Stuff we talk about around here:Let’s talk about what things cost.
Someone submitted a comment last week in reply to a request I made for people to donate things to the Playground, and I want us to sit with this part of it:
“If you have ten people at a Rally, that’s fifteen thousand dollars. I’m wondering why you could need a donated DVD playing laptop when, with these costs, it could easily be afforded.”
It may be that his pain is showing up for him in this comment. We all have stuff.
But I’m also thinking it might be useful and important for people to have some context for what it actually costs to run an event like Rally (Rally!).
Because if anyone is imagining that I’m drinking daiquiris while reclining on top of a gigantic pile of fifteen thousand individual dollar bills…that is so very much not what’s happening.
There is no pile of money. Also I wouldn’t be caught dead ordering a daiquiri. But that’s beside the point.
Let’s talk about this. Let’s talk about what things cost.
Let’s talk about rent for the space where Rally happens.
Seven thousand dollars a month.
Add to that twelve thousand a year in utilities. So that’s a chunk right there.
Especially when you realize that sometimes Rally is the only thing that happens in a given month, and Rally doesn’t happen every month.
Also: ten people paying full price? Assume some people got Rallies as bonuses for other programs, someone we offered a trade to, someone on scholarship.
And staff. My company has three full-time employees, including me.
Even if I didn’t pay myself (and I tried this for several years — not a sustainable way to run a company, as I discovered), other people need to get paid.
Rally wouldn’t happen without them doing important work behind the scenes.
Rugs.
In a space where people are going to be sitting on the floor in five different rooms, you need a lot of rugs. An investment in the experience of Rally.
I’ve spent far more than $15,000 on rugs for the Playground. In fact, I don’t even want to think about how much we’ve invested in floor coverings of various kinds, or about how many years it could take before this space begins to pay for itself.
Rugs are vital to the space. They make the Playground comfy, cozy, colorful and magical. We roll around on them. We do old Turkish lady stretches on them. We nap and play on them. We spread our mysterious projects out on them.
But really, let’s talk about comfort.
Rugs alone do not create a comfortable environment for restorative play.
We have dozens of cushions in all shapes and sizes. Also endless blankets: for napping, snuggling, resting and making blanket forts. I’ve paid for all of these.
And as our programs grow, we keep getting more because having a Playground full of things to play with makes Rally even more magical.
Furniture.
Tables, large and small. Desks, large and small. Cubbies. Chairs. Hooks. Coat racks. Entry signs. Kitchen furnishings. Shelves and racks to hold costumes and art supplies. Furnishings for the Toy Shop.
I’ve put many thousands of dollars into furnishing the Playground, and it will take many, many Rallies to even begin to cover the cost of that investment.
There’s also money to rent a truck to deliver things. The time involved in getting people to help move furniture, and organizing that process.
Lighting.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had to provide lighting for a giant space, but wow. Fixtures. They’re expensive.
I have picked out and purchased seventeen lamps, beautiful ones, for the Playground. And we’ll need to acquire way more than that for the new space.
Appliances.
Refrigerator. Toaster. Vacuum cleaner. Water/Tea dispensers. Recycling bins. Trash cans. Ohmylord so many trash cans.
Let’s talk about the STAGE.
Teaching Shiva Nata to a large group requires a stage, because people need to be able to see you so they can mirror you.
We had to have one built to our specifications. And covered in carpet to work for yoga as well. Big complicated expensive project.
Paint and painting.
Walls. And floors. Several coats.
Buying all the paint. Time and energy for the actual painting. Touch-ups between Rallies, of course, because playing can get messy at times.
In the new space we’ll need to paint the entire thing because the previous tenant trashed it. So this week I dropped a thousand dollars on paint.
Supplies and materials for yoga.
Blocks. Straps. Blankets.
Basically, outfitting a yoga studio, because the Playground essentially needs to double as one during Rally for when we do yoga.
Supplies and materials for teaching.
White board. Flip chart. Markers.
Printing out handouts and worksheets. Printing out monster coloring books for people to color.
Supplies and materials for playing.
Art supplies. Endless art supplies. Costumes for the costume room. Pens and markers. Bottles of spray. Stone skipping cards.
Plus all the clews. Thousands of them, hidden throughout the Playground. And a fairy door. And a hula hoop. And magnets. Fun things that make the Playground feel special.
Let’s talk about food.
Snacks. We go through a lot of snacks. And the Wine and Cheesening.
But you know what else? Dishes. Utensils. Mugs and glasses. Tablecloths. Bottle openers, can openers, dishcloths, paper towels, all sorts of things that you don’t necessarily think about.
Luckily Rallions are very considerate and sweet — they often contribute snacks and extra bottles of wine, and they help with the dishes. But yes, having a Galley is not an insignificant expense.
Cleaning.
We hire a company to do a thorough cleaning before and after Rally. I put in several hours of cleaning the rest of the month.
I don’t really want to get into energetic cleaning, but I put time every single day into clearing out the Playground from other people’s stuff.
Other people who help the ship run, and who all get paid.
Our bookkeeper. Our accountant. We need an attorney. We have a realtor.
Occasionally we need to hire consultants to help with systems, organization, culture or expansion. This will help us financially in the long term, but right now it means we invest more than we make.
Unexpected expenses.
Like when the heating stopped working and we had to get space heaters.
Or when someone has an emergency and has to back out, and we’ve given them their money back but it’s too late to get someone else to come to that Rally.
Time.
Obviously there’s the week of running Rally. And the week of preparing for it. And the week of recovering from it and reviewing what worked and what didn’t.
But there’s also filling it.
