It sounds like you’re feeling … anxious and uncomfortable (?) when you think sovereignty implies not being able to be truly present with other people in their time of pain.

A deeper explanation, if it helps:

Of course we want to help and care for others and be available for them. As much as we can.

True empathy is being with someone while they are in pain, identifying with the fact that their pain is similar to your pain, allowing them to have their pain and be where they are … all while allowing yourself to have your pain and be where you are.

What it is is not: taking on their pain.

Because when we take on their pain for them, we diminish their power and ours.

When we go directly into someone else’s pain, it’s not helpful for them or for us. Their pain isn’t for us. It’s for them to process. We can hold their hands while that happens, and be filled with love and understanding, but going into the pain with them doesn’t help.

And if we are going to meet them where they are with love and compassion, we need to be grounded and safe in ourselves. That’s where sovereignty comes in.

When I stand in my sovereignty, I can:
a) see someone’s pain,
b) know what pain is like and know how much hard is in there
c) remember how that person has the right as a sovereign being to their pain, their perceptions and their experience,
d) meet this person with love

I can do that *because* I’m not going inside of their pain and disconnection. I’m responding from wholeness, with love.

We can’t help others and we can’t identify with them and empathize with them when we are disconnected from ourselves. And going INTO someone’s pain instead of sitting with them and giving them room to be witnessed in their pain and having compassion for their pain disconnects us. It takes us into our own pain, instead of our ability to empathize.

So if anything, it’s actually not being sovereign that ends up being selfish.

Obviously, if you don’t like the metaphor of the crown, of course you can create your own. Either way, the concept of taking care of ourselves and our relationship to our stuff is big .

Similarly, the example of “put on your own oxygen mask first” is a bit of a cliche, but it’s valid. Not doing it is dangerous.

If we respond to someone while not in sovereignty, we tend to want to fix things.

On the other hand, when we stand in sovereignty, it’s much easier to be present:

Oh. It feels so painful for this person right now. So much vulnerability and discomfort. I know those feelings. If she feels vulnerable or uncomfortable, how can I let her have her experience and make a safe space for her to feel what she’s feeling, and then to offer comfort and reassurance from love?

The difference between an empathic response from fullness and sovereignty as opposed to responding from being so much in someone’s pain that you are not fully yourself, is both subtle and enormous at the same time.

Anyway.

A starting point, I hope. As always, use what’s helpful, drop the rest.

Why would I ever want to not help or care for others or be available?

What am I not understanding about sovereignty. Because I KNOW there is something I’m missing…