Stuff we talk about around here:
Selma the Duck and The Big Day Off
One rainy Portland morning* Selma and Havi decided to take the day off.
* It might possibly have been a Toozday.
It was all Selma’s decision since Havi wasn’t willing to talk about it.
Havi didn’t want to get out of bed. Havi didn’t want to be cheered up. Havi didn’t want to discuss options.
And she definitely didn’t want to do any work.
But even non-work stuff? No.
She didn’t want to do her fabulously wacky morning rituals. Or her slow Old Turkish Lady morning yoga practice, which is her favorite thing.
Or do her ten minutes of Shivanautical flailing to generate some deep tranquility with a couple hot buttered epiphanies on the side.
She also didn’t want to write a blog post. Or do anything, really.
Selma thinks that’s okay. But Havi wasn’t buying it.
Selma made the call. She and Havi’s gentleman friend presented a united front of “okay sweetie this is what we’re going to do”-ness.
They promised that if she’d get out of bed and agree to go outside, they’d let her wear the good rainpants. She’s easy that way.
Taking a day off is the hard.
Supposedly, it’s one of the perks of running your own company and theoretically it is a lovely notion, but hahahahahaha we know it doesn’t work like that.
Selma and Havi’s gentleman friend can point out as much as they’d like that Havi’s website has been around for four and a half years.
That nothing is going to shrivel up and die if she doesn’t get to it today.
That her people know about her quest to take more time to herself and they get it and they’re awesome.
There are shoulds.
So many, in fact, that it’s kind of overwhelming.
About how people need you.
About commitments you have made that are waiting on you.
About the giant what-ifs and the times that you have neglected things before to disastrous consequences. Which are admittedly sometimes kind of hilarious in hindsight but dude not this time.
About how you can’t just let your comment moderators delete someone’s comment because they know it will annoy you.
That you’re supposed to engage with people. Triple especially when people ultimately have good intentions. That you’ve always done it before and you could do it now.
And there is the question of capacity.
Mental bandwidth.
Emotional bandwidth.
Various assorted sovereignty-related things.
How many things can you deal with in a day? How many things can you deal with tomorrow?
When do you say this is enough. Or this is not important enough for me to be agonizing over it right now.
When do you say I live in Portland and I really need some rainpants dammit.
Havi and Selma are spending a day in the rain.
Drinking warm drinks.
Sitting in a cafe while the Gentleman Friend tries to make them laugh.
Splashing in puddles.
Possibly buying new gloves.
Not doing anything important. Which, weirdly, is really, really important right now.
Havi is practicing this new thing. And taking her duck for a walk. But only because her duck insisted.
Comment zen for today.
You can cheer for Havi. You can make her a tea or offer a hug. You can wish her good things. Or share stories of your own.
As always, anyone who tries to give Havi advice is getting a swift kick to the shins. Fair warning.
Twitter: barbarajcarter
Oh, the endless to-do lists and the goals and the shoulds and the omygod-I’m-never-going-to-finish-it-all. Oh yes, I know it well.
Tea sounds wonderful right about now.
.-= Barbara J Carter´s last post … Goodbye 2009 (blowing a raspberry or two) =-.
Twitter: elizabethhalt
This made me so happy to read. The part where you’re taking a day to do nothing important. And that Selma and your Gentleman Friend insisted. I wish you a day of only good and wonderful and restful things.
Do you know that I live in Portland and I don’t have rain pants. Why have I never thought of looking for them. They would make those long rainy muddy walks so much more enjoyable.
.-= Elizabeth´s last post … i am a genius =-.
Twitter: emilyroots
Yaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy!
.-= Emily´s last post … Don’t Forget to Enjoy the View =-.
Twitter: clr
YAY!!
I am proud of you for taking a day off!!!
Go have a donut from Voodoo Donuts for me.
Take the Day off and enjoy it. I know exactly what you are saying! Happy puddle splashing and warm drink drinking.
.-= Miranda Wildman Efird´s last post … my dream, an airstream =-.
Twitter: Germinational
The image of the three of you wearing rainpants and bundled up and splashing in puddles together makes me so happy.
Wishing you a fabulous, indulgent, glorrrrious day of not doing anything you don’t damn well feel like doing.
