In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
You guys! It’s chicken number two-two-two. Tutus for everyone! Three twos for everyone!
ALL THE TWOS.
The hard stuff
Man, I am wiped out.
This is the fourth year in a row I’ve run a weeklong retreat, and each time I get better at resting beforehand and setting things up for slightly-future me so that it doesn’t destroy me.
Well done, past-me.
Teaching and facilitating is so much work, and I am tired. Happy-tired, for sure. And also: oh right, so tired!
I had a day of Doing A Million Things, none of which I wanted to do but all of which were necessary and vital.
And then I was in a mood, because doing a million things is not conducive to happy restful Havi.
Too many things.
There are too many things.
Encountering old desires that are no longer relevant, old voyages planned that go in directions which don’t pull me.
Unresolved situation is still unresolved.
I haven’t been thinking about it because of the Crossing taking over my life.
And I am hoping that letting it sit while I [am going through the important things that I am going through] is going to somehow be good for it. That somehow one transformation will cause another one.
But also I would like this situation to just be resolved already.
My two favorite teams are in the world series and my heart is torn.
Usually it’s not even slightly a problem having two favorite baseball teams.
They play in different leagues and, let’s be honest, pretty much most of the time they’re both kind of terrible.
I honestly never imagined there would be a Tigers-Giants world series, and I feel ALL THE FEELINGS and I do not like it.
So it’s kind of nice to be really, really, really busy and not able to watch too closely. Because I can’t bear it.
The good stuff
Crossing the Line is the most intense thing I teach. By a lot.
And I’m not doing it again for three more years, so this one is extra-intense.
It is AMAZING.
The people, the experience, the stuff we’re doing together. All of it. Big crazy transformation in the sneakiest ways possible.
I am thrilled about this group. I am delighted about what I’ve been discovering. I like everything about this astonishing thing that we are going through together.
Even better: we’re not done. We have until Tuesday to keep magic-ing!
I have more things to say about how great the Crossing is.
Actually, I could write volumes about the Crossing.
But right now I just want to say how wonderful it is to be in this space with these people. To hear the things people say to each other. Like this:
“Okay, so you want to cross from the courage side of the street to the permission side, and head three blocks in the direction of ease…”
“I just discovered that I can’t simultaneously hula hoop and jump on a trampoline, or at least not if I’m also trying to take care of what I think other people need.”
“Huh. I had absolutely no idea I knew so much about polynesian seafaring!”
And also these sentences make total sense. This world, you guys. It is fun and nutty and surprising and beautiful. And I am in it. In fact, it exists because of me. That is the most marvelous thing that I can think of.
Massive epiphanies. Extraordinary, indescribable epiphanies.
Realizations like mad.
Everything makes sense!
I forgot that last year’s Crossing was like this too. The things that I know right now! They are big.
Sweetness. So much sweetness. So very much.
That is all I have to say about that.
I took care of myself so well before the Crossing. I want all the sparklepoints!
The madness of Saturday aside, I spent so much time just caring for myself.
Baths. Napping. Writing. Quiet. Avoiding the world. Readying myself. Ritual. Space. It was fantastic.
And it changed everything.
The First Mate has been doing a thousand tiny things to make my life comfortable while I’m teaching, and I appreciate every single one of them.
Everything is different now.
I could not be in a more different place than I was before last year’s Crossing.
Everything I planted this week last year came true. In weird and unlikely ways.
And now this is an entirely new everything. And realizing that was really neat.
The return of the neverending playdate.
Playtime with my playmate made everything better this week.
It was everything I wanted and everything I needed. So much delight, so much discovery, so much play.
A truly astounding thing.
Marisa is here.
I could not be happier about this.
Also we jumped to the power of two, and this is good.
The things I didn’t know I wanted that showed up anyway.
Flamboyance. Frivolity. Frolicking.
Among other things.
Giants are killing it.
Even though it is breaking my heart because I love the Tigers so much, and it’s been almost thirty years, and oh I feel sad and conflicted!
Still. I admit. My heart is also soaring for the Giants.
I mean, come on. The pandas’s three home runs. Zito’s RBI. Lincecum coming in to close. Madbum being great. Pence’s crazy face. Pagan stealing second. Romo Romo Romo. Come on.
Yeah, fine. I’m really excited! Also really sad. But really excited!
Teaching without teaching.
We have been conducting and playing and experimenting and humming.
We are doing capers instead of exercises, configurations instead of groups, and somehow the less I teach the more I teach. Which is exactly how I wanted it to happen.
Laughing until tears.
I have a heart full of tingle-joy appreciation. Not that the hard isn’t hard, because it is. But there is peacefulness too. And dozens and dozens of tiny deeply-felt thank-yous making themselves heard.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is from my playmate. They’re loud. But not as loud as you’d think.
MENTAL FRANKENSTEIN HOUSES.
Though, of course, as you’ve probably already guessed, it turns out that it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
We’re out of the non-sucky yoga dvd packages, and getting closer to being done with the shiva nata starter kits.
This will be the last of them.
The page says there are 50 but that’s because I haven’t had time to update. It’s more like twenty, I think.
Also, all the outrageous epiphanies I have been having this week are because of the shiva nata we’ve been doing at the Crossing. I love this practice.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.