AT LEAST U GOT A GENTLEMAN FRIEND!!

(Not said in a ‘stop feeling sorry for yourself’ way, but in a ‘gee I wish I had a gentleman friend too’ way)

Big hug to you and look forward to lots of cuddly sex on tap when he returns.

Am sending you magical ‘deliverance from too much extra heavy heartedness’ wishes from Australia. Should reach you around Sunday midday.

We love you!!! I wish you and all, a wonderful and merry xmas, ohhhh and back to you from my 5 pets too ;)
HUGS to you :):):)

@Nancy – thanks for the beautiful words. I also would have wanted to punch her in the face, but I’m glad that you found help and solace and everything else you needed!

Your note made me miss Berkeley and the cafes there and our wonderful classes. Give Jeremy a hug for me.

@Gina – hug to you too! I’m sorry about your dog. Sounds like you’re needing a lot of support now too so good for you for asking for it.

All of this advice and reassurance and love is so so great.

Also … postscript … I got an email from the woman who sent the letter and she was so incredibly touched and strengthened by your wonderful words. She was amazed and overjoyed that total strangers were thinking of her and lighting candles for her and so on. So yes, a Christmas mitzvah! I love you guys.

Other thoughts that come to mind: go for coffee or tea to a local shop with big, deep chairs or sofas and cuddle up among strangers. You’ll probably strike up conversations that will range from fun to dumb. Serving a meal at a shelter also sounds great; when I’ve done it, it’s been an eye-opener and very fulfilling. Last, in addition to yoga/meditation, try the Dance of Shiva if you haven’t already. My son and I took Havi’s class a few years ago, and I’ve never laughed at myself so much and felt great about it. I’ve just rescued my Shiva DVD from my him, so I’ll be doing it during the holidays and thinking of you.

More hugs (but no pets) – Nancy

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Looking at your list, I feel like I have such a small reason to feel a void inside. Yet mine feels huge to me. I had to put my much beloved 16 year old Chihuahua to sleep a few months ago, and there’s such a tender lonely spot in me right now. In fact right before reading this blog post I had another one of my near daily oh-god-I-want-my-doggie-baby cries.

There’s a part of me that wishes the holidays would just go away and not bother me. But I’m hanging in there and doing those Christmastime rituals that I enjoy anyway, even though I’m prodding myself to do it.

So I can speak to the power of self-defined rituals. They are helping.

Take really good care of you — whatever that means to you — even if you don’t feel like it.

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As for the xmas stuff.What I’ve found helps is treating myself very dearly and tenderly. A really good to me from me present. As someone else put it great food. Also a good book/DVD or whatever. I think escapism is underrated. Go to the library and stock up!

And realise that you are NOT the only one – a huge number of people have a hard time with this year.

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@Giles – you are so right that pain visits us all equally. I think I meant more (though didn’t phrase it very well) that the experience of working through pain is so transformative that it turns you into someone with a lot more angles and facets and such.

But I don’t mean that in a “well, it builds character” sort of a way. And now I’ll stop explaining because it will just get more tangled.

And YES on a good hypnotherapist. And YES on the power of helping other hurting people.

@JoVE – FOODS! How did I forget that? You’d think I didn’t come from a long line of Jewish mothers. Yes yes yes. Soups and stews and warm things. Nourishment in all forms.

@Lisa – I’m so sorry for your hard too. Thank you for the beautiful insights and a big hug from me and everyone else.

And … guys, big hugs to all the cats, kitten, pugs, etc that were mentioned here. I don’t have pets but I LOVE other people’s so give them some love from Aunt Havi and her duck.

That really IS what you (and all of us) need. It’s such a beautiful concept. I think this could really be the key to so many people’s “holiday issues.” I know I’ve got them. The holidays seem to bring out so much guilt and obligation and misplaced expectation. But if we can really develop a home within ourselves, so much of that stuff would just fall away.

Clarity and hugs to you during this challenging time.