Comments on: Ask Havi #30: preparing for criticism (and hurled shoes)

By: Not-so-happily ever after — Delight in the Everyday

Not-so-happily ever after — Delight in the Everyday — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 05:08:22 +0000

[...] come along and give you the same advice in a loving, respectful, encouraging way. (If this is you, go read about having shoes thrown at you. I think you’ll like [...]

By: Havi Brooks

Havi Brooks — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 01:05:03 +0000

Hey guys, I wanted to add something that I just found out about -- will edit the post too. We got a note from Avil Beckford who actually has a website CALLED The Invisible Mentor. She writes: Washington State University professor Karen L. Peterson defines (link goes to PDF) an invisible mentor as a unique leader you can learn things from by observing them from a distance.

By: Katy

Katy — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 21:52:13 +0000

This week was the first time that I noticed a shoe being hurled. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve no doubt that I’ve experienced before. Who hasn’t? But this is the first time where I was able to see it for what it was and process it instead of reacting to it.

Thank you for bringing all those flying shoes into the light!
.-= Katy´s last post … If You’ve Never Failed, You’ve Never Lived =-.

By: Isabel Parlett

Isabel Parlett — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 23:43:07 +0000

I love your term “the throwing of shoes”. I’ve been thinking a lot about how to hold myself in the face of criticism, and I recently wrote a poem about this very subject:

Please do not critique me

Or give me “helpful” suggestions

About how I can improve my performance

What you call performance

Is my Life

And I am as “improved” in this moment

As I’ll ever be

If however there is a desire in your heart

Give it voice

Set it free

And I will tell you if I can meet you there

Safely within the radius of my concern.

copyright 2010. Isabel Parlett.
.-= Isabel Parlett´s last post … The Four Tools You Need to Be On Message All the Time =-.

By: Monique

Monique — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 17:03:46 +0000

Havi,

Thanks for the advice! That’s great stuffs. The baby itself is not as important as the dream behind the baby. Be supportive and detached and things will turn out fine. :)

I’m reading a book now called /Becoming a Person of Influence/ by James Maxwell and Jim Dornan. The authors talk about nourishing other people. Providing encouragement and whatnot. Sounds very similar.
.-= Monique´s last post … Heart of Hearts, Intuition, Inner Bunny, and Subconscious =-.

By: Allie

Allie — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:47:36 +0000

I was under serious shoe combat last week, and I kept thinking about how you have to hear some number of positive things (10? 20? 4,328?) to outweigh every negative thing. Maybe that number will be easier to reach now that I’m doing interviews for my Imaginary Mentor. And now, I’m going to go practice drawing lizards.
.-= Allie´s last post … A Night at the Academy =-.

By: Rebecca Brant Miller

Rebecca Brant Miller — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:08:39 +0000

This post came at just the right time for me, Havi, having had everything from stilettos to combat boots thrown at me the last few days. I’m sure you and Selma will be very busy now, being Imaginary Mentors to so many people, including me. Ditto Claire’s post about having a physical, emotional reaction to your words today. My imaginary family is already gathering just off stage. Can’t wait to read more Barbara Sher and prepare myself for the next time. And I have to say I love that you recommend The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense — what a help that has been to me, so fearful of hurting other people’s feelings. And now I have Wishcraft too.

Beware, ye throwers of shoes! Ye know not with whom thou contends!

By: Juliet

Juliet — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 10:44:08 +0000

Oh, I really like the scientist-mode idea for dealing with difficult situations. I am in here TAKING NOTES! This is just me looking at my stuff!

(I had a shoe thrown on Monday which may or may not actually have been a shoe… you know how it goes. But remembering that this is my stuff, & that I can learn from my reactions, was really useful. As was just giving myself permission to feel a bit rubbish for a while. And now I feel OK about it again! Go me!)

The shoes-wrapped-in-worry thing is ringing a big bell for me right now, as well — my parents tend to do this (“so you’re just doing freelance stuff right now… are you going to be able to pay your mortgage?” NO ACTUALLY I THOUGHT I’D JUST STOP DOING THAT, WHAT DO YOU RECKON?) & one of my partners does as well (“but what if…”). Remembering that there’s concern behind it is a really useful thought.
.-= Juliet´s last post … BBC proposed cuts =-.

By: Amber

Amber — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 04:41:29 +0000

This is fabulous. I am totally using Selma as my invisible mentor. Partly because I just know my kids would be impressed by a mentor duck, and I’ll do most anything to impress my kids. I’m like an actor doing voice work in an animated movie that way. ;)
.-= Amber´s last post … International Women’s Day, One Day Late =-.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 04:20:09 +0000

Havi, I’m so proud to tell you that I put your dealing-with-shoes-suggestions into action on Monday.

A friend criticized my website for being unconventional. I’m sure she was trying to help, but my initial reaction was to freak the heck out. (I’ll admit it: I stomped my feet like a five year old.)

Suddenly an image of your duck popped into my head–no joke–and I managed to file through my mental note cards of your advice. As I calmed down I recognized my friend’s comments for what they were: love wrapped in worry.

So from one more reader–thank you!
.-= Michelle´s last post … How to Write a Product or Service Description that Gets More People to Buy your Stuff =-.