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We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.


Visions #176: Something about borders

very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

Doing something different this week. I’ve noticed that so much (most!) of what I want has to do with the qualities that live inside of the thing I think I want.

So I’m adding a bit about qualities to each section, and giving them their own ask at the end. We’ll see what that’s like.

Thing 1: My own personal Ducking Out.

Here’s what I want:

Okay, so the past two years I ran a special Rally over the week of American Thanksgiving.

It was called the Great Ducking Out, and it was the BEST. It turned Thanksgiving from what is (for me) something stressful and horrible, and made it shiny, cozy, sheltering and fun.

This year I’m not doing that. I have a very strong desire to be alone. But I want it to feel like the Ducking Out did.

The qualities inside of the want:

Spaciousness. Freedom. Autonomy. Quiet. Comfort. Queenliness. Safety. Warmth.

I am seeing a fireplace. Rich warm fabrics. Something about borders…

Ways this might work:

Making Thanksgiving Day into a mini-rally for me, at home.

With structures and forms. Interchangeable units that can be moved around as necessary.

Conducting, followed by Compassing, followed by Reflecting, followed by Stone Skipping, followed by old Turkish lady yoga. Like that.

I want to have things set up as much as possible in advance, so everything is ready for me and I just follow the breadcrumbs.

Hmm. Okay. I want a costume. And lots and lots of blankets. And a timetable.
And foods!

I’m playing with…

Maybe this mission needs a secret code name!

I am noticing that I am feeling worried that I won’t do anything about this until Thursday morning rolls around, so I am taking this to the Floop right now to figure it out. Maybe I can also find a friend who wants to do a similar thing (in the privacy of their own home).

And I will also write my yearly List of 77 Things. That will help.

Thing 2: All the closets become not-closets, I don’t know how to explain this yet.

Here’s what I want:

For a very long time I’ve been getting a … feeling? what is a word for something that is so much stronger than a feeling? … about my bedroom closet.

Mainly that it is not supposed to be my closet. It’s supposed to be a writing/meditation corner. And a space for napping.

Yes, it’s located IN MY BEDROOM, where there IS ALREADY A BED, but I’m apparently supposed to take naps in the closet. I know. I don’t get it either. But slightly future me has been very vocal about how important this is.

I’ve mostly been ignoring her because come on, where the hell am I supposed to put my clothes?

Except now it has become very clear (“rigorous scientific studies have shown”) that ignoring Incoming Me is the absolute worst thing I could ever do.

So. I want to turn my closet into a sort of refueling station. And I want to turn my Wish Room (formerly the office) into a giant living closet. Except not a closet.

A closet that is secretly a room for processing identity changes and desire through costume and beauty. And I want this to somehow be easy and fun and laughably inexpensive (read: doesn’t cost money at all right now).

The qualities inside of the want:

Flow. Newness. Play. Spaciousness. Shelter. Desire. Receptivity. Possibility. Reflection. Intimacy. Belonging. Congruence. Harmony.

Superpower: Everything that needs to open is opening!

Ways this might work:

I have no idea. I think I need to just start moving things around.

The dresser can go into the bedroom. The hanging clothes can go into the wish room.

Cushions on the floor.

There is also something in this about maps on walls and spaces to plant wishes.

I’m playing with…

Just starting. Being playful. Experimenting. Asking slightly future me for more information. Trusting that even though this whole thing sounds crazy, that’s okay.

Thing 3: Writing.

Here’s what I want:

There are all kinds of things I want to be writing about this week. Including:

  • The treasure box and the tiny stones.
  • The [thing that is not the tree of life!]
  • Sitting shiva.
  • Time and form.
  • The year of [X and Y].
  • The swap that is not a swap.
  • The question of the black dress.

Oh, and I want (this is probably its own ask) to tell the list about the Gwish Kit.

The qualities inside of the want:

Spaciousness. Curiosity. Exploration. Autonomy. Creativity. Form. Flow.

Ways this might work:

Taking my Fake Beach Day at the cafe again. Talking these over with Marisa or with my playmate. Playing with this on the Floop!

I’m playing with…

Giving things time to grow without pressure.

Remembering the fractal flowers.

Thing 3: The year of [X and Y].

