What we do here:

Work on our stuff. Dissolve stuck. Play. Experiment. Rewrite patterns. We take sometimes-heavy things* and we make them more fun, playful, manageable.

I also write about my conversations with walls and monsters, and what it's like to work on a pirate ship. Good times.

* Sometimes-heavy things include: mindfulness and presence, pain and trauma, business-growing, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity)

 

Category Archives: stuff I think about

solstice stones and new year wishes

Reduction

This is the word of the day
like making a sauce
but also: letting go of what is no longer yes.

Light

Today is solstice, and solstice is my time for questions,
turning inward
reflecting my own light
and asking.

Eliminated meets illuminated

I drop questions and watch-listen as they
skip across the waters of my consciousness like stones,
on solstice I always ask the same question,
part-ritual, part-incantation:

What needs to be Eliminated and what needs to be Illuminated?

Clarity

Elimination can be such a beautiful letting-go,
striking and radiant in its clarity and decisiveness,
I never realized this until
the word itself was illuminated through this question,
asked with love.

Reduction

Elimination asks us to see
the power of subtraction
solving through releasing-removing-erasing-undoing
celebrating negative space
appreciating contrast
receiving through letting go
making space
and clearing the path to clear the path…

Related: often the best response for me is remembering that not everything requires a response

What needs to be illuminated?

Patterns and process
space and spaciousness
openings and apertures
contrast and shadow.

Calling in the light,
calling in lightness,
calling in perspective,
calling in clarity,
and — always always always — calling in boundaries made of light,
my boundaries are light and laser beams.

What needs to be eliminated?

Everything that does not resonate and reverberate a yes for me,
everything that is disharmonious, incongruent, unsupportive,
everything that keeps me from myself.

Into the light / add more light

Calling in light,
echoing and reverberating light.

Wishes for the new year and the passage through

I move with intention and fearless panther grace,
clear and unapologetic, in my power and prowess.

I learn to praise myself
with great love and great joy,
so much so that I never perceive a lack
of appreciation.

I reduce input.

I know what I have,
and I know what I have to do.

Calling in Courage for a year of fighting the good fight,
asking for Clarity, Fierce Determination and Focus, Sanctuary and Freedom,
whatever will help me glow powerfully,
using light to illuminate,
using light to reflect and refract,
using the light to disappear when needed in order to fill up on my light again.

I invoke darkness too

I invoke darkness too in the forms of
Shelter, Mystery, Quiet, Protection, Rest, Contrast
under the stars
immersing in water
not afraid of the void,
the void is where the stars are born
and where the stars are named.

Where do I want to be next solstice?

This is a stone I am borrowing from a wise friend,
I know she did not mean the question literally
but my answer came in the form of a vision:

under the stars
in the water
in Idaho or Astoria or
some mysterious wonderful place
I have not discovered yet

fully a star
fully a panther
full-glow
fully at ease with Ease
and beyond

Real talk

These are such hard questions in these tough and terrifying times,
painful and scary to even approach introspection
or the wishing of wishes

I mean, hell, at this point my main hope for next solstice
is that we aren’t all in labor camps or worse,
but I am focusing my wishes on qualities of spirit
which are mine anyway,
mine to invoke, reconnect with, remember, feel my way into,
regardless of external factors.

When I do this, I see how I have
picked up on external bleakness,
and forgotten to glow steady in my own light.

And so I am wishing for this return to steady clarity,
and for doors,
surprise miracle doors.

Doors

Last year at this time the arborist said,
let time do the talking, we do the listening.

Last year the arborist said
may another way come to you as rain in its season;
where no door seems right may a hidden sliding door between them appear
.

And now the arborist has disappeared
but that does not invalidate the wish-magic.

Glow through the opening

This year is going to require some hidden sliding doors,
some options that we cannot see yet,
new paths around and through,
as we commit to resistance,
underground and above-ground,
powerfully glowing our light,
making shelter when shelter is needed,
and showing up with our fiercely channeled intensity
to do what needs to be done.

Anything else about this?

A prayer that doesn’t have words,
something about stones of light,
glowing seeds,
a map of stars,
new perspective,
remembering to breathe,
unanticipated solutions,
trust and love,
courage courage courage,
breath breath breath,
change your place change your luck,
this moment is new
I am here
presence
grace
hope

Invitation

This space is for gathering — you are welcome to join me in this ritual, to skip stones or wish wishes, to share as much or as little as you wish, to leave pebbles and stones or take breaths, to share this time of passage through.

