I thought I was over it. Obviously I’m still practicing :)

So what I want:
To not want gifts. To not have the tiniest bit of hope that maybe just maybe one time my parents will decide to celebrate a winter holiday and send us gifts, or that DH has been saving his pennies and is going to the CoinStar to cash them in and surprise me.

How this could happen:
Divine intervention? Turning off the tv and avoiding anywhere with holiday decor? Cleaning the studio and seeing how much I already have? Stepping up to the plate and truly marketing my work so that I can buy my own gifts, dammit?

Which really sounds like a Debbie Downer of a want, but I don’t know what else to do. I love to give gifts, and I know on some level I’ve been guilty of over-giving in many ways (not just holiday and birthday gifts) and expecting something in return, if even on the karmic level. My mom always says “I just go buy what I want” but sometimes that little kid in me wants to know that someone else cared enough to send the hairy beast.
.-= Andi´s last post … What It Kind of Looks Like Outside Right Now =-.

I am asking for a safe, sane and serene relationship with money.

How this could work: Well, I could get a windfall, but in a way, that’s already happening; my income has recently increased. I can keep Shiva dancing, because there are absolutely patterns to shake loose here.

My commitment: I…I don’t know how to say it…the best I can say is, I will carry a big flashlight and shine it in the dark places. Metaphor to the rescue.

What I want:
A few new clients who really are my Right People, who will talk about my work to the people around them, thus sending me more and more clients. So that I can finally afford to live in a real appartment that feels like a home.

How this could happen:
1.I will contact some of my Right People who have finished their series with me, and ask them to talk about me and my work to their friends, because they were so great to work with that I’m sure their friends will be too.
2.I will write stuff for my website, a clear explanation of my work, how I work, and who my right people are, so that my brother can put an actual website online in the first week of January.
3.Over the next 2 weeks, I will make contact with at least 3 people I don’t know very well (or at all) that I think might be my Right People, or act as connectors to my Right People, and tell them about my work.

My commitment:
I will give amazing sessions to everyone who comes in to see me. I will help them change their body about their minds. I will meet myself gently with all the procrastination stuff that will inevitably come up about doing what I have chosen to do. I will open myself to all the wonderful stuff that might happen if I let it.

1]Questions for Havi:
Two things come to mind with the restlessness that itches away between you and Hoppy House.
a) Have you consulted a Feng Shui dude? I wondered this as Hiro advised you to visit Hoppy House corners. I don’t know how your space or energy flow is, but that could affect the ease you feel within your own house.
b) Have you considered the house’s name? It might not be right. For the house.

Personally, I’d examine the Feng Shui of the house before I go about changing names. But if, when you visit the corners, a different name comes to you, perhaps it might be worth exploring.

OK. Just thinking out loud, so to type. Done with that.

2]Personal ad:

I’ve got a scary pile, too, dealing with the estate of my father with whom I did not get along very well. I’ve dealt with the good and the hard enough over the past year for, well, a year of Friday Chickens, but there’s that one last pile that repels me, even if it’s to stuff it into a plastic container, shove it into the garage, and forget about it.

What I want:
To summon the courage and decision-making skills to figure out What Must Be Done with the paperwork in the pile.

How this could work:
I get a new filing cabinet.
I get a plastic container for the stuff, and put it in the garage.
I make a clear, conscious determination of What Must Be Done with each manila-enveloped piece of paper, and follow through.

My commitment:
To move the scary pile back to the work table.
To set a timestamp for the end of the year.
To get someone to sit with me as I go through. For encouragement, for advice.

How this could work:
Of course, it’s tempting to say that it depends on other people’s behavior, but that’s never. ever. how it works, is it? Which I guess is to say that I need to own my own behavior, remove myself when it all gets to be too much, and find things to be joyful about.

My commitment:
To sing Christmas carols. Loudly.
To stock my bedroom with lovely magazines for escape time.
To dance with my sons.

This week:
1. I’d like this mother-frakkin’ cold to be DONE.

how: rest, healthy food & drink choices. Going to bed earlier. Cookies are good for you, right?

commitment: patience! Listening to my body’s cues to avoid overdoing it & therefore setting myself back.

2. put more photos online.

how: prioritize it and find the time. Elves? Cuz that would be awesome. sigh.

commitment: also patience. I’ll get done what I can get done at my current energy level. I’ll cut myself some slack with the “should haves”.
.-= claire´s last post … Solstice =-.