Here’s what I want:

I have a huge amount of information about what I want to be doing in 2013.

I want to write it all down and start consolidating.

The qualities inside of the want:

Freedom. Flexibility. Discovery. Openings. Receptivity. Passage. Enthusiasm. Creativity. Wonder. Desire.

Ways this might work:

This could be a fun project-like thing for my quiet at-home Ducking Out Day.

And it might also need a proxy. Yay. Proxies are the best.

I’m playing with…

Putting it here. Wishing the wish. Remembering.

Noticings about the things I want this week…

Anticipation. Delight. Lightheartedness. Play. Lusciousness. Desire. Smiling. Having a secret light in my heart. Excitement. Mystery.

And, as always, freedom and autonomy are hugely important to me.

Bonus wishes, please!

Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.

  • The vision of the castle, revisited. This time with more knights.
  • Purple.
  • All the points.
  • A stone returns.
  • The number 8 bus.

I’m playing with…

Getting quiet and listening.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

Oh wow. I wanted courage to help with the not-an-identity-crisis, and it totally happened. Huge changes.

Then I wanted a just-right case for sunglasses, and found something on etsy that I like.

I wanted to announce the announcements and I have not done that, but I have been letting them percolate and have an idea about how I want to announce.

And I wanted to tell people about the Gwish Kit, which I kind of did but mostly didn’t. This is part of what I will sit with this week.

Most interesting is that I planted NINE bonus wishes, and all of them came true. Huh. Okay!

Playing. Shelter for the comments.

What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.

I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.

We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.

This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.

That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!

As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.


16 Responses to Visions #176: Something about borders

  1. Andi
    Twitter: annaline_39

    Warmest of wishes are winging your way :)

    I would like the qualities of ease and perfect simple solutions to the upcoming four day weekend
    This could apply to:
    Thanksgiving dinner
    Pie making (mmmmm pie)
    If we are doing any shopping on Friday
    Wedding talk on Saturday
    Studio time
    The New Pajamas (it’s just one guy!)

    Silent retreating on the rest. Gwishing everyone a glorious week, no matter where you are
    Andi recently posted… Changing Gears

  2. Elizabeth
    Twitter: Elizabetherself

    Warm wishes, Havi, feels lovely!!

    My VPA for this week:

    I just had a really weird thing happen where someone mistook me for a janitor (not really a proxy!) and threw a bunch of super-unfactual shoes, now it feels like I accidentally wandered into something as strange as an eighties hair band metal music video and now that I’m out of it, it looks hilarious like everyone around me was drugged on too much hairspray and vinyl leggings fumes rolling around the hoods of Camaros.

    So my vision/gwish #1 is that this remain hilarious and that I feel safe and okay despite the red platform Poison/Bon Jovi shoes that may fly at my head. My gwish is that they do not and that I am totally peaceful all week in this regard.

    #2: Finish lovely part 5 quickly and easily while feeling safe in my space and not burning myself out, timing for feedback is perfect and easy

    #3: A vision-ette and a plan for leaving the space for something better, everything lines up easily and I don’t have to worry about packing up until part 5 of the writing is done

    #4: Clarity and support around the changes I need to make in my schedule, the passive therapies, yin yoga, and further diagnostic stuff around my health stuff.

    #5: Total ease with having enough easy paleo food around so I don’t get in trouble due to lack of time/energy/access

    List of bonus gwishes: weights, Sally’s class, debt further cleared, room all clean and excellent, more fun than I plan for, easiness all around.

  3. Claire McAll
    Twitter: making_space

    Hupdates… I asked for momentum and agility, which were qualities related to “getting a lot of shit done”. And I guess that happened, it was certainly busy. And actually I didn’t collapse in my sad heap and sleep for more hours than was necessary so I guess it did happen. MORE PLEASE.

    I asked for discernment about desire, the ability to feel into what I wanted and magic class was all about this and I got some powerful information about just how beautiful, normal, and understandable my heartwants are. I have stuff to heal, I see now, where I’ve been blocking it but that’s a faaaairly important part of the process I guess!


    Colour. Beauty. Worthiness. Belonging. Unconditionality. Love. Compassion. Bodhichitta. Lightness. Action.