And the years I spent building a community of people who care about this work, the years learning to write copy, the many years developing skills, systems, resources, materials. I may not ever be compensated for those years, but they’re incredibly important.
The Shop.
We’re fortunate to have several things there on consignment. But quite a lot of the items for sale in the Toy Shop we buy wholesale.
I’ve invested thousands of dollars into the shop, without any assurance that we’re going to make that money back. Or an idea of how long it might take.
So that’s money and risk. Risk is a big deal. It really deserves it’s own section.
Systems.
I spend about eight hours a week firming up systems and making systems changes. To pull off an event like Rally, there are hundreds of systems that all need to be running smoothly at all times. When there’s a hole, I’m the one in there patching it.
Let’s talk about the most important thing: RISK.
I am the sole provider in my household. I pay the mortgage. I support us.
So when I have a crazy idea like “hey, let’s rent a space and make it into a Playground for grown-ups to play and destuckify in, even though no one has ever done this before and there’s zero data to show that it could even work”, this isn’t just my risk. It’s all of us.
I had to talk my family into agreeing to let me try this. I’ve had to provide endless emotional hand-holding and reassurances. And they have to count on me and trust me. At times it has been really, really rough.
The burden and stress of financial and emotional risk in a venture like this cannot be underemphasized.
There’s other stuff too, of course.
Music and speakers. Signage. Flags. Flowers. Candles. Art. Volunteering. Stuffed animals. Time meeting with neighbors in the building, discussing how shared space can work, or dealing with grievances that they might have. Organizing maintenance. Interacting with contractors. It doesn’t really end.
What does all this mean?
There are four things that I want to be really clear about. Four things that I really deeply care about. I feel so strongly about this.
1. Always, always assume hidden costs.
Most of what is listed here are costs that you cannot see when you visit the Playground.
Or when you read about what happens at Rally (Rally!) or why it’s so amazing and life-changing.
This is true for nearly any business that you encounter. You won’t be able to see what someone has put into it. But if you pay attention, maybe you can feel it.
2. ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE WORTH IT.
I do not regret one penny that I’ve invested in making Rally an incredible life-changing experience. People come away with an entirely new relationship with themselves, their stuff, how to work, how to be with themselves. It’s all worth it.
But if you ever find yourself thinking WOW WHAT A SWEET GIG, you’re wrong. There is no sweet gig. Not this one.
There is blood, sweat and tears. And money. Lots and lots of money.
3. Anything can show you your stuff
Reading that comment showed me my stuff.
I got to see my deep fear of being misunderstood, of being judged or blamed as a result of that misunderstanding. Hi, core issue!
I got to see my fear of being seen as vulnerable or needy. My fear that no one can appreciate how hard I work. My fear that if I ask for help, I will be criticized.
That’s my stuff. My pain. And I have been using all of the tools that we play with here to interact with it and rewrite it.
And, of course, the person who left the comment could, if he chooses to, read his own hurt and pain patterns in it, and learn more about what’s there.
And you can see whatever pain or fear may have been stirred up for you, reading this piece. You can meet it with love. You can make safe rooms and remember that now is not then, and talk to your monsters. You can ask what is useful in this.
4. Community means we all help, to the best of our ability.
Even if I were swimming in money (which would be awesome and I can’t wait for that to happen so that we can do even more good for the world in magical ways), I would still hope that we’d all want to pitch in.
Because there is this tremendous power in coming together to create.
It’s such a healing for my hurting heart when I realize how much the people in my world want to help.
Yesterday at the Playground play day we held an Enthusiastic. We sang pirate songs and had brilliant ideas and rejoiced over the new space. Everyone asked when they could come and help paint. Or what they could do to be a part of this.
And I cried. Because you guys are amazing, and because it means everything to me that so many of you want to help and join in. This is what keeps me going on the hardest days, and on the days when my stuff keeps me from seeing how much love and support there is for what we’re doing here together.
The commenting blanket fort today.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff.
We take responsibility for our stuff. We let everyone else have their stuff.
Taking responsibility for your stuff means owning your pain and not putting it onto anyone else. That’s our starting point.
We don’t throw shoes. We support each other. And, of course, we’re not going to speculate on the commenter’s motivation or what his issues are. That’s between him and him, just like how my stuff is between me and me, and your stuff is between you and you.
Things that are welcome today:
Loving sighs. Appreciation. Noticing how much time, love and effort goes into everything that is around us, and into what we do as well.
Thank you.
Twitter: maxdaniels
Hey, Havi -
Thank you! Very appreciative. Loving sighs. For you, Rally, Playground, me (for spotting a bargain!), and next Rally.
Still processing Rally. Super grateful.
Thanks! Mmmmmmm.
Max Daniels recently posted… Pushy, pushy
Twitter: rhiannonlaurie
Oh Havi, thank you so much for sharing this.
I have become much more compassionate with businesses since I’ve begun running one myself.
And going to Rally for the first time healed money in such a huge way for me because for the first time I understood what it was like to receive SO much more value out of something than I’d paid for it.
But I still didn’t understand how much behind-the-scenes things went into creating Rally. And I’m grateful to hear more about it.
And I’m so glad that you are asking for help because everything you do helps me. And I feel weird and vulnerable and crazy about it sometimes because getting so much help is scary, but thank goodness for you and Selma and the pirate crew and the Playground because the transformation you’ve helped me make in my life is miraculous.
Thank you for asking for help. Thank you for letting me give back sometimes in small ways. Thank you some more.
I’m wishing all good things for you.
Rhiannon recently posted… Ferocious Sweetness
Oh Havi.
Such a sigh of appreciation!
