! Look at you! You were gone and then you came back!
I had already said goodbye to this particular stone forever, and with a fair amount of sadness at the time, but then the stone floated back.
This is interesting because I am okay with the stone not being my stone anymore, but also I have been spending a lot of time thinking about when is a stone a stone. I will write about this soon and then everything will make more sense.
The point is: I thought things were one way but then they were different, and this was surprising in a way that was reassuring and pleasant, and without me being attached to one particular end-result.
Marisa was back for a day and I got to see her twice. We had sparkly things happen to our toes and then ran away to parking lots. I can’t wait until she is here all the time.
Clews and noticings.
Then this week there was a day when I really wanted someone to call me and they were not calling, and then I LOOKED FOR CLEWS from the bus, and I got a clew that basically said “This has nothing to do with you, burn away any stories that say this is about you”.
Sorry, that link is from 2007 and I wish I could rewrite that piece. The truth still holds though.
So I did that. And then immediately I got an explanation from this person and it really and truly did not have to do with me. Of course. Thank you, clew. Thank you, me who remembered to look for clews.
So many good things!
I did a bunch of scary and brave things, and somehow this was fun! This happened every day!
I noticed other things that I didn’t want to do, and now I can make a plan for the way that Barrington (or a stand-in for Barrington) can do them for me.
And I asked for the superpower of grounded sparkling with the help of grounded sparkly toes! My ask was a little vague. Well, it was witchy and silly and not especially specific. Like this:
Let it be all, yay! Trails of sparks! The ground sparks through me and I spark through the ground! Alignment!
But then I got this superpower the next day, and it saved my ass.
Ohmygod you guys! This weekend is hat parade!
Hat Parade! I am so excited! You know how I feel about costumes. And HATS!
Love them. So much. I am going to wear my most ridiculous, outrageous, over the top hat. Lady Chuck is going with me and it will be marvelous. I will bring Potter the mouse, he will like it too.
Two giant wishes came true.
And I didn’t even have to do anything other than ask.
I asked for a VPA fairy and I got one!
That is a bit confusing and no, not actually a fairy, at least I don’t think so? But assume that this is a good thing.
I did a handstand.
With help. For the first time since ten years ago. And without screaming. it rewrote a bunch of stuff from Then.
This was a big deal and I do not want to talk about it anymore so please nothing about that other than quiet yays and heart-sighs.
OHMYGOD THE PEGASSIST.
Not only is this the hottest derby move of the season (we saw it previewed at our league championships and wow), but it also has now the best name ever.
A lift-assist over the inside line, named for the pegacorn, Rose City’s winged-and-horned pegasus-unicorn mascot-like-thing. Pegassist!
Watch this video, at least twice. And then cry tears of happiness.
Also, expect to now see this move EVERYWHERE.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band:
Gnome Shopping Cart
If you are one of the lucky people who has gotten to peek at or visit Stompopolis then you already know what this is.
It’s also a band. A loud, raucous, funny band with a penchant for harmonica solos. It’s just one guy though. As it turns out. Yup.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
Seriously, Rally. RALLY!
Everything that was good this week was a direct result of what we did at Rally.
There are only two more this year and two next year. Before they go up to full price is probably a good idea.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.