You somehow manage to be completely insane (in a good way) and make money and everyone knows about you. But without actually like, doing all the marketing stuff that everyone else says there’s no getting out of.
I guess saying “what’s up with that” isn’t really a useful question.
People vary.
What’s right for one person isn’t right for someone else. And we need different things at different times.
That’s why you try stuff. And you take notes for the big Book of You, so you can discard whatever isn’t your thing.
None of this is prescriptive. It’s about being genuinely curious about yourself and your relationship with yourself.
It was a great class. And since there were way more questions than we ever could have gotten to, I want to touch on one that was asked by several people:
“My big shoe-related stuckness is being so afraid of the potential pain of them that it’s very, very hard to move forward on certain necessary projects … which is causing different kinds of stress & strain.
“What can I do when I feel stuck and freaked out in anticipation of shoes — of entering a shoe-heavy space?”
Let’s see if we can help.
Note: it is almost impossible to get on the Ask Havi list. This person got in by a. being one of my clients or students, b. flattering the hell out of my duck, and c. making life easy on me by being clear about what the question was and what details I could use. [...]
Working through the stucknesses that get in the way of you doing your thing (you know, the thing!).
Destuckifying is what you’re doing when you’re learning about triggers. Or talking to the fog. Or giving yourself permission to not have to practice “transparency”.
Sometimes it’s figuring out how not to feel like dirt. Maybe because you don’t want anyone to look at you. Or you accidentally gave your monster a cookie and it was, weirdly, the wrongest thing to do, even though lots of other monsters like cookies.
Well, no one (aside from people who want to become coaches) has ever asked me if I have “coaching certification”.
People hired me and my duck. They had ridiuculously great results. They told other people.
Selma and I turned some of our workshops into online programs and ebooks and stuff.
We went through some really rough parts too. Got all kinds of terrible advice.** Made mistakes. Learned stuff.
**Thanks for nothing, everyone who thought I needed to specialize in something targeted like ‘helping 45 year old women quit smoking’.
Roller Derby is all about drag, brilliantly bad puns, ass-kicking, stripey socks, marginalized culture, and beer.
Which is pretty much a list of all the stuff I like.
And I also like hugging trees.
Humans are complex and multi-faceted beings.
I don’t know if I have a better explanation than that.
“I get that you’re feeling anxious when you think about me not doing my thing, because you need to know that I’m going to be okay. And I appreciate that.
“Right now this feels like the best way for me to create a safe, supportive environment to grow my thing and take care of myself in a conscious and steady way, without burning out.
“So this decision is really about allowing me to take the time to figure out what my next steps are, and to make sure that I don’t get depleted. Because the only way I can grow my thing right now is through me getting the support I need.”
Yes, huge cliché, but it’s true. These things can take time.
Reminding yourself of the time thing (and how you need to allow more time to keep healing) is a really big deal.
“I’m allowed to take as much time as I need. Even though the situation now is reminding me of everything that is unresolved from then, I’m still in a better place than I was.
I’m engaging with my hurt and my stuck in a conscious, intentional way. (Look! I’m doing it right now! I’m talking to myself!) And that’s part of what makes now different from then.”
It doesn’t.
It just needs to be helpful for the people who need it in that form in that moment.
Those are your Right People. The ones who need your voice.
Anyone who doesn’t find it helpful? Probably not one of your Right People. Or not ready yet.
That person can go. Be there for the ones who do need what you have to say.
Biggified teacher of stuff.
And duck.
Cure your freak-out moments so you can get more done! Visit The Destuckification Station.
Beat the habit without beating yourself up. Plus Magical Procrastination-Dissolving Fairy Wonder Dust.
Even when we know they’re just being horrid because it’s the only way they know to keep us safe, it still sucks when your monsters are around. The Monster Manual tells you exactly what to say so they will stop bugging you.