This post spoke deep to the heart of business owner me and really soothed the scared self who fears spending money, who fears we will never cease spending money, who fears making money….
and this post, this insight into the hidden costs, oh the hidden costs, makes me appreciate you AND me all the more.
I simply adore the thought of the moment I get to be there for the first time in your playground and I simply adore the huge money gobbling/making space that my lovely husband and I have created here – because it is what will make that visit possible!
Sending love love love for all the pain, for all of us.
x
Sarah recently posted… Ready?
Twitter: persnicket
Deep bow in the direction of this post. I love learning more about all the work that goes on behind the scenes, it makes me feel even more supported by the culture and the care and the community of your business and what it brings into my life. xo
Jesse recently posted… Mini Project Cards — a gift for you!
Twitter: cathyyardley
Hugs and more hugs. Just a lot of pain and wisdom addressed here. Thank you, and can’t wait till Rally, myself. I also want to contribute to a community that helps me feel supported simply for being me, and brings a better me forward.
Cathy recently posted… Confessions of a Green Banana.
Twitter: annaline_39
I feel weird commenting about contributing things to the Playground because I haven’t been in a financial position to do so until recently, but I know when I do (art supplies! Rallygator!) it’s because it’s another way I can give back to the community you’ve created for us here on the blog.
Andi recently posted… Left Handed Complement
Twitter: maryanndevine
I’m so glad you posted this, Havi. Big sigh of appreciation.
xoxo
maryann
Twitter: fantheember
huge sighs, and hugs and appreciations for the magic that is the rally and the magical Playground rally-space and all the CLEWS and super-especially the rugs! hehe…
and more hugs and love. i’m going out *right now* to buy a few important-but-(to me right now)expensive yoga props – that i’ve delayed buying for months… and it is a risk, and it’s kind of scary, and I’ll be as glad for me – that I bought them to support my business/goodness – as I am for you that you’ve invested in EVERYTHING involved in the Playground. (Right, monster?)
Beth Freeman recently posted… Shiva Nata Even vs Odds… Point!
Twitter: annadraun
I remember when you first posted the pictures of the different rooms at the Playground (was that a year ago?).
I remember being breathless at how beautiful it was, how every single detail had been taken care of to create a meaningful, colourful, amazingly beautiful whole.
Just seeing the pictures was “filling”. It looked so harmonious, so perfect – as if it had always existed effortlessly.
Which, yes, kind of makes you forget how much blood, sweat, tears and money went into it before we were able to see it in all its wondrous glory…
But that seems to be the way with masterpieces, isn’t it?
Just the fact that the Playground exists, on the other side of the planet from where I am, has worked its magic in my life.
At the moment I can’t afford to come to Rally (Oh! Rally…). My stuff could be welling up when I think of that – “why does it have to be so expensive? And why am I always broke? And I would NEVER in a million years spend that much just on myself, just to have fun!”.
But it doesn’t well up, and I am 100% sure – certain – that my stuff is less painful thanks to the Playground and Rally (Oh! Rally…). The Playground and Rally could be just the things to trigger my stuff – and though the simple fact that they exist, even if I can’t come to them, appeases me.
Now when I think about Rally, or about any other thing that would be, you know, “a frivolous expense whose only purpose is my enjoyment – Gasp!” (Hi monster! I have a cookie for you if you want it…), I don’t feel sad or angry or constricted or defeated.
It’s very strange. I feel appeased and secretly overjoyed that there are people who are able to go to Rally and enjoy it, that there are people who “get” Rally, and that there was someone who was actually able to create and design the Playground and Rally from scratch, to bring into the world the beauty that was inside her head.
It feels so good to know that somewhere, there is a Playground.
This world that lives here, a world where everyone belongs, even with all their stuff, even when their stuff leads them to say stuff/act out/throw shoes, where even if they are asked to cease and desist with a particular pattern/behaviour, or leave until they’re ready to take radical responsibility and do so, and where everyone one ‘else’ is requested to do the same, because no matter what we STILL belong……. Oh man…… It is om-in-action. Yoga, unity, oneness, separation=illusion….. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!
Because it is only by holding a space where everyone belongs that we can ensure a space where we too belong. Belong REGARDLESS. And therefore we can let go of striving, hustling for worthiness, tryyyyying to fit in, and simply show up as our whole, genuine, authentic selves, to come towards the world from a place of wholeness and love rather than separation and fear.
Holy moley, believe me when I say this with the most whole-hearted intensity I may ever have held: Namaste. The light within me salutes the light within you. ALL!
Twitter: ABCcreativity
Another big sigh of appreciation here.
And I am imagining the entire NEW GIANT playground filled with money and you right there, at the top by the ceiling. And I want to climb up there and drink cheesy drinks with you!
andrea recently posted… I’ve never seen this happen before, ever.
Twitter: virtuallori
Oh, yes, big, big hand-on-heart sigh. I’m a business owner, too — two of ‘em, in fact — and the “why does it cost so much” thing can trigger so much *stuff*. And being a business owner gives me a great appreciation for how much goes into every little thing behind the scenes that you usually just don’t think about or even know about when you’re on the buying (or considering) end of a transaction.
Lori Paximadis recently posted… Happiness on my desk
Twitter: tapleyruth
I’m having difficulty articulating my reponse to this, so I will just offer a heartfelt, loving sigh of appreciation for Havi and for the Playground.
Twitter: MaryTracy
I read this post and then went to the one titled “More clews”, where you mention an “impossibly tall pink hat with a peacock feather”. I have been looking for a hat like that for ages, so I have an idea of how expensive they are.
The costumes at the Playground must be proper costumes, as in, the kind that are used for theatre plays.
