very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

Oh, Sunday!

One day I will be able to wholeheartedly be okay with this practice of noticing what I want and need in each and any moment.

Right now I get to seed that by practicing here on Sundays, and today I am really happy for Sunday.

Because I am exhausted. And there are wants.

Thing 1: comfort and healing for a broken heart.

Here’s what I want:

To release this pain of the Great Misunderstanding.

To trust — in the most intimate and deep ways — that I’m doing the right things to care for myself. And to care for me-from-then.

To undo old internal agreements about owing people things that I do not in fact owe them and couldn’t give even if I’d wanted to.

Ways this could work:

This is going to need some monster conversations. And some coloring in the coloring book.

(I did this last week and was flabbergasted by how much just the coloring part helps by itself. Didn’t even need to use the actual materials.)

Time. Space. Paying attention.

Taking this seriously. Not a side dish. To really put my attention here, with love.

Patience. Patience. Patience.

I’ll play with…

Watching. Naming. Crying.

I’ll take this to RAWR Monday.

And to the pool.

Lots of heart-humming. And dancing it out. Shiva Nata has helped me through more than one heart-hurt. And it will help me through this one.

Thing 2: commence Operation Sleep Is Really Important Dammit

Here’s what I want:

SLEEPS!

We’re declaring an emergency situation.

Ways this could work:

The usual tricks.

  • Consulting the Book of Me and the dammit lists.
  • Left-nostril breathing.
  • More old Turkish lady yoga and Paul’s yin practice.
  • Moving the Bruce Wayne Strengthening Elixir ritual to the morning.
  • Doing the sleep invocation.
  • Mini marathon-training (shhhhh this is a proxy for something relaxing) for ten minutes before bed.
  • More yoga nidra.
  • Treating this situation as if the director was the one who needed sleep right now.
  • Being the detective.
  • See the 74 ways to hit the reset button post.
  • GOOMB!

I’ll play with…

Acknowledging the legitimacy. This is big change we’re going through right now. It makes sense that processing is very process-ey.

Conscious entry. Preparing for the voyage, with the voyage being sleep.

Talking to the me who knows how to do this. She knows how the pure land works.

Lots of revue. With dancing.

Thing 3: not caring so much (or at all?) about that thing

Here’s what I want:

Right now there’s a situation that I am letting weigh on me.

It’s a sovereignty challenge, and a bit of a growth period.

I want to investigate this and find out what will help me release some of this old-stuck attachment to a certain result.

Ways this could work:

Talking to slightly future me.

Doing some stone skippings.

Entry and exit. Asking wise, compassionate, loving questions.

I’ll play with…

Taking it to the Playground. Doing some reflectings.

Thing 4: RAWR Mondays!

Here’s what I want:

RAWR Mondays is the name of my new Monday practice, something I’ve been doing with my partner-in-crime.

RAWR stands for Roaring And Whimpering Rendezvous.

It’s a tradition that started because I’d sail off on a mysterious project and then get spend my week working on aaaaaaargh things that suck.

So now we just schedule that in. In a celebratory way. Mondays! Mondays we roar and whimper, and then we’re ready for the week.

And when other gunk shows up we can put it in the box for next Monday, unless it’s urgent. But usually it isn’t because we’ve done so much processing on Monday.

Anyway, the thing I have learned so far about RAWR Mondays is that the Rawring requires a very safe, stable container. With lots of comfort built in.

So that’s what I’m working on.

Ways this could work:

Building the day carefully. With sweet loving things to come before and after.

What kind of sweet loving things?

Immersion in the hot pools.

Lots and lots of tea.

GOOMB! (Get. Out. Of. My. Bar.)

Mini marathon trainings. tee hee!.

Hiding in a dark booth, wearing sunglasses and eating warm comforting food.

I’ll play with…

Ridiculous amounts of entry and exit.

Lots of thinking about what I might want and need.

Setting it up.

Thing 5: good wishes for Eclipse!

Here’s what I want:

Eclipse has a job interview tomorrow. Let’s all wish her wonderful wishes!

Ways this could work:

I’m planting it here.

I’ll play with…

Wishing the wishes. Throwing it into the pot.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

I wanted to set things up for next-day me. This worked really well actually. I spent most of the week at my uncle’s in the woods (still there!). I left my notebook out and some tea for morning-me who likes to journal. I planted things for later. It felt good.

Then I wanted to do reflectings (lalalala not collage at all!) with scissors. About my twelve wishes for the year. And I’ve been doing that.

I wanted to enter the exiting, and YES. Yes yes yes. Hugely relieved about this.

Next I asked for a new relationship with January, and I’m working on that.

And I wanted new clothes for the incoming director, who is me.

This hasn’t happened yet because I’m out in the woods wearing the same thing every day. But I did try on footwear for her, and was pleased to find that she has delightfully strong opinions. So progress.

Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

  • Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
  • You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
  • Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
  • Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
  • VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!

xox