What we do here:

Work on our stuff. Dissolve stuck. Play. Experiment. Rewrite patterns. We take sometimes-heavy things* and we make them more fun, playful, manageable.

I also write about my conversations with walls and monsters, and what it's like to work on a pirate ship. Good times.

* Sometimes-heavy things include: mindfulness and presence, pain and trauma, business-growing, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity

 

Epiphanies without a filter.

My favorite thing about Shiva Nata is not even the ridiculously clear information it gives about everything in my life.

It’s not even the permission to be terrible at something (you have to be terrible at it because being terrible at it is the way you get the epiphanies).

And it’s not the way it makes your patterns so completely obvious that they actually bore you, and changing them becomes something playful and silly.

My absolute favorite thing is the way it zaps whatever filters I have that normally obstruct internal wisdom and keep it from getting to my conscious brain.

Answers without filters.

When I teach, we do ten minutes or so of mad flailing. And then I ask questions. And we write answers.

This is how I found the bridge.

And this is some of what I learned last weekend from my brain talking to me without filters:

In what situations do I avoid doing things that would help me feel more comfortable?

WIth authority figures. Or people I perceive as authority figures.

In public interactions. Like buying groceries. Fear of being judged, chastised, corrected.

Also when I teach. It’s as if a certain level of physical discomfort is necessary (when that’s clearly not true).

How do I make myself more comfortable in my business?

Permission to not have to do things I’m not ready for. Permission to find work-arounds that help me feel safe.

More ways to hide! More barriers. More grounding. More time talking to my business.

How do I help my people feel more comfortable without sacrificing my own sense of comfort?

Being welcoming. Clear forms and structures. Letting people know what’s going to happen next.

If I had a giant permission slip … what would be different?

I’d never go to another dinner party again.

I would buy a dining room table even though it’s — gasp! – not investing back into my business. I would do resting-ey things without guilt.

Be barefoot always. Go to a spa. Dance all day.

If I didn’t care so much what other people thought …

My daily practice would be my work. More integration.

I would write more.

If I spent more time giving myself access to the qualities that sustain me:

I would have a lot of alone time.

There would be more dancing.

My soul and I would be best friends and we’d hold hands and skip down the street.

Ironically, I know that this stuff is what feeds my business too. But my brain still says that it would be neglecting the business to care for myself.

This is the classic example of when you know what is true intellectually, and no amount of verbal reframing can change things. Because you already agree with all the points being made.

But your body is in resistance anyway.

This is the pattern. And this is what I need to do Shiva Nata on.

What creates containment?

  • boundaries
  • ritual
  • acceptance
  • reflection
  • entry and exit points
  • reflection

All of these things come together to create sovereignty.

Sovereignty = necessary for containment. And vice versa.

Or: Whatever brings you more containment connects you to your sovereignty.

What would bring me more containment?

Structure.

The Book of Me.

Having obvious structures/containers/rituals around things like going to bed.

Having the balls to say: “You know what? I changed my mind.”

Trusting that enclosed spaces are not prisons.

What do I know about useful boundaries? What boundaries are useful for me?

The one between me and my computer.

The one at the edge of my physical space.

Grounding.

Also nonviolent communication is a boundary: with words.

Doing Shiva Nata gives me that sensory perception of having a field of protection.

A moving circle of protectors.

Rituals that support me: what are some useful elements?

Music. Time. Writing. Having a prescribed end time. I need to know when it will end.

Separation.

If I were able to be more accepting of myself and my stuff …

I would have more patience with myself in this moment right now.

I would give myself a break.

Both in the sense of calling a pause, and in the sense of giving myself permission to fall apart a little.

There would be much acknowledging of my own hard. And some forgiveness.

What do I know about reflection?

Things are connected.

Sometimes I feel a rush of annoyance and I know it isn’t mine. That I’m picking up on someone’s thing and not making a quick enough clear enough boundary.

If I am filling my space with me, what gets reflected back to me is grace and beauty.

If I am not, what gets reflected back is other people’s stuff.

So it’s not like this:

“Here is a boundary exists to keep me from their stuff and to repel their stuff back to them.”

No. It’s about reflecting light as a general way of being — both so that I can be filled with me and so they can see that it’s their stuff.

So reflection is connected to fullness. Interesting.

Then what about depletion? What’s that?

–> Fullness is to reflection what depletion is to distortion.

What happens when I get depleted?

I go into distortion.

I need to fill up on me again.

Safety — for me — is found in going inward. This is not true for many of my people, for whom turning inward feels really unsafe.

