What we do here:

Work on our stuff. Dissolve stuck. Play. Experiment. Rewrite patterns. We take sometimes-heavy things* and we make them more fun, playful, manageable.

I also write about my conversations with walls and monsters, and what it's like to work on a pirate ship. Good times.

* Sometimes-heavy things include: mindfulness and presence, pain and trauma, business-growing, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity)


Category Archives: stuff I think about

The Doors Restored

Door of Restoration

The door before the door.

What is this space and what is this moment? Why are we here and why now?

Visiting the door is how I like to meet the month. This time with the door is a healing which arrives through words but means more than the words, I never know what will come through (me or the door!) as I cross the threshold but it is always just right, and so here we are, admiring the door of Restoration…


I am asking Clarity to reveal itself and restore itself, restore how I see and perceive, restore crown memory.

Even now, in 111 degrees (43.8 degrees celsius aka too hot) in Las Vegas, my least-favorite American city, in full-blown heat-induced meltdown. Even in these places that can be so difficult and overwhelming, in all senses, aesthetic and sensory, political, internal, often all of these at once.

Even now, Clarity is already here, if I remember to invite her to show me what she sees:

Let me see me the [holy holiness] in this moment.

Yes, even in the shitty parts, metaphorically speaking though not only that — scatalogical foreshadowing? haha! maybe! — let all of it reveal the spark-glow of truth-love, the wisdom that lives in experience.

A revealing and restoring, and also re-storing.

Let Boundaries and Courage and all things restorative be restored.

Let each frightening or fiery moment reveal the next steps towards restoring what needs to be restored.

Door of Restoration, show your treasure. Reveal stars. Remind me to glow.

Let all that is mine return with love, and anything [not yes] or [not right now] can be restored to its rightful home.

The migraine that was not a migraine but a M.I.G.R.A.I.N.E.

After the Lyft ride with the driver whose grating voice, meandering stories and inability to take a hint made me want to hurl him off the nearest cliff, I made a note to carry with me at all times:

Time out! MIGRAINE!

Declaring Emergency Migraine & Immediate Time Out, my new favorite protocol, is especially important when I am already too intensely overwhelmed to be able to think up a polite way to tell someone they need to stop talking before I melt down and/or murder them.

Okay except what about Speak Truth?

Here’s how I see this. The migraine is not so much a lie as a useful translation into a phenomenon people understand, as opposed to Sensory Processing Sensitivity or I Feel All Energy, both of which require explaining and are often misunderstood anyway.

If I am on the receiving end of too much input and cannot possibly take in any more, this is exactly when a time-out is most vital, and also when I am least able to explain why I need it or to set boundaries for myself.

Though of course, this also works quite well as a preventative measure to halt the incoming migraine, the one that will show up if all this unwanted input doesn’t stop.

And, more importantly than that, this wonderfully succinct buffer phrase also contains secret magic in acronym form.

MIGRAINE = My [energy/time/headspace] Is Golden, Reducing Any Interference Now, Effortlessly!

This is how I stay true to being truthful, asking for what I need using whatever means work best in the moment, and improving on it next time.

Entry for Operation Sparks Restored.

Entry for the airport and the exit and the month of Restoration:




Entry is everything.

I did so much entry for the airport, calling on/in unlikely superpowers like The TSA Respects My Queenliness and The Exact Right People to Flirt With, and got them both, which never happens.

Entry is the best. It really is. And as with all Wishing practices, whether it “works” or doesn’t seem to is not what really matters. Here’s what really matters:

The altered headspace, presence, awareness, boundaries and grace that come from:
a) getting quiet enough to feel what I want, and
b) brave enough to declare that I want it.

I bring more awareness to how I enter, how I exit, how I wish to be in it, how I wish to continue.

And I try to remember that entry can be as brief and uncomplicated as one word, one breath, one moment of returning and restoring.

What do I know about restoring and restoration?

