Comments on: You don’t have to face your fear. Really.

By: Re-definition: The Job Application « The Phoenix Mind

Re-definition: The Job Application « The Phoenix Mind — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 07:54:26 +0000

[...] facing fears is scary and so I meet with mine [...]

By: Wait, don't jump out of the plane after all! (an alternate view on fear) | 17000 Days

Sun, 20 Feb 2011 01:41:21 +0000

[...] it shows up. It will always be there, and it has things to teach you. Rather than confronting it, stop fighting. Find out what it wants and is trying to tell [...]

By: Exposing some flesh | Josiane Richer

Exposing some flesh | Josiane Richer — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 01:49:39 +0000

[...] all of the changes that I want to see happening in my life. I’m learning to talk and interact with my fears, though for now I’m mostly talking to them, as I can’t hear their answers very well. [...]

By: Valyn

Valyn — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 20:55:28 +0000

Love this idea. I’d like to introduce my fear to my resoluteness, not to face off, but to perhaps work together?

By: D.K. Brainard

D.K. Brainard — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 02:19:15 +0000

Hey Havi,

I like your style. Your advice to meet fear rather than face it reminds me of the opening move in Aikido, “the world’s first non-violent martial art.” An aikido session begins with *tenkan* – the two opponents (or dancers: contact improv dance was aikido-inspired) begin by facing each other. One partner responds to the other’s pressure by swiveling 180 degrees so both are connected and facing in the same direction.

What I got from your post is the reminder that we don’t become whole by striving to attack, defeat and overcome those unwanted parts of the self. When we give attention to the scary parts, while remaining grounded and centered, we create a space in which miraculous transformation — sooner or later — is bound to occur.

Thanks for the reminder!

DK
.-= D.K. Brainard´s last post … Horoscopes for Week of August 23 =-.

By: Jamie Pixon

Jamie Pixon — Wed, 05 May 2010 14:33:43 +0000

“Fear”

Oh yeh, it drives us in so many ways….the McDaddy of them all being the fear to leave your cushy 9-to-5 “job” and trying to make it on your own. I haven’t worked that one out yet….hmm, maybe it’s got something to do with swimming up to the eyeballs in debt and knowing your online passive income venture just won’t cut the mustard (yet).

The fear of being hurt by love (god, that sounded so corny)….but it’s true.

Fear of life itself….Fear of failing…

Arggghhhhh, now I can’t stop.

;)

Interesting post….

By: creativevoyage

creativevoyage — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 09:42:11 +0000

I’m having major anxiety and fear at the moment and this has helped. One of the fears i’ve developed is a fear of drowning just as I’m into a month long swimming programme (as I can’t walk at the moment due to plantur fasctus in one of my feet)! I realise that in earlier years I’d just MAKE myself face the fear of the water. This time I’m thinking bugger this i’m going to try a gym instead.

Also being open and sharing my fears with friends has helped somewhat.
.-= creativevoyage´s last post … its all secretly perfect =-.

By: Jenn Z

Jenn Z — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 02:09:45 +0000

Havi, I enjoyed this post so much! It was so helpful for me! I never thought of fear before as ‘a harmless thing like a kitten’ trying to make sure I’m kept safe. Today though, I did have an odd epiphany which made me consider that this softness area is trying to get my attention and I don’t need to fear it. I believe I was meant to be here tonight to read that to gently look into this further and see where it will go from here. I cannot choose a favorite part easily as this whole post was great for me! ;) but I do love these points that you shared:
about meeting, not facing fear!
[You talk to the fear. You talk it down calmly and quietly, with sweetness and logic and as much compassion as you can stand.] Lately, I am learning about compassion though I am also realizing I have very little for myself, oddly. I didn’t think of it like this:
[It’s just scared that things are going to go horribly wrong and ..main part:that no one will be there to take care of you.] I often consider myself last and count this normal, and noble though I am learning it is not noble at all. I probably face my fears with too much will power determination and really I need to just soften it up.. thank you for helping me consider this area of my life more than before.
much appreciation,
Jenn
.-= Jenn Z´s last post … 8 Organic Steps to Become Deeply Rooted in Love =-.

By: Jeff M

Jeff M — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:49:23 +0000

I have also been trying to talk to my fears. I have a lot of problems with procrastination. There is a task I need to do, but I am having lots of problems getting started, and it just feels hopeless. I can visualize my “safety engineer” (another name for the fear at work) with a hard hat on busy at work putting sandbags on top of this task to keep me from “flowing” through it. I ask him what he is doing. He wipes the sweat off his brow and says “There was a dangerous flow situation here that I have gotten under control. I can’t let Jeff go down this task that I am unsure where it would lead. I need to keep things under control and keep Jeff safe from sticking his neck out like that.”
So, what to respond to him. Say “I want to finish this task. I am worried that I will get in trouble if I don’t”.
” Hm, yes, I want him to finish this work too. I don’t want him to be criticized for not getting to the end results. If he works on this now, I am afraid he will get to a place where he starts panicing. I need to protect him. ”
“So, we both want him to finish the work, but you don’t want him starting this task to accomplish it. Is there any other way he can finish this without doing this task.”
“Hm. No. I would feel safer if there was someone helping him on this.”
“Hasn’t he done this many times by himself before”
“Yes. But the task after this one is a real doosy.”
“Ok, why don’t you move your sandbags on to the next task, and leave me free to do this one. We can talk again after I reach the next task.”
I visualize him pushing the sandbags off to the side. As he is lifting them up and moving them, I can see how I can start on the task, and I can walk around a sandbag and see how it is no longer in the way of this task.
-Jeff

By: Peggy

Peggy — Sun, 03 May 2009 17:37:20 +0000

I loved reading this.

I call my fears “The Goblins.” We had a transformation in our relationship about twenty years ago when things were not going well in my life. My mind was a morass of negative thoughts. It wasn’t too bad during the day, but when the shadows lengthened, what I called “the goblins” came out. In my imagination I thought of the goblins as ugly little creatures, like gargoyles, that lived in the upper corners of the ceiling of my bedroom. All day long they snoozed in their cobwebby corners, but at night, when I got into bed, they woke up and swirled around me, telling me all the things I didn’t want to hear. I hated the goblins!

Anyway, it so happened that I got a bad cold, and one Saturday I stayed in bed. I was propped up on pillows reading Scott Peck’s The Road Less Traveled. I misread one word in a sentence that completely changed its meaning. I don’t know anymore what sentence it was, or even what it said, but it caused a virtual thunderbolt of realization to hit me. Suddenly I understood that the goblins were good! They really had my best interests at heart. They were like a worried mother, concerned for my long-term welfare, trying to get me to listen to them, and to straighten up and fly right. It was a major moment. Tears came. I felt so very bad for the goblins! I apologized (out loud, actually) for having misunderstood and maligned them for so long. We have gotten along well, albeit somewhat uneasily at times, ever since.