Comments on: Ask Havi #21: No idea why I do this.

By: Josiane

Josiane — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 03:37:19 +0000

Oh, this is so helpful! I was a bit stuck these days trying to figure out what was (were) the reason(s) behind my stucknesses, and this post seems to contain the key for me to be able to keep working on that stuff even though I’m not quite sure where it comes from. Once again, thank you, Havi!

By: Havi Brooks

Havi Brooks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 03:10:50 +0000

@NancyJo – hey, that’s so cool. Thank you! Appreciated! A lot.

@melissa – yes yes yes! I go completely mad when I read articles about getting people to focus or about treating trauma with putting people in *even more* traumatic situations.

There are so many kinder, gentler ways of treating almost everything so much more effectively. It’s good to see stuff changing and hard that it’s not changing enough.

@R – with the practicing the violin thing, it’s hard to know without having access to more details.

Just off the top of my head, I would start playing around with a number of different aspects. For one, tuning into why you want to play. Two, calling it something else. Three, cutting down your practice periods so that it’s fifteen minutes of something that gives you joy rather than an hour that you’re dreading. And building up as necessary. But the most important part is giving yourself permission to *not want* to do it. You’re allowed to not want to do it. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love it. It just means that this has a lot of power and symbolic meaning for you.

@Amy – yay. LOVE.

By: Getting Down to BizNess » Blog Archive » The Universe is Trying to Tell Me Something

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 20:34:38 +0000

[...] Havi told me that “There’s a weird magical thing that happens when you let the reason (for doing nothing) have legitimacy.” [...]

By: NancyJo

NancyJo — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 19:38:22 +0000

Havi, I’ve been reading you for a few weeks now and YOU ARE AMAZING! You’ve really helped me to get started working on my stuff. This particular post said alot to me and then I read the Avoidance! post, which was even more helpful. So thank you, keep up the great work and know you are making a difference in the world!

By: Char

Char — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 16:45:04 +0000

I just have to say that you are so incredibly awesome Havi and thank you for sharing your brilliance with us.

xoxox

By: Mimi

Mimi — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 02:05:59 +0000

I’m one of those people who defaults to asking endless WHYs… It doesn’t really get me anywhere except for around in circles, and it’s absolutely frustrating. I’m so glad to learn that there are better and more effective questions to ask myself. Thanks for putting that out there Havi. I’ve learnt something incredible from you today. :)

Also, it’s been such a powerful thing for me to understand that it’s completely okay for me to *choose* not to do something. Just knowing I actually have a choice in a situation is enough for me to get through my procrastination (even if it means not actually doing the thing).

Much love <3

By: JoVE

JoVE — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 00:23:18 +0000

This is great. And I blame reductionist scientists for getting us fixated on cause. There is a particular way of thinking about science that says that we must know the cause and once we know the cause we can fix it. But that is just not true for many things. As an aside, I notice R's request for help with violin. Here is something that sort of works for my daughter. It isn't practice. It is making music. You enjoy making music, I assume. So make music. Give yourself permission to make music you like. And even though you need to go through some frustrating and difficult times to learn new music, mix up the frustrating stuff with playing lots of stuff you already play well and makes you happy. Have fun. JoVEs last blog post..Tests, lotteries, and contests

By: melissa

melissa — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 00:08:05 +0000

You know, for a long time one of the biggest strategies for dealing with OCD was thought interruption and suppression. Now the mental health community is coming more and more aware that allowing the thought to simply be, to let yourself be mindful of the thought, acknowledge it and either explore it or let it be is more conducive to breaking the obsessive thought cycle. I'm realizing that a lot of my ruminating and 'stuckedness' in my writing is like and that CONSCIOUS AVOIDANCE/active not-doing might just be the key. Thanks again. melissas last blog post..Settle

By: Gadgetgirl

Gadgetgirl — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 21:32:04 +0000

Dang, I swear you can read my mind through cyberspace. I’ve been procrastinating pulling together documents that I need to apply to a doctoral program. This was just the post I needed to help me get unstuck and start making forward progress.

Another question, off topic, do you have other guided meditations available? I have the one called “Recoding Your Mind” which is very helpful, but I’d love to have some other ones. Your voice is very soothing. I love that phrase you say “words have tremendous power”. It pops up in my mind when the negative talk gets going during the day.

By: R

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 21:15:53 +0000

How might I rephrase those questions for a thing that I’m avoiding that I have to do repeatedly, like practicing the violin? I love the violin but I seem to have a whole lot of ‘Stuck’ around practicing regularly.

Thank you, this has given me a lot to think about on this issue.