The other day at restorative yoga, my body didn’t like any of the poses, so I just put my legs up on the wall and a blanket over my eyes, and slept for most of the ninety minute class, it was wonderfully healing.

I wonder why I don’t just stop more when stopping is so good for me.

But also I know why.

It’s scary to get quiet enough to feel what isn’t working, and to take care of myself so lovingly that I see how everything in my life which can’t reach that level of [I Am Treasured & Loved] doesn’t need to be a part of my life.

And what if this goes for people too, I mean, yes, we see why it is vulnerable to restore.


After class I was so restored to the idea of restoring that I felt too woozy to drive, so I walked to my favorite park, and waited until I was rested from the resting and restored from the restoring to return to the safe house to rest-and-restore some more.

Then I realized it had suddenly become July while I was resting and restoring, and July is the month of Restoration, and laughed for a very long time.


Restoration like restoring a building. Very. Interior. Design.

Restoring the storehouses of power.

Restoration of qualities: Sovereignty restored. Crown on. Rest restored. Courage restored.

Restoring like Righting and Returning. Rewriting and Rerighting.

Restoring like Provisions and providing for myself with stores that are restored.

Righting myself. Restoring myself through restoring my self, and my sense of self, calling all my selves back in, returning to myself through welcoming all aspects of who I am.

Glowing appreciation to a fellow star agent for talking this out with me, we were totally on the same magical calendar page!


Restoration is RESTFUL in how it motivates.

It restores vitality, and not from the abusive mentality of Ass In Chair Do All The Things Do Them Now Kick Your Own Ass, but from applying presence, love and Extreme Self-Care.

Waiting, listening, trusting. Tending to the fractal flowers.

Restoration is a return to congruence, a new form of doing, without striving or pushing, motivated by love.

The Restoration mindset asks for receptivity and curiosity: Is there a more harmonious way for this to happen? What if this doesn’t need my input? What if there is nothing to fix?

May everything that needs restoring be restored.

May everything that needs restoring be restored.

With care and reverence, lovingly restoring like a curator with a precious work of art.

May I remember that I am the work of art and I am also the curator!

May I apply the superpower of With Great Care And Reverence to everything I do.

And may all broken hurting connections be healed and restored, with love, clear communication and good naps.

Anything else about this?

Yes. Healing is not linear and trust takes time. And hey guess what, over time self-cherishing will come with more ease.

A cascading of a hundred billion sparklepoints for me for practicing and for noticing.

What else am I noticing?

There is a flip maneuver on the silk sling, I can successfully execute this maybe one out of twenty tries. But if I do it backwards first, then I nail it every single time.

I watch the slow motion video take, trying to discern what makes it work versus why so rarely.

Maybe it’s the superpowers of Widdershins and the magical question of what needs to happen backwards.

Maybe going backwards RESTORES the sensation of control and alignment. Maybe backwards is where the power and courage engage. Maybe we reverse to restore perspective.

The noticing invites the restoration, so let’s all be better Noticers, noticing with love and without applying guilt.

The S Word.

In motorcycle school they teach you about SIPDE: SCAN, IDENTIFY, PREDICT, DECIDE, EXECUTE.

This is something I do anyway while both driving and dancing, but I’m allergic to the acronym, which I find cold and unfeeling, something from the jargon-loving engineer-brain world of Ass In Chair, and myers-briggs types and charts divided into four sections.

My negative reaction is visceral and immediate. Why am I expected to adapt my wonder and glow-spark to this unimaginative non-magical world everyone else seems to inhabit. I refuse.

I want to be a panther. A panther intuitively lives by SIPDE, but would never ever use such robotic words if it had the glorious freedom of language.

When a panther stalks, it lives and breathes each element of this, but with so much more grace:

Sense, Intuit, Pause/Perceive, Leap, and then Adapt In Mid-Air. SIPLA!

This is the panther way. This is my way. But of course for metaphorical motorcycle school I have to pretend that I am not a panther.

