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We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

 

We don’t need to be big.

We don’t need to think big. We don’t need to do big things. We don’t need to be big.

No. Let me say it like this:

We don’t need to be big in order to be biggified.

And certainly not any bigger than we want to.

Some explaining.

Some people think that working on biggification means they have to grow — in the sense of becoming larger.

Like this: oh no I don’t want to have giant staff meetings and oh no I need to have time for myself and oh no I don’t want a bunch of cloned coaches teaching branded programs with my name on it.

Of course you do not have to become big when you biggify.

No. That’s not what biggification is.

Biggification means:

You grow as a person. You grow your relationship with yourself. You grow into the version of you who is more at home in your skin. Who has more you-ness.

And is more comfortable sharing that kind of presence. And doing things that matter.

While connecting to the right kinds and amounts of people, presence and money to support your mission.

So.

Some (really important) points about what biggification really is.

Mindfulness.

Biggification is not about being big. It’s about being mindful.

I don’t care about big (or any variation on “think big think big”). I care about you having a conscious loving relationship with yourself and your stuff.

And not having to hide any more than is absolutely necessary for you to feel safe. So that you can connect with your people.

Meaning.

A lot of people think getting biggified means you have to want to make piles of monies.

And you can want to make piles of monies. That’s a legitimate thing to want.

But really, biggification means that you are not scared of who you will become when you have enough to live on happily, or more than enough.

It means arriving at a level of comfort with enough and with more, knowing that you can give it to the people and organizations who need it.

Knowing that you trust yourself to not become a total sleazeball.

Knowing that everything you do with all the resources you have (not just financial wealth but your big fat brain and your insights, courage, compassion, ideas and connections) has meaning.

Awareness.

Biggification is knowing what your stucknesses have to say.

It’s knowing how to discern between what is true for you and what is fear.

All the worries of what if I have to grow BIG and then I won’t like who I am or how my life is? This isn’t biggification.

That’s fuzzy monsters. That’s patterns. That’s our stuff. That we get to work on and destuckify.

Safety.

Mindful biggification means agreeing to not drag yourself out of your comfort zone (man, that’s an old post).

It means consciously choosing to challenge yourself while still creating safe spaces.

It means not going the way of resistance and fighting and hurling yourself at walls.

Not going the way of doing violence to yourself. Dissolving fear instead of making war on it. Healing habits instead of breaking them.

Noticing what’s going on and being as understanding and playful as you can stand.

Play!

When we biggify, we are always playing.

We wear costumes. We dance our patterns. We let silliness and goofballery and magic markers be a normal part of this growth that is organic and pleasurable and fun.

I have a lot to say about play. This might need its own post.

But yes, play is why I have a Playground (with monkeys!) instead of a yoga studio. It’s why I have a duck instead of a business partner. It’s why I’m a pirate queen instead of a CEO.

It’s why we rally at the Rally (Rally!) instead of a seminar or a summit or things that grownups go to. It’s why we have Drunk Pirate Council instead of meetings.

It’s why we’re having a good time.

It’s the obvious next step.

Biggification is always the natural extension of destuckifying.

If you spend enought time working on your stuff and rewriting your patterns, you’ll find that you have a lot to say.

You’ll find that there are things you care about passionately. And people you want to inspire or connect with. You’ll feel more of a pull to do things that matter.

It still doesn’t mean you want to have flunkies or that you want crazy visibility.

It means you feel significantly more comfortable being you out loud. And having whatever support need in order to do that with ease and grace.

And this is a good thing.

What’s not that important.

1. Whether or not you want to be HUGE.

It’s your life and your business. You’re a sovereign being. If you don’t want big, you don’t ever have to go big.

2. All those things that the biggifiers and experts talk about (having a niche, knowing your demographics, blah).

You can care about these things if you want to. But you don’t have to. I don’t.

What is — very — important.

