very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

My weekly practice: writing these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to get clear on what I want, even when saying it is uncomfortable.

I invariably discover useful things about my relationship with both a) what I want, and b) wanting. Join in if you like….

What do I want?

The situation. And background.

Ahhhh. I have so many wants right now. And they seem to be kind of all over the place, but I am going to take the “throw everything into the pot” approach, and assume that all of the various desires are related ingredients in the same stew.

What do I want? I want to get back to Monday Beach Day. Or even Fake Beach Day. Both of these rituals have been dropped due to The Situation At Hand, and the result is that I am back to dreading Mondays, and this is not good for me or for the world.

Actually, it’s more than Mondays that I want. Spending time with two different Agents who are teachers, and realizing: I’M A TEACHER, but I don’t get summers off. Summer! Off! What a crazy-great concept. I can feel in every cell in my body how good that would be for me. I have all the monsters about this (specifically about how it’s a pipe dream and never going to happen), but what if…?!

What else? I want my computer to start. It is not starting, and this is terrifying.

I need big help with systems right now. Agent Mueller and I are working around the clock on Operation Save The Ship, and we need to reinvent systems, and this is so hard. Hey, a thing that I’m bad at and slow at that needs to happen quickly and well! There is no money for hiring someone, and I don’t know how this is going to be solved, but the deadline is approaching fast. Miracle, please.

What else?

What else? This Friday marks FIVE WHOLE YEARS of the Friday Chicken (which has now twice been a Saturday Chicken, but other than that, we’ve been steady with the Fridays). Haven’t missed a week. That seems like a pretty extraordinary thing. How are we going to celebrate? Ideas welcome.

Also I miss having a job where workout clothes were a business expense. Just noting that.

It’s the last days of the Monkey, and I want to be there as much as possible. I want to live at the 9&9, even if it’s a metaphor, I can still live there. I want to see [Situation] as the best damn thing that has ever happened to me and to discover what changes when I do.

I want to believe in myself the way that my playmate in the treehouse believes in me. I want Operation Turn Keys to be a smashing success, and Operation Siegfried the Magic Otter to change everything in my life for the better.

I want to breathe Sustenance and Possibility, and be a bell. A shining, steady, well-compensated bell. Into the pot with love….

Themes and qualities inside of the wants?

Safety. Ease. Sustenance. Steadiness. Plenty. Possibility. Play. Reconfigure.

And the superpower or sankalpa of This Moment Is New.

What might help?

Pause and breathe, pause and breathe.

Use the OODs.

What else might help?

Work/play in partnership.

Agent MD, Monsieur LeBlanc of the other Agency, anyone who can help.

And of course, Floop!

I’m playing with…

Presence. Curiosity. This Is Right, I Just Don’t Know How Yet, And That’s Okay.

What I want.

Some of these are secret agent code and some are taking a silent retreat on.

Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.

  • I am ready for this rendezvous.
  • Operation Siegfried the Magic Otter is stable and fun.
  • Enough sleep for Havi Bell.
  • Hope is back, and she knows what is good.
  • There is an easier way of doing this, and I just found it.
  • Everyone helps.

Repeat-wishes

  • I rest into miracles, and then THERE THEY ARE.
  • I actively choose quiet.
  • Left-handed labyrinth.
  • Perfect simple solutions, suddenly visible!
  • Sound effects for my internal video game.
  • Going to the 9&9, even when it isn’t nine or nine.
  • Ahahaha I am an accidental genius! SOLVED.
  • Well-rested: the first and best well.
  • What do I need? What do I want?
  • Sweet blissful steadiness.
  • Things that need to exit now exit gracefully.
  • Things that need to come in now are received with love.
  • Just child’s pose.
  • I’m glad it’s happening like this, actually.

The qualities inside of the wants:

Fun. Delight. Trust. Readiness. Pleasure. Appreciation. Gratitude. Quiet.

And the superpower of I Am Changing It Up, Baby.

I ask for this one every week, but not bored of it yet: I see the secret holiness of everything.

Ways this could work.

It just could.

I’m playing with…

Dancing it out.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Okay, last week, aka the hallway and the garden.

Oh man, last week I was feeling so helpless when writing these asks. And now I cannot believe how right-on-target last-week-me was. She asked for all the right things, in just the right way!

I want to hug her and thank her and tell her that her instincts were correct.

I wanted the hallway to get easier, and it did. I asked for alignment, and things are lining up. I wanted Operation Big Tent to go smoothly, and while it was The Scariest Thing, it went so much better than anticipated. Then I was worried about my 12 Things, and six of them disappeared so I didn’t have to do them!

Additionally I was able to Avoid the 6, as planned. Oh, and both the Sail of Yard and Puttering Day were significantly less horrible than expected. Basically, everything I asked for was useful, even though at the time it seemed like a waste of energy to even write about it. So, yet again, hooray for Very Personal Ads.

Playing. Shelter for the comments.

What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.

I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.

We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.

This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.

That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!

As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.

xox