That to me shows how much thought has gone into building the Playground. And it gives me an idea of how seriously Havi takes costumes, along with all the elements that make the Playground what it is.
So thank you, Havi, for taking hats and costumes seriously. And for taking “play” seriously, enough to build the Playground and work as hard as you do and take the risks that you take.
Much love, respect and admiration. And as they say where I come from “I take my hat off to you”.
Mary Tracy recently posted… The Answer is No
Twitter: kimianak
Huge, loving, appreciative sigh. Yes, so much love, time and effort goes into a lot of the things we love most in life, and goes unnoticed. Thank you for making some of it explicit so that we can appreciate it even more. Thanks also for getting us to stop and notice how much of it goes into what we do as well – it brings up lovely feelings of acknowledgment and validation.
In addition to all the great reasons you’ve already listed in this post, another one of the reasons why I personnally love that you ask for things you need is that I love the idea that if someone has what you need and doesn’t use it anymore, well, it’s one less thing potentially ending prematurely into our landfills. Oh, it also means less clutter that person’s life, and giving a significant second life to something we don’t need anymore is so delightful – what a great way to turn a burden into a source of joy!
Josiane recently posted… Please let your light shine bright!
Thank you for this.
One of the things I’ve learned since starting to hang out here is how quickly I move to lashing out, or blaming, when something causes me pain (or shame). So I really understand how someone feeling the “I can’t afford to go to Rally right now” pain or disappointment, or the “I’m having trouble paying for the necessities of my life” pain might respond by putting that onto someone else (like you Havi).
One of the things I’m really grateful for here is the way I’m learning other ways of firstly recognizing, and then responding, to that. Owning it. Figuring out what I’m really wanting to ask for. Being absolutely sovereign in taking responsibility for myself, and allowing other people there’s too.
In other words, if Havi wants to charge a million dollars for a Rally, and then ask people to donate cashews for someone to eat there, then good for her. I might choose not to go, but then, that’s my choice. She might choose to lower her price if people don’t choose to pay it – but then, some people might, and that’s good for them.
It’s such a relief to be finally take responsibility for my stuff, but not take on everyone elses.
And for the record, that’s a gift from Havi that I didn’t pay a cent for. That everything I’ve gained from this blog is for free is like one crazy ongoing Christmas present. Thank you :-)
Thank you Havi for this reminder that often we need to invest in order to make things happen. There’s a big difference between being thrifty and being cheap.
Like I need to invest in a something that will make it more likely that I will do my yoga practice in the big room, where I won’t be afraid of banging my foot into the wall if/when I tip over, instead of in the bedroom, where there is carpet but not much space.
I saw a rug at BB&B that has a memory foam fill in it. I am going to get that rug so I can practice headstand and walkovers in the hard-floor big room. I am going to stop being cheap. My practice, like my dancing, needs to get bigger – so I need to get it out of its comfortable but tiny box.
chacha1 recently posted… watch ALL the shows!
Twitter: yogiconomist
Sigh of appreciation.
Katie Hart recently posted… Half-Baked: When to Stop
Twitter: Hannah_Savannah
Hmmmmmmmm.
*hand-on-heart sigh*
Stuff takes time.
Yehes.
& appreciation
xoxox
Twitter: LeelaSinha
Ohhhhyes. I have recently opened two offices, small tiny ones, with small rents (relatively). And the things that it costs to make that effortless homeyness…well, it’s tricky, let’s just say that. If I were advising a small business about how much money to try to have on hand for startup, I would say, “make your calculations. And then, if you have not done this before, double them.”
My partner has enough experience that I was able to ride on her shoulders a little for perspective, but oh it is still hard.
Leela recently posted… unique
Twitter: AnagramPress
One of my biggest “stuffs” is my constant struggle with undervaluing the work I do (in the monetary sense), even though I know that the blood, sweat, tears and talent that go into it is worth so much more. Whenever I start to contemplate the idea of pricing something new, or raising the prices I have, my biggest, hairiest, scariest monster likes to back me into a corner, accusing me of “ripping off” the people who support me and demanding I defend every penny with justifications. My pleas of “But I don’t even make a profit half the time!” and “It’s not a crime to be compensated accordingly!” elicit growling laughs and smelly monster-slaver. The monster shines a cheesy interrogation-in-a-police-movie flashlight on me, and I sweat and worry. Every. Single. Time. Sometimes I come out proud and vindicated in the end—other times, I just feel battered and guilty.
So seeing you face a similar fear fear, in a public place, and assert not only your sovereignty but your inherent worth with grace and eloquence and calm—well, it’s like a big mug of soothing hot tea to me. I’m sorry you’ve had to face your own Stuff and Monsters (not to be confused with Stuff and Nonsense) through a thrown shoe, but at least on the inspirational level, I’m so grateful you did.
So looking forward Rallying with you in June. We Rallions are the ones getting one sweet deal.
Chandler recently posted… First blush
Twitter: claireofRA
Thanks very much for sharing this, Havi.
I’d had thoughts about pricing before, but I knew they were my stuff coming up. This post, however, answers practical questions that were intermingled with my stuff. Very helpful that, so thank you.
claire recently posted… Tutankhamun and the Golden Age of the Pharaohs
Huge sigh of appreciation for this. So much of what you do doesn’t show, and yet without it, Rally wouldn’t be Rally, Rally wouldn’t work, wouldn’t do what it does.
Twitter: AmberStrocel
I’m really glad that you addressed the money issue. I know it’s awkward and brings up a lot of stuff for everyone. But I also believe that we don’t always talk about it enough – along with the time and energy we’re each investing in our Things.
Amber recently posted… Learning to Love Yourself on Valentine’s Day
Hand-on-heart sigh of appreciation. So MUCH appreciation.
