Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
It is Friday and we are here.
With the glorious (glorrrrrrrrrrrious!) return of the wham boom.
At Rally (rally!) this week, I decided my name was Roxanne. So everyone called me Roxy. I was also Roxy while not physically at Rally. I was Roxy all the time.
It turns out the Roxy is Assertive Me.
It also turns out that Roxy is completely different from me (in ways other than being assertive), and that was fun.
Roxy had us chop three inches off our hair, and now we look like Kelly McGillis in Top Gun.
Roxy wanted her nails painted and it had to happen right that minute. She didn’t have time for me to turn over all the bottles and read the names. I like the name of the color to mean something to me. Roxy wanted a rich and sparkling copper and didn’t even look to see what it was called.
Roxy turned a long tank top into a dress. She wore horizontal stripes (red and white), and long necklaces. She didn’t want to use any of my music for the Compelling Spirals at Rally. She wanted Maneater by Hall and Oates. And hip hop. Of course she did.
Roxy pointed out why all the [things that are not working] are not working. It’s because I am trying to placate people and give them what I think they want, instead of figuring out what I want. Roxy wants me to start acting like I care about what I want.
Being Roxy was the best.
I had all this typing up to do and didn’t want to do it.
Here is the cutest-ever anagram for Typing It Up:
Tiny Pug Tip.
A google image search for Tiny Pug Tip revealed a wall of sweetness. Every time I had to type a thing up, I looked at these pictures and went SCHMOO SCHMOO SCHMOO because these are the cutest little schmoos ever.
I really don’t mind doing a little Tiny Pug Tip. That is so much more fun than [Typing It Up].
Being a spy.
Wearing the shirt that says RIDE and features a bicycle (even though I don’t have a bicycle), and carrying a camera bag that doesn’t have a camera in it (I don’t have a camera either). I was in disguise in disguise in disguise…
Next time I might…
Ask the important question. Roxy’s question.
I did lots of things I didn’t want this week, mostly because I thought I should, or I assumed I would want it and didn’t check in to see if I actually did in that moment.
What do I want?
This needs to be the first question. Roxy thinks it’s the only question. What do I want?
Even if I can’t immediately act on it. At least I know. And I will also know what the qualities are, so that I can bring them to the things I don’t want that I am doing anyway.
Even though this is my twenty-fifth or twenty-sixth Rally, I still forget how it takes over my life.
I expect myself to still be able to do things like …laundry. But it doesn’t work that way.
Forgiveness and patience. Less blame. Less expectation. More acknowledging that Rally is a big wonderful shaking-up-of-everything, and should be treated as such.
Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.
- The dance class I took that was supposedly for Absolute Beginners, which turned out to mean “people who have had years of formal training in dance but maybe not with this particular method”. A breath for Outsider Complex and the distress of not being sure what to do or how to do it.
- Gathering. Lots of being around people or in groups of people. Not at Rally, this totally works for me at Rally. Other situations. A breath for being a highly sensitive person who has trouble in gatherings.
- Learning how to be assertive. A breath for bravery and for the pain of regret.
- The headache that would not go away all week. A breath for dealing with heavy things.
- The massive pile I’ve been avoiding for six months, and the fear of iguanas hiding within. A breath for this.
- There was not a lot of room (in all the meanings of that word) for yoga this week, and this was hard on both my body and my mental state. A breath for remembering that it’s all yoga.
- Big doubt about being The Reluctant Chocolatier. Knowing there has to be another option but not being able to figure out what it is. A breath for feeling deeply unsure.
- Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.
Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.
- The dance class I took (while very much not for Absolute Beginners) reaffirmed my love of dance, play, creativity and aliveness. I liked pretending to be a radiant sun. I still do not know what the instruction “feel the movement of your spine in the skin of your ears” means, and I am not sure about my hilariously experimental post-modern pirouettes, but I feel good about taking my body to play. A breath for delight and play, and for remembering that Outsider Complex is a distortion that separates me from other people, who are all experiencing the same distortion in their own ways.
- My wonderful uncle Svevo spent the weekend with me, and while I didn’t get to spend nearly as much time with him as I wanted to, it was so beautiful having him there. A breath of joyful appreciation.
- While I am not a fan of gathering, I got to gather with all my favorite people. A breath for companionship and love.
- Rally!!! Rally is so damn great. A breath for magic.
- All the amazing things that happened at Rally! The giant pile that I’ve been avoiding for six months got taken care of in less than a day! Huge realizations. Problem-solving. Laughter. Everything is good again. A breath for miracles.
- Being Roxy. Discovering these aspects of me that I did not know about. Also I was Assertive (the intention I set for Rally) in dealing with an Encroacher, and it worked. Their encroachment plans were FOILED, and I stood up for myself, and I do not even know how to explain what a big deal this is. A breath of appreciation and delight .
- Being loved. A breath for that.
- Thanks to something that happened at Rally, I am no longer upset about a thing I have been upset about for nearly two years. A breath for releasing.
WHAM BOOM! Operations completed:
The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this thing is done! It is often shortened to wham-boom. You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.
Undercover: The Great ReBorking
Mission: Songs of the Sea
Operation A of A
Orientation Agent Agent
List of Things That Used Be Done By Havi That Now Anyone Can Do
This week’s Mission I Have A Vision, Pre-emptively
The Richard Brautigan Wing of Fascinating Scraps in the Museum of Bells
A superpower I had this week…
The superpowers of Persistence, Curiosity, wearing horizontal stripes, knowing what I wanted.
Also the superpower of nachos.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of having brilliant ideas and recognizing them. The superpower of starting from what I want instead of hoping that I maybe eventually end up there at some point.
The salve of quietly radiating your power.
It is like an internal hum that is also a sun. Not just solar plexus but the entire torso, the entire core, radiating out to the extremities. And this sun radiates whatever it is you crave. For example: Assertiveness, in my case. Or Sweetness or Comfort or Spaciousness or Shelter or whatever it is you need.
Then you are a radiant sun of that quality, so that it is there for you when you need it. Instead of contracting and contracting because of [life-stuff]. You radiate first, before you need it.
This salve starts that process. It smells like a minty tea. It is slightly warm to the touch. It glows.
These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory delivers enough for distribution by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is via Richard:
Mustache Alignment Problems
This is obviously a local band — they make Portlandian noise.
And yes. It’s just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. ANNOUNCEMENT.
You guys you guys you guys!
There is a STANDBY list for Rally (Rally!)
If you have the availability to come at the last minute, we occasionally have deals so get on the list.
Rally B is full, but get on the list so we can sneak you into a November Rally. Also, I was supposed to miss one of the November Rallies but things moved around, and I will be rallying it up for all of them!
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.