What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

 

Courage Is Coming

Door of Courage

Courage Is Coming / Courage Is Here / Courage Restored

At the door to the month of Courage, I did the hardest thing I’ve ever done,
and took an exit in the form of saying a goodbye

This exit has been asking me to be brave enough to take it
for a long time now

I even have a sliver of memory from last-year me,
when she was channeling the names of the months,
there was a moment of hesitation at this one, tears welling up,
she must have known, as I do, that this exit is the only right move,
not to mention the only move left,
but still hoping things wouldn’t come to this,
and that a door of Courage could somehow
lead to other things

But here’s what I know

The door of Courage is a yes to what is truly important

For example…

wild self-treasuring,
integrity,
a commitment to take up more space,
devotion to Pleasure & Freedom,

and the realization that my wild love is reserved for the kind of people who can show up for it with whole self and whole heart, and are worthy, and just because I haven’t met these people yet is no reason to keep pining over a ghost / no point in crying over a dry well, I mean I will cry as much as I want but I can also recognize that the well is no more, and then stop fucking going there to see if there is suddenly water in it for me because there isn’t

Awakening

Anyway, I did the hardest thing I’ve ever done and then immediately
threw up six times
as if my body was saying
“no no no we cannot digest this, what is life without this person’s love”
and I agreed to let the fear leave my body in this form, and
practiced feeling the ground
rolling a ball under the sole of each foot,
awakening to sensation

And then we cried so hard, me and my body,
we cried so hard that we gave ourselves laryngitis,
but that doesn’t make the door of courage any less right,
the tears were in part because it is so very right,
and because I have agreed to feel

Sensation

Then I did another scary thing and wrote an application for a thing I want,
and felt too nervous to press send,
so I had to pause and urgently call in some superpowers

But when I opened my notebook to name the superpowers,
my phone fell out and there was a text from
someone in the category of

[people who are always on the verge of moving to Texas but not actually moving to Texas]

I somehow know three different people in this category,
though actually many more if you substitute other things for Texas

I am not a fan of this category, having spent my entire childhood in it,
but sometimes I hang out in this category too, because it is comfortable and familiar

Fiercely.

Anyway, I told him about the application,
and he said:

“Sweet. I’m so excited for you!
I hope I get to watch you dance once day,
you will look so fiercely flawless!”

Ohmygod yes please to the superpowers of FIERCELY FLAWLESS,
let’s start the list with that,
what a perfect seed…

Calling in the superpowers of Courage Restored!

FIERCELY FLAWLESS
I Am The Cat and the Star Queen
Crown Is On / Magic Is On / I am On
Alert, Awake, Aware
I Am An Aerialist and I Live In The Air
I Am A Panther and I Am Of The Ground
Ease of Releasing / Wu to the Wei (I let stuff happen and it is right)
It’s A Dry Heat
Saved By Boundaries, Again!
This Is So Much Easier Than I Thought It Would Be
Surprise Good News, Surprise Good Everything
Secret Allies On My Side
Immense Self Treasuring
Gloriously Indifferent aka Effortless Not Caring
Taking Time Out (triple meaning!)
Full Queenliness
Fierce & Fearless, Powerful & Striking
THE SEAS PART FOR MY MAGNIFICENCE

What does the month of Courage hold for me…

A long meandering road trip into the Badlands,
with my friend Lady K of The Jewels who loves the road too

And then I don’t know,
that’s part of why it is so courageous
to let myself find out

Out under the stars
training hard
writing and righting
channeling my next adventures

Resolution (double meaning)

My dance teacher gave me the best dance homework ever:
Turn the entire world into a hotel room that you dance around in,
alone in the dark, wild and free, and do this until
EVERYONE THINKS YOU HAVE LOST YOUR MIND

Yes, let’s do that,
this is also a good resolution for the month of Courage,
and a next step

Who am I when Courage is restored?

Let’s find out

What is my wish for this month.

