Comments on: When you don’t want anyone to look at you.

By: Safe Spaces amidst Anxiety | Wings of Flight

Safe Spaces amidst Anxiety | Wings of Flight — Wed, 04 May 2011 15:34:29 +0000

[...] week, I had a fabulous call with Gina, where we discussed my fears around being seen. We discussed my emblazing light and my motivation to inspire and guide [...]

By: Tori Deaux

Tori Deaux — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 17:40:28 +0000

Wow. Just Wow.

I stumbled across this post of yours, Havi, and… wow. I had to comment, even if it means being “seen” (which, most of the time, I do not want. Nope. Do not want.)

As a child, when asked what super hero power I wanted, it was always “invisibility”. At the same time, I wanted to be a ballerina or circus performer – but one that was, presumably, invisible when not on stage. It’s quite the conflict, and I’ve spent most of my life both craving and hiding from the spotlight, and even coming to understand it as a core part of my temperament.

But reading this post, the visualizations took off in my head. That odd creature that showed up as my “brand” the other day, well.. he’s now hanging out in a curious camouflaged environment, where he’s nearly invisible when standing still. But The Interesting Thing? When he moves, poses, (and yes, dances and struts) he is easy to see, for those looking in his direction – he pulls attention to him, from those that are looking, like the motions of birds or mice grab attention of a cat. So his actions make him visible to the right people, the ones who are looking for what he has to offer.

Apologies for the wordy comment, but I wanted to get it down before the thoughts left…

Tori Deauxs last blog post..Community Gardens: Good For The Brain

By: Brooke Thomas

Brooke Thomas — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 02:32:33 +0000

Thank you! Thank you! What a gorgeous post. I suffer from the visibility (invisibility?) complex in a major way and reading this has me laughing, crying, and hopeful. The video is perfecto. Good to remember to laugh at myself and that I won’t be shot on sight for becoming visible. Good times.

By: Wendy Maynard

Wendy Maynard — Sat, 02 May 2009 00:21:12 +0000

Havi – I read your post and got the chills. I’m jumping up and down in my seat right now!

One of my very dear friends wrote a beautiful, amazing song. It’s on her CD (A huge dream accomplished) and it’s called “Look at Me, Don’t Look at Me.”

You have GOT to hear the lyrics to this song (and turn up the speakers). Because it’s EXACTLY what you are talking about.

http://www.anniemacmusic.com/audio.html (# 14 on the player).

By the way, her name is Annie Mac and she’s on Twitter @AnnieMacMusic.

Best, Wendy

Wendy Maynards last blog post..Metromom Online Success Telesummit – Join Me!

By: Josiane

Josiane — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 04:54:05 +0000

I found it very interesting to see how pretty much every commenter talked about the wanting/not wanting to be seen thing, because as I was reading your post I kept thinking of it as being one specific example of a general pattern – the not wanting X, then wanting X and not being able to have or be it, and finally getting to have or be X. This pattern applies to so many things! (Granted, the wanting/not wanting to be seen thing is huge, and I totally understand that every one identified with it.) I thought it was useful to have the pattern laid out like this: it will help me recognize it and deal with it when I’m stuck in the middle of it.
Thanks also for that bit:
“Yet again: the “it’s not about me” lesson. Which is (hahahaha) invariably followed by the “but it is about working on my stuff so I can stop making it about me” lesson…”
This is a great reminder, a very helpful one.

By: Pam

Pam — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 03:53:47 +0000

Wow... this got me thinking SO much... about being invisible and why I have allowed myself to be invisible for so long... and how I can allow myself to be comfortably SEEN... Pams last blog post..Becoming Visible again

By: Facing East Again » Blog Archive » Being Invisible

Facing East Again » Blog Archive » Being Invisible — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 03:29:48 +0000

[...] Life Add comments Today I read an post by Havi over at the Fluent Self about being seen and her cycle of wanting to be invisible and wanting to be seen and then BEING seen and this really sparked a bit of thinking on my part. You see, I have struggled for most of my [...]

By: Pace

Pace — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 16:15:48 +0000

Wow. I bet I picked up some "don't look at me" stuff while I was in the awkward in-between phase of my transition from male to female. Food for thought. I'll think about how that might be stuckifying business things. Thanks! (: Paces last blog post..The Usual Error book review roundup, part 2

By: Carina

Carina — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 08:05:39 +0000

Not being seen is kind of a safety feature. Kinda like camouflage in nature – there are alot of animals who survive only in “not-being-seen-at-all.”

No wonder we’ve got issues with it.

At least in my past there were a few situations where being seen could have meant griveous bodily harm. So yeah. If you’ve learned that visible = hurt, then *shrugs*

Being invisible feels safe, and at the same time it cuts you off what’s good.

*laughs*

It always boils down to fear, doesn’t it?

Carinas last blog post..Switching off the words.

By: Katy

Katy — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 06:54:06 +0000

Once again, something I can totally relate to. For me it was both a weight thing and the occasional skin thing. Now, I wonder why I don't seem to be having some of the successes that those around me are experiencing. I know that's all started to change. But you're right, sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that it's all about "helping my Right People find the help they need." Thank you for your openness and willingness to help ;-) Katys last blog post..Do You Have Big Plans for Your Business This Summer?