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We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.


Very Personal Ads #132: The Wiktory! It Is Ours!

very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

You guys! I have no voice today because I screamed my head off at the roller derby season opener last night.

Our badass Guns N Rollers killed it. Final score: 164-56.

This has been a long time coming. I’ve been a sponsor for three seasons and a fan for twice that, and I have yet to see a bout like this.

You know I run agility trainings for the team twice a month, right? With some destuckification basics thrown in for good measure.

Anyway, I’ve written my share of roller-derby-related Very Personal Ads. And it felt so good to watch this WELL-DESERVED victory and know that I got to be a part of it.

So let’s have some cheering for GNR!

Okay, on to the VPAs.

Thing 1: An old laptop computer for the Playground

Here’s what I want:

I need a computer at the Playground. Except I won’t be using it for anything other than playing yoga dvds. Only the non-sucky ones, of course. So it doesn’t need to be in great shape, as long as I can do that.

It needs to be a laptop so that I can easily move it from room to room.

I’m hoping that someone in my circle of people can donate one or know someone else who has one that’s close to retirement. Maybe someone who will be at an upcoming Rally (Rally!) could be a connection too.

Playground computer! I will adore you and appreciate you!

Ways this could work:

I’m putting it here!

I’ll play with…

Doing an OOD on it.

Trusting that the right thing will show up at the right time.

* I cannot WAIT until the Floating Playground opens. We’ll have an entire board just for doing OODs and I will pretty much live there. OODs! It will be the best.

Thing 2: Making eating beautiful.

Here’s what I want:

I have been looking at these gorgeous pictures of a shabbes meal (yes, urban frum pictures), and feeling so completely inspired and enthusiastic.

We eat such amazing food at Hoppy House, but what if the setting reflected how beautiful the food is? That seems like it could be another important part of entry.

So I’m going to think about that.

I won’t be able to play with it this week because I’ll be at Rally (Rally!), but maybe some aspect of my mysterious Rally project will work as a fractal flower for this too.

Ways this could work:

I could make a list or collection of colors, styles and images that appeal to me.

And start investigating.

I’m not ready to commit to buying stuff or even for looking in stores. But to plant the seed, and to connect to the symbolic essence:

Color. Nourishment. Dedicated time and space to an experience. Commitment. Presence. Delight. Rejoicing. Sweetness. Welcoming. Belonging. Home.

It has to do with setting things up for the way I want to live. And with presents for future me.

Again, the important part isn’t the stuff. The important part is intentionally preparing for the voyage.

I’ll play with…

Interviewing myself about what I already know about this.

Thing 3: The Playground needs a bunch of things in an ongoing way.

Here’s what I want:

The Playground pretty much always needs things like costumes and stickers and art supplies and coloring books.

And cushions!

And magazines that we can cut up for Reflectings. (I swear it’s not collage! Okay, fine, it looks like collage….)

Since we’ll be taking over a new and much bigger space in March, we will need even more of all of these.

I want a way to keep a steady flow going without having this be my permanent VPA.

Ways this could work:

We could make a page for the Playground site listing needs (ongoing and special-occasion).

And then I could link to it from the Chicken or remind people at the Frolicsome Bar now and then…

We could also post some more about it on the Playground bulletin boards…

I’ll play with…

Talking this over with the Director (who is the me-who-is-on-her-way).

Asking smart, loving questions, and staying open to being surprised.

Thing 4: Smoothness with the lease!

Here’s what I want:

We’re in what is (I hope!) our last round of lease negotiations for the new space.

We’ve had all sorts of wise and capable people weigh in.

And now we’re ready for everything to sort itself out smoothly and easily so that we can enter the space March 1st.

Ways this could work:

I can do the alignment exercise with the building owners again.

I can plant the wishes.

I can talk it out with slightly future me.

I’ll play with…

Dressing like the Director.

Talking to the building.

Humming its favorite song.

Thing 5: A joyful Rally!

Here’s what I want:

This week is Rally, and Rally is my favorite thing in the entire world.

I want to feel energized. I want to take good care of myself.

I want to stick to my experiment of not answering any questions whatsoever (except at lunch, of course!).

Ways this could work:

It just could.

Rally is magic.

I’ll play with…

Going on silent retreat when I need to.

Lots and lots of shivanautical silliness.

Drawing monsters from the monster coloring book.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

I wanted a word for the act of making things congruent, and I didn’t find one. But somehow it didn’t matter, because the congruencing happened anyway.

