We had some pretty intense discussion happening in the comments section of last week’s talking truth to fear post.

And not intense in a bad way. The opposite, in fact. Really good points being brought up, people showing up and respectfully debating ideas and, in some cases, respectfully disagreeing. I’m loving it.

These intelligent, compassionate conversations have been continuing in email exchanges and on other people’s blogs, and it was really cool to see how my thoughts inspired a ton of other blog posts which work with these concepts and take them in different directions.

One of the weirder things that’s coming up, though, is that several people have been writing in to thank me for getting them to face their fears.

And: the truth about fear.

A few years ago I took a course with some semi-famous biggified chick on getting over the fear of cold calling.

To be honest, I could not care less about cold calling. I was there for the fear.

I have to tell you a story.

All true. It’s about the second-worst summer of my life.

And to understand the second-worst summer of my life you really have to understand the week or so preceding it.

There’s this thing — yes, a thing, don’t make me get all specific — that invariably comes up when you talk to people about habits and how their habits work.

And this thing annoys the pants off of pretty much everybody.

Here’s what happens.

You work really, really, really hard to establish a habit. A new, healthy, good-for-you, good-for-your-life habit. Eventually, with effort, patience, and god knows what else, you reach the hooray point where it’s actually kind of happening.

But then … something happens.

So … to give you some background for why we’re talking kosher and marketing and the combination of kosher and marketing on my habits blog of all places:

All my clients and students work on rewriting their patterns and habits, but most of them are dealing with patterns and habits related to the specific issue of biggification.

You know, biggifying themselves. Putting themselves out there. Growing that cool thing they do or that cool thing they want to start doing.

Without feeling like a sleazeball. Or being a sleazeball.

It’s that truckload of criticism again. Criticism — the unasked-for kind that’s chock full of hurtful judgments — is no fun, to say the least.

That’s not exactly news.

But aside from the unpleasantness of it all, the experience of being criticised makes everything else harder. And then, oh boy, let the second-guessing begin.

Hey! The way you’re trying to motivate yourself: totally not working.
We all know the “hey, look, I’m not doing that thing I said I’d do” feeling pretty well. And yeah, it’s not fun. When that sinking feeling shows up, you start looking for something that you think will “motivate” you. Something to push you harder so you can get in gear and get that thing done already.
Unfortunately, you (and by you I mean probably you but really, uh, me and everyone else I know) tend to choose ways to motivate yourself that aren’t very good for you. Even worse, it might sorta kinda feel like they work, so you keep using them.

No, really, don’t make me leave my comfort zone! For some reason, all sorts of people seem determined to push you out of where you’re comfortable to where you’re …. well … uncomfortable. Which is bizarre enough that it’s worthwhile to find out why.

Just so you know, I personally have zero patience with the whole “you have to leave your comfort zone if you want to make changes” thing. Not just because it’s a tired cliche of the “think out of the box” sort. Not just because it’s an annoying self-help-ey trend. But because it’s a seriously bad idea.

Ow, make my patterns stop hurting! There’s this semi-creepy deja vu thing that starts happening when one of your patterns kicks in. You know when it’s happening when you catch yourself thinking, “Again?!” Or “Oh boy, here we go again … ” Or, “I can’t believe this is happening again!”

In fact, the worst thing about doing something you wish you weren’t is that sinking feeling of again-ness. Here we *are* again. Again!

Yep, everyone’s got issues and money is one of those things that will always set them off. It’s a button-pusher for sure. Maybe even the button-pusher. And to make it even more complicated, those issues aren’t just about money itself …