Friday chickenWhere I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.

And you get to join in if you feel like it.

I am pleased to report that this week a wide variety of perfect simple solutions showed up when they were needed.

This may or may not have anything to do with the fact that I am finding the funny again.

Also this week I said the following thing and it one hundred percent made sense:

I am off to rendezvous with a representative of the Magical Badger Brigade. He’s part of the Order of the Red Flashlight! It’s all very exciting and hush-hush. By jove, if that’s not the real hanky panky! That’s how you do it in the Bengal Lancers!

What worked?

Taking it to the cafe.

This was the right thing to do, over and over again.

Listening to the Havis.

The collective of internal Havis were not happy (Havi Bell needs an Emergency Vacation! Impending mutiny if she doesn’t get one!), and I forgot to listen but then I listened.

It took a while to really get what they wanted. Once I got it, everything changed. I also had a long listen with Havi-who-was-hurt-and-angry, and recognized just how much protecting of me she has done. That was useful.

Talking it out.

Over and over again, this proved to be the most helpful thing.

Next time I might…

Replenish first, even when that is scary.

The collective of internal Havis is very, very displeased that we worked on the weekend. And on Fake Beach Day.

So we’re going back to truth: empty first. Replenish first.

Ask for company.

It couldn’t hurt.

Start the day in my conducting vault.

That’s what it’s there for…

The hard.

  • Oh, the people. Not you! Other people. With the making of assumptions and jumping to conclusions. It’s exhausting.
  • Still with the drama. The unnecessary drama.
  • Nightmares. PTSD nightmares. Lots of them.
  • Not sleeping well because of the nightmares.
  • Surprise business emergency! Unexpected challenge meant unexpected reconfiguring that changed plans and timelines. Which I think is going to be fine? Maybe? But oh man did this throw me for a loop. Loops. Thrown.
  • Not doing the things that help.
  • Knocked out by a virus in the middle of the week.
  • Not knowing how to solve a problem.
  • Running into walls in the internal video game.
  • Doubt.
  • Deadlines.
  • Fallout from not doing the things that help.
  • Issues around food — stuff I thought I’d resolved years ago — showing up again unexpectedly.
  • Second-guessing everything.
  • There was way too much stuff in my head and I got panicky and didn’t want to brain-dump even though I knew it would help.
  • All the monsters. All monsters all the time. Monsters having a field day. An actual field day, doing long jumps and eating red popsicles and falling down in mud puddles. We had to have about a million negotiations this week.
  • Forgetting to pause (paws!).
  • I made a choice (because of the Unexpected Challenge) to work through the weekend and beach day and puttering day. It was the right choice. And it sucked.
  • Needing to explain something and not having the words. Or any words. Feeling helpless about that.

The good.

  • Spending all weekend with my playmate. Cats and bells.
  • Sunday afternoon with Danielle. Slow sweet yoga. Companionship.
  • On Monday I woke up and for the first time since this whole awful mess started however many months ago, I laughed about it. It still sucks and it still hurts but it was also somehow cosmically funny.
  • On Tuesday I laughed some more.
  • And by Wednesday I was able — for the first time in months — to respond to the question “how are you” with something more positive than the awkward “ohhhh, hanging in there” or the truth: “actually, everything is really really really hard right now.” On Wednesday, I felt fantastic. This is new and exciting.
  • Sitting in cafes and watching the rain and writing writing writing writing.
  • I know exactly what I want to do next year.
  • And I was able to write about it.
  • Oh man. All the points for metaphor mouse, who helped me figure out that what I really need instead of [the dreaded brain dump] is a Magical Badger of the Brigade of Magical Badgers, Order of the Red Flashlights to guide me through the forest to the tree where there is one door with one next step.
  • Learning a lot about how I work and what I need. Making adjustments.
  • The Floop! So much love and support there. I don’t know what I would do without it.
  • Monster-negotiating was brilliant. They are now super excited about their field day, and using their field day games to generate fun, which in turn will help me get back to peacefulness.
  • Watching British television and hearing someone pronounce lasagna as follows: La-ZANN-ya. I feel exquisite delight about this.
  • Drinks and girl-talk with Dana.
  • Pirate booty and storytelling with @vicarpac. And the Second Saddest Raccoon.
  • Alon pointed out that two of my Unsolveable Problems do not actually need solving. This turned out to be true.
  • I am a madcap masterpiecer! Of the masterpieces!
  • I brunched the Year of Emptying & Replenishing! This has been my heart-love and tiny sweet thing, and now I get to tell people about it.
  • Turning the Unexpected Challenge into an Unexpected Sale felt like a loving thing to do, not an uncomfortable compromise. I’m actually weirdly glad it worked out this way.
  • Comfort.
  • Speaking of comfort. This little guy. What a schmoo!


A superpower I had this week…

The superpower of Actually This Is Kind Of Funny.

And the superpower of I Truly Believe This Is Going To Work Even Though I Can’t See How Yet.

And a superpower I want next week.

The superpower of This IS Right Timing Because It Just Is.

And also the superpower of choosing ease. Even if things aren’t easy and I can’t find a way to make them easier. Choosing it as a state of being. This also has to do with the power of peacefulness.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

Background. Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once invented hanging out at the Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.

This week’s band is:

Cosmically Hilarious

They’re just that funny.

Though, of course, as it turns out, to no one’s surprise but mine, apparently it’s just one guy.

Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.

You guys! The YEAR OF EMPTYING & REPLENISHING! And a semi-secret sale.

Explanation. I’m running only one program in 2013. I’ve never felt so over-the-top passionately intently devoted to something before. It feels vital and immediate: this is the thing that’s needed.

The plan was: announce it next month. Prices all lined up (reduced at first, full-price in January). But then the Unexpected Challenge happened and I decided to temporarily drop the sale prices *lower*. By a lot. Through Wed (Dec 7).

Also: Anyone who gets a sailing ticket by tomorrow night, Dec 1st, gets a prize — a lovely prize that a monkey wearing a pig-hat pulls from an imaginary barrel.

The page –>
The PASSWORD –> compass

And if you’re not into it or this isn’t the right time, there is some interesting “what Havi is thinking about” food for thought on the page, as well as some soothing peacefulness. Take whatever works and the rest will work out when it works out. <3

That’s it for me …

Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!

We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.