And that was my second ask. It was BRILLIANT. I depiled the piles, threw away the old, moved the new, and deleted half of my phone contacts. Yay.

I wanted doors that need closing to stay closed. And that’s working.

Then I wanted to find out in what way certain things that do not appear to be good are actually good. That was a remarkably useful question, and I’m glad I asked.

And I wanted ease-filled happy signing-of-the-lease, and we are so much closer on that. We got terrific feedback from our attorney and from the plumber. We enjoyed the walk-through. Our realtor has been amazing. It’s all moving in the right direction.

Plus I wrote 7,000 words about a thing I’d been stuck on.

Oh, and the thing I didn’t ask for out loud totally happened too. Well done, me-from-last-week! Sparklepoints all around.

Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

  • Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
  • You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
  • Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
  • Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
  • VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!


33 Responses to Very Personal Ads #132: The Wiktory! It Is Ours!

  1. Jesse
    Twitter: persnicket

    A big rousing voice-hoarsening ROCK ON, GNR! What a score. How very, very awesome.

    I’ve been so excited about VPAs this week (entry! ritual!) that I spent part of this evening writing them, before I even read this post. Because these are important (self, are you listening?) and setting them down here is a big part of that. Yay!

    1. The glorious purchasing!

    There are 2 kinds of salt and then there are 2 secret items, code names: the Charge Cord and the Secret Garden. Things I need to buy, and haven’t bought. Yet.

    Ways this could work: I could set an appointment with myself! I could write out some conditions for the secret things, because they are slightly more complex. I could do some budget investigations (again!) to remind my budget-brain that this is all normal useful stuff. I could remind myself that each of these things possesses the secret power of being a gift that creates more gifts in the future. Awesome.

    My commitments: Not to forget about the wanting, for each of these. To sit with whatever stuck comes up. To ensure it happens with good boundaries and intentions.

    2. Spaciousness: time to write about the important thing

    There is a very important thing that needs to be written, it came to me last Monday during the mini-Rally. I want to find time to write about it this week! But I don’t know when that can happen.

    Ways this could work: Separate times for the separate parts: review and notes and writing. Since it’s a slightly scary thing, I could first decide on the qualities — both of my own experience writing it and the experience I want someone to have while reading it. I could do some gentle Shiva Nata on it. I could find the perfect afternoon contemplative mood to write it in.

    My commitment: To remember how important this is to me. To remember Rally’s magic that inspired it. To remember my own magic. To remember that this is part of it, part of climbing out of the stuck.

    3. The too-full pattern

    This is an old pattern, a familiar one. I can tell it’s not quite mine anymore because it doesn’t work like it used to, and I get signals from my body that This Is Not Fun. I would like to continue to hear those signals, but also start hearing the clues that come before, so I can experiment avoiding the pattern and building a better one.

    Ways this can work: This usually involves a lot of quiet. Quieting down the white noise. Entry and exit rituals for eating times. Planning ahead. I can try experiments (with afternoon tea, for example!) and read some of my favorite Havi things about taking a pause (paws!). Re-read some of my favorite things about mindful eating. Bring beautiful things to eat, and make food beautiful, even when that is really difficult in the [#$@!& grumblegrumbly] kitchen at work. Also, needing to say goodbye to a pattern makes it a *great* candidate for Shiva Nata.

    My commitment: Conscious exit and review, which is not something I often practice with the too-full pattern, because part of it is all about run awaayyyyyyyyy!!! and not at all about being awake while doing so. I’ll need some compassion for the self who likes to run away. And safe spaces (quiet time, walking time, meditation mp3 time) in which to connect and ground in order to help out the self who is scared to consciously exit. And I commit to finding at least one new thing to practice during the pause (paws!).

    4. Find a new couples therapist

    This. Big and scary. Definitely lump-in-throat territory.

    Ways this can work: The right therapist could just find us. I believe in magic. The referral from J could end up being the right one, or perhaps I’ll finish that scary email to C to ask for her referral. I can also spend some time clearing the way for this to happen: figuring out the no-brainer situation (cost, location, schedule) and releasing the stuck around the other therapist and all the stuff from Then that wasn’t working.

    My commitments: To do my own work about releasing the fear and the sad stuck from Then, as necessary. To give this the time that it needs. To do some journaling about what I want from this (the process of finding and the actual therapy) and find more bridges between the Rally realizations and this part of my life.

    5. Re-entry

    I haven’t been to work since last Tuesday, due to sick toddler. And prior to that? Massive avoidance & resistance. Zero work got done. So: I want to go back to work and bring my brain and at least part of my soul (the part that’s willing!) with me.