Twitter: snakecharmers
Yay! It’s good to take a day off and not feel BAD about it. I’m learning that too. Selma–she is so wise.
Twitter: MichellePierce
I, too, am a firm believer in the magical properties of tea. And I’ve spent a lot of time making tea this morning, for myself and my friend that really needs it right now.
So, here is some tea for you, too. *hands over steaming mug*
Twitter: pearlmattenson
Got some tea for you in a beautiful-to-hold-with-two-hands mug. So thrilled that you are trying this. So love that you are willing to tell us how hard it is too. Thank you. And thank Selma and your gentleman friend too!
Twitter: wildheartqueen
Hello there my dearest girl,
I love the visual image of you sloshing around in Portland in your rainpants! Please jump in a puddle for me!!
And you know the old joke about self employment which is ” Sure, since I work for myself I get to make my own hours. I get to decide WHICH 12 hours of the day I work.”
I so appreciate your struggle to find a workable balance between work and play that will allow you to stay happy and healthy and sane. When you are a helper-giver mouse ( which I totally relate to) there are so many prohibitions around having boundaries and not giving and taking time for YOU.
I remember one time when I was in that place of being fried beyond belief and I found myself in a Beauty supply store where I spent 20 minutes wandering around looking at things like nail polish and hair gel. It was so incredibly delicious to not have an agenda, to not be on, to not feel like I had to do anything important and productive. To do something mindless and frivolous and inconsequential.
So I applaud you. Jumping-up-and-down-twirling-like-a-mad-dervish-while- throwing-confetti-and-stardust applaud you to DO NOTHING… to hang out and simply laugh and play and let your gentleman friend spoon feed you a hot toddy in a funky Portland cafe.
You already give more than any 10 people I know so even if you never did another productive, taking-care-of thing in your long, sweet life you would still be ahead of the game!!
Loving you madly,
Chris
.-= chris zydel´s last post … If Dancing In The Streets Means You’re Crazy I Don’t Want To Be Sane =-.
Twitter: victoriashmoria
Ahhh…the importance of doing nothing important.
I think I need to put that up on my wall to remind me.
Enjoy your day of puddle-splashing and warm-drink-drinking.
.-= Victoria Brouhard´s last post … Quitting the Man: 63 Days Since Freedom =-.
Twitter: ToriDeaux
*SPLASH*! of solidarity.
Twitter: intuitivebridge
Nothing may be the most awesome thing ever.
.-= Bridget´s last post … Observation: Anxiety is not my co-pilot. =-.
WooHooOO! Puddle Splashing…with Selma the Duck! Perfectly awesome thing to be doing. Play. Splash. Dance and watch water fall UP! Yay!
.-= Wulfie´s last post … Interweb Crushes – The Point! =-.
I’m thrilled you took a day off. Huzzah!
oh yes, on these January days in Portland, when the morning sun is slow to arrive (clearly, it wanted to sleep in today, too), a day off sounds just about right.
Rainpants optional.
Twitter: ltrouton
Three Cheers for Havi and Selma’s day in the rain!
I am wishing you toasty warm toes, and all the time you need.
.-= Lauren´s last post … 20 Things in 2009 That Didn’t Suck =-.
Twitter: HiroBoga
Havi, hooray for a day of nothing-doing, rain pants, cafe, slowness, and splashing through puddles with Selma and Gentleman Friend.
Hooray for taking care of yourself and letting yourself be taken care of for a change.
(I’m trying not to use exclamations, to be shhhhhhhh quiet so you can be surrounded by softness today.)
Big love to you,
Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Traveling Teeth Follow Rumors of Home… =-.
Twitter: amyseybrown
Havi, I’m so proud of you. :)
.-= Amy´s last post … AmySeyBrown: @knittingbicycle Stripey thigh highs. Swoon, SA-WOON. =-.
Twitter: amysnotdeadyet
Go Havi Go!
*gives you a cup of delicious tea, perhaps vanilla jasmine or warm sweet cinnamon cardamom*
.-= Amy Crook´s last post … Be a Cartoon! =-.
Twitter: _i_n_g_e_
*digs up pompoms*
*stretches*
Here goes: yaaaaay for spending a day in the rain!
