Just tonight I added the first item to my own damnit list: my completely adorable wife and daughter were watching the very first episodes of Battlestar Galactica, which we missed the first time around, and enjoying every apocalyptic moment. Our son wandered in just as some desperate parents were putting their children into the space ship to be taken away forever, and he looked at me and said, “How will they ever be happy again without their parents?” and I said, “You know what? This isn’t the right show for you and me [damn it!].” Because it was making me miserable, but instead of doing something about it, I was just sitting there. How silly! So we went upstairs and lounged on the big comfy bed and looked at old Martha Stewart magazines together and picked cookie recipes to try. Because we don’t have to watch movies we aren’t enjoying, damn it! We can leave them to the people who are enjoying them, and go critique the garnishes on other people’s Nesselrode instead.
.-= Melynda´s last post … Thick as Fall’n Leaves in Vallombrosa =-.

What a powerful post . . . . again I am reminded in brilliant living color of the importance of first meeting our own pain, our own soul – right where it is and stay with it as it shifts and changes.

Because without that, we truly being intimate with ourselves about this kind of thing – it’s so very hard to have our message come from that authentic self knowing place.

I can only imagine how powerful that exercise must have been for you and everyone there. I hear the hard part of not having alone time Havi and what I love is how you gave yourself some time to really feel all that frustration, overwhelm, concern, fatigue, etc – that’s what makes you very unique.

YOu have the courage to stay with what’s really true for you and model what it is to stay connected even when it’s hard – and you do so with such generousity and vulnerability. I am grateful to you beyond measure – your learnings never cease to amaze me.

Thanks once again for blazing a path for how to do this-

xoxo
.-= Char´s last post … Be Kind 2 Mind: Glenn Close goes to Bat for Her Sis =-.

Thanks for all the love and support — you are all such schweethearts.

I just want to add/clarify if it wasn’t super clear that I adore Barbara and that I don’t actually have a problem with the exercise itself. I thought the exercise was a useful way of getting clear on your message and developing a deeper sense of empathy for the people you want to help.

I don’t think anyone was expecting to get hijacked energetically by ickiness, and that definitely wasn’t the *intention* or anything like that.

So I am still loving the retreat. Just had a hard and wanted to share the hardness of it. And my own process with that. And I love that you guys let me do that and hang out with me when I do it, so thank you for that.

@Diane – *blows kiss* You are awesome.

1. back to the breath: when we present from our heads, which is what the ranting stuff is all about, it’s so easy to forget how to breath. Some delicious yoga belly breathing brings the voice right down again.

2. going against the grain: when everyone else is loud, don’t you find yourself really listening to the person with the quiet voice? Quiet intensity beats loud yelling eery time.

3. I always say to clients, (when presenting) “You can only be you, but be the biggest you that you can be.” Kinda like your biggification, Havi. Your outside big boundary may be a very different size than other folks’ in that room, but it’s yours.

4. meet your audience where they are, before you can move them to where you want them to go. Maybe, just maybe, everyone was so revved up with all the free-floating Dr. Laura stuff that there was too little genuine energy in the room, and not enough space for real pain or yearning or uncertainty. So it was hard to “meet the audience” there because there was no there there!

…just some thoughts.

Now, I am the most mild-mannered person you could imagine. But every once in a while, someone would come out of the voting both and say, astonished, “I voted for Kerry! But the machine said I voted for Bush!!” Nobody EVER came out and said, “I voted for Bush, but it said Kerry!” I was OUTRAGED.

I became hoarse shouting at people to be careful, and to really pay attention to who they voted for because the machines were every so often accepting a Kerry vote as a vote for Bush.

Then a guard came out, saying people were saying I should be removed because I was encouraging people not to vote!!!

I explained that I was not doing that, and they let me stay with a warning, but that was SOOOOOOO painful! I was TOTALLY ashamed of how I’d let myself get to that point, that was so unlike me. Even thinking of it now I get hot and embarrassed.

I TOTALLY get your distress. I really admire that you didn’t let yourself get carried away and start yelling at your right people.

What I wanted to say is, you’re a master at that Havi I don’t think I’ve ever seen a note from you saying “You should really do this thing of mine.” It’s always an invitation. Here it is, “if it’s for you, I’d love to have you. Otherwise, just hang out with me on the blog.”

*That’s* how to talk to your right people.
.-= Mahala Mazerov´s last post … The Dalai Lama on Waking Up:Getting Out of Bed on the Way to Enlightenment =-.

Herd dynamics can be exciting (like at a sporting event) or super-frightful (like with “bystander indifference” in the midst of a barbaric crime). The momentum of a group can run rampant, and before you know it, the crowd wants blood.

I offer you a different perspective about your running. It wasn’t fear, but sovereignty, that freed you from that antagonizing exercise.

Maybe in Day 2 you can share some of your NVC goodies :-)

Sending you love and applause…

I’m with Victoria. I’m not sure I understand the benefit of giving brainspace to detractors OR convincing (browbeating or not) your Right People they’re yours. I don’t know how this plays out in other work, but when I did 1 on 1 healing I learned it had to be the other person’s choice 100% with not even encouragement from my side. Clarity yes. Encouragement, no.

I’m glad you had this place to share your thoughts. Let us know how it goes from here.

Wishing you quiet inner space & sending lots of love. <3 Mahala
.-= Mahala Mazerov´s last post … The Dalai Lama on Waking Up:Getting Out of Bed on the Way to Enlightenment =-.