    Releasing releasing releasing.

    There is nothing I can do that renders me unworthy or risks my belonging. It is unconditional.

    So act. And surrender attachment to how it works out. It isn’t a transaction with the universe ‘if I do this and this, then I’ll get this and that’.

    Maybe, maybe not. Give it a try. Play!

    Like that.


  4. Leni says:

    Last week I asked for Deeper Flailing, and lo! I Flailed every day sincw then.

    What worked: remembering Yes-No-yes, letting go of my sruff. There was a bundle of my own left-out narrative that ws i working thru, that hs been coming up a LOT so, looking at that. Just playing with it.

    I asked for playmates to work Fluent Self tools with, and ran into the fact thta i’ve been blwoing off TReehouse Time. More excsvating!

    So thta’s more info on the asks. Not ready to make more. Just listening, sensing, feeling around

    into the pot:
    -the words for this lunation are Enchantment and Refilling
    -gwishes for better food
    -Exiting the day becoming more of an integrated practice
    -more dancing, more journaling,
    -clean the boveda and do soem more work there
    -invoke the SuperPower of finding the Yummy

    I am grateful:
    -pattersn reveaing themslevs
    -all the blessings i enjoy
    -my healthy kids

  5. Pqw
    Twitter: fiadhiglas

    I have a blog post percolating about my colorway=emotional state synesthesia, but right now I’m thinking of shorthand ways to describe a particular emotional state that includes joy, delight, wonder, curiosity, poetry, whimsy. Tags I’ve come up with: Amelia, blackberry honey, delicious oranges.

    Havi, I wish that emotional state for you this week as you work on your stuff.

    I need more Amelia colorways in my life. And then I need to figure how I can tangibly express them. Not just for my personal benefit, but to connect and to help? others. (It’s all very nebulous in my bodymind right now.)

    But I also need to spend as much time as necessary on using Amelia to benefit *me*. What I need and want is important.
    Pqw recently posted… surreal synchronicity

  6. Mechaieh
    Twitter: zirconium

    A Thing: Nourishment. The right products on my skin in the right amount and the right frequency. Food in the amount and frequency and flavors that will suit me and my beloveds. These things within my budgets of both time and shekels.

    The qualities inside the want: Abundance. Contentment. Comfort. Pleasure. Safety.

    Ways this might work: Space heater? Timeouts?

    I’ll play with: asking the resistance more questions. It worked for something else today…

    Bonus wishes:
    * socks and sneakers and shorts
    * un-congestion
    * sales (of my book and my submissions and my services, that is)
    * good news on various fronts of various types

    Warm wishes to all who are welcoming them.
    Mechaieh recently posted… 3 x 2 x 4

  7. Esme
    Twitter: TheRealSqualor

    What I want:

    To be free of a certain thing. To get rid of a certain energy, and recall my energy from a certain place. To feel that something has been appropriately processed and dealt with so that now I can move on:

    Qualities: Freedom. Presence. Sovereignty. Spaciousness.

    Bonus wishes:

    *Purification of space


    Creativity. Strength. Endurance. Passion. Fun. Play. Persistence. Love. Presence. Grounding. Joy.
    Esme recently posted… On the Bookshelf—How do I love Nora Roberts? Let me count the ways.

  8. Do Mi Stauber
    Twitter: dmstauber

    Maps! On the walls of a small hidey-space! I want maps on the walls! I have no idea why, or what this means. But maps.
    Do Mi Stauber recently posted… The Judges and the Storyteller

  9. Shauntelle
    Twitter: justShauntelle

    My VPA this week… being okay with the desire for more play and joy, especially in a certain relationship.

    My monsters say it’s not possible so for now, I’m being open to getting comfortable with the desire… or, at the least, being comfortable with being uncomfortable with wanting to be comfortable with the desire. :P

    How I’ll play with it:

    Just listening to my inner dialogue…letting it be okay to have it
    Looking for clews on how it might be possible
    Shauntelle recently posted… {stories – #Flashmo} A few choice words (Adult Content)

  10. VickiB says:

    Maps on the walls! I love it. I have long wanted to cover the walls of the front hall with maps. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

    Havi, your mini-rally sounds lovely. Wishing you well with it. Sending love to everyone’s VPAs.

