What we do here:

Work on our stuff. Dissolve stuck. Play. Experiment. Rewrite patterns. We take sometimes-heavy things* and we make them more fun, playful, manageable.

I also write about my conversations with walls and monsters, and what it's like to work on a pirate ship. Good times.

* Sometimes-heavy things include: mindfulness and presence, pain and trauma, business-growing, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity)

 

Category Archives: updates & announcements

The Collected Works / Nothing Is Wasted / Courage Is Coming

Majestic Sails

An explanatory preface because we are doing something new today!

There are three posts in this post.

The Collected Works / Nothing Is Wasted / Courage Is Coming

You could also say there are no posts in this post, since the first is an invitation, the second is an edited reprint of a post I wrote seven years ago, one which didn’t make it into the ebook of Collected Works, and the third is a sort of preview for the next post, along with another form of invitation.

But this is the form that wanted to come into being, and these are the things that I want to say right now, and here we are. I used blue boxes to differentiate between the three sections, and also named them accordingly. And I am thinking of this like a matinee of small shows.

May it be received with love…

Collected Works, Majestic Sails (Part I)

I made an ebook of Collected Works, a beautiful, lovingly curated and edited collection of SEVENTEEN* of my all-time favorite essays from the Fluent Self blog over the past twelve years. The best of the best.

And I added Breathing Space pages in between for notes or clues, or if you feel inspired to do some stone skipping or any other processing of your own. Or use as a door to take a break and reset.

* Okay actually eighteen, because I combined two of my Writing To Walls posts into one, though maybe actually nineteen because I added the Flow Chart of Spaciousness, and anyway, 190 pages of good things.

Top ten reasons for why you should get this!

There are probably more, but let’s go with these:

  1. Reading this book is a healing, it was for me, and each time I read it different words appear like acupuncture needles in the exact right spots, something releases, something is undone, something is rewritten.
  2. This book is full of clues – each time I read any piece in here, I receive another clue, pointer or direction for my own healing and process.
  3. The scribbling pages, aka “Breathing Space”: a wonderful practice in resetting the etch-a-sketch, returning to yourself and integrating the material, a shavasana but for reading-yoga.
  4. These in-between pages also give you a container of space/time to process on your own, and do your own writing-and-rewriting. Of course you are all writers (and righters too) whether you know this down to your bones or pretend you don’t. I know there are a lot of people in both categories who read my blog, so I am glowing love for all of you, the writers, the righters, the ones who don’t or won’t or can’t yet identify as either.
  5. The post contain lots of links to other posts I’ve written over the past however many years, so if you read this online you will arrive at so much other goodness.
  6. You can print it out and have 190 pages of wisdom and love beside your bed!
  7. There are LOTS OF PUNS, like, seriously, a lot, and at least one of them will make you smile or want to engage in ridiculous wild wordplay with me, because this is one of the small but meaningful joys of life.
  8. I am currently dealing with [hard situation] and EVERY SINGLE POST held at least one clue for me, even though I didn’t plan it that way at all! As if past-me was leaving bread-crumb trails of wonder and delight, release and renewal, star paths. I realize this might sound at the very least overly intense, but I believe with my whole wild heart that whatever you might be going through right now, there are clues here for you. You will also seed even more clues for future-you, and that is a beautiful thing, self-perpetuating star trails of love and wisdom, a labyrinth to walk as many times as you want…
  9. Reading this may make you want to WRITE! It might make you feel JOYFUL and EXPECTANT AND TINGLY about writing. And writing/righting is both healing and revealing!
  10. I miss writing and posting on the blog, I want to return to that sharing process-and-legacy, and for that to work, the blog needs to be funded. So even if no other reason speaks to you, consider this a donation to The Fluent Self, investing in the continued work/play/treasure of self-fluency flowing into the world so we can deliver more magic.

This book is available for the first half of the month of Courage (August)

MAJESTIC SAIL PRICE: $28 USD

What happens next!

Saying yes to anything is a door, and so we pause and breathe, because that’s what we do at a threshold, entering as we wish to be in it. Then you press the beautiful button.