    Ways this can work: Remember “Enter as you wish to be in it.” Remember the importance of the Night Before: the readiness is all. Presents for Tomorrow Morning Me. But when I actually get there? Conscious entry all the way: to the day, to the commute, to the arrival, to the entrance, to sitting down, to email. Experiment with writing out a schedule/desiderata (that include snacks and rituals as written about above!) with spaces for all the good things I know can help my body and mind and soul stay connected and present. When I’m working: practice single-tasking. Take notes. Celebrate.

    My commitment: To create safety for the self that very firmly and clearly does not want to be there. To practice the gentle alertness. To say hello to all the doors, as often as I can recall. To practice sovereignty in my interactions.


    Ahhh. Feels so good to get these posted. I think I may print mine out tomorrow and read it as part of my entry/reminder rituals. Yes.
    Jesse recently posted… All sorts of scramble, with a side of extra flail

  2. Claire P
    Twitter: making_space

    Hello. My gwishes.

    1. More capacity and energy. More implementing systems and support.

    Things like:
    + self-care (take the damn herbs woman! Also, EAT, it’s important!)
    + mindfulness re: rest vs inertia
    + keep going with sorting the piles of stuff after the great big rearrange, especially prioritize my own workspace. Release the ‘who me?’ feminine gendered conditioning that would put that job last. Hell yes YOU. YOU exist. YOU get to have a space. In YOUR house. STFU. Keep seeing the society bs as bs and acting from truth. Yes.
    + make the velcro board for Little Lad’s home program, write ad for speech therapy students, call on relatives for regular supply of freezer meals. The support is there. Access it. Make space for the idea that you and ahem your kids (!!!!) are worth the effort and that no monster objections are even THAT bloody scary these days so all that’s holding you back is what? Entropy? And habits. You gonna be ruled by thermodynamics? Phhhttt….. As if.

    This stuff has been an ongoing ask the last few weeks and it’s definitely been happening. But my belly keeps on growing and I’m starting to hear the no time aaarhgh freak out monsters calling so I guess I would like it to continue but with an extra dose of the qualities of [+calm], [+consistent] and [+slow’n’steady]. Yes.

    2. Everything-is-okay-ness to continue.

    So, everything is okay, and the anxiety freak-outs and all-immersive fail-fog, and weeping over the past has all abated. Which is good. But there is now a part of my Very Clever Brain that has decided to start a) questioning whether the okayness can possibly be real, alternating with b) questioning the truth/legitimacy of my experience that was the “I-Feel-Extremely-Shithouse” bit of Sept-mid-Dec last year.

    This relates to my relationship to myself and my life porpoise, and also ESPECIALLY to my experience of my marriage which feels radically different and positive these days after Not Long Enough and Not Enough Work and because my marriage exists outside of my head is out of my control and therefore leaves me feeling vulnerable and waiting-for-the-fall.

    (Ohhhh, wait….  My marriage exists outside my head. Is that true?? Yes AND no. Yeah yeah Byron Katie, another story i get it, geeeeeeez).

    Anyway, it has to do with stories I have around Head And Heart Changes Have To Be Hard And Take A Long Time To Be Genuine Or Deep.

    I’d like to gwish for some ???insights? or clarity?? or just the ability to put those stories to bed or at least find something that will appease that part of my Very Clever Brain which after writing all this I see just wants to feel safe that I’m not NECESSARILY in for a big fall. That the everything-is-okay-ness CAN be real.

    Even like this.


    Yeah. Those are my two big, convoluted gwishes for the week.


  3. seagirl says:

    Update on last week: I wanted kitty to feel more comfortable. And yay, she is! She’s eating, and playing and checking in at 3am and running laps like a good kitty. Very very happy I went and got her.

    What I want this week 1:
    Last week my assistant kept asking me questions that didn’t need to be asked: “which color tissue box would you like in the conference room?” “do you want spoons out?” “how do i change the battery in my key board?” “where should I put the pens?” She has been here a year, I don’t know where these are coming from.

    It made me wish that I had a different assistant. It made me resent the money I’m paying her. It made me want to change things in my business. It made it easier to just do things on my own.

    What do I want? Clarity on the solution. “talk to her” everyone says. But then what? I’ve talked to her about other issues, and then others pop up. Having employees, even smart highly qualified ones is hard. Maybe a hard I don’t want to deal with?

