In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Wow. I mean, wow. This week was quite a ride.
I may have to chicken a good part of this chicken in code.
Anytime I mention butterflies, this is a good thing. At least I think it is. I have not entirely figured out the code yet.
The hard stuff
Not knowing what I want.
That’s always hard.
Knowing exactly what I want.
Wait, sometimes that’s way harder!
Encountering a whole colony of sad, scared selves.
I found a giant gaping hole of accumulated vulnerability and perceived lack.
I met the me who believes that “being vulnerable is death”. Oh, sweetie. Oh, sweetie.
I met It’s All Going To Blow Up In Your Face.
I met You’re Ruining This By Being You.
And I uncovered a whole band of versions of me who believe that the only way to be safe ever is to Not Show Your Cards.
The good news is that I was able to use all the destuckifying techniques and things we practice at Rally, and come to peaceful resolutions with all of these lost and forgotten aspects of me. But man, it was hard and scary and took up some middle-of-the-night hours.
A lot of old pain. Hi, guys. We’re still here.
Sunday night I skipped a ritual.
And that made everything harder.
Adaptation to change.
It’s one of my superpowers (agility! activate!) but that doesn’t necessarily make it easy, you know?
That one is kind of hard to explain so I’ll just leave it at that.
Falling into old patterns.
I want to eat everything, all the time.
Hormonal ridiculousness that really needs to stop.
The project that was the project of doom.
And then not making anywhere near as much progress on it as hoped.
Lacking the words for a thing that needs words.
Deliriously short attention span.
Cannot. Focus. Distractor mouse!
I blame the moths and the mice and the roses and the secret conduits and June being delicious.
The gigantic nightmare that was installing air conditioning at Stompopolis.
Basically it took all week and it was loud and horrible. Also it was supposed to happen outside of working hours but it had already been months and we couldn’t wait any longer.
Oh and we had to put all the (incredibly ugly) units on the wall where the stage is, because the neighbors are vindictive asshats who have a grudge against the owner of the building. Long depressing story, but that’s the end of it.
The good stuff
Seriously, the roses.
Being in the sun.
I spent more time in the parks this week and exploring secret neighborhood passages than ever before in my years of living here.
So that was the plus side of having no attention span.
Incoming me is a genius..
Thank god for that.
The door is gone.
There was a door that didn’t need to be there, and it’s been there for years and now it’s gone.
This happened swiftly and easily, and it was the right time.
Also, even though this was a physical door that was very much in reality, it feels like a VERY symbolic thing for other situations.
Everything is tingly and anticipatory and magic, and I am so over the top enamored of June, and everything about June.
Lusciousness! I asked for it and it is here and it is big.
Invisible progresses are still real.
There has been so much movement in the soft, and while it can’t be seen yet, it can be felt.
This is important. This is beyond important. It is vital.
Much sparkly unlikeliness.
I am enjoying it.
The distraction is a good distraction.
Last week I was also distracted but I was distracted by thinking about a thing that I don’t like.
This week was all about marvelous distractions.
UEFA euro cup.
Everything about that, basically.
Also, in basketball, watching the Heat lose the first game of the finals.
Oh, and did you catch the DNN power rankings for June? Yeah baby. Rose City!
And I didn’t even mention the most astonishingly beautiful thing ever, this article doesn’t even begin to convey how precious and impossible of a day this was. A perfect game. Matt Cain. Unbelievable.
One of my favorite people ever is a) coming to visit me and b) coming to stay!
And all the 10 27s.
Discovering more about what I really and truly care about.
I’d kind of thought I was an expert in this, but oho!
Holy crap the Shiva Nata this week.
I did insanely insane things (of insanity!) and the epiphanies were EPIC.
I can’t even talk about how deeply things are coming apart and then coming together better. It’s kind of terrifying. But in a really good way. Shiva Nata. Shiva Nata. Shiva Nata.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is a) awesome and b) comes with a story:
Ray and the Liottas
So here’s the story.
It was too beautiful a day last weekend to be on a bus or inside, but I had errands to run so I decided to compromise: I’d walk from the Playground to Fremont (maybe twenty minutes?) and then catch the 24.
At the bus stop I met a young man who had been waiting forever for the bus. It then turned out that the bus wasn’t going to come until…a few days later. So he and I walked together for forty five blocks and during this time I learned all there is to know about him, his skateboard, his likes and dislikes and his childhood in Arkansas.
He told me that his roommates have a band called Ray Liotta, and then explained to me that Ray Liotta is an actor. Me, straight-faced, “You’re kidding. What are the chances?”
(And then Henry Hill died, it was kind of a week like that).
Anyway, I pointed out to this kid that his friends’ band has a google problem: namely that no one will ever be able to find them ever.
He was dismayed, because somehow this had not occurred to them. And he said maybe they could change to the Ray Liottas. And I suggested Ray and the Liottas, which is really terrible but he thought it was awesome. He was awesome. Seriously, if I were fifteen years younger I would have totally invited myself to the show.
But of course we all know that …. it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
Come to Rally (Rally!).
It will change EVERYTHING. And yes, that is as scary as that sounds but only before you do it. Because what will actually happen is that the most extraordinary shifts and changes will happen in the unlikeliest ways, with smoothness and grace and whatever else you plant for it at Rally.
You can still make it to Rally #22 (July 23-26) or :there’s one more Rally this year (September 10-13). Next year there will be only two Rallies. And actually one of those might be a Floop Rally, we’ll see about that next week.
Anyway, RALLY! Rally is the most extraordinary thing that I know of. It is otherworldly but you get to take that other world back with you. So. July or September. That’s your only chance until February.
Prices go up next month by kind of a lot. We gave a six month grace period for the in-between prices, and now, astonishingly, that’s almost over. Rally!
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.