Working with people who are curious about their internal workings — about Very Interior Design — means finding ways to create safety for this process.

Entry and exit points: what do we know about them?

They need to be more defined. They need ritual. Transitioning is special. Moving out and in is a space where things happen.

These spaces are … huh the word that’s coming is “blessed” that’s totally not something I would ever say but okay.

I did not know that.

These spaces need extra love and attention. Rituals to start. Rituals to end. Rituals of re-entry.

Where do I find protection?

In the dance. In my self. In Hoppy House. In teaching. In writing. In asking to get better at receiving it.

Comment zen for today …

This stuff is from my notes and unedited for coherency. :)

I’m not sharing this stuff because I’d like advice because I don’t actually. I’m sharing it because I think the process is useful.

And I think some of these questions are useful. So even if you haven’t done any Shiva Nata today or ever, you can play with these too if you like.

If this seemed like your thing, you might like these too:

25 Responses to Epiphanies without a filter.

  1. Alisha
    Twitter: storiesofsommer
    says:

    “Where do I find protection?”

    This question…I really need to marinate on.
    .-= Alisha´s last post … What leap do you wish to take? =-.

  2. Emily
    Twitter: emilyroots
    says:

    Entry and exit points. I need to write that on my forehead or something as a reminder. Entry and exit points. This seems very important. And overlooked. Always overlooked. Trying to remember the value of the transition. Yes.

    Thank you, again and always.
    .-= Emily´s last post … Messenger in the Bottle =-.

  3. Andi
    Twitter: annaline_39
    says:

    Exit points, yes yes yes. This past four years and counting has been one long “when will this ever end?” and making space for something in my life with a definite end point would really help with this ongoing anxiety.

    More to think on, but wanted to pop in and say thank you.
    .-= Andi´s last post … Take Me to the River =-.

  4. Briana
    Twitter: brianaaldrich
    says:

    Wow to the timing of this. Just this morning after my practice I scribbled down answers to my intention as fast as they came, which I hardly ever do. And the answers were so big and obvious. And universalish. And it seemed like the thing I need to ask from the dance is how to actually incorporate those big, clear elements of truthiness, so that I can know them in a way that is really part of me.

    And then you offer: This is the pattern. And this is what I need to do Shiva Nata on.

    Wow.

    And, oh yes! For rituals, knowing when the thing will end is so, so useful for me, too.
    .-= Briana´s last post … A case of the pre-launch awkward blurts =-.

  5. Dawn says:

    Ooh, how fun to get a glimpse into the “unedited” Havi. I *thought* there was a different feel to this post, and as I was reading it, I kept wanting to go back to the beginning to get the overarching theme or main idea. I resisted and instead let myself travel with you, wandering around inside. Very interesting process — both what you describe and the actual process of reading your post (I had a similarly tangible experience to your post about being an Interior Designer, although that post had a more literary, linear feel).

    I don’t do Shiva Nata (nor am I sure I want to…which is strange since almost everything you offer I want to try), but I *did* have an epiphany the other day about myself and my writing. I wish I could say there was a direct reason/source like Shiva Nata, but when I had the realization, which keeps coming back to me a-new, I find myself likening it how I receive your descriptions of Shiva Nata.

    I wonder if you have any thoughts re: how else to get “epiphanies” or to go deep or do something different to get a similar “result” (for lack of a better word) that isn’t exactly Shiva. Or I wonder if others have reported other practices that offer fresh insights.
    .-= Dawn´s last post … Being Stationary =-.

  6. Heidi
    Twitter: HeidiDobbs
    says:

    boundaries and end points… but seen as something positive, as being supportive of the process, rather than suppressing. I think I needed to be reminded of this.

    Too often, I get caught up in what I’m doing, and in feeling like I have to be always moving forward(!) or else… or else what? I’m not really sure what the or else is, but I feel the pressure of it.

    I’m learning how to step back, regroup, and yes, even to place the occasional boundary, in order to be able to move forward later with renewed energy and excitement. Oddly enough, I’m finding that I often need to set boundaries on myself (there are those ending times!)…

    Thank you for sharing your unedited thoughts, I can feel myself following the rabbit trail, and now my own thoughts are swirling around and dancing about. This just may take me somewhere useful… or maybe just somewhere restful, that would be ok too : )
    .-= Heidi´s last post … Taking the space to breathe. =-.

  7. Elizabeth
    Twitter: elizabethhalt
    says:

    Oh! These are good questions. I like the permission slip one. Off to practice and epiphinate ..