Sense, Sequence, Stars, and other S words.

In real-real life though, I Sense and Stalk and Sleep and Sequence, a Sovereign Secret Agent, Soaring and Sailing, Under the Stars. Crown on, tail always adjusting. Snick. Snick. Snick.

This is how I get things done.

I restore them. I allow them to be restored.

I restore my powers, by resting into them.

Sense, intuit, (be a) panther, dive, emerge.

Look, I just restored the magic of SIPDE. What if everything else can be restored this easily too? With play and pleasure, power and presence.

Snick snick snick. Gliiiiide.

What is restorative? What is being restored?

Obvious yet mind-blowing epiphany of this week, while packing:



This is literally true, for example, I don’t need to order new [X] because oh hey look I have some stored in a basement, and this is true in my internal space.

If I know what is in my headspace, if I am more discerning about what enters (a clear no to anything that causes a MIGRAINE), then I know what I have and I know what I need.

We pause for a funny story about Congruence.

I called in Congruence to help me with my secret mission of PP&F (Provisioning for Pleasure and Freedom), a rewriting of the hard-for-me bits like packing, moving, all forms of logistick-ing and deciding where I will be when, tomorrow is Day 439 on the road.

Asking for Congruence is a tricky thing because she always immediately shows you what is Incongruent, and usually it is something you didn’t want to see.

I exited Agent Sloan’s safe house early in the morning, wildly proud of myself for having finally mastered the one-trip-to-the-car exit, an ongoing wish for many months.

And then something felt not-right with the cotton grocery market bag. This bag is not Congruent, I thought. And then my next thought was who cares, I don’t want to let it go because it is useful and the exact right size and rolls small and was only recently acquired, and even has a clue on it about Crown On, in the shape of a small crown.

Small. Crown. Trains of thought.

I was thinking about this bag and crowns, and the mysteries of SIPDE, and then, completely failing to SIPDE, I placed the small crown bag on the ground without looking, and loaded the rest of the car.

Only when I put it in the trunk did I see it was covered in dog shit, and of course there is no way to clean it and no time, already en route to breakfast and then the airport, so goodbye slightly-incongruent bag that is now very-incongruent.

At breakfast I discovered my lapse of SIPDE-ing had greater consequences than I’d realized, at some point before noticing my crown bag was coated in poop (how’s that for a clue about current sovereignty levels), I must have slung it across my shoulder, leaving a large smear on the front of my thigh, and that, my friends, is how I ended up in my underthings in the cafe bathroom, washing my travel clothes in the sink, holding them under the hand-dryer and inventing new meanings for SIPDE.

Rewriting and restoring. Committing to being a different kind of noticer.

And hey now that is the second story here about animal excrement and listening (or not listening) to intuition.

Let us tell and retell, restoring what needs to be restored.

And let’s find the treasure and the holy holiness in all of it.

Also hello, sadness, yes, okay, we have some tears to spill when we consider this theme of recognizing that maybe things which are Not Yes aren’t worth keeping, this is painful.

Let’s ask to be comforted as we restore our stores of treasure, our stores of superpowers. Crown restored. No more small crown. No more kinda-sorta. No more time and energy on experiences that don’t glow love towards me.

Restored and Re-Stored.

Late at night craving kisses from someone far away, but there were none to be had.

Drifting to sleep planting kiss-wishes. Come in, come in, lost kisses.

Suddenly awake at four in the morning, reaching for the phone, certain my missing kisses had arrived and were now waiting for me to receive them and more, maybe I dreamed them, I felt so sure of them, but there was nothing.

I put the device into AIR(plane) mode, aka the plane of Access Internal Resonance, through shutting off the world. Going Dark. Turning Inward.

Retreating to a place where I can’t look for kisses.

Except then I couldn’t bring myself to turn the phone back on and risk feeling that feeling again.