Then you will get an email from us with a download link to the book, which you can read at your own pace and time, because the superpower of All Timing Is Right Timing applies extra to magical things, and this is definitely a magical thing.

all the small-printables

  1. Here are my thoughts re buying stuff online: it is very easy to get sucked into the rigged-game world of frantic pressured decisions and accompanying doubt-panic-dread, so let’s not do that. That’s not fun for anyone and it is certainly not how I want to do business. Let’s do the *opposite* of that, let’s pause and breathe and remember what is important, getting back to ourselves and feeling our quiet warm yes of the moment. This way we can experience what it could feel like to buy something from love. This feels more harmonious and sustainable to me, more conscious, grounded and heart-centered, and I hope it’s also much less stressful for you.
  2. We don’t do refunds or returns here, and we have a page about the thought process behind why that is, in addition to the administrative aspects.
  3. We make everything with so much love, and we love that you want to be a part of our work, because these gift shop sales allow us to keep writing and sharing. Thank you. We love you.

Nothing Is Wasted (Part II)

This is an edited/updated reprint of a post I wrote in September, 2010, and it wanted to be shared today, so here it is.

Epiphany.

Like most epiphanies, it sounds obvious and even kind of stupid when you say it out loud, but it’s still a gleaming piece of truth, and now it lives in my body as a source of comfort:

Nothing is wasted.

Nothing is wasted.

I spent five years as bartender in south Tel Aviv.

In some pretty dive-ey places.

I knew artists, writers, musicians, local celebrities, surfers, motorcycle gang members, counterfeiters, drug dealers, tour guides, cab drivers, Moroccan mafia, and people who didn’t come in without bodyguards.

Once someone tried to follow me home. Once someone took my phone and smashed it against a wall. Once someone threw a vodka bottle at me (I ducked). Once I nailed someone in the face with a stack of about fifty coasters and didn’t even get fired, that story is in the book of Collected Works that I just told you about…

I learned a lot.

I learned a lot about sovereignty. About not taking other people’s shit personally.

About right people. And how to run a bar.

About managing (people, expectations, experiences).

About creating setting. And specifically creating culture.

About ambience and the power of everything that happens behind the scene. And about beauty and power, safety and pain.

What I’m NOT saying.

I’m not saying these experiences were good.

I’m not saying that everything is for the best. How could I know that. I am definitely not saying suffering is a gift. Or that we should be more grateful.

I would never say anything like that, I would never imply that our experience is wrong.

Just that — for me — it isn’t wasted.

I don’t need to spend more time on regret for each moment that wasn’t spent taking better care of myself or having better boundaries or doing something “meaningful” with my time.

All those moments have meaning. And they all came together to put me here now and headed towards where I’m headed. Not wasted.

Once I had a gig as a choreographer.

No, really. For a children’s folk dance troupe that performed all over the midwest.

I haven’t thought about that in years.

Even though I probably use those skills all the time …

  • putting things (insights, projects, programs, ideas, words) in order
  • creating sequences for things to happen in my business
  • working with groups to make the impossible possible
  • awesome high kicks for when we do Ironic Aerobics (totally optional) at my writing retreats

That job — and everything that went with it — has nothing to do with my life right now.*

And yet.

Nothing is wasted.

*That sentence was true seven years ago, but it is a ridiculous thing to say today, now that I am a dancer who dances every day, isn’t that wonderful?

Once I spent ten months climbing trees.

I know about things that you can only know from spending a lot of time by yourself up in a tree.

Nothing is wasted.

Once I spent three months in bed.

Near-catatonic depression.

Nothing to wake up for.

Only loss and grief and blankness.

Now I know what that’s like.

I can identify with things my clients and readers deal with, but without being in it.

And I have a different relationship with both fear and emptiness because I KNOW them. And with surprise moments of grace, because now I know that eventually they will come, and I know more about seeing, I keep notes about what brings me out of the dark places.

Nothing is wasted. Stay with us, please, stay with us.

So many things.