    My commitment: to talk to her. to write about this. to meditate on it. to experiment. to envision another reality. to really figure out what I need her to do, what I could do and what an associate could do.

  4. Corie Weaver
    Twitter: coriejweaver

    Hooray for GNR!

    Last weeks VPAs worked out, just fine. This week feels like it needs to be about laying groundwork.

    1. What I want:
    A new word or metaphor or reframing, to help me work on my relationship with lists. There are so many fun things to do this year, and to make them all happen, there seems like a million baby steps (plus its tax prep time). The thing is, its not a list of things I HAVE to do… its more like a flight take off check list. Or something. Little things that need to happen, so that the big things that are important to me can work out smoothly?

    Ways this could work:
    I could ask people. I could make up seven phrases/code-words/metaphors, and use a different one each day, until one feels right.

    I could play with:
    Stone skipping. Asking my monsters for suggestions. Hello Sleep writing.

    2. What I want:
    Flow. More flow and ease. I’d like to stay focused, but still stay flexible if things change.

    Ways this could work:
    Maybe talk with future me, and slightly wiser me, and see what they suggest.

    I’ll play with:
    Yoga and stretching. Building space into my day, so that anything that comes up can be accommodated.

    3. What I want:
    Oh, here’s a biggie. Almost didn’t write this because the asking is scary. But I want blurbs for the back of the novels that are coming out in paperback.

    Ways this could work.
    I could be brave. And ask people. And then ask more, just in case.

    I’ll play with:
    This might be a proxying situation. Oh, scary. Maybe writing letters just in case, and then sending them when I don’t notice. Hmm.

  5. Julia
    Twitter: JuliaBushue

    My gwishes for this week, which are all kind of connected:

    Arriving at a place of peace with my current state of un/under/self-employedness.

    A gentle, encouraging structure for my day that isn’t a checklist and isn’t completely winging it.

    Finding a way for all the aspects of my life to feel loved and valued (from making art to working out to cleaning the kitchen).

    The ability to see the fractal flowers, rather than getting bogged down in the nitty-gritty and obsessing over little things that don’t matter in the long run.

    Releasing the fear that if I relax and stop trying to be perfect, everything will fall apart.

    Into the pot with you!
    Julia recently posted… Fun with patterns.

  6. Miss P.
    Twitter: chemieemma

    This week I will start Yoga Teacher training, lasting two years. What I want is to have a good entry.

    What could work: Putting it here is part of entering. Stone skipping. Being aware. Taking time out.

    What I commit to: Making this a priority.

    The other thing is a thing were I’m waiting for an email and it is taking longer than expected and all kinds of patterns are surfacing. Patterns of not being good enough, of wanting to triple check and worrying that I misunderstood (pretty sure that’s only in my head), so what I want is clarity around the patterns and maybe some diffusing.

    It could work. Or I could stone skip and flail on it. I could actually ask for clarification too.

    I commit to sitting with it. Letting this play out.
    Miss P. recently posted… Virtual PomPom-Shaking

  7. Kateness
    Twitter: vildechayame

    Yay Victorious Guns n Rollers! Wishing for light and blessings on all our gwishes, expressed, unexpressed & those of the beloved lurkers too.

    What I would like:

    1. To figure out which foods agree & disagree with me, and to figure out a sensible way to eat that allows me to eat delicious things and still take care of my tummy.

    Ways this could work: research this on the internet, try out recipes from my Ayurveda cookbook, make an appointment to see a nutritionist.

    2. To find a way to tell my friend I won’t be going to Mexico with her — I’m scared if I write it, I’ll really hurt her feelings and piss her off, and if I tell her, I’ll be asking permission from her to cancel the trip, begging her forgiveness.

    Ways this could work: make an appointment to talk to her. Bring up a few options — if she’s bought the ticket, or if not. Find out how she’s feeling about this trip & tell her how I am feeling. Practice the conversation with P or V beforehand — other ENTJ’s, like my friend.

    3. To make my home a lovely place for my beau to come visit. Right now it is beyond doom-ly.

    Ways this could work: hire a cleaning lady. Kidding. Call H and enlist her support as an ally and someone to check in with on my progress. Send her photos. Take the ground cover of clothing and separate it into piles, and deal with the washing pile & hand washing pile a little each day. Clean off the drying rack and do a few dishes each morning and evening. Same with B. Buy treats for my beau at the coop and wine store. Get J to show my how DVD player works, so we could watch movies. Get scented candles, when $$. Download awesome music for us to listen to — gifts for Slightly Future Me and Slightly Future Him.