Maybe this sojourn in AIR mode will restore something, hahaha here is the monster crew snickering now, yeah, they say, like maybe your dignity. Yes, okay, very funny, guys, but maybe it will restore other things, peaceful borders to my kingdom, or a sense of grounding, even as I live in the AIR. Maybe it will restore love.

A reigniting or a new form of ignited, a sky full of sparks.

Into the water / I am my own Power Source

I entered the float tank with a wish that was mysterious to me: My power center is restored! My powers are restored! I am the Star Queen! I am the Wildest Cat!

Ninety minutes later, all the mysteries had been solved, knowing and remembering, total Clarity:

I am the power center, the channel for and deliverer of my own powers. I can fill up on love all on my own: get quiet, immerse and receive it directly from source because I am a reflection of source — I can breathe-and-hum love, and never run out.

I Am My Own Power Source. I Am My Own Love Source. I Restore My Own Stores through connecting to the love that just is, not the love that is dependent on other people to deliver it.

Is there anything I want to call in for this month of Restoring & Restoration?

Yes, more superpowers!

Let’s call in all superpowers of Wild Me of the Wilds of South Dakota, Fiery Bad Girl of the Badlands, and Witchiest Witch.

Tough Fearless Motorcycle-Loving Wild, Panther of Prowess, a new Wonder Woman who trains five times harder than the most powerful Amazon warrior, and naps five times more deeply than the most content and happy sloth.

Passionate Troublemaker, Wild Wanderer, Secret Aerialist, Interior Designer on the move.

Champion of Luscious Minimalism, Still The Best Shot, A Star Among The Stars, A Bell Among Bells, Fierce & Fearless, Powerful & Striking, Grounded & Wild, Glowing & Alive, Undeniably Sexy, The Star Queen Who is Of The Ground And Lives In The Air, Unconditional Self-Treasuring, The Seas Part For Her Magnificence!

What will help us dive deep (and soar high) into Restoring The Crown, Restoring the Powers, and experiencing some Star Level Congruence and Star Level Sparks? Ah, yes, of course, the superpower of this month’s door: Deep Healing & Sweetness.

It’s right there in the doorway.

May it be so!


Everything I write is a healing and a channeling, a magic that works in all directions, internal and external, through the labyrinth-compass, and all the wisdom here comes from the work (and play! mostly play!) of Self Fluency.

Buying something from the Gift Shop is a great way to dive deeper into practicing/living this on your own, and it helps me continue to share the work here.

During the month of Restoration I am offering something I’ve never done before: a collection of seventeen of my very favorite pieces out of everything I’ve posted here over the past twelve years. It is only available this month.

I haven’t set up the official page yet, so this is a PRESALE SALE! You can order it here, and you’ll get an email with the download link before the end of the month, though probably sooner!

Invitation: Communal wish space! Come play with me…

You are invited to share this post and to share many !!!!!! about what is here,

Or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading…

You can also share how things have been going, check in, or deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, possibly in code.

Safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishes and checking-in are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing.

We remember that people vary and my process doesn’t have to be yours, and this is a good thing.

Here’s how we meet each other: with great kindness and appreciation and awe, whispering (and sometimes shouting) oh, wow what beautiful wishes!

solstice stones and new year wishes


This is the word of the day
like making a sauce
but also: letting go of what is no longer yes.


Today is solstice, and solstice is my time for questions,
turning inward
reflecting my own light
and asking.

Eliminated meets illuminated

I drop questions and watch-listen as they
skip across the waters of my consciousness like stones,
on solstice I always ask the same question,
part-ritual, part-incantation:

What needs to be Eliminated and what needs to be Illuminated?


Elimination can be such a beautiful letting-go,
striking and radiant in its clarity and decisiveness,
I never realized this until
the word itself was illuminated through this question,
asked with love.


Elimination asks us to see
the power of subtraction
solving through releasing-removing-erasing-undoing
celebrating negative space
appreciating contrast
receiving through letting go
making space
and clearing the path to clear the path…

Related: often the best response for me is remembering that not everything requires a response

What needs to be illuminated?

