Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
This week, this week. So hard.
Well, for me.
Lots of challenge. Lots of pausing to breathe eight breaths.
Pausing to breathe eight breaths.
Again and again and again.
Doing it with companionship.
A fellow agent. Texting a friend. The frolicsome bar (what I call our facebook page).
Setting up my day around when I get to descend to the floor for yoga and breathing.
“I don’t have to like it.”
This week I got lots of information about what I need to do in order to take care of myself.
And I did not like it. Lots of resistance, lots of frustration.
This phrase was a huge help to me.
“Okay, here’s some more information about what I need, and I don’t have to like it.”
Legitimacy. Permission. Acknowledgment.
Here’s where I’m at. I don’t have to like it. Here’s what I know. I don’t have to like it. This is how I feel. I don’t have to like it.
Next time I might…
Act in accordance with what I know to be true.
But I’m not there yet. So maybe not.
Next time I might remind myself of the consequences of not taking exquisite care of myself.
Next time I might give myself even more tenderness and compassion for the process of making changes.
Lots of process requires lots of rest and integration (for me), and this was one of the things that got pushed aside this week.
The hard, challenging and mysterious.
- Truth this week was simple and obvious, and I did not like it.
- Too many things.
- CAN I GET A PROGRESS REPORT ON THIS PLEASE. I do not know why it is so difficult for me to ask for information, but it is.
- Too much socialize.
- Too much input.
- Too much output.
- Too much noise.
- Too much everything.
- Realizations about how much is too much right now (apparently anything), and having to readjust.
- Sometimes being an HSP is hugely limiting.
- I had to miss a thing I’ve looked forward to for six years because I couldn’t handle the noise levels.
- I am not happy about the 15th.
- Seeing a thing I did not want to see.
- The Rose Garden. As in: the arena.
- I do not want to be doing any of the things I am doing right now.
- Seeing how much I have moved away from what I want, and not knowing if that is part of the labyrinth and actually I’m getting closer, or if I need to start again.
- Aaaaaaaauuuugh misunderstandings, they are the worst.
- Nightmares about then.
- Sadness about then.
The good, reassuring and delights.
- Truth this week was simple and obvious.
- I have a lot more information now about what I want and need in life. I don’t like it yet and I don’t have to like it, but at least I know.
- When I act in accordance with this information, things get better.
- I learned a lot about internal rules that I have that keep me from acting in accordance with this information, and this will help me undo them.
- I got to spend time with lots of people I love this week.
- Eight breaths.
- Joy and freedom are my allies.
- I ate a peach, and it was delicious. Summer. SUMMER. Delight.
- The Ballroom. It is a clue.
- An old friend came for four days and we got to reconnect.
- Strawberries in the garden.
- Deep intensity of feeling.
- Even though I do not do well in social situations, it turns out that if I madly adore each person involved, then it is much easier for me. There is hope. Actually, I am fine in social situations while they are happening. It is after they end that I feel exhausted and miserable.
- Moments of pure trust.
- Questions that were the right questions.
- Silence and pleasure.
- This bus is the best damn bus ever. Worth waiting for. What else in my life is worth waiting for?
- I am ready to trust my process as a human being. Yes.
A superpower I had this week…
The superpower of seeing what I want and what I don’t want very, very clearly.
And a superpower I want next week.
The superpower of retreating.
This week’s salve is the salve of softening.
Everything that needs to get a little softer just gets a little softer.
These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory has delivered enough to me to distribute by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.
Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!
This week’s band is:
They are the fender-blenders of east Germany, and they make a lot of noise.
And, not unsurprisingly, it turns out that this band is actually just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. ANNOUNCEMENT.
I am going to recommend the Monster Coloring Book and Manual. It makes things better.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.