Big ones.

I have loved and been loved.

I have lost and been lost.

I have done terrible, terrible things. I have experienced moments of redemption.

Nothing is wasted.

And so many small things too.

I bake bread, name moons, cry, laugh, dance, list things.

Sometimes I feel afraid or envious or filled with fiery rage. Sometimes I feel peaceful and wild under the stars. Sometimes I forget how to rest and then I have to remember again.

Nothing is wasted.

Where the stuck happens.

Inside of resistance, guilt and blame.

In the moments of “But whyyyyyyyy is it like this?!” and “But whyyyyyyyyyy is it not already like that?”

When I don’t meet myself where I am.

When I forget to give legitimacy to whatever it is I’m feeling.

When I believe my fuzzy monsters instead of being curious about what is really going on.

When I forget that I have support and so I forget to call on allies and negotiators.

When I need to be right, and forget about all the good stuff that happens when I’m wrong.

And all other forms of fighting with what-is, instead of remembering that we are allowed to not like how things are in this moment. Observing the process not-liking is already creating space and changing the pattern.

And yet. Nothing is wasted.

So I can stop and remember again.

And if nothing is wasted, then we can extract the wisdom and the love, and release the pain that is attached to it.

But long before that, it is enough just to remember.

And in the comment blanket fort today…

We all have our stuff. We are all working on our stuff. It’s a process. It takes time.

This is tough territory. And again, I would never say that you are in any way obligated find value in any of the hard, awful things that have happened to you. You aren’t, and anyway that would be condescending, obnoxious and honestly a kind of violent thing to tell someone about their pain

So use this idea of “nothing is wasted” in a way that does feel safe and comfortable for you. And if it doesn’t do that for you, then let it go and do what you need to do for you, because nothing is more important than that.

*blows kiss*

Courage Is Coming (Part III)

Courage is coming!

It is the month of Courage, and I did something so courageous
(in my personal life, not my writing life)
that I immediately threw up six times
and then cried so hard that I gave myself laryngitis,
which is why I am now drinking slippery elm tea with honey,
and thinking about what it might mean to have the superpower of
Effortless Not Caring and Glorious Indifference,
and Glowingly Powerful Boundaries,
appreciating how brave I have been
and how brave I am
to meet this new door.

I have written a beautiful August post for the beautiful August door,
and I will post it in a few days when
August and I (and Courage and I) have had a chance to
get to know each other better.

Courage is coming, and so is the post about Courage.

Courage is coming.

Courage is coming.
Courage is here.
Courage is being restored as we speak,
with great love for the month of Restoration which taught us how.

In the meantime, I have a request for you (dear reader!)

A request! For you!

If you have already invested in the ebook (that is, invested in yourself and in our community here and this space and this magic, through acquiring the ebook), I would LOVE SO MUCH if you could share something in the comments….

For example, just that you have it and are happy about that, or something you noticed or received or enjoyed, or something about how beautiful it is or why you appreciate it or a piece of treasure you have gleaned, whether from reading or rereading or not-reading-yet, or via the act of saying yes itself, or a favorite thing about the book, or really anything else warm and loving that you wish to share!

That would mean a lot to me.

And it could be a sort of welcoming tea party for this collection too, which is a lovely image.

Invitation: Communal space! Come play with me…

You are invited to share this post and to share many !!!!!! about what is here,

Or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading…

Safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

We remember that people vary and my process doesn’t have to be yours, and this is a good thing.

Here’s how we meet each other: with great kindness and appreciation and awe, whispering (and sometimes shouting) oh, wow what beautiful wishes!

Moment of truth. Let’s ring the bells.

Hey we have a gorgeous new website!

Click through to the post if you’re reading this by email. And read the new front page too…

Are we doing this? Moment of truth. And bells.

months-November-VPA-2016
This week’s wish began as a wish about Legacy and became a wish of What Do I Want To Echo. But then something happened and I had to scrap it, and now it is a wish about the next few days and ringing truth-bells.

Interestingly, this is the month of Echoing with the superpower of — get this — being a bell, and here is my chance to practice.