  • That you feel safe and supported putting things you care about out into the world so its right people can connect with it.
  • That you bring more of your voice to the things you care about.
  • That you don’t have to be intimidated by big. Or that you’re working on your stuff and destuckifying, so that you’ll be able to know that your choices come from love and not fear.
  • That whatever being fabulously successful (and happy about it) means to you can happen in a way that doesn’t require you doing stuff that is anxiety-inducing.
  • Stopping for thing like picnics. And costume changes. And to find out what you need next.

At the comment pajama party …

There is so much pressure in this online world. To figure out the right way, and to do what all the experts say (even though there’s conflicting advice everywhere).

And to do it quickly because we have bills to pay and we have urgency monsters, both of which are equally demanding.

So I just wanted to recognize out loud how painful and frustrating that can be.

In the meantime, we all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We let people have their own experience, and we don’t give advice unless someone asks for it.

Internet hugs. And popcorn!

Postscripting for three people: we’ll be spending 8 days on this (figuring out your plan for biggifying in a way that’s fun, not-scary, very effective and doesn’t require hugeness) in Asheville in November: The Week of Biggification. Password: pickles.

13 Responses to We don’t need to be big.

  1. Rupa
    Twitter: theyogaofliving
    says:

    Havi, I appreciate your clarification on what biggification really means! There’s a weird sort of pressure on women, especially, to be SMALL: physically and vocally.

    What I got was that biggifying means discovering and feeling comfortable with the natural size of your thing (c’mon now, stop giggling..).

    Big or small is a completely subjective determination. You’re helping your clients to find Goldilocks’ “just right.” To be comfortable in THAT bed, and that’s just wonderful.
    .-= Rupa´s last post … A Pill for Heartsickness =-.

  2. Dawn says:

    I’ve long thought that all this talk of biggification doesn’t apply to me se, although I do try to extrapolate some nuggets to my own life.

    I just realized something.

    That *I* am my own business. Your description of biggification fits with what I want for me, how I want to cultivate myself:
    You grow as a person. You grow your relationship with yourself. You grow into the version of you who is more at home in your skin. Who has more you-ness.

    And is more comfortable sharing that kind of presence. And doing things that matter.

    That all makes sense. That’s what I want. I want this in my daily life, whether I get it through a job where I’m not the CEO, a job where I am, a volunteer opportunity, etc. It explains why I’m so miserable in my current 9-5, since I am most certaintly not getting a lot of the above. I’m going on a job interview soon, and I’m going to remember these qualities, and see whether I can find a place that helps cultivate them.
    .-= Dawn´s last post … Taking the Learning Out of the Classroom =-.

  3. Patty K
    Twitter: PattyK_
    says:

    Damn! I was looking forward to having some flannel clad flunkies. ;)

    LOVE your definition of biggification.

    The pressure and the urgency? Ugh. I’ve been so aware of that over the past few days. Noticing how I’ve been led off my path by all the stuff I’ve been reading. (Yay mindfulness!)
    .-= Patty K´s last post … What the hell am I doing =-.

  4. Kylie
    Twitter: kyliewriteshere
    says:

    I know I don’t have to be big, but it’s still good to have a reminder from you. In such a gentle way.

    This reminds me of people who tease you because you’re short. They’re operating, of course, under the assumption that you wish you weren’t short. But some of us like being little. And physically little doesn’t mean lacking power or magic or presence.

    Hugs and popcorn for the pajama party!
    .-= Kylie´s last post … authentic happiness the book =-.

  5. Kathleen Avins
    Twitter: spiralsongkat
    says:

    Now, that’s the kind of biggification I can pursue wholeheartedly. Thank you.

    @Kylie — pajama party in the blanket fort!
    .-= Kathleen Avins´s last post … Candide and capacity =-.