I am so grateful you took to the time to write all this out, Havi. It must have been very difficult.
But I think these facts are worthwhile for us to know.
And furthermore … in the midst of all those arrangements and expenses … what comes out of it are some of the most wonderful Things ever in the entire Universe: the Playground (with a Caboose) and its Director, Rally (Rally!) and Rallions, Shiva Nata, permission to Play, The Fluent Self, and everything I keep learning because I come here.
If I was in Portland, you could hardly keep me from donating anything I could think of and showing up with brushes and ladders for painting. It would be barely enough to cover my thankfulness.
Twitter: CameraKate19
So much appreciation for everything you have put into Rally! (Rally!) and the Playground. It truly is an amazing magical space, and all the loving care put into making it so is noticed. I can’t even begin to express how important it was for me to Rally! (Rally!) and visit the Playground.
I also feel like asking for things to be donated to the Playground, regardless of cost, is part of the culture of the Fluent Self. You created this community, and have done so much incredible work to build it, and it is definitely a community. People who are a part of the culture recognize the support that the community provides and want to give something back to the community whenever they can. Support is a huge part of this culture, and, to me, at least, asking for a DVD player or craft supplies or anything for the Playground is simply asking for support for the community from the community, and that is exactly as it should be.
*loving hand-on-heart-sigh for all that you do in creating this transformative space*
Kate recently posted… O Canada!
Twitter: lichtstrom_
So much love to you and to everyone who benefits from all your hard work and attention and love.
I have been wracking my brain for another way to say this, but I really haven’t been able to, so I’ll say it and hope that I get it right – I am really proud of what you do, Havi. I feel such a swell of “oh goodness someone DID THIS how cool how cool” every time I am here. I feel blessed that I’ve been able to participate in it “on the ground,” so to speak. And my whole body and mind thanks you for your investment in the rugs ;)
Risa recently posted… Trying To Release The Cryptic Armor
Twitter: LisaGillispie
I had a sense of how much love and energy went into creating Rally and the playground. A sense. Now I have a much deeper, greater sense of it and so much more appreciation for it. And I can only imagine how much that is going to increase after getting to experience Rally for my very own self next week.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the work you have done to be able to share this with us.
This also helps me have a much greater appreciation for all the work I’ve done (in the hard and the soft) for my business, that I’ve taken for granted or discounted.
Lisa recently posted… Filling the Well
You had me at flip charts. Because I remember when I was going to buy some giant post-it note flip charts for a group I run to brainstorming on. And they were $35 each! For like 10 pages. I about fell over. And cried. And wasn’t going to buy them. But I did because they were important.
And then I raised the admission fee of the group to cover the giant flip charts. And when people ask me if there is a “pot” of money for the group, I point to the flip charts, and the beautiful tray of food from Whole Foods, and me!
And then once someone commented on a survey (anonymously) that if I served chips and pretzels I could charge less money. Except that I would never invite guests and serve them chips and pretzels. I knew that comment was about that person’s stuff.
The Playground sounds more wonderful than I ever imagined it.
Thanks for this post, Havi! I’ve never been to a Rally (yet), and I really appreciate knowing what it’s like for you behind the scenes. I figured you had good reasons for asking the rates you do.
And, in addition to all the reasons people above gave for why asking for things for the Playground is (a) not bad and (b) good, it’s also very much in the spirit of everything I know about Fluent Self and Shivanata. Each of the donated items brings a little bit of history and personal connection with it and adds to the atmosphere of support and belonging.
If and when I ever make it to a Rally (Rally!) I know I’ll get a lot of energy from looking around the space and wondering what the story is behind each item (and wondering if I’ll ever find the perfect opportunity to contribute an item or two of my own–haven’t yet found an “impossibly tall pink hat with peacock feather” :)
Twitter: acdolph
Yes. This.
as someone who spends much of his life producing events, I’m still amazed at how much goes in to it. Even when I’m the one doing it.
It takes so much more then the obvious to help things to be *what they are crying out to be* but when I do it, wow – it’s wonderful.
*sigh*
Havi, thank you for all you do.
Twitter: herchuckness
<3 <3 <3
(I'd go on, but I must silent retreat!)
Twitter: spiralsongkat
Mmmmm. Yes. Sitting with this.
Thank you for your courage, your candor, your kindness.
Kathleen Avins recently posted… Feeling the love.
As a worker bee in an organization, it’s easy to forget that someone has to be the queen bee in charge of the whole hive. The queen bee obviously has to know all the facts and figures and see how the pieces all work together, so this post helps a lot with perspective.
But one point I wanted to bring up is that of value. (Not in an accusing kind of way, but to ruminate on the question a bit.) How much is something worth? How much does freedom cost? How much would anyone pay to let go of something that’s been holding her back? How much would she be willing to give to taste and experience the truth of her authentic life? What kind of monetary figure would she place on the idea of waking up every day inspired and happy to face the day?
I may not ever Rally or show up unannounced to the Playground, but the value of what goes on there is obvious to me.
Havi, you are doing great things and changing lives. Here’s a mug of tea to your continued journey helping people and a purple blanket to add to blanket fort. :-)
Twitter: flamenooregon
SO SO SO MUCH
Gratitude
and
Appreciation
xo
Twitter: abrooks518yahoo.com
Rally, the Playground, has the superpower of being transformative. I went to Portland and found the button to quick! car drive yourself – I’m getting into my supersuit – jeez it’s hard to put on tights in bucket seats – it’s time for adventure.
The price of Rally is pennies compared to a lifetime of My Adventures.
Thank You Havi.
Rally On.