Right on time.

What do I know about moment of truth and ringing this bell?

Do you want the short version or the long version? I don’t know which one I want to write.

To be honest, I think I’d prefer to not need to share any of this, but here we are.

Wisest quiet me says: Speak truth and be heard, be a bell, trust that it is the time to ring all the bells and let them echo.

The truth bell version.

(0) But first, we breathe!

Breathing here for the vulnerability of it all. Breathing receptivity, ease, intention, honesty, clarity, surrender, opening, presence. I am here. And: I am here for this.

Breathing for meeting this moment. Breathing for trusting life.

(1) In six days, we are out of options.

In six days, on November 8, we have to make our yearly payment of $1300 for our shopping cart/list system, and we don’t have it. We don’t have anything, actually.

So either we bring in (or otherwise come up with) that sum right now, or the lights go out in the gallery. For a while or for longer than a while or I don’t know.

Yes, that’s the annual fee, and yes, it is a lot, and no, we haven’t found a viable alternative (yes, we could use MailChimp but that still comes to nearly a thousand dollars a year except we wouldn’t have the shopping cart functionality). Yes, we could just give up on having a shopping cart and a list altogether, but I am not all that clear on how that would work.

(2) It’s not just that.

Yesterday the gorgeous new website (which I also have not paid for yet because my incredible designer is the biggest fan of my work and trusts that I am the right horse to bet on) was down for an entire day because our old tired server can’t keep up, and hey, now we need to pay twice as much for hosting.

To be even more painfully truthful, I haven’t paid him in over a year, and it’s been a few years now since I regularly paid myself enough to live on. Most of the people who help out in the business volunteer their time, just like I volunteer mine, because they love this work, and me, and they believe in the mission. They trust (as I do) that we will all be compensated in good time.

That is really beautiful — I am endlessly grateful, and this trust is treasure, and also it sucks. It isn’t okay.

That isn’t what I want to model in the world. What I want to model in the world is something glowing and beautiful and sustainable. Right now we work hard and make beautiful, amazing, vitally important things, but that isn’t enough.

I honestly don’t know if sustainable exists but I want to find out. I want to be able to find out. If we figure out a way to keep the lights on in the gallery for 2017, that will be my project.

(3) I genuinely want to find out what sustainable looks like.

Sustainable to me means:

+ Havi doesn’t get burnt out/isn’t perpetuating a state of burnout
+ generating enough income to live on* and to easily cover the costs of running a business
+ I am able to pay everyone in my business, including me, for their time and hard work
+ the business does not rely on personal debt, no more floating the operation from my own now-depleted resources
+ a business that is peaceful, good for the world, a source of sustenance and joy
+ powered by integrity and love-more-trust-more
+ everyone who finds us breathes a little deeper, we all take better care of ourselves
+ something I feel comfortable modeling (not something I would talk someone else out of trying)

* For clarity: I suspect sustainable for me works out to a lot less than for most people in my field, given my history. I spent a third of my life in the middle east, living on three dollars an hour minimum wage, and a chunk of my twenties without any home at all. My sense of what is enough skews pretty low, for better and for worse, and I put a premium on things like being able to sleep in and work late. I’d like to have higher expectations, and maybe that’s a good wish for another day, but right now I want enough to not need to wonder if it’s time to shut it down. Lights on as a given.

(Glowing Reassurances)

Whatever happens in the next six days, whether the lights in the gallery stay on or have to shut off, whichever way the miracles go (because as far as Wisest-Me is concerned, it’s all miracles in all directions), I will deliver everything I have promised to everyone who has already paid for things this year.

There are two more YEARbooks in progress, nearly completed. The Path of Color aka the monster coloring course is all planned and we’ll send dates soon to everyone who signed up. The Six Month Online Rally/Retreat will still be happening.

So let’s breathe for that. Nothing to worry about. There never is.
All is and and will be well, however it turns out.

And if you want access to archives of posts, sign up to be a Friend of the Museum!

What is interesting about vulnerability?