Patterns and process
space and spaciousness
openings and apertures
contrast and shadow.

Calling in the light,
calling in lightness,
calling in perspective,
calling in clarity,
and — always always always — calling in boundaries made of light,
my boundaries are light and laser beams.

What needs to be eliminated?

Everything that does not resonate and reverberate a yes for me,
everything that is disharmonious, incongruent, unsupportive,
everything that keeps me from myself.

Into the light / add more light

Calling in light,
echoing and reverberating light.

Wishes for the new year and the passage through

I move with intention and fearless panther grace,
clear and unapologetic, in my power and prowess.

I learn to praise myself
with great love and great joy,
so much so that I never perceive a lack
of appreciation.

I reduce input.

I know what I have,
and I know what I have to do.

Calling in Courage for a year of fighting the good fight,
asking for Clarity, Fierce Determination and Focus, Sanctuary and Freedom,
whatever will help me glow powerfully,
using light to illuminate,
using light to reflect and refract,
using the light to disappear when needed in order to fill up on my light again.

I invoke darkness too

I invoke darkness too in the forms of
Shelter, Mystery, Quiet, Protection, Rest, Contrast
under the stars
immersing in water
not afraid of the void,
the void is where the stars are born
and where the stars are named.

Where do I want to be next solstice?

This is a stone I am borrowing from a wise friend,
I know she did not mean the question literally
but my answer came in the form of a vision:

under the stars
in the water
in Idaho or Astoria or
some mysterious wonderful place
I have not discovered yet

fully a star
fully a panther
fully at ease with Ease
and beyond

Real talk

These are such hard questions in these tough and terrifying times,
painful and scary to even approach introspection
or the wishing of wishes

I mean, hell, at this point my main hope for next solstice
is that we aren’t all in labor camps or worse,
but I am focusing my wishes on qualities of spirit
which are mine anyway,
mine to invoke, reconnect with, remember, feel my way into,
regardless of external factors.

When I do this, I see how I have
picked up on external bleakness,
and forgotten to glow steady in my own light.

And so I am wishing for this return to steady clarity,
and for doors,
surprise miracle doors.


Last year at this time the arborist said,
let time do the talking, we do the listening.

Last year the arborist said
may another way come to you as rain in its season;
where no door seems right may a hidden sliding door between them appear

And now the arborist has disappeared
but that does not invalidate the wish-magic.

Glow through the opening

This year is going to require some hidden sliding doors,
some options that we cannot see yet,
new paths around and through,
as we commit to resistance,
underground and above-ground,
powerfully glowing our light,
making shelter when shelter is needed,
and showing up with our fiercely channeled intensity
to do what needs to be done.

Anything else about this?

A prayer that doesn’t have words,
something about stones of light,
glowing seeds,
a map of stars,
new perspective,
remembering to breathe,
unanticipated solutions,
trust and love,
courage courage courage,
breath breath breath,
change your place change your luck,
this moment is new
I am here


This space is for gathering — you are welcome to join me in this ritual, to skip stones or wish wishes, to share as much or as little as you wish, to leave pebbles and stones or take breaths, to share this time of passage through.

And we make this safe space through joyfully going on vacation from all forms of caretaking and advice-giving.

And another invitation…

New in the gift shop:
we have just put some lovely things up for sale
in case you would like more magic and self-fluency in your life! <3

a week of sunsets

Friday chicken

Reflecting on both the hard and the good in the week that was…

This is week 435 of this ritual, and so we chicken.

What’s been working? What do I want to play with….

Beginning and ending the day with things that calm me.

Breathing for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

Good god what a week. Had high hopes for this being the week that I stop crying all the time, but actually spent the first half of it crying more than ever. Let’s just make a short list of some of the things I was crying over….