  8. Abby J. (formerly C.) says:

    Dear Havi,

    Delurking! to say that I may have an old laptop computer that will work for you. It’s a Dell, and hasn’t been used in a while, and currently resides in my storage area. I’ve got to dig in the storage this week to get some other things out and will look for it for you.

    If it still works, and plays DVDs (I don’t remember if it has a DVD drive or not), I would be happy to pass it along to the Playground. I’ll let you know.

    If you could have one of the Pirate Crew drop me an email about this, I’ll check the laptop to make sure it’s working and we can ship it to you.

  9. Kate
    Twitter: CameraKate19

    Yay VPAs! I’ve been waiting for this – which is quite relevant to what I want this week!

    Thing 1 (actually the only thing, because it encompasses everything right now!)

    Waiting, and my relationship with it

    Here’s what I want:

    I feel like I’ve been waiting on a lot of things lately. I am not okay with this waiting…and I am not okay with not being okay with waiting. I would like to change my relationship with waiting – whether it is being okay with it or just being okay with not being okay with it.

    Ways this could work:

    I could figure out what I’m waiting for. Sometimes I know what I’m waiting for but maybe the thing I’m waiting for isn’t actually what I think I’m waiting for. I want to explore the qualities of the things I think I’m waiting for. And sometimes, I feel like I’m waiting for something, but I don’t even know what it is. I would like to get clarity on what I’m waiting for in these instances.

    I could find a way to make waiting more fun and playful!

    I could meet myself where I am and be okay with it.

    I’ll play with:

    A “Waiting” notebook – when I feel like I am waiting for something, I will write what it is I’m waiting for (or think I’m waiting for) in the notebook. I will write down the qualities of what it is I’m waiting for and list ways that I can bring these qualities into my life while I’m waiting. I will make note of anything else useful that comes up.

    I will explore the question “What if I’m wrong about everything I’m assuming?” What if I don’t actually need to wait for what I’m waiting for? And if I do have to wait, what if the waiting is a good thing?

    Shiva Nata! This is clearly a pattern that needs to be taken apart and reconstructed.

    Progress report on past VPAs:

    Last week I wanted to plan a trip to New York and Montreal and have it all come together with ease and harmonious timing, and it totally is! Yay!

    I also wanted to quietly bring Andy Everywhere (my teddy bear’s travel blog) into the world, and I convened an Enthusiastic of Rallions, and it was totally the best thing ever!

    I wanted to express my love and appreciation to some old friends who have been constant sources of support, even when I didn’t recognize it. I started doing this and will continue to work on it.

    *blowing sparkly bubbles in support of everyone’s VPAs & gwishes!*

  10. Melissa says:

    Thing # 1
    Words to flow really well while I write. Also to hit 15k for the month on my new WIP.
    If I block out distraction free time (hello freedom turning off the interwebs program thing, I’m looking at you) and my cool count down timer that tells me I get a break when I’m done. Also, I think ahead about what I want to write about, just let the story percolate in the back of my brain. Also,
    I commit to
    looking for say ten minutes at lunch or on a break to write every day. To take fifteen minutes at home to write, and declare it when I get home so that I don’t get interrupted. Declare, I’m going to be in the room writing for fifteen minutes, so I’ll be out as soon as that’s up. No interwebs allowed. Love you ;-)
    Keep chunking away on my story :-) While working on other things too.

    Thing # 2
    Things to go well with the college stuffs.
    I just sit back and wait and trust my applications to do what they need to do.
    I commit to
    Working on other projects so the anticipation bug doesn’t get me too bad.

  11. Anna Barnett
    Twitter: annabarnett

    I am thinking about your Thing 3, the ongoing supply of supplies. I like how, if I bring something for the Art Room, it’s like a potluck. I bring just one thing and I get to try lots and lots of things.

    I wonder if there could be an art supply potluck picnic? Or perhaps just something with the qualities of an art supply potluck picnic. :)

    I also wonder if Collage would run a special for Rallions? You must send a fair number of people through their door.

  12. Cathy Yardley
    Twitter: cathyyardley

    Yay, GNR!! Yay, VPA! :)

    VPA #1: Flexibility, both literal and figurative. After all the dog walking without stretching or warming up, my legs are killing me — and when things go off schedule (and they MUST go to schedule, I have TOO MUCH TO DO, I tell myself) I freak out and become Nutso Schedule Woman. I was able to get curious about it this morning, but after Snowmageddon where nothing worked as planned, I really broke down in a scary way. Do not want.