And we make this safe space through joyfully going on vacation from all forms of caretaking and advice-giving.

And another invitation…

New in the gift shop:
we have just put some lovely things up for sale
in case you would like more magic and self-fluency in your life! <3

a week of sunsets

Friday chicken

Reflecting on both the hard and the good in the week that was…

This is week 435 of this ritual, and so we chicken.

What’s been working? What do I want to play with….

Beginning and ending the day with things that calm me.

Breathing for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

Good god what a week. Had high hopes for this being the week that I stop crying all the time, but actually spent the first half of it crying more than ever. Let’s just make a short list of some of the things I was crying over….

  • Crying my eyes out over the horrific treatment of native people and native land — the agonizing images of water activists being attacked (by descendants of colonizers no less) with tear gas and water cannons in below freezing temperatures, heartbreaking. These are peaceful protestors who want clean water. Cate, friend of my friend H, is there right now. Her report of the excessive force used on peaceful protesters, including elders and women, is horrifying. Look at this photo please. Understand what this is. Here’s who you can call to ask that the militarized police targeting protestors stand down. Morton County Sherrif Dept: 701-328-8118. North Dakota governor Jack Dalrymple: 701-328-2200. North Dakota National Guard: 701-333-2000. You can send supplies to Sacred Stone Camp. Breathing justice and well-being. I am not usually much for prayer, or at least not by that name, but I am praying for the water protectors.
  • Crying over the swastikas and accompanying pro-Trump graffiti sprayed all over Adam Yauch park in Brooklyn, — first of all, really? Who dares to desecrate the beastie boys. Second, what the actual fuck. Crying because the thing I never thought would happen is happening. Breathing presence, intensity, wild witchy fury.
  • Crying because this ugliness has now made its way to Portland, to my neighborhood, where a friend of a friend was followed home, and a swastika was painted on her garage. How is this happening. How is this happening so quickly. Breathing for a plan.
  • Crying because Trump is not even in office yet and we already have CNN entertaining the actual question “are jews people”, so great that they can discuss neo-nazi concerns but not name neo-nazis as such. A breath for saying what things are. Do not even start with this “alt-right” bullshit. Name what they are. Breathing fire dragon breath of Clarity and Purpose.
  • Crying because of the disconnect, I have no context for how to react to any of this, my muslim and jewish friends here in the states are all waking in the middle of the night from terrifying dreams, our passports under our pillows like hmmmmm how soon should we be packing, while the rest of my friends are more like, man, this situation sucks. Two extremes. One seems like it might be too much, the other is definitely not enough. But there is no way to tell. I kind of just want someone to tell me exactly how much I should be freaking out, because I suspect my panicking is fueled by inherited cultural programming, but at the same time I am 99% sure that the calmer people in my life are not freaking out nearly enough. Breathing for perspective.
  • Crying because there so much that needs to be done. Breathing presence and present-time.
  • Crying over mundane bullshit in the business and our old server that needs upgrading and the site going down and how is there always so much work to do, and normally this stuff wouldn’t have me in tears but I’m kind of a wreck because of all the other stuff, so there it is. Breathing comfort.
  • Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical!

  • Things that help: TRE, old turkish lady yoga, balancing, rest, walking, hugs, tea, writing, friends. I have all of those. I am healthy. Breathing immense thankfulness.
  • The disastrous political situation is forcing me to get powerfully focused, to prioritize both what takes care of me and what I am passionate about. This is important. Breathing power.
  • Walks in the desert with the cowboy, breathtaking sunsets, delicious food. Breathing joy.
  • At some point I stopped crying and started doing all the things. Glad about that.
  • Writing all day every day. Breathing thankfulness for an outlet.
  • Mice are gone! Breathing appreciation.
  • I know what I want. I am very clear about this. A breath for the many things that are possible.
  • Usually I hate thanksgiving but this one was quiet and peaceful, out in the beautiful volcanic tablelands, cozy and happy. Breathing thankfulness.
  • The thing that always scares me the most is not scaring me right now. A breath for this.
  • Laughing again. A breath for silliness and joy.
  • Finished two projects that seemed like they would never be done! Breathing gladness.
  • Excited about possibility. A breath for this.
  • I like motorhome life. The cozy mornings with the wind howling outside, the beautiful surroundings, the simplicity. I am okay with wearing the same thing each day and not showering that much. I like the peacefulness, the seclusion and the way it makes me sit down and write. Breathing love.
  • Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of love, sweetness, airplane mode, breakfast, big ideas, companionship. A breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Superpowers.