  • Crying my eyes out over the horrific treatment of native people and native land — the agonizing images of water activists being attacked (by descendants of colonizers no less) with tear gas and water cannons in below freezing temperatures, heartbreaking. These are peaceful protestors who want clean water. Cate, friend of my friend H, is there right now. Her report of the excessive force used on peaceful protesters, including elders and women, is horrifying. Look at this photo please. Understand what this is. Here’s who you can call to ask that the militarized police targeting protestors stand down. Morton County Sherrif Dept: 701-328-8118. North Dakota governor Jack Dalrymple: 701-328-2200. North Dakota National Guard: 701-333-2000. You can send supplies to Sacred Stone Camp. Breathing justice and well-being. I am not usually much for prayer, or at least not by that name, but I am praying for the water protectors.
  • Crying over the swastikas and accompanying pro-Trump graffiti sprayed all over Adam Yauch park in Brooklyn, — first of all, really? Who dares to desecrate the beastie boys. Second, what the actual fuck. Crying because the thing I never thought would happen is happening. Breathing presence, intensity, wild witchy fury.
  • Crying because this ugliness has now made its way to Portland, to my neighborhood, where a friend of a friend was followed home, and a swastika was painted on her garage. How is this happening. How is this happening so quickly. Breathing for a plan.
  • Crying because Trump is not even in office yet and we already have CNN entertaining the actual question “are jews people”, so great that they can discuss neo-nazi concerns but not name neo-nazis as such. A breath for saying what things are. Do not even start with this “alt-right” bullshit. Name what they are. Breathing fire dragon breath of Clarity and Purpose.
  • Crying because of the disconnect, I have no context for how to react to any of this, my muslim and jewish friends here in the states are all waking in the middle of the night from terrifying dreams, our passports under our pillows like hmmmmm how soon should we be packing, while the rest of my friends are more like, man, this situation sucks. Two extremes. One seems like it might be too much, the other is definitely not enough. But there is no way to tell. I kind of just want someone to tell me exactly how much I should be freaking out, because I suspect my panicking is fueled by inherited cultural programming, but at the same time I am 99% sure that the calmer people in my life are not freaking out nearly enough. Breathing for perspective.
  • Crying because there so much that needs to be done. Breathing presence and present-time.
  • Crying over mundane bullshit in the business and our old server that needs upgrading and the site going down and how is there always so much work to do, and normally this stuff wouldn’t have me in tears but I’m kind of a wreck because of all the other stuff, so there it is. Breathing comfort.
  • Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical!

  • Things that help: TRE, old turkish lady yoga, balancing, rest, walking, hugs, tea, writing, friends. I have all of those. I am healthy. Breathing immense thankfulness.
  • The disastrous political situation is forcing me to get powerfully focused, to prioritize both what takes care of me and what I am passionate about. This is important. Breathing power.
  • Walks in the desert with the cowboy, breathtaking sunsets, delicious food. Breathing joy.
  • At some point I stopped crying and started doing all the things. Glad about that.
  • Writing all day every day. Breathing thankfulness for an outlet.
  • Mice are gone! Breathing appreciation.
  • I know what I want. I am very clear about this. A breath for the many things that are possible.
  • Usually I hate thanksgiving but this one was quiet and peaceful, out in the beautiful volcanic tablelands, cozy and happy. Breathing thankfulness.
  • The thing that always scares me the most is not scaring me right now. A breath for this.
  • Laughing again. A breath for silliness and joy.
  • Finished two projects that seemed like they would never be done! Breathing gladness.
  • Excited about possibility. A breath for this.
  • I like motorhome life. The cozy mornings with the wind howling outside, the beautiful surroundings, the simplicity. I am okay with wearing the same thing each day and not showering that much. I like the peacefulness, the seclusion and the way it makes me sit down and write. Breathing love.
  • Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of love, sweetness, airplane mode, breakfast, big ideas, companionship. A breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.


I had the superpowers of remembering my superpowers and seeing connections.

I want the superpower of calm clear easy positive focus.

May it be so.

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!