How many times have I sat down to write prose, poetry or a song and sat for hours feeling I had nothing to say, until I had passed the point of expecting anything — at which point it arrived.

Thanks for the inspiration, Havi.

martin

P.S. Thanks Havi for sharing how your mind works because I feel normal when I read your work.

xxxx
Jessica

What does my stuff need from me? To provide myself with a safer way of being in the world. A psychological window or door would do. An escape hatch? One that actually works and doesn’t jamb.

What do I need right now? Allowing myself to be in the box (without chastising or hating myself) until I can devise some safer methods of being in the world.
What if I had permission to do anything wrong? Oh boy. We’re talkin’ freedom, space, opportunity, fun, unlimited possibilities!

What’s missing? The ability to live without apology, justification and explanation for my eccentric, awkward, beautiful, wacky, smart, daft amazingness.
Self: What?! THAT’S IT?!
Me: Yeah, that’s it.
Self: Then let’s cut a damn door NOW and get “Free” tattooed on our person today!
Me: Sure! But only if I get to have that amazing sugar-free Dutch chocolate cake on the way home :oD

Holy shitabrickamus. And gosh too.
Thanks, honey.

Next, “What if I had permission, in my actual life just as in Shiva Nata, to do everything wrong …?” Wow. Eye opener time. Because I never guilt myself if I’m not doing it. And when I do it I laugh my way though how hopelessly bad I am at it, and even love myself for my confusion. And, in case you think I am on some advanced level I am still *learning the arm positions* That’s all! My brain injured brain which can’t tell right from left and is afraid I’ll fall out of cars if the sun roof is open is having epiphanies and a rollicking good time just from Double 1, Double 2. How CAN I live my actual life like that?

Finally, I’ve been using eft to work thru layers lately. Layers and layers. Always surprising. Cleansing and freeing. It’s what I wish for you, too.
.-= Mahala Mazerov´s last blog ..The Bowl of Stars – A Guided Meditation =-.

What does my issue, my problem, my pattern look like?

It’s hard. It’s sticky and knotty and all tangled up. Some of it is old and some of it is new – and it’s gotten all tangled up together so now it’s hard to pull individual pieces out and work on them on their own, even if they don’t really seem to go together. It’s really a mess.

What does my pattern need from me.

It needs time and love and patience and attention but less attention than I think because it kind of wants to work itself out on its own and sometimes when I focus on it, it makes it stop what it’s doing and get more knotted up.

What do I need right now.

I need love and a kitten (editor’s note: this totally stopped me – I don’t think I need a kitten. I have a dog. Sort of wondering if I meant to say that I need to take up knitting). I need patience and to be willing to sit with things even when I feel strange or poorly or don’t understand what’s going on.

What if I had permission, in my actual life just as in Shiva Nata, to do everything wrong.

I wouldn’t be making such a big deal out of this. I could try doing my thing, and if it didn’t work out, I’d do something else. And if that didn’t work out, I’d do something else. I wouldn’t worry so much about this all because I would understand that doing something wrong doesn’t mean the world will end.

What’s missing.

That permission. I feel like I need someone to give me that permission, when actually I need to give it to myself. And the part of me that wants to give me permission is being held back by the part of me that thinks I need to get it from someone else. I need to let that small part come forward. It’s being blocked by a rather large gorilla. Maybe if I feed the gorilla a banana, he will be willing to take a break for a while.
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..it’s the little things =-.