very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

Thing 1: birthday chrysalis

Here’s what I want:

I want to Abscond for my birthday and go into a chrysalis. Yes, I still find that word to be cheesy. And the last one worked so well that it was kind of scary.

I want to disappear into the best nest ever.

But I also want to do things that are CELEBRATORY and communal.

Ways this could work:

I could do an OOD.

I could investigate why I am resisting this so much.

Oh, wait. Is it guilt that everyone in my company is working their asses off to get our new space open while I run away? Is it terror that the Millions Of Things That Need Doing will not get done? Is it the fear that something at the Floop will break? Is it confusing now with then even though Now Is Not Then?

Yes, yes it is. It is all of those things and more.

So I could play with that and find out more about what the resistance needs.

I’ll play with…

Coloring with some monsters, using the monster coloring book. And of course using the manual to talk things out.

Talking to the Director about why this is important.

Thing 2: Marking things that need to be marked.

Here’s what I want:

In addition to my birthday, and The Fluent Self turning six (but kind of sort of seven!), this week also marks ten years since the day I got divorced.

I want turning inward, reflecting, gwishing, time for cheshbon nefesh.

Literal translation: soul accounting.

I want to mark these things by being beautifully present for them.

I want spaciousness and yoga and mostly just time to let everything show itself.

And I want to take time to be appreciative of things like FREEDOM. And how my divorce experience changed everything in my life for the better, even though it really and truly sucked at the time.

Ways this could work:

Inside the chrysalis.

Time being magic. Pockets and slots.

But I also think I want some kind of public celebration for some of this. I have to figure that part out too.

I’ll play with…

Skipping the stones in a garland, so that I end with the question I began with.

Thing 3: More cloth for the new Playground, please!

Here’s what I want:

We’re doing ceiling treatments for two of the new rooms, and we need cloth.

Specifically: all shades of greens, blues and purples.

Ideally about a square foot in size. Or a foot in length and then half that in width. But whatever, bigger, smaller, anything you have. Cutting up old t-shirts could work too.

Ways this could work:

I’ll play with…

Asking you guys.

Here’s our mailing address:

The Fluent Self, Inc
1526 NE Alberta #218
Portland, OR 97211
United States

And also THANK YOU, everyone who has already donated cloth to this project — Casey, Audrey, Susan, Barbara, Laura, Foxy Jess, anyone else that I might be forgetting!

Thing 4: Courage.

Here’s what I want:

To connect to courage and trust and internal strength.

Ways this could work:

I can use some of the boards at the Floop for this.

I’ll play with…

Talking to the monsters and finding out what I’m trying to protect myself from. Because maybe there’s a better way to accomplish that.

Thing 5: To answer a question without answering it.

Here’s what I want:

Actually there are about three questions that I need help with.

Ways this could work:

Connecting to the qualities. Remembering that not everything requires a response. Caring for myself first.

I’ll play with…

Doing some Shiva Nata on this situation, and seeing what it reveals.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

I wanted things to be easy, fun and magical. And they mostly were. Which I find astonishing. Need to ask that one more often, apparently.

Then I wanted the embarking of the Floating Playground (the Floop!) to go smoothly, and thank god it did.

I wanted to do something for Now We Are Six, so I wrote about it. Still sitting with this one. Maybe some sort of small virtual celebration?

Also I wanted directives from the Director, and that happened some but not as much as I’d like. Re-asking, and committing to getting quiet enough to listen.

I planted something for the Secret Escape, and now I’m working on that.

There was an ask for the first Painting Party at the new Playground and it’s happening. See: the Frolicsome Bar.

And I wanted everyone happily not-being-me. I suspect that a number of people at the Floop are working on that as a secret project of sorts, so that’s good too.

Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

  • Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
  • You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
  • Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
  • Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
  • VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!

xox