@CJ: ‘that everything I’ve gained for free from this blog is like one giant ongoing Christmas present.’
EXACTLY. Like: ohmygauze I can’t even begin to try and articulate it all… awareness, consciousness, words, tools, techniques, friends, DISSOLVING FUNDAMENTAL UNDERSTANDINGS OF THE UNIVERSE THAT WERE NOT HELPFUL, words, ideas, AMNESTY, SOVEREIGNTY!!!!!! permission!!!!! friends!!!! FREE THERAPY!!!!!! Words!!!
Crazy value.
And that’s just what IIIIII get out of it cos that’s what I need right now…. Plus everything else that lives here and at the Playground and in the products and programs and events and everything.
Crazy.
i think there is a beauty in point 4.- that cannot be bought nor sold.
while i was reading the post, i wanted so badly that the point about community was made. i am thankfull it did.
group hug!
Twitter: OhanaChronicles
Havi,
I wish you WERE reclining on a pile of 15,000 individual dollar bills. And if you were, I would still happily donate a laptop if I had one, becuase you’re doing good work and providing this service that is really not quantifiable.
Thank you for being you and for doing your thing in life so that others may do the same.
LOTS OF APPRECIATION!!!
OhanaMama recently posted… Between The Bookends
Twitter: simonethinks
Hah! YES. Yes, yes,yes.
Thank you for this, Havi. (“What, you mean, a magical space like the Playground doesn’t just, you know, create itself?”) Because I am the daughter of small business owners and the runner-of-one as well as of recent, I had already figured a lot of what you explained. (And my Very Tiny Sweet Thing is nodding in gratitude right now.)
And I share a lot of your pain. You must know that so many other people do as well. Every time someone says “your hourly rate is WHAT? oh, so you must be rolling in dough!” (!!!!! I WISH!!!!!)… Or even after our wedding, when people said “oh, if you got cash gifts in that amount you must have MADE money from your wedding.” (Oh, I SO wish.)
Things always, always cost way more than you’d assume and people always, always, pay for things and in ways you can’t see. A very good friend of mine got a quarter-million book advance. People assume she is now sitting on giant piles of money and I’ve seen what that actually means. After she’s paid her agent and her new accountant (because how many starving writers do you think have one?) and various promotional expenses out-of-pocket and taxes and savings and retirement planning and this and that and this and that, and considering that she doesn’t get paid regularly because of the nature of her job, and the amount of money that’s actually HERS comes out to be only VERY slightly more than my yearly salary working in a regular office. But only that, for a few years. Of course, not counting the years she ‘invested’ in her craft during which she was, um, basically broke.
I guess the fact that I feel so strongly about this means that I have lots of pain around being misunderstood, too. (Trust me, when I’m rolling around in piles of money I WILL LET YOU ALL KNOW SO WE CAN THROW A PARTY). Hand-on-heart sighs all around, as well as pom poms! GO HAVI GO GO GO!! Courage, all small business owners!
Simone recently posted… A confession and an angry tirade: Stuff Doesn’t Work.
heart sighs. so much response to the (De)Value of Our Work.
As a Bolivian, I know the Value of my labor FAR outstrips what it costs.
As an artist who once tried to eat off of craft fairs, I know how hard the “if you were a real artist you wouldn’t need to make money” shoe hurts. And the Monsters are there too to pick it up and hurl it again.
The price increase for Rally has really triggered my deservedness-stuff, and the “You dont deserve anything nice” Monsters. MY stuff. MY monsters.
This work has brougth me so much, and so far all I’ve “bought” is the Starter Kit and the class fee for Boulder last fall. I wish I lived near pPortland so I could donate time and other resources to the Playground more easily. I wish I could do more to support this work which supports me every day, whether or not there’s a new blog entry or event.
Twitter: 74rally
Loving hand-on-heart sigh for this post and all the replies. (As well as a slight pout that extra sleeps were needed, so I missed the Enthusiastic on Tuesday.)
I am indescribably excited to help make this new space as lovely and magical as the Playground Caboose. And thankful for you providing the space that’s allowed me to meet so many wonderful people. I am so grateful for all the Playground-essence I’ve absorbed that, right now, protects HSP me while I’m in a big city. So many people, all in a big rush to go somewhere, So Much Stuff. It *can* be overwhelming, but I am simply here, and prone to laughing, or pausing unexpectedly when I feel someone’s stuff bounce off the bubble of Portland air that envelops Dave and I.
If not for the work that you’ve put into your blogs, the multiple recordings I use daily, into the Playground, and into openly modeling working on your stuff, I could not be experiencing this city in the playful way that I am. (People don’t giggle nearly enough here!)
Another hand-on-heart-sigh for you, the pirate crew, and the whole tamale.
-case
One thing that may be helpful for the original commenter to consider is that the Rally and related services are not going to be for everyone. I’ve experienced similar pain around the prices here and other places, while at the same time recognizing the cost to the provider that you describe. So you can think “geez, that’s egregiously expensive!” but at the same time it’s a premium thing. You wouldn’t expect to be able to stay at a resort, nor should you necessarily expect to be able to go to a Rally. It’s a luxury item–an awesome one, surely, and potentially life-changing–but a luxury. Not everyone can afford life-changing experiences, and that’s okay. It’s helpful to me sometimes to just consciously let it go–recognize the cost of the thing, its value, and the fact that I simply do not earn enough to purchase something of value. That doesn’t mean that the work I do to earn my own money is less-than, nor does it mean that in an ideal world, my work wouldn’t be worth the experience of a Rally. But since it’s not an ideal world, the best thing we can do is be happy that others can afford this experience, that Havi is able to provide it, and keep it in mind for the future, in case we can ever afford to try it ourselves.
