What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.


Some things I want to say with love and with fire

So many / how many

There are so many things I want to say here, too many,
so many that I can’t possibly say them or name them,
but: is this true?

What if we made an opening in time
a space in which to whisper and shout,
to name whatever wishes wish be named, for thirty three minutes,
with no guidelines and no expectations, other than
BE HERE (to the best of my ability)
BREATHE (to the best of my ability)
SPEAK TRUTH (to the best of my ability)
and, always, SAFETY FIRST, how can I make myself
as comfortable as possible
within the discomfort of
these other brave and quiet things,
what do I long to talk about and share words
(with you)

Some of the many things I want to write about!

  • setting even more things on fire
  • what I received from four years as someone who [seeks shelter from the world inside of non-verbal space]
  • the most essential concepts from this body of work, the legacy of our past twelve years here
  • my intense desire to dismantle the entire culture of expertise, let us be completely done with making anyone a guru of anything, burn it all to the ground, let us all learn how to approach each other as equals, cultivating the ability to access, hear, and value our own internal wisdom, learning what we wish to from others without ever needing to elevate them onto pedestals or knock them down, let’s undo the cultural idea that someone else has our answers, that someone else needs to be the guide
  • I want to write about FLALALEELALOOLA which was secret code shorthand at my retreat center, and everyone knew what it meant which was, “I have so much love for you, and this question you are asking me is not actually mine to answer so this is me returning it to you with love and warmth”
  • I want to write about Panthers and Serendipity and Slow Emerging, things that are luscious and unexpected and return me to presence and wildness
  • naming words/concepts/metaphors which need to disappear forever from our collective state of mind, and letting new names and new forms come in
  • wild self-treasuring and what it means to trust in timing — because when it is not the time for something, it is okay that it is still not the time for that thing
  • returning to the water / returning everything to the water


Connection is about grounded presence and powerful boundaries,
just like writing and breathing and truth

Connection is vulnerable and beautiful and always new,
just like writing and breathing and truth

I knew this from dance, but I received it from
a long circuitous voyage into my own quietest places

Connection with other people asks of us to connect first
to ourselves, our bodies, our grounded presence, our clear intention,
this is how we show up as equals,
ready to play

Here is the short version of what I believe

No experts are required, and in fact expertise itself is bullshit
because the work (and play!) of self-fluency
is about how we listen to ourselves and discern, over time,
through paying attention and experimenting,
learning to trust what we already know,
becoming experts in our own internal worlds, in the art and science of
taking exquisite care of ourselves
in the ways that are most right for us in that moment
(because People Vary)

And slowly over time we also get better at feeling
what we need and want, as well as
who-and-how we are in the world,
meeting all of that with as much love and
compassionate understanding
as we can muster
in a given moment

Back to the fire

Let the fire consume the entire culture of expertise,
of advice and five steps and eight tips and
“once I was just like you” and all
the ongoing rigged game propaganda
that continuously encourages us turn to external sources
so that they may reveal the answers

When in fact someone else can only ever model or describe
their own path to their answers,
or an approach which currently works for them

And their answers do not have to be our answers,
at most someone else’s beautiful learning holds
clues and inspiration for us
and this is lovely and more than enough

As equals

Let us dismantle the entire culture of
[there are these people out there who have the answers],
and invent a new world together in which
it is so very clear that we are all equals
in this ongoing process of life, each of us figuring out
our own [right way for right now],
sharing ideas, concepts, experiments, techniques, discoveries, methodology,
but without grasping for something we think is outside of us,
and without giving anyone else our power
through imagining that they might be the ones
who have our answers

That mentality doesn’t exist of course in the culture of my business or
my life, but right now I want to burn it down in the outside world as well,
the time has come

Looking out to look back in

Right now I am thinking about
what I want to write and create
and also what do I want to make that is
of most use — and joy! — to you guys,
something to support people in
playing with ideas and concepts without me,
delving into their own process and their own practice of self-fluency

And maybe I’ll just turn this into a survey and ask you
which of the following possible things that either exist or will exist soon
feel most yes for you
with the understanding that of course I will
still end up going with whatever feels right for me
(because this question may be directed towards you
but of course really it is for me)
(Flalaleelaloola, again, always!)

the point though is that you are absolutely welcome and invited to
let me know in the comments if you feel enthused about any of these!