I had the superpowers of remembering my superpowers and seeing connections.

I want the superpower of calm clear easy positive focus.

May it be so.

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

lunar eclipse rainbow chicken

Friday chicken

Reflecting on both the hard and the good in the week that was…

Hello, week: we are here.

Thank you, week. Thank you, space to reflect.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

This is week 425 of this ritual, and so we chicken.

Or check-in, if you prefer to enunciate.

If you feel drawn to comment on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles — I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are always welcome

What’s been working? What do I want to play with….

I was having a hard time, and Briana, my wonderful partner-in-crime, suggested that maybe it was a summer squall.

Of course! Of COURSE. That’s what summer squalls do. They storm. Briefly. That’s their whole thing. Nothing is wrong because the squall is supposed to do that. And anyway, they don’t last, and autumn is coming.

Here’s to a good reframe, because I instantly stopped feeling feelings about the existence of my internal storm situation, and just let it do its thing.

I want to play with being more like the moon: sometimes its majestic radiant magic is very palpable, sometimes it’s just hanging out being the moon. But it doesn’t stop being majestic and radiant in the moments that it is in the background.

Breathing for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  • Oh holy god full moon in pisces, as if it wasn’t hard enough being someone who feels everything, and feels it too loud, too much and too intensely, now I am like, 110% feeling everything, and I need to run away and hide, though I guess being in rural Idaho and not going online is basically already that? Breathing for all this big emotion stirred up.
  • Had many panics this week, most of which did not even belong to me. Also just the usual thing about how I’m going to be forty and I can’t be a [museum curator] anymore, but I don’t know what I want to do instead, for a living, or how any of it is going to work. Breathing for these moments in which I forget that all is well, breathing all-is-well, because it is.
  • Many unexpected expenses. Breathing for trust, and the (much-desired) superpower of what if there is a me who knows how to just delight in flow at all times, whether outgoing or incoming, without really needing to differentiate between the two because it’s all fine.
  • Hip pain comes and goes but any amount of sitting more than a few minutes, they are not having it. A breath for listening to my body who is always right.
  • Monsters are monster-ing. They latched onto that House of Lies quote and now they won’t stop saying it “Can I get an “imminent demise?” IMMINENT DEMISE! IMMINENT DEMISE!” Sometimes it’s entertaining, most of the time I could do without it. Guys, there is no doom. Things are okay, they’re just shifting around and it requires some adjustment. Breathing for cool, calm, clear perspective.
  • Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical!

  • Full moon in pisces and I am channeling big wild witchy moon magic like it was my job, which, actually, it kind of is. The moon is like, hey listen up babe, I have some important information for you to download, are you ready for this. Of course I am. It’s why I came out to this place of awe and mystery for operation quiet under the stars. Breathing for wild cosmic whatever this is, full-on magnificence, the stuff of life.
  • The motorhome is parked by a place with gorgeous pools heated by hot springs, and I have basically been in the water all week, day and night. Stars, water and quiet. Everything I need. It’s a peaceful piscean haven and I appreciate it so very much. Breathing for this is where I need to be.
  • Had two nights of ease from hip pain, and today am able to sit a bit. I don’t know if I want to sit, but it’s nice to have the option. Breathing for things move and change.
  • So much clarity. For a while it was just stirring things up and making me very aware of uncomfortable things, but something shifted and now it is bringing huge ease and sweetness. I see what’s here. It’s good. Breathing for knowing.
  • No news is good news! Sorry, that’s my new favorite joke. I have the privilege of not needing to know what’s going on in the world right now, and so I don’t. It is amazing how my head clears and my heart calms when I am not up to date on all the crap. Breathing for this extra force field.
  • Thankfulness. Feeling aware of the enormous good fortune in my life in the form of friends, generous strangers, being welcome, delicious food, that incredible moon. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Superpowers I had this week…

Last time I wanted the power of not caring about the outcome, and I got it.

Powers I want.

I Close All The Doors That Need Closing, Easily, With Great Assurance and With Love.

Announcement time….

Quieting the monsters is one of the most useful self-fluency skills there is. You can buy the monster manual which is available here, and it is enormously useful if you would like to practice being Way Less Impressed with the horrible things that internal critical voices say. And it comes with a coloring book.

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!