Whether lights stay on or lights go off, I’m not the one who can determine that, and I cannot even tell you how deeply disconcerting this feels.

For the first time in the past twelve years of doing this, that decision is not up to me because I don’t have the resources to decide.

I’ve spent the past few months exploring all possible variations of the ultimate big question, a la The Clash — should I stay or should I go?! —and yet, here we are in this moment of deciding, and it turns out it’s not me who decides.

Either the funds will show up or they won’t.

I guess in that sense, my decision is a yes. I want to stay, but only if it is possible. And that part isn’t in my hands.

Can I find peacefulness in not having a say? What would that be like?

Mmmmmm, it’s a bit like the show So You Think You Can Dance, when the audience votes for which dancers get to stay on the show.

It’s a funny situation, really. They’re all phenomenally talented dancers at the peak of their ability. Some have to go. And the judges (the ones with the magic vision who can see the nuances of technique) don’t get to weigh in until the audience has spoken first about what they feel, what they love.

I can experience this lack of control as terrifying, but I can also let this be a relief.

Superpower of hey, it’s up to the audience now. Nothing more to do here except ring the bell of asking, and ask. And receive whatever results from that or doesn’t as a gift.

Whatever happens next will decide for me, because there isn’t anything else I can do.

What if I can let that be a beautiful form of freedom and enjoy not being in charge?

What do I want?

I want sustainable. I honestly don’t know if that is even possible, but I want to explore.

I want harmoniousness and congruence and entirely new levels of wild trust. I want to walk through whichever door shows up, trusting that it is the just-right door.

And I want the superpowers of: Echoing. Calm. Steady and powerful in panther mode. Rays of Light. I Am Able To See The Opportunity/Treasure In This. Honesty. Clarity. No More Putting Up With Unsustainable Situations. It’s Out Of My Hands. Landing On Feet. Beautiful ease-filled solutions that make me clap my hands with delight. Wild and Witchy. Peaceful heart.

Reverberating. Grace.

The mea culpa section.

Monsters want me to list all the ways that I screwed up, to take responsibility for my part in this. So let’s name these.

(I plan to write more about this, that is, about my decisions and about circumstances, sans monsters, because I don’t actually believe in screwups, in Love Letter To A Museum Dreamer, which you can read here later if we stay open.)

  1. When the business was doing well, that is, prior to 2012 when it all came crashing down, I could have paid myself and put funds aside as a cushion instead of putting everything back into the business. I also could have chosen not to expand the retreat center when we had the opportunity. I took a risk because I wanted to be able to make the work more accessible and reach more people (and offer lower prices), and it bombed. We couldn’t make the larger space work, and every penny we made over the next three years went to overhead. Wrong move? Sure. However, I see how it came from my good heart, and so I glow love to past-me for wanting to do what she thought was right.
  2. I could have saved everyone a lot of pain by getting things in writing, so, for example, when my mentor changed his position on everything he had ever said and wanted to sue me for doing what I thought he wanted, I could have said hey let’s look at paragraph three. I wouldn’t have ended up in the awful helpless position of not being able to stand up for my students or my work, knowing anything I could possibly say in our defense would end up being used against me. I can think of about twenty other examples of Get It In Writing. Lesson learned, I hope.
  3. Shmita. Here I am disagreement with the monster crew. Taking sabbatical time when I did, when my body was on the verge of collapse from exhaustion and burnout, is by far the best possible thing I could have done for myself, and I do not regret it. A completely transformative experience. However, it did involve shutting down our primary income streams while I was in recovery mode, and I no longer have it in me to be in teacher mode because I no longer believe that’s the right way. I need more time to figure out an alternative, and, as mentioned, we are out of time. So there’s that. That’s on me.

What else do I want?

I want to not have to do this again.

I feel so much joy that there are people who want to help, and I also don’t like asking people to keep us afloat in an emergency. I don’t want to be at the edge.

I want a way to live (and a place to live) that doesn’t depend on having to ask for help keeping the lights on. A foundation for me so that I can do my best writing and teaching-without-teaching, and share the full body of work, without constantly dealing with how to keep the place up and running.

