(The month, that is. For some reason, it seems weirder to write a letter to a month when it sounds like a letter to a person. I don’t know what we’re going to do in June.)
And so far we have spent five days together, and I have been crying for most of them. It kind of sucks.
So we’re going to do this.
We’re going to have an encounter. I’m going to stop avoiding our relationship, with a few awkward, tentative steps towards a more harmonious something-or-other.
I’m going to need a different approach. And apparently I also need a fairy godmother. Huh? What? Oh, okay. Fine. Let’s do it.
The set-up. Starting with the Cast of Characters.
Adorably messy hair. Roses on her socks. Way too busy. Cries a lot lately. Possibly a witch?
The Fairy Godmother.
At first glance, she is sort of an oddball mirror reflection of Havi. Equally messy hair. Socks on her roses. Yes.
But something is off. She’s an unlikely candidate for the part.
Underneath the eccentric-aunt costumes, she glows. She is steadily glowing a glow. And not just any glow but indescribably intense.
She’s very smart. And very regal. One begins to suspect it is the goddess Athena in disguise.
Full of flowers. Not interested. No socks. Roses on her roses.
I have zero idea where this is going. But let’s find out…
Oh, it turns out there’s a plot.
Not an evil plot to destroy the whatever. Just that our story has a plot. And here it is:
Both Havi and the Fairy Godmother share a rare form of amnesia.
See also: Memento, Revisited.
Havi can’t remember what she needs, and the Fairy Godmother can’t remember how to give it to her. Or how to show her that it’s already there, which is more often the case.
There’s also a writer (surprise!), and the writer writes notes.
Let’s look at the notes.
This is the note the Fairy Godmother gets each morning.
Tucked under her pillow, no doubt.
Dear fairy godmother,
It is a glorrrrrrrious day, as you are sure to have noticed. Well-sparkled!
As you will have forgotten due to your nightly forgetting, here is your reminder regarding your charge, Havi.
It is your sacred duty to help Havi remain connected to herself and connected to right now.
Additionally, it is absolutely critical that she always have a) keys, b) a quiet and safe place to go, c) something to eat.
Not having access to these things can trigger an episode of thinking that Now Is Just Like Then.
Should an episode of this sort begin, it is up to you to show her how everything is different.
When your work is complete, Havi will be you and you will be done. Actually, you will be me.
And this is the note Havi gets each morning.
You do not know this yet but today has the possibility of being a glorrrrrrrious day, no matter what happens in it.
Athena says: SUN.
Athena says: Start there.
Athena says: Sun salutations.
Athena says: Hum first. Then stretch. Then jump. Then quiet. And only then do you create. Except you don’t even do that. You just reveal the things that have been created for you.
Take care of your fairy godmother by looking at all the clews she sets for you.
Keys are important so pay attention to them.
Go to the quietest place, and the answers will be there.
Everything is a passage, so just notice that.
Now you can leave a note for April.
Dear April 2012,
You are the month of new.
I am doing my best to be here now. Not in past-Aprils and not in resistance-of-new.
I am committing to flowers, to sun salutations, to walking, to water, to rest.
I want your help. I’m sorry I forgot to ask.
But mainly this. I want us to belong to each other, to feel welcome together.
I want you to feel loved. I want time and space and trust and delight.
I want to remember that I was kind to myself when things were hard.
And I don’t have to know why I’m crying for me-from-then to cry for me-from-then. Maybe it’s another form of watering the garden, I don’t know.
Sometimes I think I don’t know how to love you, but then I remember that saying hello to the not knowing how is another way to say hello to you. Which is another form of love in the form of a gentle touch.
Join me if you like. The commenting blanket fort.
So this was pretty different than it’s been in other months.
You are welcome to write your own hello letter to April or drop off some gwishes, or whatever you like.
We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We take responsibility for our stuff. Because without sovereignty and spaciousness, this whole thing falls apart.
And we make this a safe space by not telling each other what to do, how to be or how to feel. We make room for each other.
Wishing you a safe, comforting, sweet April full of unexpected good things.