    @Dawn: I started getting epiphanies/insights when I started practicing reiki .. I’d do a session for myself every evening and I’d usually get my insights during the afternoon. I suspect that regular meditation – if I could have managed to meditate regularly – would have worked similarly because that felt like the state I was in.
    .-= Elizabeth´s last post … round and round =-.

  8. Leila Lloyd-Evelyn
    Twitter: LeilaLEvelyn
    says:

    Inside your mind in a different way this time. ‘Sometimes I feel a rush of annoyance and I know it isn’t mine.’
    I love that you know that and I wonder if I ever will. Often I feel annoyed and I don’t know why. though truth is i stopped worrying about this a long time ago. as a general rule I know that I’m sensitive, so my toesy woesy get trod on a lot. Ouch. Shit. Ouch. Get off you (Swear, Swear, Swear’s Leila says inside). That said. ‘If I am filling my space with me, what gets reflected back to me is grace and beauty.’ I am totally intrigued by this sentence. An affirmation to your youness. It awakens more questions than I can answer right now. But I am enjoying the sense that i am not alone with this not knowing thing. Blessings to you sweetpea. thank you as always for your writing. blows kiss mush mush
    x
    .-= Leila Lloyd-Evelyn´s last post … How authentic is your voice? What character traits & passion do you squash, sit on & crush? =-.

  9. Katie (Sauer) Hart
    Twitter: yogiconomist
    says:

    For me there is such power in asking a question (after Shiva Nata) and forcing myself to actually *write down the answers*. For a long time I didn’t bother to write things down – I would just ponder. Turns out for me, when I write down the answers, they are different than the ones that my brain thinks they are. It is as if they are coming from somewhere else.

    Zing. Zap. Amazing.

    Thanks for sharing your process.
    .-= Katie (Sauer) Hart´s last post … My Knee is Apparently a Diva =-.

  10. Hiro Boga
    Twitter: HiroBoga
    says:

    The sacred space of transitions–of exits and entrances, corridors, hallways, doorways, thresholds. This is what beckons me today, as I get ready to move.

    Thank you, Havi, for sharing your process with such clarity and openness. You’re a gift and a blessing in my life.

    Love, Hiro
    .-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Tsunamis In the House of Wholeness =-.

  11. Alanagh
    Twitter: cinnamontime
    says:

    Thank you for sharing your process so openly. I particularly loved the part about blessing & the acceptance of a word that you would not normally say. I have trouble just accepting that. Sometimes my answer is “huh, the word coming up is … but I don’t like that” or “that’s not what I wanted”. Just going “and that’s okay”, it feels more comfortable, way less judgie.

  12. claire
    Twitter: claireofRA
    says:

    Thank you for sharing your unaltered stream of consciousness. I like seeing how other people’s minds work.

    This ties into an ask I had a couple weeks ago:
    “This is the classic example of when you know what is true intellectually, and no amount of verbal reframing can change things. Because you already agree with all the points being made.

    But your body is in resistance anyway.

    This is the pattern.”

    and it does help me understand and recognize my own pattern more.
    .-= claire´s last post … 20 Minute Yoga Workouts =-.

  13. Josiane
    Twitter: kimianak
    says:

    More questions to play with and ponder! Thank you for sharing them, Havi, as well as your answers and process.
    I love the idea of zapping the filters, too. That’s a great way to put it. When that happens, I need to get better at listening for real at what the internal wisdom says as it comes up unobstructed. I guess I need to do Shiva Nata on this…
    .-= Josiane´s last post … Not totally random hair story =-.

  14. Lindsay says:

    . . . Having the balls to say: “You know what? I changed my mind.”

    Preach on!

    I’m convinced if I ever got my head around that one – guiltlessly saying “Yeah, I said I’d do it, but actually, it’s not going to happen. Sorry about that.” and then just moving on . . . well, that would be UNREAL . . .

    Thanks for sharing. :)

  15. Rebecca Leigh
    Twitter: rebecca_leigh
    says:

    OMG.

    “If I had a giant permission slip … what would be different?

    I’d never go to another dinner party again.”

    My brain just did a huge double-take, like whaaaaaaaaa?

    Is that possible?

    And then when I thought about it I realised I don’t actually go to that many dinner parties but I carry a fear that at any moment I might be INVITED to one and that I’ll HAVE TO SAY YES because that’s the normal, socialable thing to do and that then I WILL have a real, live dinner party to wish I didn’t have to go to.

