Comments on: Saying no. Feeling awful about saying no.

By: Michelle Hayes

Michelle Hayes — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 12:21:12 +0000

Dear Havi,
After reading your post I quickly realized that I don’t value my personal time as much as I thought. Time to refocus on the projects I want to work on and saying no to others is not a bad thing.
Guilt is the feeling I am often left with when I have said no. I then gave in to others out of that feeling, dropping whatever I was working on.
What an eye opener this post has been. I suppose you have to see others who are dealing with the same obstacles before you really see your own in full light.

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom! Looking forward to reading more of your blog to see what else I can learn about my own self. ~ Michelle Hayes

By: chris zydel

chris zydel — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 19:01:57 +0000

Hi Sweet Girl, The experience of overwhelm that you are describing is just kind of what happens when you go through a huge growth spurt like you've been doing with your business and being internet famous and moving and having your brother come and, and and.... of course the winter grey Pacific Northwest uber hibernation mode doesn't really help anything! When you are renegotiating some of those new boundaries NO can be the most beautiful word in the English language! ( However, you would know if there's something even better in German (-: ) And so necessary, especially for helper mice women! I'm glad that you are taking care of yourself and finding healthy, happy, sparkly, shiny ways to go to that next level of biggification. Thanks for sharing your process around this. It's something that we all need to be reminded about. chris zydels last blog post..BEFRIEND YOUR INTUITION : CULTIVATING A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LOUD and BOSSY VOICE WITHIN

By: Rose

Rose — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 07:44:58 +0000

(HUGS) and I'm glad you worked it out with yourself. That was a lesson I had to come to terms with when I became a mom. The first instinct is to put the kids first no matter what. Then all of a sudden it's 7pm, your tired, cranky and thinking... "Did I ever eat lunch?" It took me a long time to realize that if I put my needs first I was then a better mom. That throwing myself on my sword might seem right in the moment but was a long term disaster for the entire family. I believe that is true whether your family is 2 small kids or an entire community of readers. (HUGS) Roses last blog post..How to Cook: The Five Senses in the Kitchen

By: Tim Brownson

Tim Brownson — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 15:28:56 +0000

Havi, I need a couple of bedroom re-decorated when you have a spare moment. If you say no you're obviously an evil witch and I may have to unsubscribe and drag your name through the mud along with your aquatic friend. On the other hand, Selma may enjoy being dragged through the lovely warm mud that I had in mind by her beak, so I'll drag her through some sand instead. That should do it. I get this a lot with clients and I ask them "Who is the person in the world that you most respect. They must be at least slightly famous?" It doesn't matter who they say as long as they're alive, I respond thus. "Hah! Do you honestly believe that person doesn't have to say no at least 10 times more than they say yes?" I then look very smug as they soak up my words of wisdom. Of course you've read my book, so you already knew that ;-) Tim Brownsons last blog post..Let's Get Political

By: Char

Char — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 14:55:39 +0000

Hi Havi:

YOu have a line in your non-sucky yoga mp3 that says “what if everything you need is right here for you or coming right to you” – something like that.

You are such a giving soul – you’ve helped me see that what I need is right here, always has been and always will be.

That’s because what I most need is the underlying peace and stillness that I always am – despite whatever giving, drama, busy-ness, that is going on. I can tap into it in whatever quality that looks like – i.e. clarity, trust, safety, truth, etc.

So, dig in girl – there’s plenty for all and I can tell how much love you share with others. That’s here for you too.

Be good to Havi today–

xoxox

Char

By: JoVE

JoVE — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 14:13:57 +0000

This is a problem that a lot of women (in particular) have. Maybe it's the helper mouse thing. But in one of my gigs last spring it felt like I spent all day teaching young professional women how to say no without losing their identity as nice, helpful women. So you are not alone. But that insight about the importance of your peace of mind to your business is spot on. JoVEs last blog post..Inspire me...

By: Gary Fletcher

Gary Fletcher — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 13:17:03 +0000

I once spent November, December too, in the north-west.

Now, I’d just say “no”.

As for the Ask Havi backlog, one solution could be to just post the questions, the non-sensitive personal ones, and let readers answer them with comments. Sounds a lot like a forum, that one…

By: Havi Brooks

Havi Brooks — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 03:36:03 +0000

You guys are sooooo sweet.

@Susan Marie – Thanks so much for the reminder about November and the grey. I always love the great way you have of expressing yourself.

And who knows? Maybe I’m in hibernation-mode a bit. Completely possible!

@Sonia – Hilarious. Without my brother to remind me that he and I don’t actually crave stressful situations, I’d completely think that we were the nutty ones.

I don’t know what I’d do without that. And take care of your peace of mind, too. We need you in good form!

@Lisa, Diane, Pace, Jeanne, Carole – thanks for the good wishes and insight and empathy and for being such a great source of support. Love that.

By: Lisa Wood

Lisa Wood — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 02:17:22 +0000

Oh, good point Susan about it being November – and Havi, you’re not in the brightest place on the earth. It’s pretty gray there, and it’s pretty gray where I am too so I can totally relate.

I’m glad for you that you’ve been able to gain some clarity in this situation – you’re such an incredible person and I love that you’re so transparent too.

Great post – you rock, as always :)

Lisa Woods last blog post..What’s YOUR Twitter Karma?

By: Susan Marie Swanson

Susan Marie Swanson — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 00:21:46 +0000

And, Havi? November. November is dark and darker every day. It can be wonderful and cosy, but it is also hard. Everything keeps going so fast, and it keeps getting darker.

I feel it especially when my sometimes-out-and-about work has me doing a complicated automobile commute in the days when the sun shines less and less. Out there on the highway, maybe in the rain, in that sea of headlights in the dark morning–oh, my. Why all this hurry when what we need is more and more kindness? November.

“My peace of mind is the most valuable asset in my business.” Yes. And, yes, we’re rooting for you.

Susan Marie Swansons last blog post..susan_marie: Swedish author Astrid Lindgren born 14 Nov 1907. “She never forgot how wonderful, but how difficult, it is to be a child.” http://is.gd/7kzM