*offers a Giant Steaming Mug of Tea*
Twitter: kimianak
A big yay for puddle splashing! Though that sounds to me like a tale of another time or from a very exotic land… Were you here now, you’d have been doing snow angels! (oh, I’m sure Selma would do lovely ducky angels in the snow – though I suspect she may prefer splashing in puddles)
Here’s some warm tea for you – there’s nothing better than a hot cup of tea, wether you’re coming in from puddle splashing or snow angeling. Enjoy!
.-= Josiane´s last post … Taking action instead of resolving to do so =-.
*cheers* for Havi. May good things find you today in the rain.
Twitter: pdxlilly
That’s perfect, I took the day off on Sunday. I hadn’t planned to, and it ended up being a full day off. I was all ‘hot damn’ I’m resting!
Ironically this day of rest came courtesy of Shiva Nata, and I think I’m currently coasting on a Shiva Nata high (is that the right term?)that began last weekend. So three cheers for Havi! *raises coffee mug in sincere appreciation*
@pdxlilly
Twitter: moonslar
Twitter moonslark
HOORAY HAVI and SELMA for making Havi do this! :)
and big hugs for doing what is best for YOU!
.-= Pam (@moonslark)´s last post … I want change in my life. =-.
Twitter: unchartedworlds
Hurrah!
What a beautiful thing to read. Feeling happy to hear about it.
Thank you for setting us all a good example on the work/life balance front :-)
Twitter: ingoodcoproject
Hurrah! I’m sending Havi a standing ovation. I aspire to one day take whole days to do nothing in particular. It’s a great and glorious achievement, ducky coercion notwithstanding.
Twitter: annaline_39
This immediately came to mind “O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!” and then to my favorite song of my kindergarten play:
“Little Ducky Duddle
Went wading in a puddle
It really doesn’t matter
How much I splash and splatter
I’m only just a ducky after all
Quack quack”
and a big mug of hot tea to welcome you home. :)
.-= Andi´s last post … Before and After =-.
You go Havi! And Selma, and gentlemen friend!
You have inspired me to get my head out of my quickly exploding email inbox and go shopping for fun stuff. Like yarn. Or fingerless writing gloves.
Thank you for being an example to the rest of us, all while showing how hard it all is.
.-= Holly´s last post … On Freelancing and Reality =-.
Twitter: MarkWSchumann
My Dr has a little time between semesters. Dr has discovered a really addicting game on Facebook. Dr has a book to write.
Dr’s enjoying the heck out of that game. Dr needs to.
.-= Mark W. “Extra Crispy” Schumann´s last post … “Just Ship It.” =-.
Twitter: 74rally
Yay for listening to your wise business partner and gentleman friend. Also for getting out of the house some.
I’m sending virtual Irish coffee and yummy pastries to you for the hard. It really doesn’t feel like it’s only Tuesday – something’s suspicious…
You totally need these for the puddle splashing:
(hoping my code works here – I’m a breaker of sites, not a maker)
Twitter: 74rally
K – that didn’t work
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41XDQ8M1ZTL._AA280_.jpg
Twitter: kyeli
Hooray for you, Havi. I’m joining you with the doing-nothings and the tea and the cozy-ing up with loved ones. *snuggle-hugs*
.-= Kyeli´s last post … Here There Be Awesome =-.
We have snow today, thick white stuff, so I’ll replace a splash with a gentle crump. Have fun.
.-= Mike Walters´s last post … Power up =-.
Twitter: Virtuallori
It can be soooooo hard to just be, and not think about the gigundo list of shoulds and have tos and gottas. Hooray for Selma and your Gentleman Friend for their encouragement, and hooray for you for putting on the rainpants. Raising a cup of cocoa (we’re knee-deep in snow here, yaknow) in your honor.
.-= Lori Paximadis´s last post … Best of 2009: Place =-.
Maybe when you take a day off that is the time that all your people take some time to do their work. Like whatever time they would have spent here reading your post, commenting, then checking back on the comments to see what ever other people are up to – they can use that time to be creating in their own world, responding to the Universe’s answers to their VPAs, etc.
Your day off isn’t only a gift to yourself and your duck and your G.F. – it’s a gift to your people, too.