  6. Kirsty Hall
    Twitter: kirstymhall
    says:

    Thank you for this. Right now I’m in a scary place of wanting the biggification (especially the monies, thank you very much), being frustrated because it isn’t coming quite yet and then beating myself up for not being ‘good enough’. And also being shit scared of what would happen if I did achieve the biggification (my monsters say, ‘OMG you would DIE!’ because they’re helpful like that.)
    .-= Kirsty Hall´s last post … New chicken video =-.

  7. Kaleena
    Twitter: Kaleena
    says:

    Maybe it’s the monsters, maybe it’s the bullying “shoulds”, but I can’t shake the feeling of wanting to be big RIGHT NOW. Like a kid who dreams of being a grown-up. Of course we know how that tale ends: The inevitable adult ends up wistfully looking back on their long-gone childhood.

    Here’s where my neurosis kicks in: Because of that, I feel like I SHOULD appreciate where I’m at right now, but my plans are getting larger and more grandiose. I think I may even *pauses for effect* be getting closer to my goals. But I want them now and that makes me feel guilty. Argh!

    Phew. Well, thank you for allowing me a Veruca Salt moment. If anyone needs me, I’ll be dramatically fanning myself on the couch while repeatedly sighing in an over-the-top manner.
    .-= Kaleena´s last post … Rabbiting =-.

  8. Holly says:

    Havi, I love you. Thank you.

    I read this post tonight after I had flopped into bed feeling achy, stressed out, and overheated. I have six projects due in the next two weeks and various things I have promised to people I love and family obligations and I am about ready to tear my hair out from figuring out how to manage it all.

    I’ve done what all the business sites say; I’ve got a VA, people to help with systems, and none of it works. I just get more stressed, and then I feel like I’ve screwed up the stuff that is supposed to de-stress me.

    Thanks for the reminder that being sovereign is not selfish or weak, and that it comes from a place of strength. Thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to make enough money to hire six more people before I can take a vacation. Thanks for the reminder that I can say no to people who are nasty energy sucking vampires and not feel guilty about it.

    Thank you.
    .-= Holly´s last post … Some Remarks On Chaucer and Honesty in About Pages =-.

  9. Willie Hewes
    Twitter: williehewes
    says:

    Hmm… reading this I notice that the idea of being ‘big’ definitely still scares me. And that I haven’t done enough to separate ‘big’ from ‘a success’. So, even though I know I need to be ‘a success’, I’m scared of it because I think that means ‘big’.

    Yes, less pressure, more mindfulness, that’s what we need here.
    .-= Willie Hewes´s last post … Being the Best Girl in the World =-.

  10. sophie says:

    “And not having to hide any more than is absolutely necessary for you to feel safe. So that you can connect with your people.”
    Sigh, happily.

  11. Cindy Morefield
    Twitter: CindyMorefield
    says:

    As is so often the case, I read this post and then uttered a huge sigh of relief. I don’t HAVE to do anything in any way that feels yucky, unsafe, inauthentic. There are at least 1000 ways to do anything, so surely there’s at least one that doesn’t suck, and the universe will not fall apart if I don’t find it right this very second. Phew. Thank you thank you Havi for the regular reminders. So very helpful.
    .-= Cindy Morefield´s last post … Savannah- 2 for 2 =-.

  12. Andrew Lightheart
    Twitter: alightheart
    says:

    The part of this that most resonated with me was how you describe how working on your stuff leads to you having a lot to say and feeling passionate about things.

    That’s totally been my experience.

    Also, I’m pleased to note the difference between how I am now when I think about biggification (and, indeed, being big) and how things were only a year/18 months ago when I was listening to Self-promotion for Wimps.

    Very, very different. Softer, less brash, quieter, yet, you know, bigger. :)

    The work works…

    Thanks, as always. x
    .-= Andrew Lightheart´s last post … What I want God to say to me =-.

  13. Margaret
    Twitter: vivace1216
    says:

    “That whatever being fabulously successful (and happy about it) means to you can happen in a way that doesn’t require you doing stuff that is anxiety-inducing.”

    Thank you. Just thank you. I found this post today and it is exactly what I needed to hear.

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