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Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

95!

We’re getting really close to one hundred consecutive weeks of VPA-ing with Very Personal Ads.

Ideas for how to celebrate?

I will start pre-emptively running around and cheering. Possibly also with balloons.

Thing 1: Chalkboard!

Here’s what I want:

Last week I redecorated and generally re-everything-ed the Toy Shop at the Playground, so that it would feel loved and adored and look beautiful and sparkly.

And now we need a chalkboard.

Chalkboard!

Ideally in time for Rally (Rally!)

Ways this could work:

I could find one on Craigslist.

One of you might have a suggestion. Or maybe one of my readers in Portland has one or knows someone who does.

My commitment.

To buy colorful chalk and yell CHALK!

To appreciate this new piece of the Playground and everything it represents.

To enjoy this period of transformation as much as I can, even as it involves working through a lot of my stuff.

Thing 2: Help and support with resolving a painful pattern.

Here’s what I want:

I’ve been encountering a lot of old hurts and stucknesses, especially as they relate to business and growth.

And it’s time to let go of a series of internal rules about how WORKING is supposed to function. I’d like this to happen with as much ease and grace as is possible.

Ways this could work:

Let’s see.

Writing. Flailing the flail to make new connections.

Talking to monsters. Bringing out the Moderators.

Consulting Slightly Future Me.

And doing old Turkish lady yoga, of course.

My commitment.

To be curious and patient.

To ask warm, loving questions without attachment to one answer or another.

To remember that one day this stuff won’t have any hold over me. I will be done with it, and working with other patterns and other pain.

Thing 3: Someone I need to forgive.

Here’s what I want:

There’s some forgiveness that needs to happen and I am not in the mood. Yet.

So I’d like some ease and relief with that.

I don’t know if actual progress will happen or not, but I’m working on it.

Ways this could work:

I can make lists of how now is not then.

Maybe do some work with metaphors.

Make space for possibility.

My commitment.

I don’t have to go directly into the pain. It is always okay to dance around the edges.

Lots and lots of safe rooms for me!

Thing 4: Confidence!

Here’s what I want:

We have dates to film some Shiva Nata video. And I have been feeling… bashful and extremely camera-shy.

It would be really great if this could start shifting.

Ways this could work:

The pink wig, of course! Everything is better with a pink wig!

Lots of gentle testing the waters. Nothing formal. Nothing set in stone.

Just curious, inquisitive, investigative practice to find out what I need to feel comfortable doing this.

My commitment.

To try things.

To laugh.

To give myself a million permission slips.

To not rush any of this.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

I wanted progress on making a Shiva Nata FAQ and got so ridiculously stalled that it’s clear there is Underlying Stuff there.

So I’m going to have to rethink that ask and investigate some more. I wonder if it needs a new metaphor? Possibly.

Then I wanted a spectacularly great class with the roller derby team that I sponsor, and it was. They’re all shivanauts now!

Also I wanted to write up notes from a bunch of things, and nope, that didn’t happen either. Again, I think there are some symbolic factors at work that are worth exploring, and that’s some of what this week’s asks are about.

And I wanted to rewrite the Rally page for Rally (Rally!) and that’s where all this old pain stuff started coming from. So I’m glad I asked, because now I’m getting to do a lot of clearing-out of old gunk. Ahahahaha. It’s good timing.

Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!

Stuff I’d rather not have:

The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.

Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.