So, one example, if I had the funds to finish my basement, I could possibly turn it into a rental and I would consider that a sustainable solution even if not a plentiful one. External resources that mean not having to scramble, or panic about server hosting costs going up. I want that.

And I want people reading and playing here. Both because I want the work of self-fluency to reach a much broader audience, and because people often write to us and say they’d be glad to pay ten dollars a month or whatever for this space, which is so sweet but that really only becomes a viable option when we’re talking about a much larger group of playmates.

And? I want to preserve the freedom to write what I want to write, as it comes through me, trusting my instincts and trusting flow.

States of…

Vulnerability, state of. Perceived Emergency, state of. Peacefulness, state of.

And, also: Bell state. The state of being a bell. Resonance. Echoing and reverberating. Clarity. Truth love.

I am thinking about bridging between states, and what this means.

Sometimes I imagine opening a Metaphorical Travel Agency. I want to take you to all my favorite places, taking us through the qualities of these places which live in the names.

I have been through Bliss and Starlight (actual places), and now I want us to visit New Hope.

What pathways do I want to traverse in my bell state as we cross states? From emergency (perceived emergency) to emergence to new hope to starlight to bliss, and then to whatever lies beyond that starlit bliss of self-renewing hope?

These are the kinds of questions that I explore in my writing and weekly wishes, these are the questions I want to continue to visit, that for me is one piece of keeping the lights on.

Let’s apply self-fluency, like we do.

Here’s my part: Getting quiet. Turning inward. Skipping stones. Consulting my wisest selves and Incoming me. Being present. Open heart. Grace state. Bell resonance. Being as true to myself as I know how. Echoing and reverberating. Asking for help.

Here’s your part: You decide. I trust you. I love you, whatever comes of this. Vote.

We are out of time. Do the lights stay on?

It’s been a few years now since the museum business adequately covered all expenses, and we muddled through okay, but now we are past the point where that’s an option, so here we are, moment of truth.

Is it scary to let the audience decide? Of course. But it’s also okay. I’m not worried either way. This entire experience has been full of magic for me. Do I hope for more? Of course. But mainly I am trusting that whatever comes next will be just right.

Here’s how you vote. You can give us money and get stuff in return, or you can give us money as a thank you for everything that has been and is and may be, and expect nothing in return. Either of those work for us!

First option: If we raise enough funds to keep this going, here’s what will happen: I’ll spend 2017 figuring out if/how sustainable business works. Those of you who join the six month rally at the Secret Door Society will get to watch that process and maybe think through things with me if you want. I will keep exploring wishes here.

Second option: Not enough funds. In that case, I will get another job or three, and it will look like this: yes to the six month rally at secret door society for Friends of the Museum, yes to what I have already promised, no to the blog, no to everything else, because there won’t be time to do any of it.

Third option: Should we make more than enough funds to solve this, then I can do this full time. The blog will stay. I will write posts about all the stuff I want to write about. Exciting things will be happening. Big wild exploration.

Here’s the situation. November 8 is when we have to either pull the plug or go forward (again, either way we will deliver everything we’ve promised plus the Secret Door Society), but it takes a few days for funds to actually arrive in our account. So if your vote is for yes let’s stay open, then help us out now if you can.

WHERE TO GO & WHAT TO DO

If you want to join the Friends of the Museum, go here.

If you want to either buy past products or toss some money our way as a thank you for nearly twelve years and seventeen hundred posts and thirty four thousand comments and to keep this beautiful space going, you can do that on the foundation page.

Bells, wishes, doors.

Calling on all the superpowers of (perceived) crisis into door, the superpower of beautiful solutions, the superpower of welcoming the moment that is a door.

Agreeing to let perceived crisis slide into that category of good things that are not immediately recognizable as good things at the time. Which is probably most things.

And we are not in any way required to recognize them as good things, that is not necessary, because forcing ourselves to find the good inside of a moment of hard is not compassionate. Compassion is letting the hard thing be hard. Once we’ve done that, the good will reveal itself in right timing anyway.