The list

  1. The Collected Posts. Sixteen of my very favorite pieces of writing published here over the past years. They’ve been carefully edited and in some cases expanded upon, and are now an exceptionally beautiful ebook, with blank pages in between for taking notes or skipping stones or if you want to do your own writing and processing, because of course writing belongs to all of us.
  2. The Book Of [Not-Advice] for Writing, aka so yes okay, this one still needs a title but as we already know, I DO NOT BELIEVE IN ADVICE-GIVING SO THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT ADVICE, and also I HAVE NO INTEREST IN PERCEIVED EXPERTISE SO THIS IS NOT THAT EITHER, but more like, The Way I Think About The Process Of Writing Which Is Not The Way Anyone Else Needs To Think About Writing But Could Be Useful Or Inspiring Or Intriguing For People To Read About Without Thinking That The Way I Do Needs To Be The Way Because It Doesn’t. Or hey here is the approach I use with myself when I am writing things that want to be written, or here are wise things I know that that I would offer with love to past-me, or these are the reminders that wise-me gives hesitant-me when I am all in knots about writing. This one has not yet been written but I have a giant notebook full notes and so much to say about this, and the conscious self-fluent approach which is my legacy.
  3. The Book of Salves, aka A Soothing of Salves. Those of you who have been around for a while remember that we used to invent a salve here each week, and these were extremely magical and reading them made everything better. I have curated a collection of my very favorites and rewritten them.
  4. The Book of Superpowers is the same thing but for superpowers, this one need some editing but are close to being ready to come into the world.
I may also at some point go back to offering sessions with a Havi, aka Secret Agent Rendezvous aka Not Coaching but sovereign collaboration among equals, for people who already know I don’t have their answers and don’t need me to have their answers and are ready to show up as equals to play together and be magic. I can also create a self-guided DIY training manual that people can use to develop/hone the skill sets needed to either do the above, or *skip* the above, and then I am not needed at all, which is a marvelous thing, and in fact Not Being Needed is not only what I want, it has been the whole point of this work from the very beginning in 2005.

Other wishes on my mind

Some wishes and intentions as I feel into the transition from this month of Serendipity into whatever comes next…

TFB (Total Fucking Badass), EMBODIED


And I call on the superpower of My Superpower Is Healing,
which is an excellent double-triple meaning.

Healing things is my superpower,
but/and/also: my superpower, whatever it may be,
is in the process of healing and becoming whole and revealing itself to me,
and also my superpower IS A HEALING for me, just by existing.

Current Secret Ops (of Wilding and Rewilding)

To be renamed at some future point….

  • Panther Integration
  • Goodbye To Ninety Percent Of The Things
  • Acquire Motorcycle License?
  • Dissolve The Ink
  • Pay The Thing
  • Climb A Pole
  • What Does The Basement Need
  • Run Away To South Dakota But Not Really
  • But Really Mexico
  • Replace A Ninja
  • Retreaaaaaaaaat!
  • Not Your Typical Bond Girl After All
  • Smash The Patriarchy And Set Things On Fire


May we all have the superpowers we need,
in the moment we need them,
or something even better,
and may we all find it easier to
notice what helps us take better care of ourselves and what doesn’t
as we go through this complicated thing of being alive
in these especially challenging times,
and I wish my wishes with love,
knowing-and-trusting that
the process of wishing wishes is a way we can
come together and glow love towards each other
and delight in everyone’s beautiful wishes!

Invitation: come play with me…

You are invited to share this post and to share many !!!!!! about what is here,

Or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading…

You can also share how things have been going, check in, or deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, possibly in code. And yes, you are welcome to share excitement about any of these possible products which might be coming out soon, and if any in particular speak to you, let me know!

Safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishes and checking-in are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing.

We remember that people vary and my process doesn’t have to be yours, and this is a good thing.

Here’s how we meet each other: with great kindness and appreciation and awe, whispering (and sometimes shouting) oh, wow what beautiful wishes!

26 Responses to Some things I want to say with love and with fire

  1. Kathleen Avins
    Twitter: spiralsongkat

    * <3 *

    I am verrry interested in all four potential offerings, approximately in the order of 2 – 1 – 3 – 4. (I'm suddenly imagining the salves and superpowers as beautiful decks of cards, like the stone skippings, only digital, able to be printed out and colored/illuminated again and again.)

    I also have a fine feeling of enthusiasm for the fine-print offerings that you have whispered here! Sending love and joy and hope and sparkling anticipation!

    (P.S. oh my yes, there are many many things in the mixed-up mainstream culture that ought to be burned, I am very much with you in this.)