    How this could work: I could do some processing on it. Talk to some monsters. Stone skip. Color. Find some easy yoga DVDs at the library, to see which works for me. If I get extra work, finally get the Shiva Nata starter kit. Not entirely sure, but open to anything.

    My commitment: I’ll do stone skipping on it today and then at least look up some stretches. Old Turkish Lady stretches! :)

    Report on last VPA: I wanted a better relationship with our dog, and that seems to be working somewhat. Turned out to be a sovereignty issue, and how to handle barking without either being Aggressive or Submissive. There is another option, who knew?

    Also, I wanted a Thing that keeps track of the stuff I need to do. And I got it! I’ve got the absolutely marvelous planner pages from Cairene that i’ve modified for my own use, and I realized I needed a thing that moved from week to week so I wouldn’t forget what I needed to do. After doing some coloring, I realized that it needed to travel. So now I’ve got Traveling Revue pages in my Cruise Log, next to my Dragon Feeding Schedule! YAY!

    Mwah! Thanks guys. Have a great week!
    Cathy Yardley recently posted… The Power of Persephone.

  13. Melissa says:


    i forgot about my ask to make it to the pool this week. A very important ask.

    WTCW – I got to bed at 8pm to be able to get up to get to the pool by 5pm. I exercise at home on my bicycle in my living room and this encourages me to get to the pool. i prepare all my stuff to go to the pool the night before and just have to put on my swimsuit and rain gear to go to the (indoor) pool. I can create a good bed time and morning routine.

    my commitment – to prep my swim bag before dinner tonight and be in bed by 7:45 for lights out around 8-ish.

  14. Melissa says:

    err, go to bed at 8pm to get to pool by 5am… i haven’t quite invented time travel yet ;-)
    Melissa recently posted… January Progress Check-In

  15. Josiane
    Twitter: kimianak

    I have to – and want to – write something that I will read at my grandmother’s funeral later this week. A part of me is delighted that I get to be involved in this way in this part of the ritual. Another part of me is afraid I won’t find the words to express what I really want to say.
    This does not feel like the moment for me to write a VPA about it, but I wanted to throw this into the pot, let it simmer for a few hours, and then see what comes up. In the meantime, I will wrap my scared selves in love, lots and lots of love. Then I will play with this, maybe write a VPA or an OOD, certainly play with the idea of entry and exit, and identify the qualities I want to invoke and bring into this experience.
    Josiane recently posted… Please let your light shine bright!

  16. Riv
    Twitter: PurpleshinyRiv

    Things I’m throwing in the pot:

    -The sleep schedule freefall situation. Needing to find a balance between moving swiftly out of a bad-for-me pattern and not wanting to set up unrealistic expectations and changes. I’m starting by adjusting my “think about going to bed” reminders to something more realistic, in hopes that I stop blatantly ignoring them. I want to think some more about how to be kind to myself while adjusting my sleep.

    -Finding time (even when it seems like there’s not enough) to do the things I want to do this week. Rationally, I know that the time is there and that this time-claustrophobia is subjective and not real. But parts of me aren’t quite convinced. Monster-negotiating and list-making may help. Trying to notice the patterns.
    Riv recently posted… Knitting!

  17. OhanaMama
    Twitter: OhanaChronicles

    I think I wanted this website without even knowing I wanted it- So thanks for providing this content before I was even aware of the need!

    And, my first VPA:

    Wanted: More Income and More Free Time! I need roughly 50% more income than I currently make to live freely, and I need about 50% more free time, too, to snuggle my son, walk our dog, play with my boyfriend, write, read, craft, beach, run, converse, nap and do-nothing.

    Ways This Could Happen: “Follow my bliss, and doors will open that otherwise would not have been there….” right? :-)

    Thanks again! Great site.
    OhanaMama recently posted… The Calm Before The Storm

  18. Melissa says:

    Okay, totally apologizing for the quadruple post – but uh… mind is blown – they told me late february for when they would tell us applicants – and my number one school just emailed me that i got in! so, uh, my thing # 2, totally taken care of in an awesome mind-blowing way!
    Melissa recently posted… January Progress Check-In

  19. Leni says:

    I love the tiny lil solutions that make themselves known, even before a full-bore request comes to mind. That’s been happeing lots lately. Latest examples: the lil steppy stool from home that makes my job at the office 30% easier.