Twitter: lizgrandmaison
Oh, the timeliness of this post. I sat at my desk reading this after finishing my own tea and before going back to look at my freshly-filled January calendar, which is now soggy with ink from all the “to-do’s”. And yes, I’m trying not to regret taking those days off last week.
Thanks, as always, for letting me know I’m not alone. I hope you enjoy your day, your puddles, and your tea!
Twitter: Dree10K1
Well done sir. I salute your commitment to having your feet firmly in the air.
ENCORE!
.-= Dree´s last post … Why Hire a Copywriter? For the Antidote to the Shrug =-.
Twitter: chrisdivalish
I get it.
…Having just returned from my own walk in the rain….
…Living in Seattle and happy that I DO own rain pants…. I didn’t wear them today but I did have the conversation with myself about whether or not to wear them….
…And not wanting to be at my desk today…. which will likely result in taking the day off to do nothing important…
For me, making myself do desk stuff when I really don’t want to never works. Even if I make myself sit there, I don’t get anything done (because I don’t want to dammit!). And then I’ve really wasted a day – not only did I not get anything done, I didn’t enjoy my day either.
Which really pisses me off!
Here’s to honoring our wants and our needs! Enjoy!
Twitter: aurorabell
Yay!
We’ll still be here when you get back. =)
.-= Aurora´s last post … 9 things I learned in 2009 =-.
Twitter: spiralsongkat
What a sweet and inspiring post! I’m having a day rather like that too, as it turns out. No puddles, just snowdrifts, but there has been a café and a gentleman friend, and plenty of Rest with a capital R & R. Re-creation! Delicious!
Just.The.Coolest.Post….Ever! Well done Selma (and ever-so-special gentleman friend) for making Havi take a day off in the rain (nice weather for ducks!)
Twitter: theglittergirl
Three cheers for having for taking time to herself – even when its hard!
Twitter: Hannah_Savannah
YAY Havi :) Enjoy your day!
Twitter: JaneOfArdis
Did Selma wear a little sou’wester set. I can imagine here looking fetching in red, although obviously as a duck she might well be above such human follies.
.-= Jane´s last post … On Transitions (with some abuse of Alice in Wonderland) =-.
Twitter: kirstymhall
Thank you, I really needed to read this today.
You’re not the only one who struggles with taking days off, I think it’s a curse of creative minds. I’m overdoing it at the moment despite being ill & needing to rest. Somewhat inevitably I wound up in tears earlier over something very small and stupid because suddenly it was All Just Too Much. One day I’ll learn to stop BEFORE I get to that place.
I applaud you in taking a day off and hope that you and Selma enjoyed your puddles.
.-= Kirsty Hall´s last post … 3 Score & 10 =-.
Twitter: LuminousHeart
@jane’s comment about a little sou’wester set brings to mind an illustration:
Christopher Robin all slickered up in yellow, his umbrella upright on the ground. Winnie the Pooh rides in the umbrella like a boat, sailing over puddles.
Wishing you the sweet joy of rainy and sunny (and snowy) days.
<3 Mahala
.-= Mahala Mazerov´s last post … Prayer Dance =-.
yay, havi! big, rainy puddle-stompin’ cheers for you and your big day off. *smooch!*
.-= leah´s last post … Creative Every Day Check-In: January 4 – 10 =-.
Twitter: copylicious
Wow, it’s not even an emergency day off or a non-emergency day off! Just a great big lovable because Havi wanted it day off! Only the best kind there is! Hurray for the importance of unimportance! And rainpants! And feeding Havi first! And third-person singular!
You know you really should…Ow! Ow! Call your duck off, already!
Good to know you have an alert attack duck.
Seriously, days off are important. I just watched the movie “Julie and Julia” again over the holidays, and I can just hear Julia Child’s incongrously high-pitched voice saying “No apologies, no excuses!” I needed to go back to bed this morning, instead of going into usual morning stuff because of a swollen and irritated throat that threatens to become a full blown cold.
No apologies, no excuses.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. We’ll do the same and meet in the middle.
Twitter: happyfuzzyyarn
I heard the same joke Chris heard, only when I heard it, it was whichever 16 hours of the day… Heh. Yeah.
The way I figure it, if it’s so hard to make yourself relax, relaxation must be work, and therefore it counts as part of the requisite 16 hours, right?
