Comments on: You don’t have to face your fear. Really.

By: Jenn Z

Jenn Z — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 02:09:45 +0000

Havi, I enjoyed this post so much! It was so helpful for me! I never thought of fear before as ‘a harmless thing like a kitten’ trying to make sure I’m kept safe. Today though, I did have an odd epiphany which made me consider that this softness area is trying to get my attention and I don’t need to fear it. I believe I was meant to be here tonight to read that to gently look into this further and see where it will go from here. I cannot choose a favorite part easily as this whole post was great for me! ;) but I do love these points that you shared:
about meeting, not facing fear!
[You talk to the fear. You talk it down calmly and quietly, with sweetness and logic and as much compassion as you can stand.] Lately, I am learning about compassion though I am also realizing I have very little for myself, oddly. I didn’t think of it like this:
[It’s just scared that things are going to go horribly wrong and ..main part:that no one will be there to take care of you.] I often consider myself last and count this normal, and noble though I am learning it is not noble at all. I probably face my fears with too much will power determination and really I need to just soften it up.. thank you for helping me consider this area of my life more than before.
much appreciation,
Jenn
Jenn Z´s last post … 8 Organic Steps to Become Deeply Rooted in Love

By: Jeff M

Jeff M — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:49:23 +0000

I have also been trying to talk to my fears. I have a lot of problems with procrastination. There is a task I need to do, but I am having lots of problems getting started, and it just feels hopeless. I can visualize my “safety engineer” (another name for the fear at work) with a hard hat on busy at work putting sandbags on top of this task to keep me from “flowing” through it. I ask him what he is doing. He wipes the sweat off his brow and says “There was a dangerous flow situation here that I have gotten under control. I can’t let Jeff go down this task that I am unsure where it would lead. I need to keep things under control and keep Jeff safe from sticking his neck out like that.”
So, what to respond to him. Say “I want to finish this task. I am worried that I will get in trouble if I don’t”.
” Hm, yes, I want him to finish this work too. I don’t want him to be criticized for not getting to the end results. If he works on this now, I am afraid he will get to a place where he starts panicing. I need to protect him. ”
“So, we both want him to finish the work, but you don’t want him starting this task to accomplish it. Is there any other way he can finish this without doing this task.”
“Hm. No. I would feel safer if there was someone helping him on this.”
“Hasn’t he done this many times by himself before”
“Yes. But the task after this one is a real doosy.”
“Ok, why don’t you move your sandbags on to the next task, and leave me free to do this one. We can talk again after I reach the next task.”
I visualize him pushing the sandbags off to the side. As he is lifting them up and moving them, I can see how I can start on the task, and I can walk around a sandbag and see how it is no longer in the way of this task.
-Jeff

By: Peggy

Peggy — Sun, 03 May 2009 17:37:20 +0000

I loved reading this.

I call my fears “The Goblins.” We had a transformation in our relationship about twenty years ago when things were not going well in my life. My mind was a morass of negative thoughts. It wasn’t too bad during the day, but when the shadows lengthened, what I called “the goblins” came out. In my imagination I thought of the goblins as ugly little creatures, like gargoyles, that lived in the upper corners of the ceiling of my bedroom. All day long they snoozed in their cobwebby corners, but at night, when I got into bed, they woke up and swirled around me, telling me all the things I didn’t want to hear. I hated the goblins!

Anyway, it so happened that I got a bad cold, and one Saturday I stayed in bed. I was propped up on pillows reading Scott Peck’s The Road Less Traveled. I misread one word in a sentence that completely changed its meaning. I don’t know anymore what sentence it was, or even what it said, but it caused a virtual thunderbolt of realization to hit me. Suddenly I understood that the goblins were good! They really had my best interests at heart. They were like a worried mother, concerned for my long-term welfare, trying to get me to listen to them, and to straighten up and fly right. It was a major moment. Tears came. I felt so very bad for the goblins! I apologized (out loud, actually) for having misunderstood and maligned them for so long. We have gotten along well, albeit somewhat uneasily at times, ever since.

By: Making contact | Lost in Translation

Making contact | Lost in Translation — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 22:44:17 +0000

[...] here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!Today, with special thanks to Havi Brooks, I had a conversation with someone I hadn’t spoken to for a long time: my 9-year-old self. [...]

By: Maybe If You Don’t Want To Do Something You “Shouldn’t” « The Living Poet

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 03:50:03 +0000

[...] That. That’s the other side of the face your fear coin. Sometimes the idea that maybe you don’t have to face your fears is actually scarier than the idea that there’s some invisible moral force compelling you to [...]

By: Jessica

Jessica — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 19:03:54 +0000

I read this post the other day and it made me cry and helped me write a blog post about my impending divorce which also made me cry. Lots of crying two days ago :). Although I can't say I'm unstuck yet (I have a lot of patterns I need to change), at least I feel like I finally have the right attitude about everything thanks to you. I've always beat myself up about my "failures" and procrastination. Now I know that what I need from myself is kindness and compassion. (By the way, I mentioned this post in my blog post but I'm not sure how to do trackbacks . . .) Jessicas last blog post..Dealing with fear

By: Why You’re Not Doing The Things You Said You Wanted To, Part 3 | Work Life Balance | Time Management Tips | Wake Up Early

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 17:57:42 +0000

[...] You don’t have to face your fear [...]

By: Zataod

Zataod — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 20:24:43 +0000

I'm one of those people who like the term "facing one's fear", but I can see where you are going with this. My interpretation of this in the past has been more in the line of meeting the fear, feeling it, having a talk with it, and embracing it. Ironically, I've found through experience that feeling fear in a positive way can transform that fear into something more akin to exhilaration. Thanks for the post on this topic. Zataods last blog post..Throwing over the top

By: Turning a lifelong fear into strength | Dancing Geek

Turning a lifelong fear into strength | Dancing Geek — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 20:14:32 +0000

[...] for me. First off (thought not necessarily chronologically speaking), Havi recently posted about how to meet your fear in a totally amazing and non-yucky way, then Urban Panther posted about her Panther name and ‘companion’, also Emma wrote [...]

By: Peeling back the layers | Dancing Geek

Peeling back the layers | Dancing Geek — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 20:12:08 +0000

[...] only slightly helps to realise that this is probably what all these cool people who write about being terrified are on [...]