Avory recently posted… Do Feminist Dating Messages Apply to Queer Dating?
I also want to just add that it’s important to separate the value and work and love that goes into the space by the creator (Havi) from the value and cost and ability of participants to pay.
It sounds like a big part of the problem is that someone hates that it costs so much and that they can’t afford it and is then putting that pain on the person who is charging so much, and asking “why?”
If we separate those two things, we see that the thing has value and Havi puts so much of herself and money into it (Thing One) and that the thing is expensive and it’s unfair that a lot of folks can’t afford it (Thing Two).
Often, I think we have a bad habit of saying to people “but you should buy this because it’s worth it!” Commenters above are talking about how expensive creative tools are, and how it was totally worth it, and that’s true–but you were also able to afford it. So one way to avoid judging others and others’ situations and their commitments to themselves is to be gentle and recognize that even if it’s worth it, not all of us can pay for it. It’s like all the bad-economy articles that suggest folks cut back by not buying luxury items, which makes so many of us angry when we’re cutting actual meals from our diet.
I think the best thing is to figure out your own scale, and then use that to decide what to buy. So on my scale, I’m saving up to afford the Shiva Nata DVD. For me, that’s an expensive, luxury item that’s totally worth it and also achievable for my budget. If I save for a year, I can get it. A Rally is not achieveable for me–worth it, certainly, but not achievable. Sometimes thinking of it that way helps.
Avory recently posted… Do Feminist Dating Messages Apply to Queer Dating?
Twitter: yaelsaar
Oh, I so love reading this.
Thank you for this post.
Thank you for every single post you have written.
Thank you for the rugs and the lighting and the magnets and the blankets and the multitude of clues. and all that beauty everywhere, and the elevator shaft…
As a person who experienced the healing beauty that is the playground, at Rally and at Crossing the Line, I stand humbled by gratitude for the transformative magic of the places you created, online and in the real world.
A deep hand on heart sigh for the courage it took (and still takes) to be the gentle yet fierce trailblazer that you are.
so much love your way.
Yael Saar recently posted… Because of Heidi: Introducing Olaaf, the olfactory elf.
Twitter: renewallcoach
More sighs. And hugs. Love that you shared this truth telling with us. And, wish I lived in Portland for that painting party you’ve been speaking of for the new Playground. Woo too!!!
Twitter: SusPup
Oh, sweetie. So much love to you.
What you have made* is a treasure beyond estimation.
*created, incubated, nurtured, protected, cultivated, built, evoked, grown, enticed….
(And Julia, your comment could have been written by me. Oh! Rally…someday…)
Susan M
Wow. This has got to be the longest post I’ve ever seen here in, like . . . ever. But an object lesson for me, for which I thank everyone, especially Havi for her courage in sharing how her “stuff” came up in response to someone else’s “stuff”.
I, too, had “stuff” came up as I plowed my way through this (impatience, major eye-rolling, an aversion to defensiveness & drama), & took a moment to “sit with it”, as Havi suggests. And realized I’m not enough of a hot-house flower to care. Tell the guy “thanks for taking the time to share your concerns”, have a cup of tea & move on. Elbows, opinions, everyone’s got a couple.
Which is just about the best damned advice I’ve ever given myself, and is applicable to more things in my life right now than I care to list. Amazing how sometimes the biggest lightning bolts come out of a clear blue sky!
Twitter: smhutchins
It’s been a while since I’ve commented here, but rest assured I’ve been lurking nonstop. :) Most of my blog reading happens on my phone these days where it’s just too dang painful to type out a comment.
Anyhow…
That you felt you needed to explain yourself… oh, sweetie. What that comment must have felt like.
That you explained your business expenses so thoroughly… how helpful! I’m sure many people want to start their own business and don’t know what to plan for. This list is great.
That you use donated items… good for you! I imagine many of those items were sitting unused in someone else’s space so not only have you helped them clear their stuff, you also kept those items from taking up space in a landfill.
Hoorahs all around!
Twitter: lynnclarkphoto
In my business as a photographer, I get complaints from people about how expensive I am, written in a way to make me feel ashamed about charging money and putting a high value on my art and my business.
Mostly I try to ignore these reactions–but every once in a while I have to react with an email similar to this post.
Because we love what we do, we should work for cheap, or even better, for free.
We should provide really really high value to our clients yet not provide high value to ourselves in the form of a nice life. That’s selfish, and the customer is right.
I’m glad you posted it for others to see. Especially me.
Lynn Clark recently posted… Waylon smashes a cake … sort of
When I buy a product from the store ( I’ve purchased a few and they’re wonderful) I not only think of the beauty, usefulness, insights of the product, but I think of the top-notch personal coaching Havi gives her readers for free all the time. Paying a reasonable price for products is a small contribution toward keeping this energy going!
Having said that, I have a lot of trouble charging full price for a valuable product I created and I sell. Seeing Havi’s pain and seeing my own is very helpful. Thank you!!!
Twitter: simonethinks
@Dawnrae — yes! I wouldn’t even want to add up the value of “free therapy”, “free biz coaching of the kind that you’ll get nowhere else”, “free EVERYTHING THAT MAKES YOUR LIFE 1000000 TIMES BETTER” that’s just available on this blog. That people just come here and get all the time.
It would be a pretty astronomical number.
Sometimes I am just in awe, thinking about it.