    Last week I asked for More Yoga. And while I didn’t make it to class, I made time TWICE this week to do yoga. And despite the noise and “so NOT as ashram” vibe of my house, my mat-time was focused and present and curious and gentle. Despite being short and long over due, my body really eased into the asanas, saying “oh yessss, thank you!” This means when I do make it to class, I’ll also be better able to “keep Up” ( be where you are is fine advice,but it sucks having to spend half of class in childs pose because you hit the wall so early).

    Also, more Ease in general, 90% less yelling at the kids. And having more fun with them. And feeling more Sovereign, which actually makes the work load easier.

  20. Elizabeth
    Twitter: elizabethhalt

    Yay, GNR!

    This week, I want to invoke the magic of Rally-in-progress and hold my own mini Rally. I held my own little entry to Rally before writing this, and I want to continue instead of allowing myself to get sidetracked by life.

    How this could work: I could put a reminder on my calendar as a visual reminder that I want to do this. I could pull out the list of questions tonight and put them in my journal. I could go to New Seasons right now and buy food, because even though I am not entirely sure why, I think that is important. I could ease my way into this and plan for one uninterrupted work period each day instead of two. I could go and write in a cafe for a while on Wed or Thurs.

    Things I might play with: All of these, and anything else I think of. Plus flailing, of course.
    Elizabeth recently posted… this and that

  21. Simone
    Twitter: simonethinks

    1. Right now, I have about seventy-two trillion fantastic ideas about stuff I gotta do for my beeswax. (My brain is still wrapping around the whole “I get to talk and write about hipgnosis and destuckifying and shiva nata and it counts as ‘work’?? WHahhhhhh!???” thing. I can’t pretend I’m all there yet. But some day.)

    Seriously, my friends. Seventy-two trillion. That’s a LOT. Including a Shiva Nata class and a retreeeeeat! In february. ‘Cause that’s my month.

    Oy. I am laughing (lovingly!) at Past Me of 2 weeks ago who was kind of freaking out about the “oh shit I’ll have nothing to dooo once I quit my job!”. Oh, honey, little did you know.

    I’ve developed a lovely way of getting around iguanas (or recruiting iguanas to join me in my journey?) and this just needs to keep happening so I can do insane awesome things to birth some Good Things for the World. Whee!

    2. A wee bit more room in my brain-space and life for yoga. You know, just, old fashioned yoga-yoga. I actually think this is just going to organically happen and I don’t have to worry about it.

    3. This is a very distantly-in-the-future, slightly-scary, still-a-tiny-sweet-thing VPA but: oy! PDX in August. Please please please may this happen.

    For the Shivanauticon.
    For the friends.

    Because it will just be the best. And it just needs to happen. And all kinds of magical things will happen so that I can go there.

    4. Everything is going to be fine. Better than fine. It just is. And I keep going. That’s what I want.

    I really ought to revisit VPAs from past weeks to see what worked and what didn’t. But I never feel like it…

    Love to all!
    Simone recently posted… My contribution to the original Starship Shivanautica!

  22. Kelly
    Twitter: copylicious

    I have a 2007 Mac 15-inch that is missing a “Z” key but otherwise will play a DVD if it isn’t scratched. DM me if you still need!

  23. VickiB says:

    Havi: I love this: “It has to do with setting things up for the way I want to live.” Sparking ideas all over the place!

    Last week’s ask were pretty successful and I want to keep them. More of the same, please!

    I wanted the Floating Playground. I made the deposit and received the pickle page with the stone skipping questions and I’ve been skipping like mad. The monsters are having fits! The one who says you don’t need it or deserve it has been drowned out by a mash of others. (The collective noun for these monsters is “mash”. I feel them trying to mash my plans!)

    I wanted to know about the spelling of whoah with that final h, as a metaphor for the question “what am I missing?”. I learned some useful information, and I want to learn more.

    Interestingly the monster response to the Floating Playground turned out to be related to the questions about whoah and what am I missing. Fractal flowers! Rabbit holes!

    I wanted continued ease and that happened even though I didn’t play with any of the things I mentioned in the VPA. I made an acrostic for the month of January; week 3 was “Setting things up” and I did some of that. Planning now for week 4, the final E – elegance!

    From two weeks ago: I asked for a good desk chair and I have one. And there’s progress on the ask for a partner in crime. Changes in my schedule make connecting with a certain person easier. Some new recognition of what I don’t want in my partner in crime.

    Good wishes to everyone’s gwishes and VPAs!

  24. Shannyn
    Twitter: shannynlyons

    Love this!

    Things I’m throwing in the pot this week.

