In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
I am away on my exiting adventure, and most of the hard and good in my week has to do with that.
So let’s see. The first Chicken of two thousand and twelve.
How are we doing so far?
The hard stuff
Sleep stuff as yet unresolved.
Last night was the first night in nearly two weeks that I made it through the night.
It’s been a tired, cranky, foggy time.
And made worse by the fact that normally I know what to do about foggy.
But when I’m tired, and I assume that the fog is a tired-fog, then I forget to do the normal defogging things.
Not explaining that very well. Anyway, exhausted and foggy. That was most of this week, and it sucked.
Fireworks on new year’s eve.
I am not very good at explosions, and I wasn’t expecting to be woken up by a thousand of them (and accompanying drunken screeching) on new year’s.
Between that and the fact that I hadn’t been sleeping well anyway, we had a nice little round of PTSD to work through.
One of the many useful, true and eternally frustrating things that I have learned from being consciously alive is this:
Intentionally setting strong, healthy boundaries is the most compassionate and important thing that you can do. And not just for you, but for everyone in your world.
However, rigorous scientific study by me has shown that most people don’t like it when you do it.
Even when it’s best for them and for the greater good and for everyone involved.
So that can be uncomfortable and not fun, which makes it kind of unappealing. Except that if you don’t do it, then everything gets even worse.
Ball in other court.
Drum fingernails and try not to go into monster-ey worst case scenarios.
Patience and trust are qualities I’m still learning to get closer to.
Running out of whatever I seem to want in that moment.
Cheese emergency! Glue stick emergency! Licorice tea emergency!
This was a reflection of some of the other stuff I was going through, and it was interesting to observe. Or would have been if I hadn’t already been so wrecked from not sleeping.
Got some good epiphanies after the fact, but while it was happening I was looking at all the wrong patterns.
Stupid horrible new year’s day.
So yes, I was in PTSD mode, and in my stuff. But aaaaaaaaggggghh.
Paper cut of doom on the side of my hand (that kept splitting open and hurting all week). Banged head on a door. Everything falling apart and falling apart and falling apart some more.
How many times can I fall apart in one week?
More than you’d think.
All of this exit and identify shifting and thresholds is hard work, you guys.
Giant pain over a misunderstanding.
Ow ow ow ow.
The good stuff
I’m OUT OF THE OFFICE, ohmygod ohmygod it finally happened.
For the first time since forever, I am not around.
And being not around is the best.
Recovery is a pain, but at least having time and space to be with it is helpful.
I’m at Svevo’s.
My uncle Svevo is my favorite person in the world, and going to visit him in the woods is the best way for me to escape.
There is nothing but trees and trees and trees.
It is marvelous. I needed this.
Oh, the Almanac.
I have been learning all sorts of things about my relationship with January, for the Almanac.
And one thing I learned is that I often have sleep issues in January.
So having all this information about what not to do (and what is just cyclical stuff) made me feel better.
New Year’s Eve was exactly what I wanted.
Then the gentleman and I went out to a bar for happy hour and pizza and more gwish-plantings.
Then we all did our little rituals together and then early to bed.
My partner-in-crime was of great help while I was falling apart, and then we were able to take turns.
Knowing what I want.
Trying on shoes for the Director.
I didn’t find the shoes I wanted, but at least now I know that the Director (aka incoming me) has really strong opinions about what she likes.
That was a lovely and enormously reassuring thing to discover.
I don’t have a picture yet, sadly. But Liz — a delightful person I met at Rally (Rally!), knitted me a pair of HOT PINK dragon wings.
They arrived on one of those days when I had forgotten why I do what I do, and then I remembered.
I have been learning all sorts of things about nests, and this is a proxy but it is also not a proxy.
And this has been very useful.
Yesterday I learned that sometimes a nest is already there, and all you have to do is make a little opening so that you can enter it.
From the archives.
Some old, weirdly pertinent posts that I don’t remember having written, encountered while looking for something else:
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band is a techno group with salsa influences.
European Spy Dust
They kind of remind me of Pink Floyd, though I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s the laser light shows and the floating pigs.
But yes, it turns out that it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
- The calendars are sold out, so if you need a fix of adorable with your destuckification, the monster coloring book is your best bet. Plus it’s required material for the Floating Playground.
- We are now half full for Crossing the Line: the 8 Day Voyage (password: haulaway). And I still haven’t announced it. Or put up the amazing stories of what happened to everyone who came last time.
- Rally (Rally!) — a bunch more Rallies sold out so there are only four Rallies that you can apply for: March, June, July and September.
I think that’s everything. If not, I’ll add to the Very Personal Ads over the weekend.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
We let people have their own experience, which means that we’re supportive and kind, and we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.