    Freakin’ hilarious! (Well, in my head it is!)

    X

  16. Kathleen Avins
    Twitter: spiralsongkat
    says:

    Thank you so much for this post; several of the things you’ve written here ring very true for me. I, too, attach a great deal of importance to knowing where the end point is for a given thing. I tend to freak out when people do what I call moving the finish line, pushing it further back than I thought is was going to be. That’s probably worth a page in the Book of Me, come to think of it.

    Also, I especially thank you for illuminating the connection between depletion and distortion. That makes so much sense, but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen it quite that clearly before.

    Where do I find protection?

    In music. In writing. In solitude. In the arms of those who love me. Here.
    .-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … The wilderness within =-.

  17. Sandra
    Twitter: sandrajapandra
    says:

    Yes, thank you for the insight into the process.

    Dawn, I had some interesting insights come up when I was assembling a desk last night. That’s not meant to be flip. I think maybe there’s something about doing things like that that make you concentrate while using a different part of your brain than usual for a sustained time that tap into the same connecting/insighting activities. Maybe?
    .-= Sandra´s last post … Don’t forget your umbrella… at home? =-.

  18. Andrew Lightheart
    Twitter: alightheart
    says:

    ***

    If I had a giant permission slip … what would be different?

    ***

    That went off like a deep gong in my head.

    I’m going for a walk right now. Right. Now. And maybe doing some furtive flailing on the way.
    .-= Andrew Lightheart´s last post … What if anger isn’t anger =-.

  19. Rose
    Twitter: celestialrose
    says:

    I’m so glad you posted this – I’m not comfortable turning inwards and yet it’s something I’m trying to become more comfortable with (from a point of meditation) and the idea of taking protection with me and aving specific points of entry and exit; and of ritual – i’d never have thought of.

    Thanks for posting it Havi, you really do know just what we need to hear.
    .-= Rose´s last post … Finding the Pieces =-.

  20. Terry says:

    Having the balls to say I changed my mind? Now there’s a goal I can sink my teeth into.
    .-= Terry´s last post … She’s Given Her All, But She’s Still Alone =-.

  21. Andrew Lightheart
    Twitter: alightheart
    says:

    Zowee – that was worth it.
    .-= Andrew Lightheart´s last post … What if anger isn’t anger =-.

  22. Shannon
    Twitter: clover
    says:

    If I had a giant permission slip …

    I’ve been marinating on this for a few days now. I’m stopping by lots of other blogs where people are talking about talking to their monsters, and I think the permission monster is lurking for me, because the OBLIGATION monster is never far behind these days.

    I need to give myself permission to be rather freaked out by things that “normal” people don’t worry about. Like buying things, or mailing letters, or calling the bank to ask a question. Bleh.

    Maybe I need a giant permission slip, like the cardboard check Publisher’s Clearinghouse used to show up at people doors with. “Congratulations, you’ve received permission to…”

    Oooh, that actually doesn’t sound so bad.
    .-= Shannon´s last post … The Fall of Helen Thomas =-.

  23. kristin g says:

    You are a wonderful sharing source–your voice and your ideas. I loved this post, and I needed something like this today. Thank you! Thank you!
    .-= kristin g´s last post … What I learned about being in two places at once =-.

  24. jessie
    Twitter: roomtosmile
    says:

    these were some *wonderful* questions to ask, havi–and really timely. sometimes, the issue for me as a shiva nata newbie is not getting the information–which sometimes happens and sometimes doesn’t, whatevs, it’s got its own schedule–but knowing what to DO with it. like, i now see that a big part of my poor brain is working over time to try to CREATE problems to get people to connect with me and take care of me, and the rest of my brain is kind of tired of that–but now, what do i DO with said quite remarkable epiphany? usually i just mentally nod and say thanks and assume things will get taken care of….

    ,,,,so it was really good to see your process. as always.

    many many thanks-
    jessie

  25. Sofia says:

    these were some *wonderful* questions to ask, havi–and really timely. sometimes, the issue for me as a shiva nata newbie is not getting the information–which sometimes happens and sometimes doesn’t, whatevs, it’s got its own schedule–but knowing what to DO with it. like, i now see that a big part of my poor brain is working over time to try to CREATE problems to get people to connect with me and take care of me, and the rest of my brain is kind of tired of that–but now, what do i DO with said quite remarkable epiphany? usually i just mentally nod and say thanks and assume things will get taken care of….

    ,,,,so it was really good to see your process. as always.

    many many thanks-
    jessie

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