Comments on: Talking to the Time Gremlins

By: Pam Belding

Pam Belding — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 13:04:30 +0000

Thank you for your awesomeness. xoxoxoox .-= Pam Belding´s last post ... Support part 2 =-.

By: Andrew Lightheart @alightheart

Andrew Lightheart @alightheart — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 19:22:54 +0000

Hey Havi.

Can I leave a little meta-comment?

Just in case you have a doubt about doing this weirdness in front of us, can I just say how *reassuring* and natural this seems to me.

It totally makes sense, and leaves me feeling accompanied and walked-alongside.

And, by example, encourages me to be as honest.

So, er, thanks. Again. AGAIN.
.-= Andrew Lightheart @alightheart´s last post … How to be less grumpy =-.

By: Chris Anthony

Chris Anthony — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 21:04:31 +0000

Havi, you have given a name to my stuckness, and it is “Everybody will hate you no matter what”. It’s almost painfully clear, having read your post today. If I do the wrong thing, says my stuckness, people will hate me because I’m wasting my time. If I do the right thing, people will hate me because I’m successful, or because I didn’t do the thing they wanted me to, or because I’m doing the thing they want to. If I abdicate the choice and do nothing, people will hate me because I’m wasting my potential – and I’ll hate myself for much the same reason.

And clearly my stuckness is throwing these shoes in anticipation of the shoes that “everyone else” will throw, because it’s okay if I hurt myself, and that way I don’t have to deal with everybody else hurting me. I can do nothing and tell everyone “don’t worry, you can’t possibly say anything about me doing nothing that I haven’t already thought myself”. The piled-up shoes make a shoe-fort: I can’t be hurt if I’ve already hurt myself.

You’ve given me a name for my stuckness; now I need to find out if I can address it.
.-= Chris Anthony´s last post … Pam Slim on Choosing a Business =-.

By: Havi Brooks

Havi Brooks — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:13:12 +0000

Man, these are so amazing.

@Jane – wow, that’s quite a story. So beautiful. Hooray for clearing stuff out, literally and symbolically. I love it.

@John – *blows kiss* thank you!

@Shannon – a labcoat for experimenting! That is so genius I can hardly stand it.

@Victoria – oh, definitely. I would just go into any conversation with the stuck operating under the assumption that anything not-nice they say is supposed to be protecting me but completely wrong and misguided. And just go from there.

Speeding up the process definitely doesn’t defeat the purpose. We’ve spent DECADES with these guys and will be spending the rest of our lives talking with them. Pretty much anything that saves time or sneaks around the hard is a good thing. :)

Internet hugs all around. You guys rock. It’s such a joy to be reminded that we’re all in this together.

By: Jane

Jane — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 17:42:32 +0000

For years (ok, pretty much my entire adult life) I’ve never had a table to work at – mainly because my room (I will come clean, I live with my mother – blame the European housing crisis) is crowded with a wardrobe I can’t hang my clothes in, a bureau I can’t use a laptop on, and a double piano stool (we have never owned a piano in my lifetime). Because they were inherited from my grandparents I thought I had to keep them, that it would be wasteful and disresepctful to throw them out. Every so often I’d think ‘lets get rid of this furniture I never use’ and then my gremlins would wail back ‘how could you possibly be so ungrateful, your dead grandparents will hate you.’ It’s only taken me, uh, twelve years or so to finally realise that deceased relatives are highly unlikely to start haunting me because I gave a piano stool to a charity furniture shop. It’s all getting picked up tomorrow, and I can’t wait!

Wow, this is long!
.-= Jane´s last post … Junk =-.

By: Jean S

Jean S — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 15:34:31 +0000

Can’t wait to see what your stucknesses want to eat!

great post!!

By: Byron

Byron — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 15:05:30 +0000

Havi, this was very peaceful for me to read. I needed to hear it too. It reminds me of the people I’ve seen do The Work with Byron Katie. Everyone ends up laughing at how silly we are.

My stuckiness would probably want a sandwich.

Thanks for sharing again.

By: Shannon

Shannon — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 13:35:08 +0000

My gremlin likes to dress up in other people’s clothes. Here’s me as my partner, saying that it’s self-indulgent to do what I do or to not do what I don’t do. Here’s me as my co-workers, calling me a lazy so-and-so. Here’s me as my future self, saying, Well, THAT was a big waste of time. What made you ever think that would work?

My gremlin likes to play dress up because it feels shabby.
That’s understandable.
So I give it a nice crisp white lab coat and say, Hey, this is just an experiment. We’re just going to give it a little whirl and if it doesn’t work out that will be good information and we’ll go right back to the ventriloquism.
Okay? Okay.
.-= Shannon´s last post … On Tigers =-.

By: The Chatty DM

The Chatty DM — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 12:36:27 +0000

It’s so strange when someone you just ‘met’ online and who works in a totally different niche than your posts something intimately close to what you posted the same day.

Go you. Your inner stuckifyng demons always try to control us through fear. (I see that using Havi talk and spell checkers is going to be a challenge) Ignoring the fear and pushing forward is so liberating.

Best of luck and do give yourself a break…or 2 or 3.
.-= The Chatty DM´s last post … Chasing the Dream: Chatty Moves One Step Closer… =-.

By: Victoria Brouhard

Victoria Brouhard — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 06:33:01 +0000

“You throw shoes at me so that I won’t get hit by other people’s shoes.”

Between that sentence, and Rebecca saying that it’s the punchline of a lot of her conversations with herself, I’m wondering…

What would happen if I approached a conversation with my stuck with assumption that it’s about preemptive shoe-throwing?

Would that speed up the process? Or does speeding up the process actually defeat the purpose?

*brain-gears grinding*
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Quitting the Man: 46 Days Since Freedom =-.