    This week’s visions:

    Looking forward to Thanksgiving. My house this time. Our numbers will be down by 10 because my brother and his troop won’t be coming. We’ll all be together on Saturday, though. If MrB is up to traveling that day.

    What I want:

    For MrB to be home for Thanksgiving. He probably will but it will depend on what PT and OT report to the insurance and what they decide to do about it.

    For everyone to go to the nursing home to spend time with MrB if he can’t be home.

    For there to be fun and frolic and festivity regardless of where we celebrate.

    What I will do: Maintain a positive and playful attitude.

    Incoming Me is going by the name Vica Pota, an older version of the Roman goddess Victoria. She has these qualities: presence, strength, gentleness, grace. Her name implies mastery, doing things with ease.

    What I want: Vica Pota at the front of the V this week! For dealing with anything to do with MrB. For preparing for Thanksgiving.

    What I will do: Practice letting VP take over — she wants to putter around the house right now. And dress for her. She has definite ideas about clothing. Motorcycle boots! Jewelry.

    See you all at the Chicken!

  11. Kathleen Avins
    Twitter: spiralsongkat

    I have a tiny, half-baked Vision, and I am allowing it to feel half-baked for now. Very likely some time spent simmering in the pot will give it a more full-bodied flavor.

    Here’s what I want: I’d like to know where we’ll be living. The Wizard is job-hunting, applying for positions all over the country. I’d like to know where to set my sights.

    The qualities inside the want: Security. Vision. Grounding.

    Ways this might work: Time will tell. Meanwhile, I can keep updated on the possibilities, and explore them in my imagination.

    I’m playing with: Daydreams.

    (Why does this vision feel half-baked to me? I’m not sure. Well, permission for that, too.)
    Kathleen Avins recently posted… Clarity at the crossroads.

  12. Molly says:

    Havi, wishing you spaciousness and joy as you are “coming out of the closet” :)

    Did something similiar recently with my closet and was truly liberating!

  13. Max Daniels
    Twitter: maxdaniels

    Oh, gosh! What a nice vision for a Great Ducking Out. And I am just going to pretty much borrow it wholesale, because everyone I’m related to, even the underage relations, are going Elsewhere for Thanksgiving.

    And yes: getting it set up beforehand is a smart thing. I shall do that too.
    Max Daniels recently posted… Wayfinding Week 44: Sideways and double-wide

  14. Claire McAll
    Twitter: making_space

    A bath.

    An early night (get my sleep in FIRST, and then my usual night’s sleep as well, and can still get up with the birds and the babies at early o’clock!)

    A journal entry: how are you going my love?

    A date with myself, my calendar, my budget and my dreeeeaaams.

    A hearing, and acknowledgements.

    Qualities: Unconditional love. Belonging. Safety. Devotion. Caring. Affection. Tenderness. Interest. Partnership. Grounding. Possibility. Acknowledgement. Affirmation. Recognition. Support.

  15. Whitney
    Twitter: paleandnerdy

    Very Personal Ads for my week off work.

    Doing my own Ducking Out thing, on Friday.
    During the day. Disconnecting from Xmas shopping madness. Connecting to me.
    Tools I wanna have: A fresh feeling art kit. Good tea. Permission. Yoga stuff.
    Blankets! Maybe get a special one.
    A new notebook.
    Cover story.

    Qualities: peace, deep breathing, snails, grounding, replenishing, enoughness

    Harmonious communication
    Family time means a lot of smiling and nodding. Want to have a pleasant experience for all, with sovereignty intact.

    Qualities: Gratitude, pleasure, silent retreat

    Superpowers and Bonus wishes:
    -Choosing the exact right podcasts
    -Books are my friend, don’t panic
    -All the shades of blue
    -Sapphire bullets of pure love
    -Peacefulness for the whole planet

  16. Anney says:

    Plenty, kindness, understanding, health, luck, chocolate, to be able to give the special gifts that make that awesome wow face, truth, honesty, love, fun, smiles, laughing
    WHY: peace, comfort, really really comfortable cozy sweet cuddly comfort, security, safety, worth, strength, power, value
    HOW: trusting, taking care, believing, using what I have

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