May we all find resources of courage, strength, power and certainty,
so much more than we knew possible,
may we love ourselves with total abandon,
glowing powerful boundaries,
fully present in our declaration that we are ready for
something better,
tending our own fires,
celebrating the wild sparks,
seeding wonder and delight all around us,
fiercely advocating for what is right
(in our internal world and out in the world),
saying our clear yes
staying with this intensely courageous practice of
self-cherishing and self-treasuring

I am the fire that I tend to
I am hearth and flame, keeper and admirer,
yes to blazing and yes to steadiness
yes to life

Invitation: Communal wish space! Come play with me…

You are invited to share this post and to share many !!!!!! about what is here,

Or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading…

You can also share how things have been going, check in, or deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, possibly in code.

Safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishes and checking-in are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing.

We remember that people vary and my process doesn’t have to be yours, and this is a good thing.

Here’s how we meet each other: with great kindness and appreciation and awe, whispering (and sometimes shouting) oh, wow what beautiful wishes!

19 Responses to Courage Is Coming

  1. Questing Lee says:

    Absolutely Yes!

    “May we all find resources of courage, strength, power and certainty,
    so much more than we knew possible,
    may we love ourselves with total abandon,
    glowing powerful boundaries,
    fully present in our declaration that we are ready for
    something better…
    saying our clear yes
    staying with this intensely courageous practice of
    self-cherishing and self-treasuring”
    Whew! Heart-sigh.

  2. Amanda says:

    Oh Havi, you named the ghosts and the tears and the well with such heartful precision that some tears that I needed to cry fell and I thank you.

    In this month I am wish/asking (wisking?) for the superpowers of “my heart knows the way” and trust. And “anchor to fly.” And sending glowing gratitude for the superpower of perfect timing and listening to what I “just know”, who has been graciously appearing for me this summer.

  3. Kathleen Avins
    Twitter: spiralsongkat
    says:

    * <3 *

    I am making space for Courage.

  4. elspeth says:

    Oh yes so much yes to this.

    “and the realization that my wild love is reserved for the kind of people who can show up for it with whole self and whole heart, and are worthy, and just because I haven’t met these people yet is no reason to keep pining over a ghost / no point in crying over a dry well, I mean I will cry as much as I want but I can also recognize that the well is no more, and then stop fucking going there to see if there is suddenly water in it for me because there isn’t.”

    And the lightbulb just lit up over my head as I saw that part of COURAGE is rage, and another part is co[e]ur – the heart.

    • Bethwyn says:

      Oh. SO many !!!! and sparkle points for elspeth’s comment, and this whole blog post! I had such a big jolt of recognition when you described the well.

      I am placing a quiet wish here for some ideas of the way of least resistance for a thing that I am dealing with. :)

    • Kharmin says:

      <3 <3 <3

      "crying over a dry well" – hugs to you and hugs to me, now-Me and little-Me (who's been crying and raging over that dry well for years \0/ )

  5. roots
    Twitter: emilyroots
    says:

    is it wrong to be terrified of being courageous? i so want to… be… to Be.

    • Kharmin says:

      “There is no right or wrong”
      ~ Yoda; Buddha; God (via “Conversations with God”); any number of Teachers and Guides along the paths to enlightenment.

      Blessings to you ~ <3

  6. Carina Sophia says:

    “I am the fire that I tend to
    I am hearth and flame, keeper and admirer,
    yes to blazing and yes to steadiness
    yes to life”

    Whoa. So many sparks. Thank you for these words, this beautiful wish. I am wishing it too.

  7. Katie says:

    Fiery!
    All my life I’ve been in denial about it, but I’m a fire sign three times over — how can I ignore the signs any longer?
    Be the fire, burn it all!

  8. […] May we all find resources of courage, strength, power and certainty, so much more than we knew possible, may we love ourselves with total abandon, glowing powerful boundaries, fully present in our declaration that we are ready for something better… saying our clear yes staying with this intensely courageous practice of self-cherishing and self-treasuring ~ Havi, “Courage Is Coming” […]

  9. SarahStar says:

    Owing to House Move (No 37 ever; No 29 as an adult) last week I didn’t get to read this post til today… and of course, All Timings Are Right Timings. Thank you Havi so much, this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today <3. I'm with you – goodbye, dry well! Time to cross the desert on an adventure to find deep, replenshingly full wells. Much love xxx

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