This–

“All sorts of people were giving me the “you’re not living up to your potential” spiel, which (shockingly!) missed its intended motivational target and only resulted in me getting more depressed.”

–was *me* to *myself* for far too many years.

Maya, like some others here you described me all too well here: “I also always wondered why I had always been so intentionally secretive about my big projects in life ….it is cause the people in my life never believed in me … I have a LOT of people in my life who think they NEED to know what I am up to – only to discourage me ;)”

Thanks for helping me diagnose my pattern, and finding a way to fix it!

Thanks for writing this, Havi. You have no idea how much your words help.

Thank you for this:

“But wanting to do nothing is a totally normal response to being forced to do things that don’t jibe with you.”

I read it before and now it’s my happy post for the day.
And so I wanted to write about that.

The part that makes sense and resonates is that some people have been putting some ideas/inspiration/strength because they don’t understand it (with “some jealousy involved or some more general insecurity”).

I recently noticed a lot of that around me.

I have been becoming stronger and acting more on faith. Some of the reactions I see have been to question that strength. And it takes away my strength to be explaining myself. And so the strength dissipates and I wish I could protect it more.

Here’s to the strength that doesn’t disappear when you are feeling down. Here’s to being absolutely fine the way you are. Here’s to taking whatever time you need.

Thank you for taking me down memory lane looking at it from a new and very empowering perspective.

You are a wise woman and, I truly belive (no evidence necessary), an amazing coach.
.-= marie´s last blog ..I have a dream – what is yours? =-.

Otherwise you self-deprecate and deny it. Or maybe it gives you an ego high for a bit and then you crash. Because you never really thought it was true.

But when you KNOW your strengths, you KNOW yourself, you KNOW you’re awesome and you’re just having a hard time remembering that… THEN other people can help most significantly. Because they remind you of what’s inside you. They remind you that if they’ve seen it too, you must have brought it into the world at some point. And you can do it again.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot myself lately, so forgive me if I philosophize…

I think you have to give yourself permission to do nothing before you can find the things you really want to be doing.

Otherwise you’re kept going by the carrot or the stick: stuff you want to earn, or threats you’ve had levied against you (of whatever type… including the “but we could end up on welfare” bit.)

But wanting to do nothing is a totally normal response to being forced to do things that don’t jibe with you.

Amy

And what DOES happen when you accept where someone is without expectation? DID the lady turn into a burrito? Yes, I would love and accept my son, but if he doesn’t get into college, he’ll have to get a job and move out.

And yet, what if MY husband said that? When I tried to talk to him about this stuff (OK, I was watching Cloverfield–which totally rocked–and came upstairs to talk about it [take a break] and he said, “why don’t you write about it? You know on that blog you’re always talking about making money from?” And I felt TOTALLY pushed) and he says

“Basically, you’re asking me to give you permission to do nothing.”

Gulp.

Well…not exactly PERMISSION, but when you put it like that…

So, does a line have to be drawn in the sand somewhere or we’ll all end up on welfare? Where’s the differentiation between acceptance and responsibility?