    1. To have this month end go smoothly and prosperously. And get back to yoga. Really liking the classes I was taking.

    How it’ll work. trust that all that I need will show up + work really hard! Stay positive and keep my mind on what I want to see happen.

    2. Get my neck and back unlocked. They’re a little (ok a lot) painful from karate and those yoga classes. Think the increase in activity was too much all at once.

    How it’ll work. Get to my chiropractor and get a massage!

  25. Hannah
    Twitter: Hannah_Savannah


    the short version due to traveling

    – Calm Traveling.
    with ease, grace, dignity, exploration, fun, kindness, and learning about patterns (hello, mirror to the floating playground!)

    – Time for Reflectings and Setting it Up and SPACE
    I am loving the open window of thought offered to me by traveling. i’d love to use the spaciousness of the current situation and use it to prepare more spaciousness for future me. i’d love some time to think about all of that.

    in the same line – i want to set things up for the rest of the year (even the next two). not to plan. but to feel how it could be. to feel more spacious about it. to return (to some extent) to a strong, wise version of myself.

    – Meetings.
    In my heart, I want to meet people I can really talk to.
    Let’s see if something like that comes along.

    qualities : connecting, grounding, being, existing, enjoyment, fun.

  26. OhanaMama
    Twitter: OhanaChronicles

    And an addendum to my VPA:

    I want people to tell me that my dream of working less and earning more is DOABLE and WONDERFUL and NATURAL!

    That is all.

    OhanaMama recently posted… 50-50, Bear With Me

  27. Kathleen Avins
    Twitter: spiralsongkat

    @OhanaMama — it is! It is! It totally is!

    Silent retreating on my own VPAs this week, and sprinkling magic sparkles.
    Kathleen Avins recently posted… The shape of now, and a glimpse of things to come.

  28. Shannon
    Twitter: spiralshannon

    Throwing my gwish into the pot: The maker space where I teach classes and do some of my making work has a job opening that I would be *amazing* for, and really happy in. I wants it!

    I got my resume out with lightning speed, so now I’m trying to keep myself sane in the thumb-twiddling wait-to-see-if-they-call-for-an-interview stage.

    Things I can do in the meantime:
    -Meeting the monsters that have stories and scaredness about not getting jobs that I want with gentleness and curiosity. Getting out the monster coloring book to play with them.

    -Work on building the structures to make transitioning out of my current job as smooth as possible if I do get the new one.
    Shannon recently posted… Shopping in & out of Portland

  29. Esme
    Twitter: TheRealSqualor

    VPA #1

    For the time, energy, and mental ambiance to have a wonderful Imbolc next week.

    Ways this could work:

    Plan ahead! Don’t procrastinate! Meditate! Take the extra steps, but don’t get anxious if the steps don’t get done. To not have work shifts at key times.

    My committment:

    To do the above.

    VPA #2

    I’ve put this one up before, but I’m still working on it. I want: more time + effective management of time + doitiveness + spaciousness. Enthusiasm.

    I have had some help on this, in that the week I have a story due I’ve also gotten less hours at work. Big help. But it’s a work in progress.

    Ways this could work:

    I always forget to do the changing patterns dance. I should do it more. Also, magic?

    My committment:

    The changing patterns dance!
    Esme recently posted… Prague

  30. Terri says:

    How about con-grew-ence for congruence? Emphasize the growing required.

  31. Michelle says:

    I want to make VPAs more regular. I did it already several times offline but I really like the practice.

    1. time and space
    I am overwhelmed and stressed and really want to feel more abundant. I want to create time and space to just be and to breath. I want to remind myself that there is always more time. That I get to choose what I do with it or nothing at all.
    How: being more mindful, appreciating the moment, being okay with feeling stressed and giving me time to grief that I am not where I want to be right now.

    2. project (where is metaphor mouse, I am sure Havi has a better word for it but I just cannot remeber what it is because this word makes me cringe)
    This “thing” is due next week and my motivation is low. I want to find the things I like about it. What qualities do I want to express in it.
    How: accepting my resistance and finding the thing that makes this interesting and fulfilling for me.

    3. a lovely weekend
    On my sisters birthday I want to feel relaxed and connected with my family. it is always a challenge for me but I want to be myself, I want to set clear boundaries and not just being quiet and enduring it.
    How: by remembering what qualities I appreciate in my family. by being on my side and appreciating everything my family has to give and not judging it.

  32. […] had such excitement in my heart last week at this time but I could tell last night, when I wrote another Very Personal Ad about how I wanted this week to […]

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