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Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

Happy Sunday, you guys!

I’m still in Denver (well, outside of Denver), but will be back soon-ish.

What do we want to ask for this week? Let’s find out.

Thing 1: For a challenging decision to resolve itself.

Here’s what I want:

Come on, decision! What if this decision could just figure itself out instead of someone (me) having to make it?

That would be really great.

Ways this could work:

I can do Shiva Nata on it, of course.

And use my mini marathon-training session (shhhhh, that’s a proxy!).

Rest on it, sleep on it, use the force.

My commitment.

To practice trust. Trust, trust and more trust.

Whichever way this goes is the way it will go, and it will either be the right decision or it will give me useful information about the next decision.

Thing 2: Oh, fractal flowers.

Here’s what I want:

Right now I have four different projects that all need my love and attention. They’re all related, and I know that working on one will have positive effects on the others.

That’s the part about the fractal flowers.

But I need to remember this. And I want to play with it more consciously.

Ways this could work:

Again, those mini marathon-training sessions. To music. With an eye pillow. Yes.

Also, I can talk to slightly future me. And interview the projects.

And generally act like I’m on Rally (Rally!).

My commitment.

To notice flowers everywhere.

To plant secret wishes.

To throw everything into the pot.

Thing 3: Fifteen mini-newts!

Here’s what I want:

Sometimes I forget to do my (wink!) mini marathon-training sessions. Even though they are vital to everything else that needs to happen.

I forget that they make everything better.

So I am trying to do a 90 second mini marathon-training session every fifteen mini-newts.

And to do a longer one at 18 minutes past the hour. If/when I remember.

And to do a song’s worth of mini marathon-training before and after each activity. Ugh, activity. What a horrid word. Where’s metaphor mouse? Okay, I need to rename that.

Anyway, this whole thing was going really well, but it’s been hard to maintain while traveling. I need more of this.

Ways this could work:

B could remind me. In code!

I could set a special reminder on my phone?

The number fifteen could magically become fun. Or maybe I need to switch the numbers?

I don’t know.

My commitment.

To remember that I’m allowed to have fun with this.

In fact, it kind of has to be fun or it won’t work.

To remember that this is a glorrrrrrious experiment, and whatever happens is useful information.

To take notes about what helps and why.

Thing 4: Recovery…

Here’s what I want:

I sort of forgot how much I can’t handle traveling. Even though I took a break from flying places for a year.

Sometimes I think it’s not the being-places so much as the getting there.

But really? It’s all of it.

My entire body is sore and miserable right now. And that’s despite all the lovely things that Barrington planned — like two marvelous massages, and all the baths and going to the pool.

I really need my bed. And the other beautiful, reassuring, comforting, peaceful structures and forms (both symbolic and real) that hold up my life.

Plus I’ll have less than a week to prepare myself for the Great Ducking Out, so I need this recovery time to happen speedily and smoothly.

Ways this could work:

Wally. Wally can help. And Barrington too, of course.

Also music.

Also returning to sweet, sweet, blessed routine as soon as possible.

And getting back to Portland where things are green, and there is oxygen. I’m pretty sure that will help.

Ah, physical proof that my surroundings are pulsing with the life force.

But really, I need uninterrupted time and space to come back to myself.

My commitment.

To slow everything down.

More conscious entry. More loving exits.

More spaciousness for my poor body and for this entire experience.

Thing 5: Shivanauticon!

Here’s what I want:

Only the most exciting thing in the entire world.

Shivanauticon! The Unconventional.

It’s like a convention, except way more fun.

In August.

I need to start the process of announcing. And there are all sorts of bits and pieces that need to fall into place for that to happen.

Ways this could work:


I could whisper-brunch the Hey-this-is-coming page.

The website:, of course.

Or I could put up the bare minimum of details.

And I can ask the Enthusiastic for help.

My commitment.

To have at least one surreptitious rendezvous with one of my partners in crime.

Planning sessions interspersed with shivanautical flailing.

To fill up on love and make a secret room for this.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

Let’s see! I wanted a perfect, simple solution to finding a stage-like thing for my workshop in Boulder, and it totally happened. Liz was able to borrow a riser from her son’s school and bring it to the studio. Thank you.

I also wanted consolidation and Revue for recovering from the Olympics, and that happened too.

Then I needed to magically create the Page That Could Not Be Mentioned Except By Proxy in time for the roller derby championships.

And it happened!

Do you want to see it? It’s here:

Also the full-page ad in the program that sent people there? Gorgeous. It looked just the way I wanted it to. Which is its own medium-sized miracle.

And I wanted recommendations for a speaker system for the Playground. Got a few but would be happy for some more.

Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

  • Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
  • You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
  • Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
  • Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
  • VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!


p.s. We always need stickers for the arts & crafts room at the Playground, so if you have any you could send our way, that would be wonderful.

Packages for the Playground can be sent care of:

The Fluent Self, Inc.
1526 NE Alberta St. #218
Portland, OR 97211
United States

Thank you!

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