.-= Riin´s last post … Feeling Reflective =-.
Twitter: tamihackbarth
Yay for self-care and tea! I hope you are getting lots of hugs today too.
I’m inspired to go grab a cup of Bliss with a friend. And while I’m there, NOT talk about work.
.-= Tami´s last post … Yoga+Music365 (day4) – My Maudlin Career by Camera Obscura =-.
Twitter: AmberStrocel
Hooray to you for taking a day off! I think that’s fabulous. And also inspiring. Kudos to Selma and your Gentleman Friend for enticing you. I hope you found some excellent pants. :)
.-= Amber´s last post … Breastfeeding Supplements =-.
Twitter: thorinmesser
Wait, wait…playing in the rain isn’t work? I put it in my job description.
Twitter: verdissage
This wonderful little story unfolded like a picture book. (A picture book, it really does not need to be stated, with a duck named Selma in it.) I loved it. I hope you (Havi and Selma and Gentleman Friend) loved it too.
.-= Tracy´s last post … Reflection: Self-Care for Artists =-.
Twitter: animalswisdom
To deliciously hot drinks, big puddles, dry, cozy cafes, very cool rain pants and the best company ever!
@Havi – so appreciate your post today. I get the hard that you have to experience in order to take the day off.
@Selma & @gentleman friend – thank you most fantabulous duck and gentleman!
@Holly “Thank you for being an example to the rest of us, all while showing how hard it all is.”
You put it perfectly!
@Heather – I so loved ‘Julie and Julia’ – perfect wisdoms from some great women, including you. :)
@Thorin – am going to add this to my job description pronto.
.-= Maya ´s last post … To Endings and New Beginnings. To Connection and Communication. =-.
This is exactly (egg-sactly?) what I needed to read today. Thank you.
I’m enjoying reading everyone’s comments, too! I agree, this could be an adult picture book … perhaps with some nice watercolor illustrations?
.-= Kelly Watson´s last post … Eight Things I Learned When My Web Site Got Hacked =-.
Twitter: havi
Best. Day. Ever.
THANK YOU!
Also, I ate a knish!
Wonderful Havi.
Some days just Are . . . More power to you, Selma and the Gentleman friend.
Twitter: EncouragingBird
Yay, you! :-)*hands you nice cuppa tea*
Ya know, I’d never heard of rainpants before this post, but they sound like the most practical nifty thing ever.
I may have to investigate this.
And yes… Avians of all types RULE! :-D
Twitter: lukeschubert
Yay Havi!
.-= Luke´s last post … Ighalsk – The Nature of Illusions =-.
Twitter: havi
@Elizabeth + Birdy: oh yes! Rainpants = the best.
I used to ruthlessly mock my gentleman friend for wearing them. And it is true that they make that awful squooshy sound-of-thighs-rubbing-together.
But you know when you go for a walk in the rain but then it *really* rains and you come back and you want to leave your boots on the porch but really all of you is going to be leaving wet splotches all over the floor when you get in?
So you start taking your clothes off outside and hope that the neighbors can’t see you but you still make wet prints everywhere once you get in because your socks are all wet and icky?
And then you have to hang all your clothes to dry over the heating vents. And then you need to go out again ten minutes later and there aren’t any dry clothes left.
Oof.
But when you have rainpants, walking in the rain is just like regular walking. Except more fun.
It’s MAGIC!
I got mine at REI (the kind that zip up the sides so you can pull them on over your shoes). They also have some that fold into a tiny bag so you can keep a pair in your backpack or whatever.
Yay rainpants, is all I’m saying.
Twitter: shawnaatteberry
Yeah for Havi and Selma taking the day off! Hugs and tea to both of you. May be chamomile since it’s getting close to bedtime? Tho I have a wonderful lavender that’s scrumptious at night. Your choice!
I had to stop guilting myself today for taking care of myself and probably not writing. I needed to go to Trader Joe’s then I had a massage and checked in with my psychiatrist. This morning I told myself: No I am not “wasting” the day. I am taking care of myself. Getting wholesome food I love from TJs, getting a much needed massage for sore muscles due to getting back to yoga. And checking in with the shrink is always good when one struggles with depression.