My VPA: I need some freakin space.

Although I really have been getting things done – and not little things, either – I keep thinking that I’m way behind. I feel rushed and confused and exhausted. My room has piles of laundry and papers. I haven’t been meditating, Shiva-ing, walking, or doing self-talk that helps me get space. And the sucky thing is that now I’m on a roll I’m really resistant to doing those things and I just want to keep pushing and rushing and beating myself up when the results are suboptimal.

I would like this pattern to wind on down now, so I can get some space and some grounding.

Ways this could work:

-I could brain-dump all the stuff I “have to” do (or collate some recent brain-dumps) and organize it neatly and then put it away.
-And tidy my room, in a conscious and gentle way.
-I could declare a Day of Extreme Self Care.
-I could spend more time with my dog.
-And playing the piano. Which my dog loves.
-I could make more use of Heidi’s Ease, Please cream. And the other things I’ve collected for this very purpose, like Havi’s emergency calming and Hiro’s grounding ritual.
-Or maybe I don’t need to do anything, and I’ll simply start noticing I need more space and taking it.
-Christmas stuff and my brother visiting could make it easy to stop working and enjoy just hanging out.

My commitment:

Try to meet myself where I am.

Celebrate and pat myself on the back when I take good care of myself.

How might this happen?
My sewing machine needs to play nicely with me and not have a hissy fit. Also, my children need to go to bed at a reasonable hour so that I have time to myself with two free hands. We also need to have time as a family to do family stuff and meet our basic needs.

My commitment
I will be proactive and find as much crafting time as I can manage. I will not spend my time doing other things and then wondering why the work isn’t getting done. And I will not swear at my husband who is just trying to be helpful.
.-= Amber´s last post … (In)Adequate Supervision =-.

What I want
To find a place within that allows me to step out of the inevitable and tiresome conflict that is bound to come up at Christmas with the relatives.
To give myself permission to be in my sovereignity.
To remember that I have some more protection because of my love.
To PAUSE before I react at Christmas. In fact it would be soo amazing if the NVC fairy would come and sit on my shoulder and help me out!
HOW WOULD THIS WORK THEN SWEETIE?
I could create a physical trigger so that i remind myself to breathe, to pause, to analyse. I could think this woman needs to feel listened to. It doesn’t matter that you don’t agree. It will help a little if I listen.
And when/if I start to feel suffocated to see if there are any ways of maintaining my sovereignity and right to be myself! Haaa! Oh boyyyy. Trepidation/dread.
To feel less itchy about my writing work, my life. I don’t feel bad exactly just irritable and grumpy. Less zing and more flat.
HOW MIGHT THIS WORK?
I don’t really know how. Probably more tlc and just allowing myself to be antsy for a bit so that I can understand why I’m so gripey this week and how to comfort myself, or ask for what I need.
I would love to have six months of financial flow or more! I would like to trust that I have the goodies to make this happen. I do, even if I don’t know it yet! Durrrrghhhhhh!
How might this happen?
Oh goodness. Maybe look in a totally different field for part time work, like eyuuuu catering? And keep being open to other wonderful and more possibilities that actually reflect me! Like I could apply for work at a record station and get it and love it and still have time to pursue my other creative venturings and biz thing.
Or I’d love to have an ephiphany of course about this, or invite my dreaming, play-making state to find the answers/solutions that may have aluded me
I’d like to feel inspired again. I’m flagging.
To move further on with my flat and its mess, unfinished jobs. Closure around stuff that has gone before and a sense of new things, hope, arriving in my personal space would be great. Stability, space, flow n ease, beauty, magical stuff. That’s what i want for my flat and me in it!
I’d like to feel less frustrated, guilty, angry and lost about friend’s who become so ill and consistently fail to grab the genuinely good support that can be accessed out there. I would like to get to know my triggers around this. I know it’s Dad stuff, Mum stuff, other people stuck and doing-nothing-forever stuff coming up. Bt I suspect there’s more awareness and attention needed so that I can be a friend who is better able to trust that my ill friends are doing exactly what they need to do right now and that I do not have to be drawn into their need or fantasy that I will rescue them. Patience and clarity and lots of kindness. I don’t know how this might work. I’d just like it to! Paaa!

Dearie me.

A funny VPA.

Thanks and hugs all round.

x