I trust this and I trust us, and I am ready for whatever happens or does not happen. That is how echoing works.

last week’s wishes

last-week-me wished a wish called say what you want to say, and much to my surprise I am saying things I did not want to say, but it is the time to say them, and so in that sense, it was a very powerful wish indeed.

thank you, me who wished

invitation: come play with me…

you are invited to share this post and to share many !!!!!! about what is here, or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading

deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code

safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving

wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing

we remember that people vary and my wishes don’t have to be yours, each process is unique, and this is a good thing

here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: with great kindness and appreciation and awe, whispering (and sometimes shouting) oh, wow what beautiful wishes

a loving request for input on something I’ve meaning to ask you about for oh let’s see six years

spring breeze

as you probably know or have noticed
I’m going through a fit of Congruencing
you know that spring breeze scent?
the one that incites you to dream up wishes
your whole body wants to skip and frolic,
you desperately desire to sweep off the porch, start fresh,
(yes, whoosh-goodbye to what is old and done!)
roll in the grass, and then maybe a nap?

that is a bit like what Congruencing feels like
to me, at least
right now

good plus hard

there is good and hard to everything
this is the way of things
and there is good and hard to Congruencing


good:
tingly excitement, freshness, newness, desire to engage again

hard: releasing what needs to be released stirs up dust
(of the emotional and energy varieties)
and, also, of course, yes,
you become keenly aware of ALL THE THINGS
that are currently incongruent, disharmonious, stagnant, out of date…

which leads to all flavors of crises
from “augh I don’t know what to wear, everything is unappealing and terrible”,
like, seriously Kim Kardashian levels of nothing to wear,
to the monsters that show up because
oh look Nothing In Your Life Is Working
which is not actually true

not true

it’s just that your attention is now drawn
to the bits that need fixing and patching
the things that need to exit your life
so that’s what you see

it isn’t the whole picture
it’s just where your focus is

I learn this and re-learn this every time Congruencing strikes
and then forget it again
right now all I can see is what is wildly incongruent
and out of date
which means the only answer is to laugh
and open the windows to let new air in

so here’s something funny

I have a sidebar
and it has a list of people’s favorite blog posts
in addition to my recommendations of what to read

and this list is from (drumroll…)
TWO THOUSAND AND NINE
which is about a hundred years ago in internet years
there’s even a link to the post from that year where
everyone named their favorite posts
and get this, even that post was brought on by a wave of congruencing
which is a good reminder to me that
this is just how life is: alive
and constantly changing,
in flux, not stagnant

sweeping away dust and letting fresh air in
(or more modern versions of “chop wood, carry water”, like deleting and archiving)
is the work of life
and this isn’t bad
there is holiness in everything
bringing light to forgotten corners is good work
even when it brings up distress about how did all these corners get forgotten

let’s play

it’s time to make a new list for the sidebar
or at least to reflect on what might go there
if/when I get around to a new one

here is what I would love to know

what are your favorite posts?
which posts would you want to share with someone?
where would you point someone new?
what posts if any from the current list would you keep there?

I know this is not the easiest question,
there are 1586 posts — and now 1587, ta da!
but if some memory is stirred in you
a piece of writing of mine that
was meaningful to read
please share
I would like that
and it would help me with this spring mission

here are some of my favorite posts

and I don’t like to reread this one because it makes me cry,
but exit as you wish to continue is very beautiful and full of truth

what goes in the list?

tell me what you love or remember or find yourself returning to
let’s see if we can make a small sweet library for new people to start with
(or really anyone who showed up after 2009!)
and then maybe we can do it again in a few years
smiling about all the beautiful unexpected things we have learned and revealed
between now and then

“remember when you used to write in Woem form, for no reason?”, you’ll say
and we will have a good laugh about that too
or maybe by then I will have elevated woems to a brilliant art form
and we will laugh about that instead
laughter will be there for us either way
and sweetness
I can tell

thank you for helping me with this
I love playing with you here

thank you