    * <3 *

  2. Mary Tracy
    Twitter: MaryTracy

    I am *extremely* interested in the book about non-advice about writing, because I am fascinated by how other writers write.
    I am currently re-visiting Natalie Goldberg’s “Writing Down the Bones”, and I love it. I follow precisely none of her advice, because to me that’s not the point, the point is to hear another writer muse on what writing is and how they go about it.

  3. kay says:

    Offering 1 is most yes for me

  4. Katie says:

    I am drawn to 2, 3 and 4 most. I’d also go for 1.
    And cards, yes!! What a brilliant idea!

  5. Jeff Moriarty says:

    Just passing through to mention that while I don’t have the pleasure of interacting with you as much as I used to, I am still quite happy there is Havi in the world. You are wonderful.

  6. Suzie says:

    !!!!!!!!!!! for all written here! 1-4-3-2 for me personally on the List. And more !!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Scout says:

    I’m reaching towards non-advice and DIY training which is illuminating for my Stuff. “hello, yes, i understand that there is no book outside of myself that will give me answers and yet also please may i have one or two or all of them, thank you”

    A breath for steadiness and trust in receiving.

  8. Sue T says:

    I am appreciating this so much!
    I like all these ideas in this order: self-guided DIY manual, 4-1-2-3

    “Nothing like a good mystery!” sparks so many sparks! Thank you!

  9. Kathleen Jowitt
    Twitter: KathleenJowitt

    I think that the thing that I am most interested in is the DIY manual. 2 and 1 would be of great interest and 3 and 4 would be nice to have.

    FLALALEELALOOLA is amazing! Wonderful, tingly concept!
    Kathleen Jowitt recently posted… 100 untimed books: craft

  10. Sara A says:

    I think I need a book of salves right now!!!

  11. Kristi says:

    I like option 2 because I have need of a model for this. I work with a group that builds things *for* communities (civic tech) and most of us would like it to be more building *with* communities. The paradigm of experts swooping in is a big problem. How can we share resources and lend strength rather than practicing our expertise upon people? Option 1 would also likely help me get ideas for this.

  12. Denise says:

    Number 2! I mean all of them but Number 2 really resonates. I think we need more talking about and seeing models of the process of writing. And the actual process not some b.s. expertise nonsense because everyone is different. But we should all be learning from one another how to put what we know out into the world via writing while not harming ourselves emotionally in the process! Number 2!!!!

  13. Questing Lee says:

    One vote for each of 5 a and b – the DIY book and Play! During Rally X, I created a Play (more like a skit). Hm, maybe Play would turn into a Rally?

  14. amyfibre says:

    Mmmmm….I love the idea of a DIY manual.

    I am trying to relax into there are no experts. Helped, this week, by a reminder from Austin Kleon: http://austinkleon.com/2017/05/04/dont-ask/

  15. Karen says:

    I took the MSF BRC in February. Had to leave at lunch on the first day. Crashed on my very first feet-up ride; got back on the bike and continued but could not get ahead of the fear. By the time we were supposed to ride and brake and shift, all I could see was crashing into someone else and hurting them.

    So I left.

    Now I’m trying to learn with the help of friends who ride. Got my learner’s permit so I’m legal if I crash and hurt myself. Doing EFT on the fear. It will take as long as it takes and maybe it will never take. I try to imagine the physical act of driving a motorcycle when I am driving a car, and I pay a different kind of attention to the driver when I am a passenger on a motorcycle.

    Learning new physical skills is hard. It appears that few people learn to ride a motorcycle from scratch over 40 (over 20 would also be true, but a bit less so).

  16. Darcy
    Twitter: darxyanne

    DIY training manuals and not-advice about writing are both appealing and enthusiasm-inducing to me. :) <3

  17. Anna
    Twitter: annadraun

    Very very very enthused about all four, especially the non-experty non-advice-giving book about writing! So many sparkling joyously squealing exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the superpower of Warm Gratitude for Unexpected Timely Reminders that you always provide, because perfect timing.

  18. SarahStar says:

    hello! I am late to the party, I thought I had commented here when you posted this but that must have been in a dream…. No 1. is Sparking Sparks for me, I miss having your archive to trawl through, every so often I have a moment of ‘Ooh, yes, Havi did a post on this topic and put it so brilliantly, how did that go again…?’. My therapist now has a copy of the Flow Chart of Spaciousness in her Magic Folder of Useful Stuff, btw!
    SarahStar recently posted… Continuing garden transformation

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