I hope you and Selma thoroughly enjoyed your day off and jumped in lots and lots of puddles.
.-= Shawna R. B. Atteberry´s last post … Life Insights from 2009 I’m taking into 2010 =-.
hooray for a day off and hooray for knish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Twitter: spiralsongkat
Mmmmm — I haven’t had a good knish in ages! That sounds glorious!
.-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Dramatis personae =-.
Yay for days off! (even more than one!) GOOD FOR YOU!
I am personally a big fan of taking a day to do whatever. I don’t like to call it “nothing” because that is “no thing”. But I’m doing a lot!
* I’m changing my routine.
* I’m giving myself permission to do whatever I feel like doing (dammit).
* I’m reminding myself that all the things I’m “supposed” to do are choices that I made and for right now it’s ok to choose not to do them.
* I’m breathing – giving myself some breathing room.
* And I’m preparing. Because after I’m done doing whatever for a while, I’m ready to get back to the “supposed to” list and get through it.
And tea. Tea cures everything.
ps On rainpants: Go Goretex. Totally worth it.
Twitter: guy_interruptd
Just giving you a big ‘big up!’ from across the pond in London.
Your blog always manages to make me smile and reconsider how crap I believe life to be, so get out there with ya rainpants on and splash in some puddles!
Twitter: guy_interruptd
oh, and I forgot my twitter link and screwed up my blog link, which obviously means my brain is fried and I need to have a day off as well ;)
.-= Kristian´s last post … Can I survive a life without booze? =-.
Twitter: blondechicken
Tara & Beau took the day off yesterday as well.
We were supposed to get a brunch underway.
We were supposed to go run a yarn store.
But it was SO snowy.
And all the schools were closed.
So we stayed in bed and read Jane Eyre (sp?) and drank chai until AFTER noon (luxuriousness!)
Then we spun & watched The West Wing and refused to answer the phone.
Yay for Snoozedays!
.-= Tara´s last post … Do the Thing in 2010 =-.
Twitter: edgetocenter
Hooray! Selma and the Gentleman Friend are smart cookies. (Or ducks. And people. Or something!) And you are smart for listening to their firm directions.
Also, rainpaints are one of the most amazing things on the planet. Seriously, if I had known years ago that $100 would keep me warm and dry in all kinds of crap, I would have had a better few years.
[Rainpaints recommendation you should totally ignore if it seems too much like advice: Foxwear.net. It is just one guy (really!), and his name is Lou, and he is so, so nice.]
Twitter: CrazyOnYou
Sometimes you just gotta take the pirate ship out and go… Nowhere in Particular. It’s not on a map and I can’t tell you how to get there, but you’ll know when you’ve found it.
The thing about your particular kind of treasure is that it’s unexpected and unusual (who wants to be expected and usual?) and you’re particularly gifted at finding it.
A tired, worn out Pirate Queen isn’t doing her crew any good by soldiering on past her limits. She’s got to know her limits, declare some personal boundaries, and learn to occasionally let go of the rudder and trust the wind to take to new harbors. Her crew will be all the more loyal to her for taking care of herself, understanding that she’s willing to make the right decisions, even for herself.
May your sun never set on someplace boring and your sails always be full of adventure.
Twitter: metachaos
“…the times that you have neglected things before to disastrous consequences.”
This part reminded me so much of myself, before I started paying attention to how things worked.
I would be afraid of things happening and hide from the possibility of them, and surprise, surprise, they would happen. I would yell and cry at the world, blaming soulless nothings of hate for my misfortune, blaming anyone but myself.
But then I got sick of it. I started to pay attention. I started to try to foresee what might go wrong, and do the tiny little things that, if done soon enough, make the path smooth(er) or warn me when the big things will get in my way.
I believe that you, Havi, have the experience to do those little things to prevent or side-step the big bads from happening; to prevent neglect, in other words. You can take off work when you need to, or even when you want to, and the results can be good.
.-= Holly Hunt´s last post … My First Personal Ads =-.
Twitter: katytafoya
Yay Selma!! Good for taking Havi away for the day. Here’s hoping there are more days like this day in the future.
.-= Katy´s last post … Christine Kane’s 5 Large Life Lessons of 2009 =-.