Simone recently posted… (Mad)housekeeping! #3
Twitter: resonantjoy
Oh, Havi. A big loving sigh for you. I so wish you didn’t have to write this post, but I congratulate you for having the courage to respond as you did. I’ll admit, when I saw your request for a laptop, it surprised me somewhat, because I DO imagine you rolling around on big piles of money. Because I WANT to live in a world where an amazing, loving, giving, healing individual such as yourself can make as much money as a Hollywood actor or a basketball star. But I looked at that surprise I felt, questioned it, and learned from it. I realized that I had such gratitude to you for constantly modeling what you teach. It’s a truly BEAUTIFUL thing to ask and to receive with grace, no matter how much or how little money you have. It also occurred to me that it would be so foolish and wasteful to purchase a new laptop, when surely there are far too many on their way to landfills. And of course, by allowing yourself to ask, you have given someone a precious gift – the ability to reciprocate in some small way for all that you do for the world. I have so much gratitude for the person you are Havi. Thank you my friend.
Twitter: Bikeblisschick
Oh, oh, oh. So many thoughts to hold and soothe in reading this. Havi, a big cashmere shawl to you to wrap yourself in, just because it’s so luxurious.
I can only imagine how hard it was to write this post. My heart aches just reading it. You know you didn’t need to explain yourself, but thank you for giving us a glimpse into the work of the Playground world.
Thanks to you and all of the generous free material I’ve read on this website, I have the ability to see the pain in the comment that inspired this post and the pain it stirs up in me and others without diving headlong into it and spending days burning energy over the exquisitely-worded tell-off speeches that will never be delivered. That liberation is priceless.
Mmmm . . .
Sending you, your crew and every corner of the Playground love. May you have that big pile of money someday. I’d love, love to see what could be created!
Cherilyn recently posted… Nitty-gritty bike date (why I need fenders)
Twitter: copylicious
What if everything in the world came with a tiny, 8-point-font ‘what went in’ manifest, so you could see all the love and care and time and things that went into making it, kind of like an ancient piece of art, and knowing its provenance. Not to explain, but to help us appreciate it even more than we already do. “This giant clock was slowly assembled over 10 years by dozens of tiny, specially trained mice.” Oh, well now I understand why I was so drawn to it in the first place! Reading this made me think about all the time and care that goes into my own work, and how I often wonder whether I’m enough, or it’s enough, and how I try to give more for less, because I’d never want someone to think I was stuffing my pillows with hundred dollar bills. I don’t actually need to include a manifest inside of everything, but knowing that I HAVE one, and even writing it out just for myself, is so helpful. Thanks for sharing this, Havi.
Thank you for posting this! So very, very, very much admiration and appreciation for all of what you do. And thank you for the timing of writing this. Since Ducking Out, my life has transformed, and I’m starting to experience so much of this first-hand. I find myself continually drawing inspiration from your courage and creativity and from the amazing people I’ve met through the Playground. The culture of the Playground has enriched my life beyond measure, and every investment I make in participating in it is returned in so many unexpected, unpredictable, wonderful, empowering ways (which keep me trusting that eventually, financial solvency will be among them). Thank you for investing in us!
Erin recently posted… Modality: HipGnosis
Twitter: bchezza
((hugs to Havi))
The Playground is really beautiful. When I visited, I was actually surprised at the abundance laid on for the price. Plus the intangible, invaluable, soul-type benefits are very hard to put a price on anyway.
As someone who also sells a service that may appear expensive, I just want to throw in another thing that I think a person needs to consider in the ‘cost’ of a service, activity or product. The person above with the friend who had a book advance touched on this too. That would be the years and years of training and life experience and learning that get a person to a place where they can offer a service of consistently high quality. Whether it’s investing in a bunch of degrees, hours spent on physical or spiritual practices, developing a gift for explaining things after a lot of listening, or whatever, those things don’t usually appear as finely honed expert skills overnight.
There is so much about worthiness and self-worth in having to put a price on these things. I agree with those who say the price a person is able to pay is a separate issue from the price a provider decides to charge.
Loving sighs. Mucho appreciation. {{{hugs}}} for the Playground, both the new and the Caboose.
I went to a Rally! last year. Before I arrived at the Playground, I wondered how Havi could charge so *little* for a multi-day, small group workshop. In retrospect, it was by far THE most valuable workshop/conference/event I’ve ever attended. Profoundly life-changing. I didn’t want to volunteer to spend more on it :) but I wasn’t surprised when prices went up.
When I entered the Playground, it was obvious how much loving care went into its creation. I could feel that beyond the physical, that a lot of energy work went into making the space be as peaceful and welcoming as it is.
Another thing I’ve thought, as I read each new blog post is – if she gives away this level of stuff….her pay-for stuff must be bleeping awesome!
Disbursed as far and wide as we readers & Rallions are, and considering that it’s clear Havi is trying to create community here, it’s great to be able to gift the Playground with things it needs, or to add to the collection of clews and atmosphere of play.
This post reminded me of my years as a conference administrator (500-700 attendees). Organizers complaining about venue charges of $20/day for extension cords (why can’t we just bring our own, they’d say. Well, it’s not just the cord, silly, it’s also the electric all the laptops will be sucking out of them…). Yes, flip charts, coffee break food, audio visual equipment, and the people who make it all happen and support it….costs money!
Twitter: mogland
Hey Havi – I respect your transparency – that must’ve been hard to write! I really love when you ask for things from the universe – no matter how much money one has, it’s more fun and rewarding to acquire things you need from interesting people around you and in interesting ways. It means that these things aren’t just boring brand new objects – your memory with them being some grody big box store. These things that are gifted now have a lovely story, which fills your heart with warmth everytime you look at it. How many people can say that about a laptop DVD player? It’s awesome – I wish I had one to give you with a secret treasure map you had to follow to find it. Much love my dear – you inspire everyday xo