In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
The hard stuff
Hard thing is still hard.
The situation that tore apart my week last week has greatly calmed down.
Gott sei dank.
But it’s still a situation. And I still am unclear as to how it will be lovingly and peacefully resolved.
I don’t know what to do or when or how.
Thrown for a loop.
Past me (that is, me-from-March) left a marvelous present for me from this week.
Except she didn’t tell me about it for some reason.
And I’m pretty sure that she wanted me to forget about the surprise until the last minute so that I couldn’t try to get out of it.
But. Finding out at the last minute threw me into chaos for a little bit.
I did not like being busy, and this was very busy.
And then I had monsters about the busy and about the reasons for the busy, and about other people being too busy for me, and so on.
I forgot about TRUTH (everything is okay), and went into fear.
An epiphany that I did not like!
Stupid incredibly useful realization!
I mean, I am actually thrilled to have this missing piece of information because it helps me solve an old stuck pattern from THEN.
But ugh it was right there the whole time.
Yup. Resistance to internal wisdom.
Deep tissue massage.
And the situation that required it.
Agh I hate this so much.
Any form of people pushing against what is, when I tell them what is.
For example, if I tell you that my whole body is tight and in pain because of [X traumatic things that all happened this summer], the proper response to that is something like oh sweetie, that sucks. It is not: WOW WHY ARE YOU SO TIGHT.
That is a small example of a bigger thing that keeps happening that I find annoying. I was in my stuff about this. The thing that is. Just deal with it, please. And then say: oh sweetie, that sucks.
Thoughts going round and round.
This resolved itself. But it took a while. And a lot of practice.
The good stuff
First ever Fake Beach Day a success, says Havi.
It wasn’t a beach, but it still kind of felt like beach day.
Except that I was cozy and warm and indoors while it poured down rain outside.
Also the morning of Fake Beach Day was spent at a cafe, and at this cafe was a sandwich. It wasn’t a life-changing sandwich like the one of a few Friday Chickens ago, but it was delicious.
And a smile. It was a very good smile. Very-very.
I spent most of this week on Chrysalis, preparing for the eight days of running Crossing the Line.
And talking intensely with slightly future me.
Hiding and retreating.
I spent my Chrysalis sleeping, napping, descending to the floor to be in a state of yoga, and taking lots of baths.
And writing. Avoiding everyone and everything.
It was BEAUTIFUL.
A surprise from past-me.
Past-me is a total wackopants crazed genius, let it be said.
Best present ever.
It might have taken me a while to be fully appreciative of the surprise, but man, what a great surprise. Brilliant.
I loved it.
Deep tissue massage.
The Floop. The First Mate. Marisa. My playmate.
So very grateful.
Huge huge huge realizations.
So many things I understand now that I didn’t understand before. I have so much more information about what and why.
I see all the ways that I had forgotten the vision or wasn’t being true to the vision, but I also see all the ways that this was absolutely perfect.
And I know what is next, and I’m excited. Thrilled, even.
I met the newest version of slightly-future me, and she is amazing.
And not at all who I thought.
This is trippy!
Incoming me knows all this wild stuff about little-kid-me. She is bringing me back to things I knew and forgot.
Playtime playtime playtime playtime.
My playmate and I had playdates all week, and it was intense and beautiful and new.
Also we bonded over a secret serum (pun noticed and rejoiced over).
I am loving every moment of this.
I stopped being scared.
Because I remembered.
This week I spent at least three hours a day in yoga time.
Normally this much yoga-ing means either a very happy Havi, or a not-doing-great Havi who is self-medicating.
And while it’s true that it was a lot of pain that reminded me to descend to the floor, once I was there everything got better.
This week was a taste of how things are when I am taking care of myself first and as the main thing that I do. This was important.
Also I did Long, Slow and Deep each night that I was gone (four nights in a row), and that was pretty incredible. Thank you, again, Gaye. And thank you, Bryan. And thank you, everything that ever happened that brought me to this.
The young doorman who said “YOU’RE sunny!” and then stared at me with puppy eyes.
Sometimes being flirted with is the cure to everything.
Tigers made it to the world series.
I feel strongly about this. And about how great this is.
Let’s not talk about the Giants, because I can’t even stand to think about it. We’ll deal with whatever happens tonight next week.
Right now we’re just rejoicing for the Tigers.
Background: I was a kid in Michigan in 1984, and that world series was just about the most exciting thing that ever happened ever.
Tabstravaganza! Or: what’s Havi been up to with all those open tabs?
- This piece on how to fake your way through Spinoza is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Via my brother who is @ezbrooks in the Twitter bar.
- I really have no idea why everyone I know does not own a monocle, come on people.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is brought to you courtesy of the First Mate…
Gravity Is Getting Stronger.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
This is your chance if you want it.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.